Online Dating

Snoopy1

I remember i had created my account and literally within a minute i had about 25 emails.

It gets very time consuming, especially when your working all day. But the less you go on the sites, the less mail you get.

stupidusername

parker kent wrote: »

29? :pac:

no

random new ones maybe 1 every two days.regulars 3 a day.

Snoopy1 wrote: »

I remember i had created my account and literally within a minute i had about 25 emails.

It gets very time consuming, especially when your working all day. But the less you go on the sites, the less mail you get.

/jealous

Chucky the tree

stupidusername wrote: »

no

random new ones maybe 1 every two days.regulars 3 a day.




/jealous

I'd count yourself lucky. I can only imagine how most of those 29 emails are like. "Hi babez, got cam?" :pac:

mood

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

As a bloke that has used online dating on and off for a number of years I have to say not once have I gotten the hump if a female didnt reply to me never mind send her an abusive message if she replied saying I wasnt her type.Jesus its not a personal thing and I wouldnt expect to get grief if I didnt reply to someone.

That's the right attitude to have. I would be the same.

This whole discussion about 'not interested' replies is pointless. No matter what someone chooses to do you won't keep everyone happy! Some want the 'not interested' reply but others don't. You just need to do what you personally feel is the right thing to do at the time based on your own personal experience.

stupidusername

Chucky the tree wrote: »

I'd count yourself lucky. I can only imagine how most of those 29 emails are like. "Hi babez, got cam?" :pac:

meh.

I'm beginning to wonder do i look a little unfeminine in my pictures. I had a gay girl interested before, and just now I've had a straight girl ask me am i interested in trying things out with her. she's gorgeous, but i suppose that answers the 'should i give girls a go' question i've been asking. but anyway, hmmm, i wonder do i look a little masculine :(

cantdecide

You can surely get a guy pal to proof read your profile. It is beyond the greatest human minds to identify good pictures of oneself. I guarantee your mates will pick completely different good photos of you than you would.

tallaghtmick

stupidusername wrote: »

meh.

I'm beginning to wonder do i look a little unfeminine in my pictures. I had a gay girl interested before, and just now I've had a straight girl ask me am i interested in trying things out with her. she's gorgeous, but i suppose that answers the 'should i give girls a go' question i've been asking. but anyway, hmmm, i wonder do i look a little masculine :(

pics or gtfo :pac:

stupidusername

cantdecide wrote: »

You can surely get a guy pal to proof read your profile. It is beyond the greatest human minds to identify good pictures of oneself. I guarantee your mates will pick completely different good photos of you than you would.

yeah, well i've had slightly more men coming onto me, so i can't be too manly looking

cantdecide

stupidusername wrote: »

yeah, well i've had slightly more men coming onto me, so i can't be too manly looking

Can't hurt. I always got a friend to proof read my profiles.

parker kent

stupidusername wrote: »

I'm beginning to wonder do i look a little unfeminine in my pictures. I had a gay girl interested before, and just now I've had a straight girl ask me am i interested in trying things out with her. she's gorgeous, but i suppose that answers the 'should i give girls a go' question i've been asking. but anyway, hmmm, i wonder do i look a little masculine :(

I don't think straight men/lesbians have too many differences in what attracts them. Maybe on an individual level there are differences, but by and large the same things grab the attention.

So...no would be my answer! If you attract straight men, you're likely to attract lesbians. Same way guys that attract straight women are liable to attract gay men.

cantdecide

I got loads of attention from gay men :rolleyes: I can assure you it ain't because I'm effeminate.

Galvasean

HavingCrack wrote: »

One thing about the picture thing I think people forget is that it's a bit similar to real life. While personality and shared interests are clearly very important pretending that looks aren't at all is a bit ridiculous. In order for me to approach a woman I have to have some physical attraction from the off before I start talking to her. So I presume it'd be similar on a dating site. If a woman's pictures just don't do it for me it doesn't matter what's in the profile. Call me shallow if you will but that's my perspective on it.

I'm the same. Sadly, I can't judge everyone purely on personality. if I don't find someone physically attractive I don't consider dating the, I'd hazard a guess most people are the same.

cantdecide wrote: »

I got loads of attention from gay men :rolleyes: I can assure you it ain't because I'm effeminate.

I got more attention from gay guys than women. I'd give it a go but I like being able to give blood

mood

State in your profile that you are straight they you won't get contacted by gay people. Saves everyone time.

parker kent

mood wrote: »

State in your profile that you are straight they you won't get contacted by gay people. Saves everyone time.

That's not true. I clearly say I am straight and I have had contact from gay men. As far as I know, they'll even get a message saying I have indicated I don't want contact from them as they don't match my criteria. Yet I still get the odd message every now and then.

cantdecide

parker kent wrote: »

...I have indicated I don't want contact from them as they don't match my criteria. Yet I still get the odd message every now and then...

I hate being pestered.

Men :rolleyes:

stupidusername

yeah it's very much not true.i've 'straight' down, and this is the second girl that's asked would i be interested.

mood

stupidusername wrote: »

yeah it's very much not true.i've 'straight' down, and this is the second girl that's asked would i be interested.

Just hit delete... and dare I say it... don't reply! And before anyone says it's rude not to reply I think it's rude to not read a persons profile or ignore very basic information (like sexual orientation etc).

parker kent

cantdecide wrote: »

I hate being pestered.

Men :rolleyes:

Why won't men learn that no means no? :pac: Reminds me of my best Facebook status update!

Have spent the last hour getting texts from an amorous man who thinks we met at a hen party last night. Why don't men know that no means no!

cantdecide

mood wrote: »

Just hit delete... and dare I say it... don't reply! And before anyone says it's rude not to reply I think it's rude to not read a persons profile or ignore very basic information (like sexual orientation etc).

I do practice what I preach! I replied and told them sorry, no thanks, I'm definitely straight and that was the end of it. I didn't mind having to reply...

mood

I got really feed up at one stage as most e-mails I was getting were for men who didn't read/heed my profile. ie if I wanted to meet a 50 year old why would my profile state that I want to meet someone in the 25 - 35 age group for example!

Galvasean

mood wrote: »

State in your profile that you are straight they you won't get contacted by gay people. Saves everyone time.

I was going to say something in response but...

mood wrote: »

I got really feed up at one stage as most e-mails I was getting were for men who didn't read/heed my profile. ie if I wanted to meet a 50 year old why would my profile state that I want to meet someone in the 25 - 35 age group for example!

It would seem you and I were in the same boat!
A lot of people don't seem to read profiles (properly at least). Most of my mails came from people over 40 when my profile states that I was only looking for women (as I said before several men mailed me) under 30.

Mood wrote:

I think it's rude to not read a persons profile or ignore very basic information (like sexual orientation etc).

This.

ToniTuddle

Just checked out OKCupid for the craic and ended up answering looooooooads of questions.

But seems I have hardly any actual matches except one lad, have more "friends" percentage with the lot of them and a few "enemies" percentage as well .... :eek::pac:

Saw about 6 lads I know some I've even been drinking with in various groups of friends in the past!

Otis Driftwood

Welcome to the darkside TT!

ToniTuddle

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

Welcome to the darkside TT!

Well don't welcome me tooooo much, I kinda cheated

Didn't do a proper profile just wanted to see what questions they actually asked you to match you to people and I take it people can volunteer questions as some were on the.....interesting side to say the least!

There's alot of questions on religion and esp politics.
Think I'd be too shy to do the whole online dating scene which I know sounds odd when it really isn't any different to other forms of meeting folks.


I got matches from a local town but even after answering 135 feicin questions(had alot of time to kill today ) those same people were coming up each time I checked as a match.
Considering I know them and know they most definitely are not a match to me....I found it odd. Surely they didn't answer the questions the exact same as me.....if they did then they sure as hell were lying!! :pac:

Made me wonder if OKCupid were just throwing them up as they live in surrounding towns?

liah

I would expect it might take awhile til your answers propagate, if you know what I mean; insofar as, when you answer a load of questions, I wouldn't expect your results to change immediately. It might take awhile to "kick in." I don't know for sure, though. Also keep in mind you can hide profiles; when you do, new ones will come up.

There's a lot of questions about religion and politics because they're generally incredible indicators as to whether or not you'll get on with someone. If you match up with someone's religious and political views, you're much more likely to get on than if you don't, especially considering these views can be very close to some people and they put a large importance on compatibility for these things.

mood

I wouldn't rely on the matching systems like that. Just reading profiles and e-mailing someone you see for your self who suits you and visa versa.

ToniTuddle

liah wrote: »

There's a lot of questions about religion and politics because they're generally incredible indicators as to whether or not you'll get on with someone. If you match up with someone's religious and political views, you're much more likely to get on than if you don't, especially considering these views can be very close to some people and they put a large importance on compatibility for these things.

Oh I do realise that, was just suprised by how many there is.
Didn't see the hide function.
Can you hide yourself from certain folks you wouldn't want seeing you?

mood wrote: »

I wouldn't rely on the matching systems like that. Just reading profiles and e-mailing someone you see for your self who suits you and visa versa.

Oh...didn't realise you could go around reading everyones profile.
Thought you only had your matches and that was it!

mood

ToniTuddle I never used that site. i used a different one. I was just saying I wouldn't depend on a computer programme to 'match' me with someone.

liah

ToniTuddle wrote: »

Oh I do realise that, was just suprised by how many there is.
Didn't see the hide function.
Can you hide yourself from certain folks you wouldn't want seeing you?

You can block people, yeah, I don't know how though as I've never done it but it's an option somewhere, I know I've seen it.. Try settings?

cantdecide

ToniTuddle wrote: »

...Think I'd be too shy to do the whole online dating scene...Made me wonder if OKCupid were just throwing them up as they live in surrounding towns?

Get stuck in. You will see people you know. Being 'found out' is not something you'll have to worry about. You're all in the same boat. Just don't pin all your hopes on it. I kind of used it as a last resort because I'm a fairly shy and private person too. This was a mistake. Just have a good look around, set your profile up properly when you're happy you know the ropes and get on with your life.

I don't know what the buzz is with OKCupid. I had the same experience. Very few matches compared to the likes of POF.

stupidusername

when did being 'laid back' become such a desirable trait?

AnnyHallsal

stupidusername wrote: »

when did being 'laid back' become such a desirable trait?

On dating sites I believe it's code for 'not desperate' :pac:

stupidusername

haha fair enough.

ironically, I am turned off guys that say they're laid back, cause it's like saying he's lazy, unmotivated, doesn't care about anything. at least that's what springs to my mind anyway.

AnnyHallsal

stupidusername wrote: »

haha fair enough.

ironically, I am turned off guys that say they're laid back, cause it's like saying he's lazy, unmotivated, doesn't care about anything. at least that's what springs to my mind anyway.

Yeah, I used to translate it as not passionate or without intensity. Though it's a brave soul would include 'intense' in a dating site self-description

Galvasean

I assumed 'laid back' was code for "I'm not going to try marry you within moments of meeting like some kind of a psychopath"

AnnyHallsal

Galvasean wrote: »

I assumed 'laid back' was code for "I'm not going to try marry you within moments of meeting like some kind of a psychopath"

You say psychopath, I say romantic

parker kent

Galvasean wrote: »

I assumed 'laid back' was code for "I'm not going to try marry you within moments of meeting like some kind of a psychopath"

You mean you don't have a ring in your pocket at all times just in case? :pac:

Kevin Duffy

parker kent wrote: »

You mean you don't have a ring in your pocket at all times just in case? :pac:

Engagement or wedding? Hate to make a faux pas!

parker kent

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

Engagement or wedding? Hate to make a faux pas!

Would have to be wedding rings. Sure you'd need to carry 2 with you at all times so you can have the improptu wedding :pac: Useful to have a best man on speed dial too....

liah

See, I'd be delighted if someone used 'laid back' on their profile, as I'd take it to mean they're not overly excitable, neurotic, obnoxious, or high-maintenance and that's exactly what I'm looking for! I can't hack people who are liable to be stressed out, or jumping around the place the whole time. They're annoying.. and loud!

I describe myself as laid back on my profile because I take it to mean chilled out, open, take-it-as-it-comes, non-neurotic/stressed, low-maintenance.. and that's how I am. But I don't think those equate to being lazy, simply being easy-going in temperament. I still want someone to go out and do stuff with.

parker kent

I think the laid-back debate shows how different people's interpretations, associations and definitions of words can impact on dating profiles. It's like Boards, sometimes attempts at irony can be misconstrued.

liah

True.

<tangent>

I have a feeling there's a massive divide in how I come across via text and how I come across in person. Anyone I met online first went "wow.. you're a lot less aggressive than I imagined.. in fact, you're kind of a pushover..." :pac:

People on boards take me up the wrong way a lot, and I have a feeling it's because how something sounds in my head (and taking into account cultural difference in speech) is often very different to how someone inevitably takes it up.
I blame text, because when I'm actually speaking it never sounds even remotely as offensive/aggressive/whatever the case may be due to my generally incredibly calm tone. I've never got into angry debates in real life the same way I do on boards. Not once.

</tangent>

The internet is fricking mental to try and communicate on sometimes. Maybe I should get someone to peer-review my profile to make sure I'm not making myself out to be some kind of psycho.

cantdecide

I think you're not going to please everyone. If you say X and someone only wants to hear Y, there's not a lot you can do. Especially so on the net.

If you are speaking in person, one to one, you can give a rounded viewpoint. On the net, it comes across as filibustering. One word can't borrow another like in real life.

I would describe myself as laid back too. Sorry, SU

parker kent

liah wrote: »

The internet is fricking mental to try and communicate on sometimes. Maybe I should get someone to peer-review my profile to make sure I'm not making myself out to be some kind of psycho.

Yeah I'm pretty much the same. Like on here my posts can be pretty long sometimes. And even then they can still be misinterpreted. And I can look like an angry, ranter when I'm anything but. I just like to discuss in depth on here!

Some people are just so different with how they communicate with the written word. So it is open to misinterpretation and there will be people that overlook you and that you overlook because of that.

liah

We could start a club

cantdecide

I'm finished trying to please people IRL. I know I'm a nice person (often to my detriment) but people are often too lazy to look beyond the prejudice of their first impressions. It's an occupational hazard of being a big galoot, I suppose. Even just yesterday my sister told me 'you look macho, but you're soft as s***e'. Friends always comment on my appearance when I have my bike leathers on, that I look "dangerous" etc.

When I was at internet dating, I always knew the pics don't match the profile :rolleyes:

I want into that club please.

cantdecide

My pet hate was "I'm absolutely Mad, me".

Galvasean

cantdecide wrote: »

My pet hate was "I'm absolutely Mad, me".

"I'm the most random person i know!"
That one grates me.

liah

God, do people really still say/act "random" all the time? I remember that being the "cool" thing when I was like, 12 :eek:

Disliked it as much then as I dislike it now.

Galvasean

liah wrote: »

God, do people really still say/act "random" all the time? I remember that being the "cool" thing when I was like, 12 :eek:

Disliked it as much then as I dislike it now.

Don't you see, being random was common, but now it is rare to be random, which makes it random, they're being po-mo! :pac: