Online Dating

stupidusername · 22-03-2011 9:16pm

when did being 'laid back' become such a desirable trait?

AnnyHallsal · 22-03-2011 9:19pm

stupidusername wrote: »

when did being 'laid back' become such a desirable trait?

On dating sites I believe it's code for 'not desperate' :pac:

stupidusername · 22-03-2011 9:43pm

haha fair enough.

ironically, I am turned off guys that say they're laid back, cause it's like saying he's lazy, unmotivated, doesn't care about anything. at least that's what springs to my mind anyway.

AnnyHallsal · 22-03-2011 9:47pm

stupidusername wrote: »

haha fair enough.

ironically, I am turned off guys that say they're laid back, cause it's like saying he's lazy, unmotivated, doesn't care about anything. at least that's what springs to my mind anyway.

Yeah, I used to translate it as not passionate or without intensity. Though it's a brave soul would include 'intense' in a dating site self-description

Galvasean · 22-03-2011 9:48pm

I assumed 'laid back' was code for "I'm not going to try marry you within moments of meeting like some kind of a psychopath"

AnnyHallsal · 22-03-2011 9:50pm

Galvasean wrote: »

I assumed 'laid back' was code for "I'm not going to try marry you within moments of meeting like some kind of a psychopath"

You say psychopath, I say romantic

parker kent · 22-03-2011 11:36pm

Galvasean wrote: »

I assumed 'laid back' was code for "I'm not going to try marry you within moments of meeting like some kind of a psychopath"

You mean you don't have a ring in your pocket at all times just in case? :pac:

Kevin Duffy · 23-03-2011 1:42am

parker kent wrote: »

You mean you don't have a ring in your pocket at all times just in case? :pac:

Engagement or wedding? Hate to make a faux pas!

parker kent · 23-03-2011 2:24pm

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

Engagement or wedding? Hate to make a faux pas!

Would have to be wedding rings. Sure you'd need to carry 2 with you at all times so you can have the improptu wedding :pac: Useful to have a best man on speed dial too....

liah · 23-03-2011 2:32pm

See, I'd be delighted if someone used 'laid back' on their profile, as I'd take it to mean they're not overly excitable, neurotic, obnoxious, or high-maintenance and that's exactly what I'm looking for! I can't hack people who are liable to be stressed out, or jumping around the place the whole time. They're annoying.. and loud!

I describe myself as laid back on my profile

because I take it to mean chilled out, open, take-it-as-it-comes, non-neurotic/stressed, low-maintenance.. and that's how I am. But I don't think those equate to being lazy, simply being easy-going in temperament. I still want someone to go out and do stuff with.

parker kent · 23-03-2011 2:45pm

I think the laid-back debate shows how different people's interpretations, associations and definitions of words can impact on dating profiles. It's like Boards, sometimes attempts at irony can be misconstrued.

liah · 23-03-2011 2:57pm

True.

<tangent>

I have a feeling there's a massive divide in how I come across via text and how I come across in person. Anyone I met online first went "wow.. you're a lot less aggressive than I imagined.. in fact, you're kind of a pushover..." :pac:

People on boards take me up the wrong way a lot, and I have a feeling it's because how something sounds in my head (and taking into account cultural difference in speech) is often very different to how someone inevitably takes it up.
I blame text, because when I'm actually speaking it never sounds even remotely as offensive/aggressive/whatever the case may be due to my generally incredibly calm tone. I've never got into angry debates in real life the same way I do on boards. Not once.

</tangent>

The internet is fricking mental to try and communicate on sometimes.

Maybe I should get someone to peer-review my profile to make sure I'm not making myself out to be some kind of psycho.

cantdecide · 23-03-2011 3:07pm

I think you're not going to please everyone. If you say X and someone only wants to hear Y, there's not a lot you can do. Especially so on the net.

If you are speaking in person, one to one, you can give a rounded viewpoint. On the net, it comes across as filibustering. One word can't borrow another like in real life.

I would describe myself as laid back too. Sorry, SU

parker kent · 23-03-2011 3:20pm

liah wrote: »

The internet is fricking mental to try and communicate on sometimes. Maybe I should get someone to peer-review my profile to make sure I'm not making myself out to be some kind of psycho.

Yeah I'm pretty much the same. Like on here my posts can be pretty long sometimes. And even then they can still be misinterpreted. And I can look like an angry, ranter when I'm anything but. I just like to discuss in depth on here!

Some people are just so different with how they communicate with the written word. So it is open to misinterpretation and there will be people that overlook you and that you overlook because of that.

liah · 23-03-2011 3:35pm

We could start a club

cantdecide · 23-03-2011 3:46pm

I'm finished trying to please people IRL. I know I'm a nice person (often to my detriment) but people are often too lazy to look beyond the prejudice of their first impressions. It's an occupational hazard of being a big galoot, I suppose. Even just yesterday my sister told me 'you look macho, but you're soft as s***e'. Friends always comment on my appearance when I have my bike leathers on, that I look "dangerous" etc.

When I was at internet dating, I always knew the pics don't match the profile :rolleyes:

I want into that club please.

cantdecide · 23-03-2011 4:05pm

My pet hate was "I'm absolutely Mad, me".

Galvasean · 23-03-2011 4:39pm

cantdecide wrote: »

My pet hate was "I'm absolutely Mad, me".

"I'm the most random person i know!"
That one grates me.

liah · 23-03-2011 4:46pm

God, do people really still say/act "random" all the time? I remember that being the "cool" thing when I was like, 12 :eek:

Disliked it as much then as I dislike it now.

Galvasean · 23-03-2011 5:19pm

liah wrote: »

God, do people really still say/act "random" all the time? I remember that being the "cool" thing when I was like, 12 :eek:

Disliked it as much then as I dislike it now.

Don't you see, being random was common, but now it is rare to be random, which makes it random, they're being po-mo! :pac:

liah · 23-03-2011 5:25pm

Galvasean wrote: »

Don't you see, being random was common, but now it is rare to be random, which makes it random, they're being po-mo! :pac:

But now it's common again, why are they still doing it?!

cantdecide · 23-03-2011 5:47pm

I remember the first time I heard the phrase and remember thinking 'oh God, please don't let that catch on'. I think people feel a need to reassure themselves they're not sad losers on a dating site by using popular language and listening to whatever world music is trendy that week.

I don't think I ever remember reading a profile that contained 'random' or 'mad' that I didn't skip over.

Galvasean · 23-03-2011 5:47pm

liah wrote: »

But now it's common again, why are they still doing it?!

Stupidity?

stupidusername · 23-03-2011 8:34pm

liah wrote: »

I describe myself as laid back on my profile because I take it to mean chilled out, open, take-it-as-it-comes, non-neurotic/stressed, low-maintenance.. and that's how I am. But I don't think those equate to being lazy, simply being easy-going in temperament. I still want someone to go out and do stuff with.

ya know, i do think sometimes that this is probably what someone means when they say they're laid back, but I'd have to say that even this is something that doesn't appeal to me. I mean obviously it's what some people look for, but, and I'm not saying I like people being stress balls, I like to know that if **** happens the guy i'm with isn't going to go oh i can't handle that, or that's too much drama for me etc. i know that's getting a bit deep into things, but it's a personality trait I do need to see in a guy. (cause I seem to be a magnet for **** happening

)

liah wrote: »

The internet is fricking mental to try and communicate on sometimes. Maybe I should get someone to peer-review my profile to make sure I'm not making myself out to be some kind of psycho.

I would offer, but I've no idea what way other people perceive things. cause ya know, I'm so loike random lol :rolleyes:

cantdecide wrote: »

I would describe myself as laid back too. Sorry, SU

it's ok, I wasn't after you anyway

Dord · 24-03-2011 12:43am

I was 90% sure I had "laid-back" on my profile but on further inspection I don't. I do consider myself quite easy-going/laid-back etc... but that doesn't mean I don't get stressed out. I handle it when I do.

Anyways, I'm thinking lately that I'm going to be on these sites for a long time. It's fun meeting people and all that but it is getting a bit frustrating.

Dord · 24-03-2011 12:46am

liah wrote: »

True.

<tangent>

I have a feeling there's a massive divide in how I come across via text and how I come across in person. Anyone I met online first went "wow.. you're a lot less aggressive than I imagined.. in fact, you're kind of a pushover..." :pac:

People on boards take me up the wrong way a lot, and I have a feeling it's because how something sounds in my head (and taking into account cultural difference in speech) is often very different to how someone inevitably takes it up.
I blame text, because when I'm actually speaking it never sounds even remotely as offensive/aggressive/whatever the case may be due to my generally incredibly calm tone. I've never got into angry debates in real life the same way I do on boards. Not once.

</tangent>

The internet is fricking mental to try and communicate on sometimes. Maybe I should get someone to peer-review my profile to make sure I'm not making myself out to be some kind of psycho.

I sometimes feel that I come across a bit reserved in text. Perhaps it's due to the language that I use. It makes me doubt what I'm typing sometimes but I don't really want to try be something I'm not either. I really need to get more relaxed pictures of me up but all the ones I do have are older.

cantdecide · 24-03-2011 1:06am

Dord wrote: »

...I don't really want to try be something I'm not either...

I feel that. It's a tough balance. Sometimes I wondered if I'd be better off feigning some kind of persona or angle or whatever like lots of people seem to do but nah... for better or worse you have to be yourself.

stupidusername wrote: »

...it's ok, I wasn't after you anyway

They were right. You really are mean.

stupidusername · 24-03-2011 3:11pm

Dord wrote: »

I sometimes feel that I come across a bit reserved in text. Perhaps it's due to the language that I use. It makes me doubt what I'm typing sometimes but I don't really want to try be something I'm not either.

this is a constant argument i have with myself. apparently i come off like a bitch to an awful lot of people, and often get picked up wrong on boards and in general in written form.

cantdecide wrote: »

They were right. You really are mean.

i soz

cantdecide · 24-03-2011 6:03pm

stupidusername wrote: »

i soz

You're... errr... forgozzen!?

stupidusername · 24-03-2011 8:52pm

cantdecide wrote: »

You're... errr... forgozzen!?

I like.

anyway, I really really have to get round to deleting myself

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