Online Dating

FewFew

Uh oh, got my first "I'm 100% not attracted to you. In fact you remind me of a guy who used to bully me in primary school" situations. I'm not sure how to say "no thanks" to the girl... so far I'm being my usual nice self, but where do repeatedly replies cross the line from nice to flirting? Hrmmm.

Anyone

Lucky you, I am going through a phase where people dont even reply. Starting to get very pissed off with it all now.

cyrusdvirus

Fewcifur wrote: »

Uh oh, got my first "I'm 100% not attracted to you. In fact you remind me of a guy who used to bully me in primary school" situations. I'm not sure how to say "no thanks" to the girl... so far I'm being my usual nice self, but where do repeatedly replies cross the line from nice to flirting? Hrmmm.

Wait... What??

Did you send her a message first?

or did she just send this to you out of the blue?

Otis Driftwood

I think he means that someone messaged him that he is 100% not interested in but he is trying to be polite?

Justask

Anyone wrote: »

Lucky you, I am going through a phase where people dont even reply. Starting to get very pissed off with it all now.

Just make sure your first contact mail is NOT 'HI' :pac:

I've got 3 'Hi' in one hour :mad::mad::mad::mad: WHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY........

Anyone

Justask wrote: »

Just make sure your first contact mail is NOT 'HI' :pac:

I've got 3 'Hi' in one hour :mad::mad::mad::mad: WHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY........

None of them are, the last 9 women I mailed have not replied. Part of it though is the site I am on, Match Affinity....its pretty crap if I'm honest, theres not much room for a person to write about themselves, so I only contact those that have, so I am actually write a message.

cyrusdvirus

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

I think he means that someone messaged him that he is 100% not interested in but he is trying to be polite?

So a girl reminds him of a guy who used to bully him in school?

Ok. That makes sense. Kind of.

The fact that Fewicfer (Lucifer?) calls it his first "I'm 100% not attracted to you. In fact you remind me of a guy who used to bully me in primary school" situations makes me wonder just how many women he expects to remind him of this bloke?? :pac::pac:

Anyway, how to deal with it? Let the time lag between replies extend. Then after a short while/few messages come out with the, Sorry, but not my type message. What with the non instant replies or even being signed in but not replying first time, maybe 2nd or third time to sign in before you do reply, the not interested message should not be a surprise

Justask

Anyone wrote: »

None of them are, the last 9 women I mailed have not replied. Part of it though is the site I am on, Match Affinity....its pretty crap if I'm honest, theres not much room for a person to write about themselves, so I only contact those that have, so I am actually write a message.

I was kidding with ya

Would u not join a few more? Is Match Affinity free?

ToniTuddle

gatecrash wrote: »

Anyway, how to deal with it? Let the time lag between replies extend. Then after a short while/few messages come out with the, Sorry, but not my type message. What with the non instant replies or even being signed in but not replying first time, maybe 2nd or third time to sign in before you do reply, the not interested message should not be a surprise

But isn't that just dragging it out?

There have been folks on here confused about people replying like that.
Just be upfront. Like ripping off a plaster/band aid thingy do it fast rather than bit by bit by bit.

Anyone

Justask wrote: »

I was kidding with ya

Would u not join a few more? Is Match Affinity free?

Lol ok....sorry

Just a little annoyed with it is all....I mean is it too much to ask for someone to say "Hey, thanks for the message, had a look at your profile though and I'm not really interested".

I tried Match Affinity for 1 month(think it was 9.99 special offer), it expires in July. And yeah I've tried another one, not as much, but thats not going well either.

Justask

Anyone wrote: »

Lol ok....sorry

Just a little annoyed with it is all....I mean is it too much to ask for someone to say "Hey, thanks for the message, had a look at your profile though and I'm not really interested".

Not to much to ask at all...I think manners is a very hard thing to find.

Get urself on a couple of the free sites and go into it as a giggle and if you met someone its a bonus.

cyrusdvirus

ToniTuddle wrote: »

But isn't that just dragging it out?

There have been folks on here confused about people replying like that.
Just be upfront. Like ripping off a plaster/band aid thingy do it fast rather than bit by bit by bit.

Yeah, but if he's already been replying, then the gentle let down would be a bit more appropriate (IMO).

FewFew

Heh, sorry, to clarify... first time someone has messaged me and I've been 100% unattracted to them, even their interests kiiinda bore me (someone messaging me at all is rare)

See, she has sent kinda flirty messages, but I've just responded in a non-flirty way. So far she hasn't said anything where I can say "no thanks".

cyrusdvirus

Fewcifur wrote: »

Heh, sorry, to clarify... first time someone has messaged me and I've been 100% unattracted to them, even their interests kiiinda bore me (someone messaging me at all is rare)

See, she has sent kinda flirty messages, but I've just responded in a non-flirty way. So far she hasn't said anything where I can say "no thanks".

If your messages have been more matter of fact, than flirty, then do as toni tuddle says and rip the plaster off quick and hard

Justask

Fewcifur wrote: »

Heh, sorry, to clarify... first time someone has messaged me and I've been 100% unattracted to them, even their interests kiiinda bore me (someone messaging me at all is rare)

See, she has sent kinda flirty messages, but I've just responded in a non-flirty way. So far she hasn't said anything where I can say "no thanks".

Is she local? cant you say 'Hy im not into getting into a reltionship but always room for friends'

And if you go and meet her for a drink all that dreaded pressure is lifted cos you have said your only interested in friendship!

If not just say 'sorry dont want to waste your time or mine, think it would be best to move on, take care'

Corsendonk

Justask wrote: »

Just make sure your first contact mail is NOT 'HI' :pac:

I've got 3 'Hi' in one hour :mad::mad::mad::mad: WHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY........

My Pc screen is playing up so it means I can only send the Quick reply mails on POF which seems to insert a "HI" title to the mail automatically. I tried changing the title but still the replies if any still come back as Re:Hi. So I guess most of your mails are from the Quick reply option.

Fittle

I dip my toes in the water with this every so often. I've just had a look online this afternoon, and one bloke in the category I'm searching calls himself 'zany' and has an 'amazingly virile sense of humour'....

Wtf is he talking about

He also 'volunteers at his children's school, giving all the children swimming lessons'. He also 'volunteers at his sons football team'. He also 'volunteers at his daughters school, helping in the library'. He should really get an award.

FewFew

gatecrash wrote: »

If your messages have been more matter of fact, than flirty, then do as toni tuddle says and rip the plaster off quick and hard

Yeah, think it's probably best to end it at the first opportunity.

Justask wrote: »

Is she local? cant you say 'Hy im not into getting into a reltionship but always room for friends'

And if you go and meet her for a drink all that dreaded pressure is lifted cos you have said your only interested in friendship!

If not just say 'sorry dont want to waste your time or mine, think it would be best to move on, take care'

I think she is local, but we've nothing in common, if her interests were in a cloth bag I'd punch them.
Best to man up and step back I think.

Fittle wrote: »

I dip my toes in the water with this every so often. I've just had a look online this afternoon, and one bloke in the category I'm searching calls himself 'zany' and has an 'amazingly virile sense of humour'....

Wtf is he talking about

He also 'volunteers at his children's school, giving all the children swimming lessons'. He also 'volunteers at his sons football team'. He also 'volunteers at his daughters school, helping in the library'. He should really get an award.

Hah, he's obviously writing down his strengths, not realising how it comes across as a whole. I used to be like that, but now I've tamed it down greatly

Fittle

Fewcifur wrote: »

Hah, he's obviously writing down his strengths, not realising how it comes across as a whole. I used to be like that, but now I've tamed it down greatly

I'd be a bit more cynical than that, given my experience online. I'd say he's trying desperately to impress women who have children....and he's trying way too hard.

cyrusdvirus

Fewcifur wrote: »

Yeah, think it's probably best to end it at the first opportunity.



I think she is local, but we've nothing in common, if her interests were in a cloth bag I'd punch them.
Best to man up and step back I think.



Hah, he's obviously writing down his strengths, not realising how it comes across as a whole. I used to be like that, but now I've tamed it down greatly

Ok so, we've sorted your dilemma......

Now, back to my question of earlier on, which i have to doff the cap to your dodging by the way...

The fact that Fewicfer (Lucifer?) calls it his first

"I'm 100% not attracted to you. In fact you remind me of a guy who used to bully me in primary school"

situations makes me wonder just how many women he expects to remind him of this bloke??

Justask

Fittle wrote: »

I dip my toes in the water with this every so often. I've just had a look online this afternoon, and one bloke in the category I'm searching calls himself 'zany' and has an 'amazingly virile sense of humour'....

Wtf is he talking about

He also 'volunteers at his children's school, giving all the children swimming lessons'. He also 'volunteers at his sons football team'. He also 'volunteers at his daughters school, helping in the library'. He should really get an award.

Sorry but this made me actually laugh out loud LMAO

I'd say more then likely that he volunteers in everything cos hes out of work :rolleyes: I'd rather someone says 'Im out of work' its not like hes on his own ffs

Fittle

Justask wrote: »

Sorry but this made me actually laugh out loud LMAO

I'd say more then likely that he volunteers in everything cos hes out of work :rolleyes: I'd rather someone says 'Im out of work' its not like hes on his own ffs

And I'd add that he no more volunteers at anything than I do;)

Larianne

Here's a question: Would it bother you if the person you dated hadn't been in many relationships?

Just asking because I read the "longest relationship xxxxxx has been in is less than 1 year" on profiles and I instantly get a little and start to think why is that?

KTRIC

Larianne wrote: »

Here's a question: Would it bother you if the person you dated hadn't been in many relationships?

Just asking because I read the "longest relationship xxxxxx has been in is less than 1 year" on profiles and I instantly get a little and start to think why is that?

I had some lady questioning as to why I was in an 8 year relationship and it ended. I would presume a long term relationship looks better than loads of short ones.

Maguined

Larianne wrote: »

Here's a question: Would it bother you if the person you dated hadn't been in many relationships?

Just asking because I read the "longest relationship xxxxxx has been in is less than 1 year" on profiles and I instantly get a little and start to think why is that?

It wouldn't be an automatic dismissal but it would definitely make me a little anxious. If they have never been with someone for more than a year then chances are they have never dealt with the issues couples in longer relationships encounter and having no such experience could be problematic.

cyrusdvirus

It wouldn't bother me.

My longest relationship (until my last ex) was 12 months. I had 4 relationships like that.

My longest is just over 2 years.

I was out to dinner last night with a friend who i've known for about 12 years. She's just out of a 9 year relationship, and thinks she missed her youth.

manafana

well got myself a date for friday, at first weary but once got talking clicked fairly quickly that a date would be good idea.

Justask

manafana wrote: »

well got myself a date for friday, at first weary but once got talking clicked fairly quickly that a date would be good idea.

Cool but ya have to come back with a blow by blow account on all the gossip :pac:

Larianne

Maguined wrote: »

It wouldn't be an automatic dismissal but it would definitely make me a little anxious. If they have never been with someone for more than a year then chances are they have never dealt with the issues couples in longer relationships encounter and having no such experience could be problematic.

Yeah, guy I'm going on a date with later on in the week is in his mid 30s and on its profile it says longest relationship has been less than a year! :cool:

Corsendonk

Maguined wrote: »

It wouldn't be an automatic dismissal but it would definitely make me a little anxious. If they have never been with someone for more than a year then chances are they have never dealt with the issues couples in longer relationships encounter and having no such experience could be problematic.

Reduced conjugal rights came to mind:P when I read that. It doesn't bother me because you can think the opposite way when you see someone wth a long relationship on their profile. Sometimes people out of a long relationship carry alot of baggage, they constantly benchmark you against the long term ex or refer to them.