Online Dating

cyrusdvirus

Lon Dubh wrote: »

I have been following this thread for a while, and thanks to everyone for their contributions as I have picked up a lot from it. I am new to this online dating scene so have a question.

Did anyone feel after their first date or two that it was almost like a job interview? That the other person had a list of boxes they wanted ticked, and if you didn't meet up to expectations you were going to be passed over?

I am wondering to what extent the online dating scene lends itself to this on the first date, or whether this person is like this generally?

Obviously it is sensible on the first date to try to get a sense of who the person is, their interests and general outlook on life. Obviously people need to weed out the weirdos. And with online dating the people are new to one another, so don't have background information in the way that they would if they met someone, say, at work or through friends, so there will be more questions. And this person has been on the online dating scene for a while so might be more directed in their approach than me.

But I am left feeling that though initially I thought the date had gone very well, (we have had 2 dates in quick succession, and a third planned) after the dust has settled I am starting to wonder to what extent this sort of behaviour is part of this person's personality, or whether it is just part and parcel of the online dating scene? I will definitely go on a third, and maybe fourth, date before making my mind up, but I am having some niggling doubts which I did not have at first.

I am wondering whether this person is too rigid in how they make choices (one thing seemed a bit ridiculous to me), and whether the person may be too (hastily) judgemental for my taste.

I know it can be good that someone knows what they want, but on the other hand I think it is also good to be open to new experiences, new kinds of people, and to go with the flow to some extent. Having said that, without giving anything away, this person could have excluded me from the beginning for something which would bother a lot of people and he didn't, so he is not totally narrow minded or anything.

I know no one can tell me what this specific person is like, and I will give this person a chance, but I was wondering how common this feeling of being under a spotlight on the first date was, and whether anyone had felt like this after the first date or two, but that it was fine after that? It doesn't help that I don't have a lot of dating experience in general (I am not young however) and have only dated people I knew beforehand, so I have nothing similar to compare this too.

Thanks for any replies

The under the spotlight feeling is all too common in my experience.

You already know a bit about the person, and their personality from the online chats, texts and possibly phone calls, but the first date is always a killer, ESPECIALLY if you are marching on in years (kinda like me, mid 30's) and all your mates are either married/settled down etc, cos you are putting yourself under a small bit of pressure too, as well as the other person wanting to make sure you tick all her boxes.

If you are having doubts after date 2 or 3 though, it'd be better to say it and make the call, before one or both of you get hurt.

ToniTuddle

You go away from this thread for a night and ya end up having to read 14 pages to catch up! Flippin fast moving one :eek:

MudSkipper wrote: »

jersey shore girl is in fact a fan of the show......... think i'll write her off. crXp factor and its ilk I can handle (just)...... jerseyshore, fade street or glee and the like is just NOOO

/feel dirty even knowing the names of them shows

Ahh here! Me and you would never date then so :pac:
Fair enough you are entitled to that opinion but I wouldn't care less what someone watched.
If they thought less of me as a person just because I watched Jersey Shore or Glee or some of them vampire shows, I'd wanna clip them round the ear and say get yer head out of yer arse boy!

The_Morrigan wrote: »

Some think that constant snipes at people is sarcasm, but if there is no undertone of humour it is in fact just mean!

Thank you \o/
Though even if you say it to them they still never see what you are on about >.<

The_Morrigan

ToniTuddle wrote: »

Thank you \o/
Though even if you say it to them they still never see what you are on about >.<

you're welcome!

and yes, there are some people in this world that are clueless!

cyrusdvirus

ToniTuddle wrote: »

Fair enough you are entitled to that opinion but I wouldn't care less what someone watched.
If they thought less of me as a person just because I watched Jersey Shore or Glee or some of them vampire shows, I'd wanna clip them round the ear and say get yer head out of yer arse boy!

Wouldn't think less of you...... would just hide the remote controls if you ever came over :pac:

FewFew

gatecrash wrote: »

Wouldn't think less of you...... would just hide the remote controls if you ever came over :pac:

And any cartons of milk... she's got the thirst for thievery! :P

The_Morrigan

gatecrash wrote: »

Wouldn't think less of you...... would just hide the remote controls if you ever came over :pac:

and all you boys complain about women playing games :rolleyes:

Sanjuro

The_Morrigan wrote: »

and all you boys complain about women playing games :rolleyes:

I love when women play games. Especially when they're good at Street Fighter.






Although I'd imagine that's not the kind of game you're talking about.

The_Morrigan

Sanjuro wrote: »

I love when women play games. Especially when they're good at Street Fighter.






Although I'd imagine that's not the kind of game you're talking about.

I'm not allowed talk about the games I partake in...I'll need proof of age

Beginning to give up on the whole online dating whatsit.

liah

Deleted User wrote: »

Beginning to give up on the whole online dating whatsit.

Wait what happened with the girl you were seeing?

Sanjuro

The_Morrigan wrote: »

I'm not allowed talk about the games I partake in...I'll need proof of age

Eh... I remember Jet Set Willy taking ages to load up on my C64. Aged enough?! :P

The_Morrigan

Sanjuro wrote: »

Eh... I remember Jet Set Willy taking ages to load up on my C64. Aged enough?! :P

*sniggers*

Sanjuro

The_Morrigan wrote: »

*sniggers*

Twas a more innocent time...

MudSkipper

ToniTuddle wrote: »

Ahh here! Me and you would never date then so :pac:
Fair enough you are entitled to that opinion but I wouldn't care less what someone watched.
If they thought less of me as a person just because I watched Jersey Shore or Glee or some of them vampire shows, I'd wanna clip them round the ear and say get yer head out of yer arse boy!

Ah, don't care what TV someone watches, just conversation over couple mails wasn't exactly riveting getting one or two word replies to questions I asked

/hides remote

ToniTuddle

gatecrash wrote: »

Wouldn't think less of you...... would just hide the remote controls if you ever came over :pac:

Fewcifur wrote: »

And any cartons of milk... she's got the thirst for thievery! :P

Feic ye both!

The title under my name was put there by a higher power, I'm INNOCENT





I'd find the remote....use to people hiding them on meh

Larianne

Sanjuro wrote: »

Eh... I remember Jet Set Willy taking ages to load up on my C64. Aged enough?! :P

Where it starts in the toilet! \0/

The_Morrigan

Sanjuro wrote: »

Twas a more innocent time...

hhmmm

cyrusdvirus

ToniTuddle wrote: »

Feic ye both!

The title under my name was put there by a higher power, I'm INNOCENT





I'd find the remote....use to people hiding them on meh

Innocent about the milk, i can accept that......

But you've admitted to ransacking houses to find remotes, so i think the innocence protests might be a bit much!!!

cyrusdvirus

Why oh why do women beyond the age of 30 think it's ok to use txtspk???

She probably works with that hairdresser from a page or 2 back!!

The_Morrigan

I have just got a mail from a guy with the most off putting username EVER!

I'm afraid to even read the email now!

cyrusdvirus

The_Morrigan wrote: »

I have just got a mail from a guy with the most off putting username EVER!

I'm afraid to even read the email now!

Go onnnnnnn

Ya know ya want to!!!

Dord

The_Morrigan wrote: »

I have just got a mail from a guy with the most off putting username EVER!

I'm afraid to even read the email now!

Facekicker?

The_Morrigan

Dord wrote: »

Facekicker?

Nope it was more sexual than that

FGR

FaceLicker?

The_Morrigan

ForegoneReality wrote: »

FaceLicker?

Nope :rolleyes:

FGR

The_Morrigan wrote: »

Nope :rolleyes:

Hungryhungryhippo? :pac:

Alright, alright. I give up. I take it that those outrageous names are purposely made to garner attention from those ladies who are up for anything.

God help ya :P

manafana

ilovebeefcurtains?

The_Morrigan

Jaysus this could keep some of you entertained all day lol

it involves the word "hole"

Caoimhín

The_Morrigan wrote: »

it involves the word "hole"

Cant get me hole?

The_Morrigan

Caoimhín wrote: »

Cant get me hole?

Oh that is so mean lol