Tantrums and possible self harm

horsebox1977

Hi

I have a 2 year old son who throws tantrums like most toddlers do but he looks to be self harming himself whilst throwing the tantrum which I am very concerned about.
he does things like
bang his head off the concrete floor
fall flat on his face or falling down and hitting his face.
putting his ARM down his throat until he cant breathe or vomits.

Any reason why he acts like this?
Apart from this he is normal happy boy.
This is concerning as he could do this up to 5 times a day but other days not to it at all.
Any ideas

Shelli2

I'd bring him to the GP and voice your concerns, it may be just excessive temper tantrums, but there could be an underlying reason for it....i'd get it checked out, even just to put your mind at rest.

Can you still call the PHN for a 2yr old?

Ickle Magoo

Definitely get him checked out to see if there is any underlying issue first of all. If he gets the all clear then my first question would be; what is your reaction to him?

Kids can do some pretty scary stuff to get attention and if the original temper tantrum isn't getting them anywhere are well able to ramp it up a notch. Most of it is down to frustration, we had a punch pillow for our wee guy and when he got really mad he'd rugby tackle it and punch and squeeze it - helped get the frustration out without hurting himself.

The other option, of course, is just to ignore like you would any other tantrum. Walk away if you have to - the idea being if they gain nothing but a sore face or sick all over them then they'll soon work out it's just not worth it.

horsebox1977

It kind of started when I or his mother would walk out of the room - it's like he thinks that you are going to leave and not come back.
We were in a cafe and my wife walks out and starts hitting his face off the corner of the table!
When I see it I try and put a stop to it - I dont lose my temper but try reassume him but it can be extremely frustrating at times.

DOC09UNAM

Every kid ive known hs done that in some way, being banging his head off the wall, off the ground, or kicking stuff to hurt himself, IMO it's so the parent feels bad nd gives into what the child wants, i could be wrong though.

Ickle Magoo

horsebox1977 wrote: »

It kind of started when I or his mother would walk out of the room - it's like he thinks that you are going to leave and not come back.
We were in a cafe and my wife walks out and starts hitting his face off the corner of the table!
When I see it I try and put a stop to it - I dont lose my temper but try reassume him but it can be extremely frustrating at times.

So he's getting a reaction and attention. Job done. They are so wily at that age!

He wants his own way and now he has a way of controlling you, it's just a case of waiting for the phase to pass and use damage limitation such as strapping in buggy or car seat where they can do no harm and sit with them but don't interact, look or talk - or you ignore it and assume if you don't step in, the hitting/puking/choking is going to stop before he does himself any irreversible harm.

Best of luck!

simu

My son used to do that at that age but he's grown out of it for the most part. I don't think it's unusual or a sign of anything wrong tbh.

Nevyn

I think it is a phase that most go through, anything to get the notice they want and to upset thier parents to get thier own way.

Zen65

horsebox1977 wrote: »

Any reason why he acts like this?
Apart from this he is normal happy boy.
This is concerning as he could do this up to 5 times a day but other days not to it at all.
Any ideas

I agree that this is something that kids sometimes do during the "terrible two" year of life; I think mine all did things a bit like this while trying to train their parents.

Does your son react to pain normally outside of these tantrums? For example, if he falls, does he cry? If he does, then that reinforces the idea that his "self-harming" is nothing more than a tantrum habit to be dealt with like any other.

It's a form of psychological warfare, and he's got you worried.... so he's a very smart kid!

Be at peace,

Z

dan_d

Not a parent - but I remember seeing that prog Supernanny (just by chance!), where there was a child who used to make himself vomit while throwing a tantrum, or to get his mother's instant attention. Obviously the mother was extremely worried about this and would do anything to avoid it, and so the child got the attention he wanted or got his own way.

As far as I remember, the advice given was to simply clean the child up, and leave. She wasn't to talk about it, she wasn't to say a word, just clean him up (as in, just wipe it off) and go back to what she was doing, until he stopped crying and calmed down. She found it a bit tough at first, but it worked a treat to be honest, and he stopped quite quickly.

Obviously in public that doesn't work so easily, but it might be something to consider at home. A visit to a GP may be in order, but it's quite possible he's just attention seeking.

doodlenoodle

As a parent of four year old twins, I went through and there still are a good few tantrums.
I personally use the time-out-step, not as punishment, but to 1. avoid loosing it with them, 2. give us both a chance to calm down, 3. to set boundaries.

But, particularly if you only have one child, there is no rulebook that says you can't combine the ignoring with a bit of positive attention. With time and patience I have talked my children around to understanding why they can't throw a fit (I seldom have the time or patience).

Staying aloof is great, but you should also with strong body language and facial expression show that you find it unacceptable that things get so out of hand...it will say more than words.

If you are in a public space, get out, find a quiet place and tell your child he can't be with others if he can't behave. Don't avoid public places, but time them better and always be ready to leave.

If he puts his hand in down his throat, stop him and tell him he can't do it. If he bangs his head (it will pass), stop him if you're worried or ignore him. Do this as many times as you have to, I've sat my girls at least 40 times on the step until they understood that I needed to be obeyed, the only requirement was that they sit there until the screaming had stopped, and told them they could still be or feel angry if they wanted.

Turn your back, leave if you have to but tell him you don't want to be around him if he acts like that. Sounds horrible, doesn't it? But for me it was a better solution than getting to the point where I just wanted to smack them or scream my head of.

Sure they're getting attention, but at the end I believe my will won through. I always sit with them for a while when they've calmed down, and praise the fact that they did calm down and how great they are when they don't scream.