Online Dating

2 Miles From Narnia

Another first date nearer to cats and spinsterhood complete!

This one informed me early on in the date that he had plans to meet friends 90 minutes after we had met. I was wondering if this was a line to exit early, but he then stayed for the rest of the time when he could have made an earlier escape if he wanted.

Is it normal that I find this a bit rude and also a pessimistic way to start a date - what if we really got on well? Or is he just better at time management than I am? It felt like I was on a speed date, but without the roomful of backups to flirt with after he had left!

Kevin Duffy

2 Miles From Narnia wrote: »

Another first date nearer to cats and spinsterhood complete!

This one informed me early on in the date that he had plans to meet friends 90 minutes after we had met. I was wondering if this was a line to exit early, but he then stayed for the rest of the time when he could have made an earlier escape if he wanted.

Is it normal that I find this a bit rude and also a pessimistic way to start a date - what if we really got on well? Or is he just better at time management than I am? It felt like I was on a speed date, but without the roomful of backups to flirt with after he had left!

That does just sound rude to me.

Justask

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

That does just sound rude to me.

Very very rude.

At that point I would have said '**** was to be somewhere 10 mins ago' and left

MudSkipper

One first date I had, she had to travel a bit to get into town so we arranged it for a sunday afternoon.... she was going into town to meet friends for dinner and came in a couple hours earlier to meet me.... then again she told me before the date, rather than at the start of it :-P Had couple more dates, got along great but spark just wasnt there.... still good friends now though :-)

Oh and have a date for this Wed :pac:

hollypink

After deleting my profile some weeks ago, I caved last week and joined pof again I exchanged a few messages with someone and he suggested going on a date this week. Only thing is, he suggested doing an activity (not a rude one!) and then something to eat but I'm finding him a bit over-eager with messages/texts so I think I'd prefer a short meeting, like coffee or a drink, in case it's awkward and doesn't go well. Is that a bit unfair do ye think?

stargazer 68

hollypink wrote: »

Only thing is, he suggested doing an activity (not a rude one!) and then something to eat but I'm finding him a bit over-eager with messages/texts so I think I'd prefer a short meeting, like coffee or a drink, in case it's awkward and doesn't go well. Is that a bit unfair do ye think?

No. Just tell him you would rather meet for a coffee first and see how it goes.

cyrusdvirus

hollypink wrote: »

After deleting my profile some weeks ago, I caved last week and joined pof again I exchanged a few messages with someone and he suggested going on a date this week. Only thing is, he suggested doing an activity (not a rude one!) and then something to eat but I'm finding him a bit over-eager with messages/texts so I think I'd prefer a short meeting, like coffee or a drink, in case it's awkward and doesn't go well. Is that a bit unfair do ye think?

Yes it is unfair.....Of him. He's making you uncomfortable with his over eagerness.

Unfortunately, us blokes are dumb, so you might need to spell it out for him to cool his jets.

Kinski

hollypink wrote: »

I think I'd prefer a short meeting, like coffee or a drink, in case it's awkward and doesn't go well. Is that a bit unfair do ye think?

Do whatever you're comfortable with; though one thing to be said for an activity-type date is that it can help overcome any initial awkwardness.

kingtut

hollypink wrote: »

Is that a bit unfair do ye think?

Not in the slightest! If he genuinely likes you he'll be happy to do anything with you! Hope it goes well!

Kevin Duffy

hollypink wrote: »

After deleting my profile some weeks ago, I caved last week and joined pof again I exchanged a few messages with someone and he suggested going on a date this week. Only thing is, he suggested doing an activity (not a rude one!) and then something to eat but I'm finding him a bit over-eager with messages/texts so I think I'd prefer a short meeting, like coffee or a drink, in case it's awkward and doesn't go well. Is that a bit unfair do ye think?

How about suggesting you compromise - activity or something to eat. Or perhaps, if timing allows, a quick meet for coffee before you do a full day like that.

That said, I'm a bit of a fan of a day out as a date; it's long enough to get over initial nerves and be yourself, or long enough that if they're not for you after a few hours, they're probably not for you for any longer than that.

hollypink

thanks all for the advice! I'm leaning towards meeting for coffee to be honest. It's a good point that an activity-type date can help with initial awkwardness but I went on an internet date before where I wanted to get away the minute we met (I didn't of course) and I have this fear of it happening again. It wasn't awful or anything, I just felt really uncomfortable and was glad to be able to leave after a couple of drinks.

Feeona

2 Miles From Narnia wrote: »

Another first date nearer to cats and spinsterhood complete!

This one informed me early on in the date that he had plans to meet friends 90 minutes after we had met. I was wondering if this was a line to exit early, but he then stayed for the rest of the time when he could have made an earlier escape if he wanted.

Is it normal that I find this a bit rude and also a pessimistic way to start a date - what if we really got on well? Or is he just better at time management than I am? It felt like I was on a speed date, but without the roomful of backups to flirt with after he had left!

To be honest, I don't think he was being rude at all! Look at it from his point of view, he doesn't know you all that well so he wasn't sure if you and he would get on. He probably assumed that you'd have back up lined up too, and that's why he told you about meeting his friends (and it could've been nerves which caused him to blurt it out!). Have the two of you arranged to meet again? If so, I wouldn't read too much into him saying he was going to meet his friends after your first date.

Kevin Duffy

Feeona wrote: »

To be honest, I don't think he was being rude at all! Look at it from his point of view, he doesn't know you all that well so he wasn't sure if you and he would get on. He probably assumed that you'd have back up lined up too, and that's why he told you about meeting his friends (and it could've been nerves which caused him to blurt it out!). Have the two of you arranged to meet again? If so, I wouldn't read too much into him saying he was going to meet his friends after your first date.

Before the date, maybe, on the date, that's rude. If you make an effort to get dressed, throw on a bit of slap and head out somewhere, springing it on you that you're only getting 90 minutes is pretty bad form. Who'd assume that and organise alternative plans?

Maguined

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

Before the date, maybe, on the date, that's rude. If you make an effort to get dressed, throw on a bit of slap and head out somewhere, springing it on you that you're only getting 90 minutes is pretty bad form. Who'd assume that and organise alternative plans?

I agree completely with all this, if you are arranging for a date it would be polite to tell the person in advance you have plans and will be leaving at a very specific deadline.

Feeona

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

Before the date, maybe, on the date, that's rude. If you make an effort to get dressed, throw on a bit of slap and head out somewhere, springing it on you that you're only getting 90 minutes is pretty bad form. Who'd assume that and organise alternative plans?

I suppose it depends on what type of date it was. If it was a meeting in a cafe/pub during the day, I can't imagine a date like that going on any longer than a few hours.

I just think it's important to not let something like that put one off. First dates can be fairly nerve wracking for both people involved, and finding fault with something that may/may not be down to nerves doesn't help anyone. A small bit of trust can do wonders to help things along in the initial stages.

2 Miles From Narnia

Feeona wrote: »

I suppose it depends on what type of date it was. If it was a meeting in a cafe/pub during the day, I can't imagine a date like that going on any longer than a few hours.

I just think it's important to not let something like that put one off. First dates can be fairly nerve wracking for both people involved, and finding fault with something that may/may not be down to nerves doesn't help anyone. A small bit of trust can do wonders to help things along in the initial stages.

Good advice. Though I'd be surprised to hear from him, don't think there was a spark going on for either of us.

He also mentioned his ex on several occasions during our short time, which is very off-putting for me. All things considered, onwards and upwards!

cyrusdvirus

2 Miles From Narnia wrote: »

Good advice. Though I'd be surprised to hear from him, don't think there was a spark going on for either of us.

He also mentioned his ex on several occasions during our short time, which is very off-putting for me. All things considered, onwards and upwards!

Oh no.

When the ex is brought into it it can be a case of "I'm trying to turn you off me so i don't have to be the one to say no"

what sites are you on anyway?

billy the squid

only message on OKC was from someone telling me that they were discintinuing their account and were simply acknowledgeing and thanking all those who messaged her

oh well.

EDIT: the quiver machine has picked someone who is 83 percent enemy and 0 percent match. think cupid has a broken arrow

2 Miles From Narnia

gatecrash wrote: »

Oh no.

When the ex is brought into it it can be a case of "I'm trying to turn you off me so i don't have to be the one to say no"

what sites are you on anyway?

The more I think about it, the more it does sound like he really wanted to let me know he wasn't interested. Is it childish to want to start shouting that I didn't fancy him either?

I used to be on match, but switched over to OKC.

cyrusdvirus

2 Miles From Narnia wrote: »

The more I think about it, the more it does sound like he really wanted to let me know he wasn't interested. Is it childish to want to start shouting that I didn't fancy him either?
.

Childish works!!

stargazer 68

2 Miles From Narnia wrote: »

The more I think about it, the more it does sound like he really wanted to let me know he wasn't interested. Is it childish to want to start shouting that I didn't fancy him either?

QUOTE]

Have to confess to having used the ex thing myself if I dont fancy my date!! It is childish but I want to do it too lol

Semele

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

How about suggesting you compromise - activity or something to eat. Or perhaps, if timing allows, a quick meet for coffee before you do a full day like that.

That said, I'm a bit of a fan of a day out as a date; it's long enough to get over initial nerves and be yourself, or long enough that if they're not for you after a few hours, they're probably not for you for any longer than that.

I'm really not a fan of full-day first dates! I had one a few weeks ago and found it nerve-wracking for a while. It's an awful lot of pressure to be under at 11am on a Sunday without the prospect of escaping at any point. I can carry on a conversation with anyone but even then it's hard to entertain a stranger for so long at first meeting. I much prefer a relaxed drink and chat for the first meet-up. Another problem is that it's harder to then tell someone you're not that into them after a long date, which seems like more of an investment.

Feeona

2 Miles From Narnia wrote: »

Good advice. Though I'd be surprised to hear from him, don't think there was a spark going on for either of us.

He also mentioned his ex on several occasions during our short time, which is very off-putting for me. All things considered, onwards and upwards!

Ok mentioning his ex over and over is a big turn off alright! Good luck with your search anyhow, there are plenty of decent lads out there (and in this forum too!)

The rest of ye pay heed :P

Kya1976

How about the people that send nothing but an 'x' in a message, very inspiring :rolleyes:

cyrusdvirus

Kya1976 wrote: »

How about the people that send nothing but an 'x' in a message, very inspiring :rolleyes:

You mean that's not the anti curse filters for my delicate eyes???

Kya1976

gatecrash wrote: »

You mean that's not the anti curse filters for my delicate eyes???

hahaha

I had a major argument with some geebag that sent me a message yesterday, the first message he sent me he told me he hates tattoos, especially on girls. If you look at my pictures you can probably tell that I like them:rolleyes:

cyrusdvirus

Kya1976 wrote: »

hahaha

I had a major argument with some geebag that sent me a message yesterday, the first message he sent me he told me he hates tattoos, especially on girls. If you look at my pictures you can probably tell that I like them:rolleyes:

I honestly don't know why someone would do that.

If you don't like tattoos, fair enough.... Why message someone who has tattoos, and they are visible, simply to say "I don't like tattoos" then you are just an iggot.

Kya1976

gatecrash wrote: »

I honestly don't know why someone would do that.

If you don't like tattoos, fair enough.... Why message someone who has tattoos, and they are visible, simply to say "I don't like tattoos" then you are just an iggot.

Probably just to get a reaction, I won the argument in the end anyway:pac::P

cyrusdvirus

Kya1976 wrote: »

Probably just to get a reaction, I won the argument in the end anyway:pac::P

Ah yes, the get a reaction method of beginning a relationship. It's right up there with the tried and tested methods such as 'girl germs' and 'boy cooties' that used be used when we were 10

Kya1976

gatecrash wrote: »

Ah yes, the get a reaction method of beginning a relationship. It's right up there with the tried and tested methods such as 'girl germs' and 'boy cooties' that used be used when we were 10

But everyone knows boys have germs though:pac: