Online Dating

Paracore

There is a serious amount of dickhead women on POF. Like seriously would it kill the to reply back 'Im not interested, sorry'?

Kevin Duffy

Paracore wrote: »

There is a serious amount of dickhead women on POF. Like seriously would it kill the to reply back 'Im not interested, sorry'?

Some posters in this thread have mentioned that the volumes of mail women on dating sites get is such that it would be unfeasible for them to answer all of them.
A better aproach might be to not get your hopes up of getting a response and be pleasantly surprised if you do and accept too that not getting responses is part of the online experience; mildly disappointing if you let it be, but nothing personal.

Fuinseog

kingtut wrote: »

If I send someone a message on a dating website I think it is only polite to reply and say sorry but I am not interested. I think it is rude not to reply.

Obviously there are exceptions to this if the message is something explicit...!

hear, hear. Irish women are full of themselves and seem to be prepared to accept only some guy who looks like a movie star.

i find with the dating sites that you can be judged on your address, especially in Dublin

Paracore

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

Some posters in this thread have mentioned that the volumes of mail women on dating sites get is such that it would be unfeasible for them to answer all of them.
A better aproach might be to not get your hopes up of getting a response and be pleasantly surprised if you do and accept too that not getting responses is part of the online experience; mildly disappointing if you let it be, but nothing personal.

I understand and I am not expecting to meet my wife there or anything I just see it as another outlet to meet women and chat. However, I stand by my origional point it doesn't take up much of a persons time to type 4 words. I've done it to each and every woman who has contacted me that I wasn't interested in me. Its common courtesy and basic manners. Something the woman I have cited seem to lack.

Fuinseog

Paracore wrote: »

There is a serious amount of dickhead women on POF. Like seriously would it kill the to reply back 'Im not interested, sorry'?

basic manners went out the door with the celtic tiger.

parker kent

Paracore wrote: »

I understand and I am not expecting to meet my wife there or anything I just see it as another outlet to meet women and chat. However, I stand by my origional point it doesn't take up much of a persons time to type 4 words. I've done it to each and every woman who has contacted me that I wasn't interested in me. Its common courtesy and basic manners. Something the woman I have cited seem to lack.

Plenty of people here have said why they end up not sending those messages. If you read through the thread, it should become obvious.

stupidusername

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

Some posters in this thread have mentioned that the volumes of mail women on dating sites get is such that it would be unfeasible for them to answer all of them.
A better aproach might be to not get your hopes up of getting a response and be pleasantly surprised if you do and accept too that not getting responses is part of the online experience; mildly disappointing if you let it be, but nothing personal.

I really feel bad for men, cause of this thread. ye seem to have it so tough. women have really screwed themselves over. it's terrible that you've to be grateful for a response.

Fuinseog wrote: »

hear, hear. Irish women are full of themselves and seem to be prepared to accept only some guy who looks like a movie star.

i find with the dating sites that you can be judged on your address, especially in Dublin

well I'm not full of myself in the least, but just because I don't think i'm great looking doesn't mean I've to change my taste in men. I mean, I can't. can't help who i'm attracted to.

and as for the address, it wouldn't ever occur to me to consider that, not that i'd know what the different parts of dublin are like.

Paracore wrote: »

I understand and I am not expecting to meet my wife there or anything I just see it as another outlet to meet women and chat. However, I stand by my origional point it doesn't take up much of a persons time to type 4 words. I've done it to each and every woman who has contacted me that I wasn't interested in me. Its common courtesy and basic manners. Something the woman I have cited seem to lack.

I would give this response, only I don't like the way it sounds, it sounds rude. and besides that tbh I'd be a bit afraid of getting an angry response to it.

Kevin Duffy

stupidusername wrote: »

I really feel bad for men, cause of this thread. ye seem to have it so tough. women have really screwed themselves over. it's terrible that you've to be grateful for a response.
.

I hope you didn't get this from my post, which you quoted. I wasn't saying to be grateful, just to accept that the volumes mean the odds are against you, in addition to attraction being a complex and instinctive thing. Being happy to get a response is not the same as being grateful.

An email, no more than eye contact in a pub or similar, doesn't entitle you to a response. Responding doesn't entitle anyone to gratitude. That cuts both ways.

stupidusername

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

I hope you didn't get this from my post, which you quoted. I wasn't saying to be grateful, just to accept that the volumes mean the odds are against you, in addition to attraction being a complex and instinctive thing. Being happy to get a response is not the same as being grateful.

An email, no more than eye contact in a pub or similar, doesn't entitle you to a response. Responding doesn't entitle anyone to gratitude. That cuts both ways.

right, that's fair enough

cantdecide

stupidusername wrote: »

...I would give this response...I'd be a bit afraid of getting an angry response to it...

I'm a big believer in the idea that you can only live according to your own standards. I like to regard myself as being well mannered and polite. If a girl emailed me and I wasn't interested, I'd respond- politely- in the same way I would in any other facet of my life. Her reaction is out of my control and has largely more to do with her standards nothing to do with me at all, good bad or indifferent. I can't be responsible for anyones reactions but my own but I will always be polite, according to my standards.

stupidusername

cantdecide wrote: »

I'm a big believer in the idea that you can only live according to your own standards. I like to regard myself as being well mannered and polite. If a girl emailed me and I wasn't interested, I'd respond- politely- in the same way I would in any other facet of my life. Her reaction is out of my control and has largely more to do with her standards nothing to do with me at all, good bad or indifferent. I can't be responsible for anyones reactions but my own but I will always be polite, according to my standards.

yeah you're right. and in general that would be me too. but i tend to adapt to the environment i'm in... as in if it's the done thing that people don't respond, that's what i'll do. anyway, i'll be deleting my account soon, so meh.

Paracore

stupidusername wrote: »

I really feel bad for men, cause of this thread. ye seem to have it so tough. women have really screwed themselves over. it's terrible that you've to be grateful for a response.



well I'm not full of myself in the least, but just because I don't think i'm great looking doesn't mean I've to change my taste in men. I mean, I can't. can't help who i'm attracted to.

and as for the address, it wouldn't ever occur to me to consider that, not that i'd know what the different parts of dublin are like.





I would give this response, only I don't like the way it sounds, it sounds rude. and besides that tbh I'd be a bit afraid of getting an angry response to it.

It is not rude I am merely stating fact. And my response would not be one of anger as I am open to reasons why Irish women on POF behave like this.

Paracore

So would you care to enlighten me?

stupidusername

Paracore wrote: »

So would you care to enlighten me?

me? enlighten you as to what??

Paracore

would give this response, only I don't like the way it sounds, it sounds rude. and besides that tbh I'd be a bit afraid of getting an angry response to it.

Your response, now that I have assured you that I am not a masked murderer.

stupidusername

Paracore wrote: »

would give this response, only I don't like the way it sounds, it sounds rude. and besides that tbh I'd be a bit afraid of getting an angry response to it.

Your response, now that I have assured you that I am not a masked murderer.

I think you read my post wrong. I was saying I would give that response (I'm not interested, thanks) to someone who wrote to me saying hi etc, if i was less afraid of getting an angry reaction.

cantdecide

stupidusername wrote: »

...i'll be deleting my account soon, so meh...

What site(s) you on out of curiosity?

EDIT: Not currently on dating sites. Trying to find out the 'in' sites. In summary... NOT a stalker!

stupidusername wrote: »

me? enlighten you as to what??

Paracore wrote: »

...I am open to reasons why Irish women on POF behave like this...

err... I think you have to speak for womanhood and explain why women on POF "behave like this".

liah

Paracore wrote: »

So would you care to enlighten me?

There's plenty of them earlier on in the thread from women as to why they can't be expected to respond to every single message they get.

You really shouldn't take it personally tbh, all it means is she doesn't think you two would be suited for whatever reasons and is saving you both the hassle of wasting time and inbox space. It's hardly some kind of personal rejection as you seem to be making it out, simply a filtering process. The more you take it personally the more bitter you'll get (as evidenced by these absurd 'Irish women!!' exclamations) and the more bitter you get, the less girls will want anything to do with you-- and with good reason.

Look at it from the perspective of the girl, who may be getting 10+ messages a day, you can hardly expect her to sit there all night responding to literally everyone who messages her, she probably has a life too. And it's confusing for a girl, simply messaging back saying "Sorry, not interested." seems far more of a personal rejection than a simple lack of response, not to mention quite blunt, and cutting, and potentially provocative of further contact. No matter what, she'd be rejecting you-- what difference does it make if she says it to you or not? Why not look at it as "all the better, we wouldn't've been suited!" and move on to the next?

parker kent

Wouldn't it be a bit annoying and a let down to get mail on a dating site and for it to be somebody saying "Not Interested!". Imagine the stages you'd go through:

Oh look an email...yah!
Oh it's from Miss X, she seemed nice
Oh.....she's not interested

Alright so I am joking a bit, but you get the point.

liah

parker kent wrote: »

Wouldn't it be a bit annoying and a let down to get mail on a dating site and for it to be somebody saying "Not Interested!". Imagine the stages you'd go through:

Oh look an email...yah!
Oh it's from Miss X, she seemed nice
Oh.....she's not interested

Alright so I am joking a bit, but you get the point.

See, that's my line of thinking! :pac: I'd rather be ignored and then eventually I'd just forget about it (out of sight, out of mind n' all that), than begin to forget about it just to have someone throw their rejection in my face and renew it all over again.

stupidusername

cantdecide wrote: »

What site(s) you on out of curiosity?

EDIT: Not currently on dating sites. Trying to find out the 'in' sites. In summary... NOT a stalker!

err... I think you have to speak for womanhood and explain why women on POF "behave like this".

am sure, yeah.... >_>

OKCupid.

am, yeah sure like i clearly represent 100% of the female population here, so take my word as gospel :rolleyes: though i wasn't aware i said anything...

parker kent wrote: »

Wouldn't it be a bit annoying and a let down to get mail on a dating site and for it to be somebody saying "Not Interested!". Imagine the stages you'd go through:

Oh look an email...yah!
Oh it's from Miss X, she seemed nice
Oh.....she's not interested

Alright so I am joking a bit, but you get the point.

absofrigginlutely. this is what my brain says, but i don't know how to say these things.

cantdecide

parker kent wrote: »

...Wouldn't it be a bit annoying and a let down to get mail on a dating site and for it to be somebody saying "Not Interested!". Imagine the stages you'd go through...

Generalisation alert:

For every girl who complains about getting spammed by creeps, there's a guy complaining about not getting replies. Men will do a "hi how are you" mail-shot. Women will ignore en-mass.

You could have a copy-and-paste response. "Hi. read your profile. you seem nice but I'm not sure you're for me. Sorry".

If you get an angry reply, just copy and paste again. That'll learn 'em.

mood

liah wrote: »

There's plenty of them earlier on in the thread from women as to why they can't be expected to respond to every single message they get.

You really shouldn't take it personally tbh, all it means is she doesn't think you two would be suited for whatever reasons and is saving you both the hassle of wasting time and inbox space. It's hardly some kind of personal rejection as you seem to be making it out, simply a filtering process. The more you take it personally the more bitter you'll get (as evidenced by these absurd 'Irish women!!' exclamations) and the more bitter you get, the less girls will want anything to do with you-- and with good reason.

Look at it from the perspective of the girl, who may be getting 10+ messages a day, you can hardly expect her to sit there all night responding to literally everyone who messages her, she probably has a life too. And it's confusing for a girl, simply messaging back saying "Sorry, not interested." seems far more of a personal rejection than a simple lack of response, not to mention quite blunt, and cutting, and potentially provocative of further contact. No matter what, she'd be rejecting you-- what difference does it make if she says it to you or not? Why not look at it as "all the better, we wouldn't've been suited!" and move on to the next?

+1

I tried sending a polite 'not interested' reply when I first started internet dating. I got some really nasty replies and guys begging me to give them a chance etc. So in order to avoid this I just ignore anymore. I don't have time to reply to every e-mail and put up with the abuse and begging that it leads to.

PS I and other girls have already stated why we don't reply sometimes. Maybe some guys should actually read the thread to avoid looking for answers that already have been given.

coffee_cake

cantdecide wrote: »

Generalisation alert:

For every girl who complains about getting spammed by creeps, there's a guy complaining about not getting replies. Men will do a "hi how are you" mail-shot. Women will ignore en-mass.

You could have a copy-and-paste response. "Hi. read your profile. you seem nice but I'm not sure you're for me. Sorry".

If you get an angry reply, just copy and paste again. That'll learn 'em.

If you get an angry reply, CP but change to -
Hi, read your email. You don't seem nice and I'm not sure you're for me. sorry"
:pac:

Count Duckula

If women have such low opinions of the "creepy" men on internet dating sites and take such offence at being contacted, why the hell are they using them?

mood

bluewolf wrote: »

If you get an angry reply, CP but change to -
Hi, read your email. You don't seem nice and I'm not sure you're for me. sorry"
:pac:

Ah come on, you can't really expect women to spend time replying to rude abusive e-mails!!! We do have lives.

And from experience I have learned any reply to rude abusive e-mails is seen as a red light to keep contacting me! I refuse to have anything to do with anyone who is rude or abusive in real life or on line. Why should I (or other people)?

coffee_cake

mood wrote: »

Ah come on, you can't really expect women to spend time replying to rude abusive e-mails!!! We do have lives.

And from experience I have learned any reply to rude abusive e-mails is seen as a red light to keep contacting me! I refuse to have anything to do with anyone who is rude or abusive in real life or on line. Why should I (or other people)?

1/ I'm female
2/ It was clearly a joke

mood

Count Duckula wrote: »

If women have such low opinions of the "creepy" men on internet dating sites and take such offence at being contacted, why the hell are they using them?

In my experience there are more nice guys on dating site that creeps (even more so on the paid sites). I don't take offense at being contacted if it's a nice normal e-mail but I do take offense at being asked if I fancy a 'ride', being called shallow if I tell a guy I think we are not compatible etc.

Instead of blaming women I think you should blame the creeps who give the rest of the nice guys a bad name!

stupidusername

I think i've only had that one creep. asking me what i'm into, and telling me what he'd like to do. a few have turned out to be not so nice, but not creeps, so i'd be more of the opinion it's close enough to a true representation of real life.

Otis Driftwood

As a bloke that has used online dating on and off for a number of years I have to say not once have I gotten the hump if a female didnt reply to me never mind send her an abusive message if she replied saying I wasnt her type.Jesus its not a personal thing and I wouldnt expect to get grief if I didnt reply to someone.