Frustrated and stuck

jmn89

Hi guys!

I'm a 21 year old student entering my final year in university and I stammer (for some reason, the word stutter bothers me whereas stammer doesn't).

I'm usually a covert stammerer - to the point that a speech therapist I attended when I was 15 advised me that she could not help me, as she did not believe that I stammered at all (I realise now that she was incompetent), but at that point I gave up on speech therapy and have sought no help until recently.

I always felt that I could control my stammer - that I was its master. In secondary school I never avoided public speaking and weirdly, was am pretty fluent speaking in front of groups. However, this year in college my academic work undeniably suffered as the emphasis came more on to oral examinations than written (I'm in a health science course). My stammer comes for months at a time when I'm stressed, quite predictably, and is most marked in professional/placement interactions and can range from mild to crippling and muting.

It seems that adult stammering services in this country are appallingly lacking. I looked into the McGuire Programme but it just looked really really daunting. Plus, it seems that over 100 people attend each session and I really feel that I'd function better in smaller groups, or possibly with 1-on-1 attention (not to mention that the programme requires a not insiginficant initial investment).

I consulted IASLTPP and unfortunately no suitable speech therapists are available in the private sector in Dublin at the moment. Group therapy is an intimidating prospect too - I'm not a guy who readily spills his guts and shares emotions, or even who discusses his stammer without being embarrassed. The Kelly programme looks promising but is only on during term time and I can't miss college. The McGuire programme doesn't run again until November at which point I can't attend (term time!)

Any advice would be gratefully received. Any techniques you've tried, any other programmes, groups, resources, options... I've tried the usual links and hope to attend the ISA support meeting in two weeks time, despite my reservations about support groups! Like I've said, I'm stuck and feel like I'm being pulled grudgingly in different directions and left spinning in a circle. I can't afford for the stammer to adversely affect my academic performance any further!

Thanks and apologies for the long post,
James

steamengine

jmn89 wrote: »

Hi guys!.........My stammer comes for months at a time when I'm stressed, quite predictably, and is most marked in professional/placement interactions and can range from mild to crippling and muting. ..........

Hi James - I'm a lot older than you, but have been there, done that, and bought the T-shirt regarding this problem - exactly as you describe it. Your science background should help you understand what I have to say. IMO the cause of stammering is neurological ie the signals from the speech motor area of the brain don't flow to the voice box and facial muscles as they should. This is most notable when stressed. Google 'Golf Putting Yips' -similar problem, the golfer lines the putt up - he's under pressure - the putter jerks while he's putting and the ball misses the hole. Again neurological, but a well known golfing problem.

So here is briefly how I went about rectifying the problem. When I wanted to say for example James and couldn't (willpower is no use) I took a deep breath and commenced with an 'Eh' sound first, then tipped the tongue off the roof of the mouth, for the 'J' sound and followed that with 'ames' . In summary 'ehj - ames'.

What I suggest you do is practise this technique first on your own and put it into practise when under pressure. What you are doing is consciously getting the voice box to start making a sound, which is then modified into the 'J' sound by the tongue tapping off the roof of the mouth. To summarise this you are essentially filling in the missing signals from the brain. Clearly, any sound can be created eg 'B' would be the lips popping closed then opened.

Takes a while to get the hang of it, but it worked for me.

Read around how speech works on WIKI, good info in there.

If you have any further questions - feel free to ask me here or by PM if you wish.

corroonb

Hi,

I know how you feel. I used to stammer openly and I found it very hard to cope with especially in the situations you describe.

The one thing I have found is that speaking in front of groups has helped me immensely, I taught English in South Korea for a year and it has given me a lot of confidence in my speaking. I would recommend any sort of group therapy that will give you a chance to challenge those fears and the avoidance that plays a huge part in the psychology of stammering.

I wouldn't recommend the McGuire programme, it may work for some but I found it extremely boring and the method they teach is very irritating. There's a lot of shame involved and I don't think the psychology behind the programme is very sensible or moderate. It's also quite expensive, time consuming (you're expected to repeatedly ask people directions, the time etc.) and very stressful and intense. I think it's probably good if you can barely speak at all but not really that useful if you're moderately fluent.

I find the stammering itself usually isn't the issue, at least when it's not so severe that it stops any speech, it's the shame and anxiety. The McGuire programme deals with the mechanics of speech but not with the psychology in any real depth or sophistication.

I still stammer when I'm tired or very stressed but it's not really an issue anymore and it doesn't stop me from speaking to people. I suppose I'd probably be classified as a "covert stammerer" but I don't avoid speaking so it doesn't bother me when I do stammer.

Have you tried relaxation and stress-relief techniques? Getting exercise has helped me and any technique involving calm, controlled breathing. It sounds like the stress is making it difficult for you to be fluent, if you dealt more effectively with stress and anxiety it might have a positive effect on your speech. I find physical techniques like deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation more helpful than meditation and the like. It's important to be consistent if you try something like this as you probably won't feel very different right away.

Good luck, it's tough having a stammer but it's not that bad really. It could be worse. You could be one those people who blurt out the first thing that comes into their head.

jmn89

Thanks very much for your understanding and replies!

I feel better for having come across this forum, reading similar replies and sensing that my experiences are exactly the same as a lot of other people - adds an amount of normalcy.

Steamengine, that explanation sounds really interesting and plausilbe - I'll definitely check it out. The "eh" technique and tongue rolling is actually something I've tried and had some success with, thanks very much for the suggestion. Similarly, beginning to speak while exhaling can help to force words past blocks for me sometimes - however, when I feel a block coming sometimes the panic banishes all logic from my mind and the stammer is all there is! The costal breathing technique promoted by the McGuire programme sounds quite regimented but does make sense - in the past, while public speaking or singing, I do notice that the voice comes from deeper in my chest and that I don't tighten my diaphragm quite so much. I feel silly when I adopt this breathing approach to normal conversation though, but I'm sure it can be done subtly with practice and that it's certainly a better alternative to situations I've found myself in recently with blocks!

Corroonb, thanks very much for the reply. I think we've had quite similar experiences too. I'm naturally very highly-strung and anxious, exacerbated by the underlying fear of stammering which naturally increases the likelihood of stammering... a vicious cycle. I've given lots of thought to relaxation techniques and just last week bought a wee book on meditation. I'll let you know how it goes!

Like you said, I think accepting that stammering isn't a massive deal will be a huge step for me and when I do that it'll probably be therapeutic for the stammer too! You guys are great: can't let the stammer get the better of me and hearing you guys' experiences and techniques is really useful for me. Thanks very much!

Stephen P

Welcome to forum jmn89!
I found group therapy excellent, I did the Dublin Adult Stuttering (DAS) course run by the HSE. I attend the ISA selfhelp meetings and monthly DAS support meetings. I've missed the meetings over the last month or so with holidays etc, I'm feeling the repercussions now My speech hasn't been great the last while and I put that down to missing the support at the meetings. I would recommed doing group therapy as you get to meet other people who stammer and share experiences, that's an important part of the therapy process. I hope to get to the next Dublin ISA meeting so maybe I'll see you there. The ISA meetings are great to hear about other therapy programmes people have gone on.

Michael O Shea

Hello jmn89!
Stammering is all about a feeling of being different, this feeling of difference leads to anxiety, stress, holding back,and personal coping mechanisms which are part of the learned behaviour of stammering, and much more on a psychological level for some.

Addressing articulator struggle on its own, is not and has never been sufficient, the evidence of the failure of this approach is all around the adult stammering community, it is what drives the stammering system which needs to be addressed, this system is unique to each person, which is the main reason why a fix or cure has never been found for stammering regardless of the huge amount of research which has been carried out on stammering world wide.

The workshop on "Lets Talk About Stammering" may be of great value to you, more information on the working is available on this forum.

Regards,
Michael O Shea.

lostpas5235

Hi jmn89,

I'll just add my story here. I'm 32, last attended speech therapy in my early teens. I didn't respond to it at all. The shame was crippling. I'm also from a science background and had a hard time presenting my work orally.

I found this forum because, after years of trying to pretend I didn't have a stammer, I am finally facing up to it. I had a breakthrough moment with a councillor when it was suggested to me that I attend an Irish Stammering Association meeting. The thought of seeking help was totally alien to me. That breakthrough came from me, reluctantly, admitting to the intense shame I feel (felt?) about my stammering. There is no way I would ever posted something like this a few months ago ( even with an anonymous username).

I don't know if this has been brought up before but the one technique I try to use is just saying I have a stammer, I don't always have the courage to do this. It can be effective, takes some of the pressure off.
I can relate to what you said about panic banishing all logic from your mind. Sometimes I get terrible blocks.

I attended my first ISA monthly meeting this month. It felt good and I will be going back. I got some advise on local HSE people to contact and so forth. I think this time around I am in a better position to take advantage of any therapy I can get.

I think this forum needs an introduce yourself / tell you story thread. I could go on but I don't want to go too far OT.

pog it

I'm not sure that the feeling of being different is relevant to every stammerer Michael - I reckon that comes down to the individual! That would have been one of the ways I saw it when I was 16 or 17, but not when I was older than that (i.e. after I had left school).

To the OP, I have written on here about how I recovered from my stammer (I was once a covert stammerer too), and ultimately what happened to me entailed a peak in my frustration at not being able to say what I liked, and going on a holiday to Holland for a month, having a huge sense of relaxation while there, and coming back drinking a couple of glasses of absinthe, saying to myself 'What the $$$k!' and making a phone call I would not previously have been able to do. I had a new attitude- as in I didn't care anymore what came out of my mouth. And it was that day I was cured in so far as is possible.

Now and again like ye are saying here, a lot of stress can put pressure on my fluency. I am recovered/cured, but I do have the odd lapse here and there, but I'm okay with that. I don't expect to be perfect all the time and forever and ever.

I have lately been reading (here and elsewhere) about how having a stammer might be caused by having too much of the chemical dopamine. My Dad has Parkinson's and this is due to not enough dopamine, so I've been thinking that myself and my brother had inherited this imbalance in dopamine levels.

The other thing I wonder- did something I smoked in Amsterdam on my trip that time cure me?? ! It seems far fetched, but it is possible maybe!

So.. what I'm saying is that the more frustrated you get now, followed up with a huge release of that tension, and that may be a solution for you too OP. It's worth a try.

Michael O Shea

Hi Pog It,
With respect, if you read my post again, you will clearly see it states for "some" not all. It would be very foolish of me to state the feeling of difference is the same for all people who are challenged by stammering. I am quiet aware from working with different age groups both male and female, overt and covert, that the feelings that drive the stammering behaviour and mindset can be quiet different at both physical and psychological levels.

People who stammer may have similar experiences regarding their stammering, but the feelings which are generated from the experiences can be quiet different, they may be mild for some, severe for some, our sensitivity levels are all different, because we are all different, which is one of the main reasons why a cure for stammering has never been found for stammering.

Speak soon,
Michael.

pog it

Michael O Shea wrote: »

Hello jmn89!
Stammering is all about a feeling of being different, this feeling of difference leads to anxiety, stress, holding back,and personal coping mechanisms which are part of the learned behaviour of stammering, and much more on a psychological level for some.

I took that to mean that the secondary feelings in your example - those of anxiety, stress, holding back, and personal coping mechanisms- "are part of the learned behaviour of stammering... for some".
Those above feelings are actually there regardless of feeling different or not- that is the point I was making.

I would say that in fact anxiety, stress, holding back, and personal coping mechanisms are ALL relevant to stammerers and people with speech problems, but that the feeling of being different is not in fact relevant to all.

pog it

Michael O Shea wrote: »

Hi Pog It,
With respect, if you read my post again, you will clearly see it states for "some" not all. It would be very foolish of me to state the feeling of difference is the same for all people who are challenged by stammering. I am quiet aware from working with different age groups both male and female, overt and covert, that the feelings that drive the stammering behaviour and mindset can be quiet different at both physical and psychological levels.

People who stammer may have similar experiences regarding their stammering, but the feelings which are generated from the experiences can be quiet different, they may be mild for some, severe for some, our sensitivity levels are all different, because we are all different, which is one of the main reasons why a cure for stammering has never been found for stammering.

Speak soon,
Michael.

That is not one of the main reasons why a cure for stammering has never been found! You are not even a neurologist - how can you even presume to claim to know why a cure has not been found?

steamengine

pog it wrote: »

To the OP, I have written on here about how I recovered from my stammer (I was once a covert stammerer too), and ultimately what happened to me entailed a peak in my frustration at not being able to say what I liked, and going on a holiday to Holland for a month, having a huge sense of relaxation while there, and coming back drinking a couple of glasses of absinthe, saying to myself 'What the $$$k!' and making a phone call I would not previously have been able to do. I had a new attitude- as in I didn't care anymore what came out of my mouth. And it was that day I was cured in so far as is possible.

That is what happened with me as well. I had worked out how exactly I was going to say certain difficult words (refer to my unblocking technique above) and I had a stressful phonecall to make. I had decided prior to the phonecall either the words would be said correctly or not at all. After a silent pause I just waited and the required word was spoken, no struggle at all, just patience. That was the start and from there on the problem including the associated negative feelings diminished and eventually disappeared.

The essential common point here is that complete frustration was the catalyst for remedy.