Online Dating

Gillo

stupidusername wrote: »

i suppose you mean not wanting to draw too much attention to it then? right. i wouldn't want to date someone with a child, so something like that would put me off as much as saying openly that they do have any. i just don't really see the difference personally.

Ahh, and I was just warming to your posts.

Yeah, I'd read I'll tell you later as I do have kids.

Gillo

Denisejcc wrote: »

Aww thanks Gillo, not doing me much good though, not exactly having any luck, in fact im having more luck in here!!!!:D:rolleyes:

ha, see I'd never have rated POF as a great site so what can I say

cyrusdvirus

stupidusername wrote: »

i suppose you mean not wanting to draw too much attention to it then? right. i wouldn't want to date someone with a child, so something like that would put me off as much as saying openly that they do have any. i just don't really see the difference personally.

Yeah, that's what i mean.

Then again, the idea of dating someone with a child isn't really an issue for me. I don't have any myself, but if I'm attracted to someone, and there is a child in her life, then i just have to deal with the fact that it's a package deal, and i'm not going to pass up the opportunity of being with and making someone happy purely cos she has a child from a previous relationship.

stupidusername

Gillo wrote: »

Ahh, and I was just warming to your posts.

Yeah, I'd read I'll tell you later as I do have kids.

you were just warming to my posts?? have i said something to offend you?

gatecrash wrote: »

Yeah, that's what i mean.

Then again, the idea of dating someone with a child isn't really an issue for me. I don't have any myself, but if I'm attracted to someone, and there is a child in her life, then i just have to deal with the fact that it's a package deal, and i'm not going to pass up the opportunity of being with and making someone happy purely cos she has a child from a previous relationship.

Good for you. I also know what I want.

Gillo

stupidusername wrote: »

you were just warming to my posts?? have i said something to offend you?

you said you wouldn't date someone with kids, and well I have a daughter

cyrusdvirus

stupidusername wrote: »

Good for you. I also know what I want.

So you'd pass up a chance to be happy with someone, purely cos they might have a child from a previous relationship?

stupidusername

Gillo wrote: »

you said you wouldn't date someone with kids, and well I have a daughter

and....? so you have something against me because I don't want children??

gatecrash wrote: »

So you'd pass up a chance to be happy with someone, purely cos they might have a child from a previous relationship?

well i didn't say i wouldn't give someone a chance because they have kids, but i wouldn't go looking for someone with kids. if things happened that way, then maybe i'd consider it, but it's my choice, and I don't want children.

Gillo

stupidusername wrote: »

and....? so you have something against me because I don't want children??

Nothing against you, but how would you feel going out with someone who has a child? sorry maybe I just read your previous post wrong

cyrusdvirus

stupidusername wrote: »

well i didn't say i wouldn't give someone a chance because they have kids, but i wouldn't go looking for someone with kids. if things happened that way, then maybe i'd consider it, but it's my choice, and I don't want children.

Ahh, gotchya

Gillo

Maybe it's just about different perspective's, while I have da daughter I'm not looking for someone to take on a mothering role to her, perhaps a lot of people on sites think that it may be the case they are expected to take on a parenting role.
so am I right in guessing, you'd happily date someone with a child, but you yourself don't want children.

stupidusername

Gillo wrote: »

Nothing against you, but how would you feel going out with someone who has a child? sorry maybe I just read your previous post wrong

i don't know how i would feel, as i've never done it, and I'm not saying I never would, but honestly it's not something that appeals to me at all. I have nothing against people with children, I just wouldn't be drawn to them at all. i'm sorry if it offends any body, really I am, but the thing is I've no desire to have children, and being with someone (long term, which would be the eventual goal of dating) that has a child would practically be like having one, and so without knowing what it would actually be like, I would guess that it'd be pretty much like having one myself. so yeah i would be against it somewhat.

Gillo

only one way to find out for sure...

stupidusername

Gillo wrote: »

Maybe it's just about different perspective's, while I have da daughter I'm not looking for someone to take on a mothering role to her, perhaps a lot of people on sites think that it may be the case they are expected to take on a parenting role.
so am I right in guessing, you'd happily date someone with a child, but you yourself don't want children.

well that's what i'm saying I don't know for sure, but i'd guess no I wouldn't be happy with dating someone with a child because in ways it'd be like having my own. besides, I really don't like children. i'm just not in the place for dealing with children, even at a distance. maybe it's cause i'm only 27, and need to sort my **** out. maybe in a few years i'll change my mind.

this may bring on a ****storm, but anyway, i'd liken it, for me, to considering dating a smoker. I wouldn't. and yes of course i could be missing out on all the lovely guys that just happen to smoke, but it's not something i'd be likely to back down on, for good reason.

parker kent

Gillo wrote: »

Maybe it's just about different perspective's, while I have da daughter I'm not looking for someone to take on a mothering role to her, perhaps a lot of people on sites think that it may be the case they are expected to take on a parenting role.
so am I right in guessing, you'd happily date someone with a child, but you yourself don't want children.

From my perspective I wouldn't like to date somebody with a child as I simply don't really want children in my life right now. Maybe in 5+ years I may think differently, but different people want different things.

Everybody has things that are no-nos in terms of who they will and will not date. I don't think it is as simple as saying I'll end up missing out on somebody as surely I'm better dating people who match what I want in life? I don't really want kids in my life now and dating with somebody with kids would obviously change that.

I wouldn't view somebody saying that as a slight on you, it is just that different people want different things. There'll be lots of men and women out there willing to date people with children.

Gillo

ah, I'm not knocking you stupid, I'm just thinking that I'd possibley take the chance and see what happens but hey we're all masters of our own destiney.

cyrusdvirus

parker kent wrote: »

Everybody has things that are no-nos in terms of who they will and will not date. I don't think it is as simple as saying I'll end up missing out on somebody as surely I'm better dating people who match what I want in life? I don't really want kids in my life now and dating with somebody with kids would obviously change that.

ok, hypothetical question.

You see a profile you like and mail her. She replies etc etc etc phone numbers swapped, texts so on and so forth, eventually first date, get on really well, and you like this girl.

You look at her profile again just for some reason, and you realise that she has a kid, it says it quite clearly up there, no "I'll tell you later" just "Have you children, Yes 1."

You missed this when you first looked and for whatever reason it never stood out to you any other time you looked. You really like this girl and are quite attracted to her.

Are you going to cut and run at this point?

stupidusername

Gillo wrote: »

ah, I'm not knocking you stupid, I'm just thinking that I'd possibley take the chance and see what happens but hey we're all masters of our own destiney.

i get what you're saying. and you know what, i might even consider it at some point, if I ever do meet anyone!

Gillo

You will, takes time, believe me I've sent enough mails out and met some great people.
I origionally asked because I'm starting using the sites again.

ha, send me a message and I'll write back

cyrusdvirus

Gillo wrote: »

I'm just thinking that I'd possibly take the chance and see what happens .

As would I. You cannot help who you are attracted to, it happens and that's the bottom line.

I spent 3 years totally besotted with a girl in work, who was single, just not interested. Every other person i met was instantly compared to her. It sounds sad, and looking back, maybe it WAS a little bit sad, but it's also part of who i am and that's that.

Eventually i met someone and one of my colleagues 'jokingly' asked but what about 'Jennifer'... I answered "Who?... OH Jen... naaah, I'm as happy as a pig in steamy brown stuff here!!"

I would have saved myself a whole lot of bother if I'd been able to control who i was attracted to though

Sanjuro

gatecrash wrote: »

I would have saved myself a whole lot of bother if I'd been able to control who i was attracted to though

QFT. I recently got myself into quite a mess and ended up getting quite hurt over the fact that I was attracted to the wrong person. Had I an 'off' switch, that'd have been awesome. But then, every experience is a chance to learn something new about yourself, so it wasn't a complete waste of time and emotion.

Lon Dubh

gatecrash wrote: »

Well I'm glad that you got a giggle out of it, the only other thing i'd say is that dating sites are difficult.

It's hard sorting the wheat from the chaff, it's hard putting yourself out there in a much more open manner than in a pub/club situation. In the pub/club there are ways and means of letting a guy/girl know that you find them attractive, the coy glance & smile, the offering a light when you are out smoking (week and a half off them today, 2 nights out too WOOHOO ME!!!) to the having a little chat...

On a site you are showing a lot more of yourself than on ANY other areas of the internet, and contacting people you find attractive, only for them to either rebuff your advances or turn out to be suffering from Severe-Over-Intense-Itis, or for the odd little nugget out there where the attraction is mutual.

In a pub I certainly wouldn't start conversations with 20 total random women who happened to catch my eye. After getting shot down twice or three times I stop and just say feck it, i'm here with mates, enjoy it. On the internet I CAN start 20 different conversations........ and get no replies!!

I suppose what i'm really trying to say is enjoy it, but don't take it too seriously either. If you meet someone that's right for you, you'll both know

Now, there is an ominous silence from downstairs where the dog and his sidekick, Destructo-pup are so i gotta go!!

Yes, I think I will pull the plug on that guy, as he lives quite a bit away from me and it wouldn't be fair to drag him here only to tell him I didn't think we were compatible. Not looking forward to writing that e-mail but better now than later.

parker kent

gatecrash wrote: »

ok, hypothetical question.

You see a profile you like and mail her. She replies etc etc etc phone numbers swapped, texts so on and so forth, eventually first date, get on really well, and you like this girl.

You look at her profile again just for some reason, and you realise that she has a kid, it says it quite clearly up there, no "I'll tell you later" just "Have you children, Yes 1."

You missed this when you first looked and for whatever reason it never stood out to you any other time you looked. You really like this girl and are quite attracted to her.

Are you going to cut and run at this point?

I'll give you a real situation. I went on a few dates last summer with a girl with 2 children. First date was just me and her and it went well. Then I met her for a walk with her kids and I just knew it wasn't for me. I liked her, but I don't want to date somebody with kids. I liked her and was attracted to her, but there was no future between us. I don't know if I ever want kids, but I know that right now I don't. It is not as if there are not plenty of girls without kids.

I'm 25, I have no idea where I'm going to be in a months time and I simply don't want to date somebody with kids. I shouldn't really have to explain why I feel how I feel.

cyrusdvirus

Lon Dubh wrote: »

Yes, I think I will pull the plug on that guy, as he lives quite a bit away from me and it wouldn't be fair to drag him here only to tell him I didn't think we were compatible. Not looking forward to writing that e-mail but better now than later.

It's almost as hard to write that one as it is to receive it...... or at least i hope it is, only ever having been on the receiving end of them!!:pac::D

Gillo

Ah, see you've hit the nail on the head because it depends on the parents relationship with the child. The woman you met lived with her children, where as I don't, much as I hate the title in reality I'm a part-time dad. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter and adore spending time with her but at the end of the day it's gonna depend on the parents relationship to the child how that affects your relationship with them.

stupidusername

gatecrash wrote: »

As would I. You cannot help who you are attracted to, it happens and that's the bottom line.

well ya kinda can. in some situations. i mean if i meet someone, and start chatting to them i might think i fancy this guy, i like him, we seem to get on, but i'm going to pretty soon figure out he has kids, and that's where it'd end. I mean it's not like i'm going to be mad about him and then find out he has a child (or if that is the way it goes, i'd tell him where to go!) so i'd be able to stop then and end things. tough depending on how long it'd been, but yeah if something doesn't suit you, it doesn't suit you. for a big thing like not wanting children, if you're dead set on it that is, your mind isn't going to just be changed like that.

but i know you were saying you might not have such a problem, after giving things a go. anyway, going round in circles here I am!

cyrusdvirus

parker kent wrote: »

I'm 25, I have no idea where I'm going to be in a months time and I simply don't want to date somebody with kids. I shouldn't really have to explain why I feel how I feel.

You don't have to explain anything Parker & no one is or has. There is no need to feel so defensive.

I was just offering a hypothetical situation, one you have experienced in real life.

All I was suggesting is to be open to the idea, I'm 10 years older than you, and in those 10 years, I've made my share of balls ups, and cut my nose off to spite my face more than once.

Galvasean

Lob me in the camp that when searching actively looks for people without kids. I'm fairly young and definitely not mature enough or financially stable enough to be anything like a father figure.

parker kent

Age and stage of life play a big role too. I'm far more worried about getting a career going than thinking about settling down. I'd just like to meet somebody and see whatever happens.

Gillo

stupidusername wrote: »

but i know you were saying you might not have such a problem, after giving things a go. anyway, going round in circles here I am!

ha ha, its getting late, didn't mean to open that kettle of worms.

anyways about that drink???

and on that bombshell, Gillo is heading to bed for a fw hours kip

Galvasean

parker kent wrote: »

Age and stage of life play a big role too. I'm far more worried about getting a career going than thinking about settling down. I'd just like to meet somebody and see whatever happens.

I'm the same boat. My career is quite fledgling and in an industry renowned for being incredibly difficult to break into at the best of times, let alone during an economic crisis.