Sex before Marriage

Cheap Thrills!

So what have we learned from this thread?

Marriage is good for 'society' and 'children' -

It involves a lot of blind trust/diagrams and talking and no try before you buy. Hmmm

So what's in it for the individual?

Seems to me to be a confidence trick, blind faith beforehand and if disappointed or thwarted after....tough $hit.

So all in all a total scam and pile of b0ll0x then.

MagicMarker

AudreyHepburn wrote: »

There are other ways of being physically intimate without actually having sex you know

I call shenanigans. :pac:

AudreyHepburn wrote: »

And there's this nifty little thing called talking. You can learn as much and more about you're partner by discussing things with him/her as you can by sleeping together.

Yeah, you can learn a lot from a partner by talking, like what their favourite colour is etc. But you can't learn if you're compatible in bed until you actually have sex.

kfallon

MagicMarker wrote: »

Yeah, you can learn a lot from a partner by talking, like what their favourite colour is etc. But you can't learn if you're compatible in bed until you actually have sex.

But if ye tell each other what ye both like/dislike in bed before ye start then surely it gives ye a better chance of having a good sex life, no???

Herbal Deity

prinz wrote: »

Neither does it really have anything to do with waiting until marriage tbh. The same could apply in any relationship. Those people were architects of their own problems. Once again, compatability is something which both partners need to work at, and which can be established prior to saying the I do's.

I agree in principle with some of what you're saying. Sex in a relationship often gets better as the relationship goes on. This isn't always the case though - mismatched sex drives, levels of open mindedness etc.

And I don't think you can establish important factors like this through discussion alone. Especially if neither person has ever had sex, or in more extreme cases, never engaged in any sexual activity or ever masturbated before.

MagicMarker

kfallon wrote: »

But if ye tell each other what ye both like/dislike in bed before ye start then surely it gives ye a better chance of having a good sex life, no???

Not really. Just because you like the same kind of stuff doesn't mean you're going to be any good at it.

For instance, a girl could say the thought of giving a BJ turns her on. Great! Until she actually does it and realizes it's not all it's cracked up to be.

Cheap Thrills!

kfallon wrote: »

But if ye tell each other what ye both like/dislike in bed before ye start then surely it gives ye a better chance of having a good sex life, no???

No. Bodies have to fit together well and react together well. How many times would you see some ride in a nighclub only to snog him and find he kisses like a washing machine.

There is no way to find out if you are sexually compatible other than ....er....'suck it and see'...as they say in the world of corporate b0ll0xology.

kfallon

Jaysus it's only a ride ffs!

When you come, you go!!!

smash

I'd love to see how it would work out to make a compilation of your favourite porn and sit down with your future wife who you wont have sex with and say "Now, this is what I want to do to you! how do you feel about that?"

prinz

MagicMarker wrote: »

Well that's something I like to call retarded. You can talk until you're blue in the balls face but it doesn't really help when you get down to business.

Is this from your own extensive experience of waiting until marriage then yeah?

prinz

MagicMarker wrote: »

Not really. Just because you like the same kind of stuff doesn't mean you're going to be any good at it..

Practice, practice!

MagicMarker

prinz wrote: »

Is this from your own extensive experience of waiting until marriage then yeah?

Nope, it's from my extensive experience of having sex.

smash

prinz wrote: »

Practice, practice!

And how do you do that if your partner isn't as open minded?

prinz

MagicMarker wrote: »

Nope, it's from my extensive experience of having sex.

Ooo'er ouch. So you've never done it and yet here you are saying it couldn't possibly work.

steve06 wrote: »

And how do you do that if your partner isn't as open minded?

You find out before hand and you discuss these things. Fairly simple concept. Perhaps you have difficulty understanding compromise.

MagicMarker

prinz wrote: »

Ooo'er ouch. So you've never done it and yet here you are saying it couldn't possibly work.

Erm, I don't know if you realise this, but waiting the hours/days/weeks/months to have sex in a relationship is exactly the same as waiting x amount of time until after marriage. The only difference is the marriage part.

prinz wrote: »

You find out before hand and you discuss these things. Fairly simple concept. Perhaps you have difficulty understanding compromise.

Like I mentioned before, just because the thought of an act will turn you on, doesn't mean the act itself will.

Are you a virgin? Because this will explain your lack of understanding on the subject.

smash

prinz wrote: »

You find out before hand and you discuss these things. Fairly simple concept. Perhaps you have difficulty understanding compromise.

fantasy vs reality... it's quite different. And if you had any experience you'd understand that compromise doesn't exactly keep people happy because it's not what you want at the end of the day.

MagicMarker wrote: »

Are you a virgin? Because this will explain your lack of understanding on the subject.

I'g thinking the same considering your comments towards those who are older and have more experience.

helen.ryan3

sex before marriage is fine in my eyes dont think anyone should be looked down on for it i have a child and iam with my man 9 years and marriage is the last thing on my mind

prinz

MagicMarker wrote: »

Erm, I don't know if you realise this, but waiting the hours/days/weeks/months to have sex in a relationship is exactly the same as waiting x amount of time until after marriage. The only difference is the marriage part..

Well, that and discussing sex before you jump into bed, right? Have you done that?

MagicMarker wrote: »

Like I mentioned before, just because the thought of an act will turn you on, doesn't mean the act itself will.

...and? I think I mentioned compromise on more than one occassion so far.

MagicMarker wrote: »

Are you a virgin? Because this will explain your lack of understanding on the subject.

I'm a married man. I'd say I have more of an understanding of the subject than you do tbh, having experienced both sides of this fence.

steve06 wrote: »

fantasy vs reality... it's quite different. And if you had any experience you'd understand that compromise doesn't exactly keep people happy because it's not what you want at the end of the day..

:pac: LOL at the insinuation of the lack of experience. Says the man who claimed a woman gets no pleasure out of sex if she doesn't orgasm. Forgive me if I find that attitude informed by porn and your aforementioned fantasy.

steve06 wrote: »

I'g thinking the same considering your comments towards those who are older and have more experience.

You have no idea what experience I have. Age does not guarantee experience. Childish assumptions etc.

Wazdakka

Thread needs poll, just to illustrate the landslide victory in favour of pre-marital Sexy time.

MagicMarker

prinz wrote: »

Well, that and discussing sex before you jump into bed, right? Have you done that?

Of course.

prinz wrote: »

...and? I think I mentioned compromise on more than one occassion so far.

Compromise isn't always a solution. What then?

prinz wrote: »

I'm a married man. I'd say I have more of an understanding of the subject than you do tbh, having experienced both sides of this fence.

Why does a marriage cert provide you with more understanding? What have you experienced that I haven't solely because I'm not married?

smash

prinz wrote: »

:pac: LOL at the insinuation of the lack of experience. Says the man who claimed a woman gets no pleasure out of sex if she doesn't orgasm. Forgive me if I find that attitude informed by porn and your aforementioned fantasy.

Actually I said it can't be much fun for a woman if she doesn't orgasm, I would assume this is true considering their left lying there unfulfilled. And no, my attitude is not informed by porn or fantasy. However I think your attitude is deluded and based on a fantasy of idealism.

prinz wrote: »

You have no idea what experience I have. Age does not guarantee experience. Childish assumptions etc.

No age doesn't guarantee experience, but experience guarantees experience. You've slept with 1 person, congratulations on your bucket loads of experience!

starlit

well holy god what have I done?! :eek:

prinz

MagicMarker wrote: »

Of course.

...did it teach you anything? Did you learn anything from it? You were the one who said it wouldn't mean anything until you actually got in the sack.

MagicMarker wrote: »

Compromise isn't always a solution. What then?

Depends on the people involved, but you should know that before you get married to someone so it's a moot point when it comes to waiting until marriage.

MagicMarker wrote: »

Why does a marriage cert provide you with more understanding? What have you experienced that I haven't solely because I'm not married?

..because I had sexual relationships before I met my now wife. My wife who wanted to wait until marriage before we had sex. So I have seen both sides to this.

steve06 wrote: »

Actually I said it can't be much fun for a woman if she doesn't orgasm, I would assume this is true considering their left lying there unfulfilled. And no, my attitude is not informed by porn or fantasy. However I think your attitude is deluded and based on a fantasy of idealism.

Actually it can be a lot of fun, ever actually discussed that with a woman?

steve06 wrote: »

No age doesn't guarantee experience, but experience guarantees experience. You've slept with 1 person, congratulations on your bucket loads of experience!

Again with the assumptions.:rolleyes: Perhaps you should check things out before you try marking smart remarks.

Novella

steve06 wrote: »

Actually I said it can't be much fun for a woman if she doesn't orgasm, I would assume this is true considering their left lying there unfulfilled. And no, my attitude is not informed by porn or fantasy. However I think your attitude is deluded and based on a fantasy of idealism.

Loads of women actually have trouble reaching orgasm with a partner. It doesn't mean that they are left lying unfulfilled. It has happened to me pretty often, and I'm sure it has happened to many other women too. Sex isn't always just about the orgasm and while it would be nice to have one every time, it doesn't always happen and that's okay. Sometimes it's nice just to have shared in the bonding experience that is sex.

MagicMarker

prinz wrote: »

...did it teach you anything? Did you learn anything from it? You were the one who said it wouldn't mean anything until you actually got in the sack.

Yeah, it taught me that talking is talking, and sex is sex. Two different things.

prinz wrote: »

Depends on the people involved, but you should know that before you get married to someone so it's a moot point when it comes to waiting until marriage.

How should you know? Talking about sex doesn't guarantee that you'll both be sexually compatible. So I'll ask you again, what if compromise isn't a solution, what then?

prinz wrote: »

..because I had sexual relationships before I met my now wife. My wife who wanted to wait until marriage before we had sex. So I have seen both sides to this.

I've had the exact same experience. You see, there's always a waiting time for sex, you just got married during yours. Other than that there's no difference what so ever.

smash

prinz wrote: »

Actually it can be a lot of fun, ever actually discussed that with a woman?

Yes I have, generally they like to cum!

prinz wrote: »

Again with the assumptions.:rolleyes: Perhaps you should check things out before you try marking smart remarks.

Well perhaps you should make it clear about where you're coming from on the subject. And because you have experienced a sexual relationship, but then waited until you got married before sleeping with your wife, it doesn't make your view or opinions any stronger then anyone else in this thread.

Novella wrote: »

Loads of women actually have trouble reaching orgasm with a partner. It doesn't mean that they are left lying unfulfilled. It has happened to me pretty often, and I'm sure it has happened to many other women too. Sex isn't always just about the orgasm and while it would be nice to have one every time, it doesn't always happen and that's okay. Sometimes it's nice just to have shared in the bonding experience that is sex.

Ok, I'll say less fulfilled then.

prinz

MagicMarker wrote: »

Yeah, it taught me that talking is talking, and sex is sex. Two different things..

...surgery is surgery and lectures are lectures, but surgeons will still sit through lectures and discussion groups etc.

MagicMarker wrote: »

How should you know? Talking about sex doesn't guarantee that you'll both be sexually compatible. So I'll ask you again, what if compromise isn't a solution, what then?

It doesn't but it should give you a pretty good idea if you are or not, so it brings me back to the point that it is a baseless argument; the 'what if you get married and suddenly find you're not compatible'. You shouldn't be getting married if you don't have a pretty good idea that both are sexually compatible with each other.

MagicMarker wrote: »

I've had the exact same experience. You see, there's always a waiting time for sex, you just got married during yours. Other than that there's no difference what so ever.

I'd hazard a guess that there was a marked difference in the length of waiting time and the amount of discussion and debate.

prinz

steve06 wrote: »

Yes I have, generally they like to cum!

I think Novella covered that one.

steve06 wrote: »

Well perhaps you should make it clear about where you're coming from on the subject. And because you have experienced a sexual relationship, but then waited until you got married before sleeping with your wife, it doesn't make your view or opinions any stronger then anyone else in this thread..

Well funnily enough you were questioning my experience and presuming I was a virgin not long ago, with the direct implication that my views and opinions wouldn't be worth as much if that were the case. Interesting turn around there I must say.

MagicMarker

prinz wrote: »

...surgery is surgery and lectures are lectures, but surgeons will still sit through lectures and discussion groups etc.

And they could still be shít in bed.

prinz wrote: »

It doesn't but it should give you a pretty good idea if you are or not, so it brings me back to the point that it is a baseless argument; the 'what if you get married and suddenly find you're not compatible'. You shouldn't be getting married if you don't have a pretty good idea that both are sexually compatible with each other.

What b/s, in the one paragraph you've stated that talking doesn't guarantee that you'll be sexually compatible and then said that you shouldn't be getting married unless you have a ''pretty good idea'' that you are. Well what about the people who do have a pretty good idea but find out in fact that they are NOT? So I will ask you AGAIN, and i'll appreciate it if you give me a straight answer. What if compromise isn't an option?

prinz wrote: »

I'd hazard a guess that there was a marked difference in the length of waiting time and the amount of discussion and debate.

Oh I see, so the longer you wait and the more you talk about it, the more compatible you'll be?

You're talking absolute nonsense.

starlit

I am creating a seperate poll for this thread maybe the mods might merge it for me please!? thanks! :cool:

starlit

I am two minds about it myself yet!

smash

prinz wrote: »

I think Novella covered that one.

She also did say "it would be nice to have one every time".

The thing about it is that I completely separate sex from love, so to me there's pretty much f#ck all "bonding experience that is sex".

prinz wrote: »

Well funnily enough you were questioning my experience and presuming I was a virgin not long ago, with the direct implication that my views and opinions wouldn't be worth as much if that were the case. Interesting turn around there I must say.

If that were the case, then they wouldn't be worth anything. Even still they're not worth much to me, but that's the nature of opinions.

MagicMarker wrote: »

What if compromise isn't an option?

I'm of the opinion that compromise shouldn't be an option, it means settling for less than you want. Why do that?

Banned Account

If the above poll is anything like your OH's pole - you'll have the decision made for you;)

I'm for it.

Jesus Wept

In before merge.

Lando Griffin

Why cant we poll yet?

smash

Poll fail :P

mojesius

I want a poll.

WindSock

mojesius wrote: »

I want a poll.

Wait til yore hitched!!! :eek:

prinz

MagicMarker wrote: »

What b/s, in the one paragraph you've stated that talking doesn't guarantee that you'll be sexually compatible and then said that you shouldn't be getting married unless you have a ''pretty good idea'' that you are..

It cannot guarantee every sexual practice, position, etc etc etc. but it can cover 99.9% of things. Anything that you haven't discussed shouldn't be a big enough issue for the marriage to come a-cropper over tbh.

MagicMarker wrote: »

Well what about the people who do have a pretty good idea but find out in fact that they are NOT?

Well then they reallly didn't have a pretty good idea, did they?

MagicMarker wrote: »

So I will ask you AGAIN, and i'll appreciate it if you give me a straight answer. What if compromise isn't an option?

You can always break up if you value whatever act/position etc you want more than the person you are in the relationship with. Then again when it comes to a married couple I don't think something like that should even come to that stage tbh, or else the parties involved didn't prepare themselves properly for marriage.

MagicMarker wrote: »

Oh I see, so the longer you wait and the more you talk about it, the more compatible you'll be? You're talking absolute nonsense.

In effect yes. The more you discuss, the more ground you cover, the more hypotheticals you can discuss etc means less chance of a serious problem later on in a relationship when it comes to something like this. Basic, basic.

My name is URL

This is the most retarded argument I've ever seen. If two people, who waited until after they were married to have sex, are still a happy couple after marriage, then it's idiotic to say that they are 'incompatible' with each other.

If two people bang each other senseless every night until they get married, and remain happy after marriage then it's idiotic to say that they would have been better off waiting.

It's about a personal choice between two people at the end of day.. not really something that can be argued over by applying your own experiences to it

wobbles-grogan

I voted yes.

Oh wait, We cant vote....

prinz

steve06 wrote: »

I'm of the opinion that compromise shouldn't be an option, it means settling for less than you want. Why do that?

I see good things ahead for you.

starlit

Proper poll now! Excuse me for my blunnder last time clicked wrong option when saving thread and forgot the click tick box for poll my bad sorry everyone!:eek::o

So further ado....The god almight poll which isnt a pole! :cool:

I am in favour of sex before marriage....:P but still two minds about it!

mojesius

I still can't see anything. I must be gone blind from all the pre-marital sex.

EDIT: No, there it is, the nuns lied to me.

dr.bollocko

Thread and poll merged.

starlit

NEW Poll up!

MagicMarker

prinz wrote: »

It cannot guarantee every sexual practice, position, etc etc etc. but it can cover 99.9% of things. Anything that you haven't discussed shouldn't be a big enough issue for the marriage to come a-cropper over tbh.



Well then they reallly didn't have a pretty good idea, did they?



You can always break up if you value whatever act/position etc you want more than the person you are in the relationship with. Then again when it comes to a married couple I don't think something like that should even come to that stage tbh, or else the parties involved didn't prepare themselves properly for marriage.



In effect yes. The more you discuss, the more ground you cover, the more hypotheticals you can discuss etc means less chance of a serious problem later on in a relationship when it comes to something like this. Basic, basic.

I've highlighted the important bits. Basically, you're saying you can discuss for years upon years to ''prepare'' yourself, but in reality it's never guaranteed.

The only thing you can do to guarantee your sexual compatibility is...... dun Dun DUN.... have sex.

Thankfully most normal people with normal ideologies accept this fact.

starlit

thank you dr.bollocko ! :cool:

prinz

MagicMarker wrote: »

The only thing you can do to guarantee your sexual compatibility is...... dun Dun DUN.... have sex..

Actually that doesn't guarantee anything either so we're back to square one. It works for some people, it doesn't work for others. The concept that you must 'try before you buy'/or that you'll never know if your compatible or not unless you have sex before marriage is rubbish.

MagicMarker

My name is URL wrote: »

This is the most retarded argument I've ever seen. If two people, who waited until after they were married to have sex, are still a happy couple after marriage, then it's idiotic to say that they are 'incompatible' with each other.

Erm, who said they aren't compatible?

smash

prinz wrote: »

It cannot guarantee every sexual practice, position, etc etc etc. but it can cover 99.9% of things. Anything that you haven't discussed shouldn't be a big enough issue for the marriage to come a-cropper over tbh.

This is hilarious, I'm imagining people going through a sideshow presentation of what they like and don't like...

prinz wrote: »

You can always break up if you value whatever act/position etc you want more than the person you are in the relationship with. Then again when it comes to a married couple I don't think something like that should even come to that stage tbh, or else the parties involved didn't prepare themselves properly for marriage.

You shouldn't have to prepare for marriage, you should be able to walk into it knowing what you're getting involved with from experience of the person.

prinz wrote: »

In effect yes. The more you discuss, the more ground you cover, the more hypotheticals you can discuss etc means less chance of a serious problem later on in a relationship when it comes to something like this. Basic, basic.

Or you could just shag...

My name is URL wrote: »

If two people, who waited until after they were married to have sex, are still a happy couple after marriage, then it's idiotic to say that they are 'incompatible' with each other.

We're talking about not being compatible in the bedroom, and only finding out once you're married because you never tried it before hand.

prinz wrote: »

I see good things ahead for you.

I don't know how you could, you don't know me.