Online Dating

ilovesleep

@Panda100

have no expectations for tomorrow. just heading out for the night. will meet up with him for a drink or two and say hello.
Getting very nervous I am. Going into the pub alone is what i am afraid of mostly I think. Also I can be shy sometimes when i meet someone new. Im afraid my tongue might get tied.

AnnyHallsal

ilovesleep wrote: »

Getting very nervous I am. Going into the pub alone is what i am afraid of mostly I think. Also I can be shy sometimes when i meet someone new. Im afraid my tongue might get tied.

That's a perfectly natural reaction. Very few humans would have no nerves at all in such a scenario. We're often fooled by each other's bravado and end up feeling we're the only ones who feel socially backward.

Think, what's the worst that can happen? If he's not a nice guy you lose half an hour of your time but have another experience under the belt. The possibility of good is worth the risk of the bad, I think

Good luck and have fun!

Otis Driftwood

+1 to Anny.

Id be fairly sure he will be feeling exactly the same way.

I know any first date Ive ever been on,whether it was someone Ive met online or in real life Ive been nervous as all hell before hand!

parker kent

magneticimpulse wrote: »

I mean out on the date last week in Dublin, I couldnt stop starring at how short the girls skirts were. In fact it might not have been good that I pointed these out to my date. But I am so used to being covered up and wearing dark clothes like a French girl. Im not really French...ive just become French, because I had to fit in when living in that country. I think am far too conservative at the moment for Irish guys. I think they do expect abit more boobs and something to be attracted to!! Its sad to say, but I dont think Irish men like the French version of me.

In France im the endearing, risky, lovely Irish girl who is not stuck up like other french women and doesnt have so many expectations from men as a partner.
In Ireland im the conceited annoying conservative person who might come across as too stuck up and have too many expecatations from men??

im caught between the 2 cultures, abit like dr.jekyl mr.hyde

Your boobs line is a bit of a generalisation. I know that I definitely would not decide on whether I see somebody again because they weren't showing off enough skin. And I'd say the same about most of my friends. If anything, a girl meeting me on a first date showing a lot of skin would strike me as odd.

As for Irish men not liking French women (or Irish women who are similar) that is definitely not true!

liah

parker_kent wrote:

Your boobs line is a bit of a generalisation.

In fairness to her, while I agree with you, it's a heavily, heavily perpetuated (by men) generalization and you can't really blame people for starting to think it's all that matters.

magneticimpulse

parker kent wrote: »

Your boobs line is a bit of a generalisation. I know that I definitely would not decide on whether I see somebody again because they weren't showing off enough skin. And I'd say the same about most of my friends. If anything, a girl meeting me on a first date showing a lot of skin would strike me as odd.

As for Irish men not liking French women (or Irish women who are similar) that is definitely not true!

Whatever it is, the mojo is gone! Something has changed about me, that is not working now which worked for me before.

The only thing thats changed is age and my clothes are now usually covering my whole body bar my head. Im thinking a few wrinkles is not going to put someone off...so maybe its the head to toe covered up me?

Whatever the mojo was before, i need to find it quick lol.

parker kent

liah wrote: »

In fairness to her, while I agree with you, it's a heavily, heavily perpetuated (by men) generalization and you can't really blame people for starting to think it's all that matters.

I think it depends on where you look for your generalisations, there is as big a generalisation about men not liking girls dressed in skimpy clothes.

You could also have a massive debate about where that generalisation comes from and who perpetuates the idea. I don't 100% agree it is necessarily men that always perpetuate it.

Whatever it is, the mojo is gone! Something has changed about me, that is not working now which worked for me before.

The only thing thats changed is age and my clothes are now usually covering my whole body bar my head. Im thinking a few wrinkles is not going to put someone off...so maybe its the head to toe covered up me?

Whatever the mojo was before, i need to find it quick lol.

I think you can genuinely have periods were nothing seems to work. And then it all magically turns out well. All you can really do is be yourself and hope for the best. Lame advice, but I do believe it!

Age can be an issue, but not in the wrinkles sense. I've noticed different types of people like me at different ages. I am only 25 so I'm not exactly speaking from massive experience, but age does seem to influence these things.

Edit: I am not just speaking from my own experience, but of my female friends, some of whom are around your age.

doncarlos

What is the etiquette for messaging people back on these?
I joined up yesterday and have gotten a few messages should you message back even if you have no interest in meeting up with them?
I'd feel a bit of a prick not mailing someone back if they took the time to send me a message.

Galvasean

doncarlos wrote: »

What is the etiquette for messaging people back on these?
I joined up yesterday and have gotten a few messages should you message back even if you have no interest in meeting up with them?
I'd feel a bit of a prick not mailing someone back if they took the time to send me a message.

Few pages back there was a big ol' debate about it. Some were saying they wanted to be mailed back with 'thanks but no thanks' out of courtesy. Personally, I'm of the frame of mind that if a girl is not interested in me then mailing me with what is essentially a polite rejection does little more than waste my time.

liah

doncarlos wrote: »

What is the etiquette for messaging people back on these?
I joined up yesterday and have gotten a few messages should you message back even if you have no interest in meeting up with them?
I'd feel a bit of a prick not mailing someone back if they took the time to send me a message.

Pretty split consensus. Read back a couple pages in this thread for solid arguments in favour of different approaches to rejection.

Galvasean

Oh look that girl I messaged the other day viewed my profile earlier today....

Where's me frickin' mail!?!?!? :mad:

doncarlos

Thanks guys. Seems like the women on here are saying that they'd rather not get a reply so maybe I won't mail them back. Feel a bit bad but feck it

panda100

doncarlos wrote: »

Thanks guys. Seems like the women on here are saying that they'd rather not get a reply so maybe I won't mail them back. Feel a bit bad but feck it

I would HATE a rejection reply, doesn't matter how nice you write it! I'd much rather live in blissful ignorance and think that the internet broke and he didn't get my first message

SugarHigh

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Whatever it is, the mojo is gone! Something has changed about me, that is not working now which worked for me before.

The only thing thats changed is age and my clothes are now usually covering my whole body bar my head. Im thinking a few wrinkles is not going to put someone off...so maybe its the head to toe covered up me?

Whatever the mojo was before, i need to find it quick lol.

I think what most Irish girls wear looks good on irish girls but it wouldn't necessary suit a typical French figure and the same works the other way around.

There are French girls in college who wear skinny black jeans and a light long sleeve black jumper but it looks really good on them because they are very petite with an almost flawless face. I don't think it's something the average Iris girl could pull off but at the same time I don't think the French girl could pull off what the Irish girl wars because they have very flat figures.

It's not about one style being better than the other it's just what suits them. Maybe the French style suits you I don't know.

Poor Craythur

parker kent wrote: »

Age can be an issue, but not in the wrinkles sense. I've noticed different types of people like me at different ages. I am only 25 so I'm not exactly speaking from massive experience, but age does seem to influence these things.

Edit: I am not just speaking from my own experience, but of my female friends, some of whom are around your age.

Can you elaborate on this a bit?

SugarHigh wrote: »

I think what most Irish girls wear looks good on irish girls but it wouldn't necessary suit a typical French figure and the same works the other way around.

There are French girls in college who wear skinny black jeans and a light long sleeve black jumper but it looks really good on them because they are very petite with an almost flawless face. I don't think it's something the average Iris girl could pull off but at the same time I don't think the French girl could pull off what the Irish girl wars because they have very flat figures.

It's not about one style being better than the other it's just what suits them. Maybe the French style suits you I don't know.

Ouch!

SugarHigh

Poor Craythur wrote: »

Ouch!

That wasn't intended as a dig. I never said one was better than the other. It's in my experience French girls are very slim while Irish girls have a fuller figure which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Poor Craythur

SugarHigh wrote: »

That wasn't intended as a dig. I never said one was better than the other. It's in my experience French girls are very slim while Irish girls have a fuller figure which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Nah, it was more the face thing. Sorry, should've added a smiley before! I know French girls are slim.

parker kent

Poor Craythur wrote: »

Can you elaborate on this a bit?

Well I'll give my own experience first. Between 21 and 24, I noticed that I got attention from girls that were between 18 and 21 mainly. For whatever reason, they seemed to be the only girls who were attracted to me. But in the past year, I've noticed that girls between say 25 and 30 are suddenly more interested (now I'm not saying there has been a deluge either!). I don't think I have changed physically in the past year (bar a bad ankle means I'm not as fit). The only thing that has changed is my age.

In conversations in bars, clubs, wherever, I'm not saying things like "I'm a student" or "I live on campus" etc to normal questions. My answers are more associated with being older, and hence I seem to get attention from older people. In neither conversation would I have said my age, but having answers that identify me as older does make a difference. Your age tends to produce different reactions.

Then couple that with my dating site experience. I originally joined OKCupid 18 months ago and basically got nowhere with girls my own age or a few years older. One 27 year old replied that she didn't want to rob the cradle! Again it was only younger girls that seemed interested (which wasn't really what I wanted). Granted I only stayed on it for a really short time, so I didn't get that much experience. Whereas this time I got attention from 25-30 year olds. I don't look any different now than I did 18 months ago nor do I have any particularly different interests. The only difference is that I'm 25. And I think some girls just associate that with being more mature. I'm no different now than 18 months ago. I was pretty mature at a young age, but people who read a profile online or meet me for a few minutes in a social situation wouldn't get to know that. They just see an age and often, probably subconsciously, get perceptions of the person. Not everyone may do that. But I think people's perception of me will change with my age.

Then onto other people I know. Some girls that I know found it very difficult to date around the ages of 29-32. I never really had a definite answer. But it just seemed to be common that as people near the end of their 20s, people's perceptions of them change. Maybe men see a 29-32 year old as being on the look out for marriage, kids etc, I don't know. But I think people associate certain age groups with certain behaviours. So whilst the person may not have changed, people's perceptions of them will change as their age changes.

Speaking from a dating site perspective, you only have to look at how people set up their profiles. They will have seeking 21-26 year olds or something like that. You are arbitrarily cutting off a certain section of people because of an assumption of what people are like at certain ages. Some people don't accept mails from people outside their age group and may never look at profiles outside their chosen age group. So you may miss out on somebody because they were born 2 months outside your critieria.

I'm not sure if that cleared up what I meant, or if it just ended up as a long 1am ramble :pac:

Poor Craythur

No, it made a lot of sense.

Well, 25 is not young young any more whereas 24 still slots into that category, if you know what I mean. That's not meant as an insult. So older women would begin to show interest.

I definitely think men get a bit squirrelly around women approaching late 20s and older for fear that they want marriage and/or kids. I think if a woman said she didn't want kids at this age, she might not be believed. I'm 27, what fun awaits me in a few short years! [/sarcasm] :pac::pac::pac:

But the cut-off thing, even at 27, I find I'm shunted out of some peoples' age criteria already, even men who are also 27! But honestly, I find most men have very wide parameters for age with only a handful being very strict about it.

stupidusername

Poor Craythur wrote: »

I definitely think men get a bit squirrelly around women approaching late 20s and older for fear that they want marriage and/or kids. I think if a woman said she didn't want kids at this age, she might not be believed. I'm 27, what fun awaits me in a few short years! [/sarcasm] :pac::pac::pac:

But the cut-off thing, even at 27, I find I'm shunted out of some peoples' age criteria already, even men who are also 27! But honestly, I find most men have very wide parameters for age with only a handful being very strict about it.

I've found the opposite the case for me really. I mean most guys profiles say they like children/want children, whereas I definitely don't and so as that's a big issue to ignore I tend not to take too much interest in these guys. I wonder do men think i'm saying i don't want children so that they're interested. hmmm. well it has never come up.

and i never considered that i may be not considered because of my age :eek: is 27 falling into the 'too old' category? never occurred to me. could well be though. I mean it makes sense.

parker kent

I don't think at any age you are out of everybody's target market, just that you may be looked at by different people than you were a year before. I dunno it's all a bit odd yet makes sense too. Age probably plays a bigger role in online dating as it is so easy to ignore a huge amount of people when you pick your search criteria. In real life, you stand more of a chance as you can actually get to know people of all different age groups through friends, college, work etc.

I don't really care about age too much. Maturity levels matching mine and things like that count more for me.

And boobs, I like boobs too :pac:

cantdecide

I'm 29, I was always quite mature for my age I suppose. Never had very much in common with girls my age. IRL, I always got most appreciation from 35+ women. I often got remarks like 'if I were X years younger' etc. We're not all crowd pleasers, I suppose. It funny to think that even at more mature ages, some of us haven't grown into ourselves enough Online, this makes things harder still. I think I'll try online dating again when I'm 40!

mood

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

If you are constantly changing your profile and decide that you are going to put up pictures of yourself wearing clothes you dont normally wear - ie short skirts or what ever - then arent you being completly false?

I agree. Your profile should reflect you NOW not you years ago or what you think men/women want. Being dishonest or misleading will only result in you meeting people who are wrong for you which is a waste of everyones time and is disheartening.

mood

magneticimpulse wrote: »

^ im glad im not the only one that dresses casual in something comfortable for a date (sorry but the not dressed sexy enough for the date comment i just cant let go off, im glad its not usually expected...).

I agree it was rude etc but if your profile had pictures of you in skimpy clothes I'm sure he assumed you dressed like this all the time and may have been shocked if you turned up to meet him all covered up! This is not a dig at you but just me pointing out again that your profile need to show the true you as much as possible.

magneticimpulse

mood wrote: »

I agree it was rude etc but if your profile had pictures of you in skimpy clothes I'm sure he assumed you dressed like this all the time and may have been shocked if you turned up to meet him all covered up! This is not a dig at you but just me pointing out again that your profile need to show the true you as much as possible.

No my photos did not have me in skimpy clothes before this date with the 39 year old, i was totally conservative in my photos.

I changed my photos to wearing skimpy clothes after he pointed out on our date that my clothes were too conservative for dating and not eye catching enough to men.

Again you are making assumptions when you do not know the full facts mood

magneticimpulse

SugarHigh wrote: »

I think what most Irish girls wear looks good on irish girls but it wouldn't necessary suit a typical French figure and the same works the other way around.

There are French girls in college who wear skinny black jeans and a light long sleeve black jumper but it looks really good on them because they are very petite with an almost flawless face. I don't think it's something the average Iris girl could pull off but at the same time I don't think the French girl could pull off what the Irish girl wars because they have very flat figures.

It's not about one style being better than the other it's just what suits them. Maybe the French style suits you I don't know.

Well i never ever wore skinny jeans look. I dress trendy, but i know where my limits are. And for your info I am very petit...so its not like im a huge heffer...i live in France and only eat salads etc.

No I wore grey flat boots, black trousers, long baggy black t-shirt and a big chunky grey cardingan over the top.

In all fairness, i never wear that much black/grey normally. But it was just the 1st thing i grabbed from my wardrobe in Dublin (because i dont normally live in Dublin, all my clothes in my Dublin wardrobe had been changed. The clothes i wear normally/currently are in my wardrobe in France).

I think the point was, i wore an outfit you would wear on a night out in France...as in all black, very plain clothes as if you were going to lectures in college in Ireland...and women would never wear such a thing on a night out in Dublin. I also barely wear make up because its something i just dont do in France. I dont wear fake tan anymore either....so I think I just look completely strange to Irish men in that sense. I think they expect a fluorescent ompa lumpa in a neon short pink lipsy dress with fake eye lashes and masses of fake blonde hair extensions and nude dead lips....ive just been away so long ive turned French in my fashion sense and what it is like to dress up! I just wear the same clothes i would wear to lectures and at 30 thats prob a bit too much like im 18 in 1995??

Sure ive lots of dresses/skirts and love wearing them. But I found the weather much colder in Dublin last week (its 35C here in France now) and hence i was wrapped up for the date. I mean there was absolutely nothing sexy about my outfit i totally agree with the guy...i did look like i was going to a lecture and not a date. Im just not used to that difference...I was expecting him to like me for my personality (again i must be in france too long to have thought such a thing).

magneticimpulse

SugarHigh wrote: »

That wasn't intended as a dig. I never said one was better than the other. It's in my experience French girls are very slim while Irish girls have a fuller figure which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Poor Craythur wrote: »

Nah, it was more the face thing. Sorry, should've added a smiley before! I know French girls are slim.

Again, you dont know me, and i have lived in France for quite some time. Im hardly the worlds fattest person. Sure I dont just live on fags and coffee each day, and im not anorexic like majority of my female french friends...so this is an insult towards me when you have no idea what i look like.

Just because I am an Irish female, doest mean I spend my life in the chippers getting fat.

magneticimpulse

Poor Craythur wrote: »

No, it made a lot of sense.

Well, 25 is not young young any more whereas 24 still slots into that category, if you know what I mean. That's not meant as an insult. So older women would begin to show interest.

I definitely think men get a bit squirrelly around women approaching late 20s and older for fear that they want marriage and/or kids. I think if a woman said she didn't want kids at this age, she might not be believed. I'm 27, what fun awaits me in a few short years! [/sarcasm] :pac::pac::pac:

But the cut-off thing, even at 27, I find I'm shunted out of some peoples' age criteria already, even men who are also 27! But honestly, I find most men have very wide parameters for age with only a handful being very strict about it.

After this im seriously thinking of changing my age to 25 down from 30. I have no desire for marriage/kids etc. I mean i dont know if i even want either of those things. I purely dont think about either of those things because I am single. But i would hate to think men just assume I want those things.

If anything I have had the opposite reaction about such subjects. One 32 year old I went on a date with in October asked me after the 1st date would i want to have a baby within a year...i was like well i wouldnt rush into something like that without knowing the father/partner 1st. Needless to say he didnt want a 2nd date, because for him he really wanted a family at 32 and i just didnt seem too keen.

I mean all of these reasons are why I am now getting so turned off by Irish men. They have a "vision" of what women went depending on the clothes they wear, or their age.

What happened to just getting to know someone for who they are? I mean i think this is where Online dating is seriously lacking and completely fails. People are judging each other based on clothes, age etc. from their profiles. Assuming women want x. y, z.

If this is the case, I will just have to lie and pretend im 25. I dont want a man to assume because im 30 i want to get married. I just want "a" relationship. I never had a proper relationship. Like people at 21 might have. I just want that sort of relationship. I also would have no problem dating 20 - 30 year olds either. I see them as being very positive about the world. My experience with 30+ is that these guys have had their heart broken etc and are very skeptical about relationships. Just my 2 cents

doncarlos

magneticimpulse wrote: »

After this im seriously thinking of changing my age to 25 down from 30. I have no desire for marriage/kids etc. I mean i dont know if i even want either of those things. I purely dont think about either of those things because I am single. But i would hate to think men just assume I want those things.

If anything I have had the opposite reaction about such subjects. One 32 year old I went on a date with in October asked me after the 1st date would i want to have a baby within a year...i was like well i wouldnt rush into something like that without knowing the father/partner 1st. Needless to say he didnt want a 2nd date, because for him he really wanted a family at 32 and i just didnt seem too keen.

I mean all of these reasons are why I am now getting so turned off by Irish men. They have a "vision" of what women went depending on the clothes they wear, or their age.

What happened to just getting to know someone for who they are? I mean i think this is where Online dating is seriously lacking and completely fails. People are judging each other based on clothes, age etc. from their profiles. Assuming women want x. y, z.

If this is the case, I will just have to lie and pretend im 25. I dont want a man to assume because im 30 i want to get married. I just want "a" relationship. I never had a proper relationship. Like people at 21 might have. I just want that sort of relationship. I also would have no problem dating 20 - 30 year olds either. I see them as being very positive about the world. My experience with 30+ is that these guys have had their heart broken etc and are very skeptical about relationships. Just my 2 cents

Sounds to me like you are just dating muppets to be honest. Whatever is attracting you to these types of men on dating sites is something you need to look at.
Plenty of lads out there who just want to have a laugh out a few dates and see if anything develops. As for lying about your age, I think that is the done thing already. I'm 31 and look youngish for my age but the women on these sites that are in supposedly in their early 30s look far older than I do.

The_Morrigan

Magneticimpulse you've gotten very defensive towards the other posters who are giving you very good observations - majority of the posters here (myself included) have profiles on dating sites.
Couple of things that struck me from your posts here, that got me thinking about profiles in general;

• I wouldn't be too impressed to come across a profile that is constantly changing to fit into what someone wants, it reeks of someone who isn't comfortable in themselves and is looking for someone else to tell them what they should be.
• I'm a 30 year old female, that doesn't look her age or dress like "Irish women" I don't do skimpy outfits, fake tan or fake anything for that matter - so please don't paint us all with the same brush. I've often gone on a date in jeans and a shirt/nice top. I'm not going to dress how someone else wants me to, I want to be me and the guy should base his judgement on me.
• Don't lie about your age - that can only balls up the whole thing, you've lied to the guy from the outset and that is not a very nice thing to do.
• If you don't want kids - state it on your profile. Plenty of the lads have done it and I'll avoid contacting those guys as there isn't going to be a match with me.

The profile is supposed to be a genuine reflection of you, nothing else.

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Again, you dont know me, and i have lived in France for quite some time. Im hardly the worlds fattest person. Sure I dont just live on fags and coffee each day, and im not anorexic like majority of my female french friends...so this is an insult towards me when you have no idea what i look like.

Just because I am an Irish female, doest mean I spend my life in the chippers getting fat.

In relation to this post however, just thought I'd point out that some of us do know what you look like - you've posted pics on Boards!