Online Dating

MudSkipper

liz2 wrote: »

well ive applied the setting that if someone doesnt have a pic, then they cant mail me. save everyone the hassle :rolleyes:
when i first opened a profile a good while back, i got chatting to a guy, got on pretty well and then i was left with the 'wud i be too rude if i ask for a pic now'? anyways he did send one and i was like 'oh oh' :eek:
really no point building up a rapport with someone if u dont feel attracted to them initially. i know looks aren't everything but ye get what i mean

I'm having the same today Gahhh.. few more mails and let it fade, dont want to be rude

liz2

MudSkipper wrote: »

I'm having the same today Gahhh.. few more mails and let it fade, dont want to be rude

aw, thats a right dose :rolleyes:
but at least ur still mailing to let it fade out..i used to just run. i know that was lousy

my new strategy for whittling out the time wasters seems to be working..i put in a better description of myself this time and now im not getting any messages hmm :pac:

newbee22

Ah help! What do you do when there's someone over eager mailing you?! Had my account open last night but was doing other things as well, so was signed in but i wasn't if you know what I mean? One person had sent 4 messages in the space of 15minutes asking why I wasn't replying! Block?!?

cyrusdvirus

newbee22 wrote: »

Ah help! What do you do when there's someone over eager mailing you?! Had my account open last night but was doing other things as well, so was signed in but i wasn't if you know what I mean? One person had sent 4 messages in the space of 15minutes asking why I wasn't replying! Block?!?

For that guy, tell him you were chatting with a very possessive bloke who does MMA in his spare time. Then block him

parker kent

gatecrash wrote: »

For that guy, tell him you were chatting with a very possessive bloke who does MMA in his spare time. Then block him

I hope you are joking. Well other than the blocking aspect if the poster actually doesn't want to receive emails from him. Otherwise just tell him to calm down and send less emails. Sending 4 emails in 15 minutes is ridiculous, but somebody pointing out that in a calm way might do him and others the world of good.

cyrusdvirus

parker kent wrote: »

I hope you are joking. Well other than the blocking aspect if the poster actually doesn't want to receive emails from him. Otherwise just tell him to calm down and send less emails. Sending 4 emails in 15 minutes is ridiculous, but somebody pointing out that in a calm way might do him and others the world of good.

Yes Parker, i was joking.

Misticles

KyussBishop wrote: »

In fairness, after a lot of messages, if someone just stopped replying when the other person sent a pic that is quite rude.
It's not like the first message, where the receiver knows they're not interested in the first place (not replying there is fair enough); both of them have invested a fair bit of time chatting at that stage, and the disappointment for the ignored person will be greater.

Expressing disinterest there is fine; it's awkward sure, but it's only a small bit of effort to spare greater disappointment (especially if the other person will be waiting on a reply).

Well I have done both.

Saw the pic, wasn't my type and replied saying enjoyed chatting but nothing is going to come of this as you are not my type etc and I was hurled with abuse.. called shallow, got the "oh you think you're too good for me", up your own a$$. So for me, I had about 2 conversations with pictureless people, not replying worked better up until I just decided not to talk to people who had no picture. I did it twice I didnt want to be hurled with abuse again so more of a precautionary measure.

Lord TSC

Dear ladies. Telling someone you're not interested is fine. Telling someone you're not interested cause you think they are only average looking is ever so slightly stuck up ;-0

stargazer 68

Teamshadowclan wrote: »

Dear ladies. Telling someone you're not interested is fine. Telling someone you're not interested cause you think they are only average looking is ever so slightly stuck up ;-0

Tough!

Misticles

Teamshadowclan wrote: »

Dear ladies. Telling someone you're not interested is fine. Telling someone you're not interested cause you think they are only average looking is ever so slightly stuck up ;-0

My point proved!

Not interested because you're not attracted to them not because you think they are only average looking! Plus who defines what is average looking? Everyone is individual and they know what they like and who they are attracted to!
Nothing stuck up about it all!

Kya1976

When I was on the dating site I got abuse, at more than one occasion, just by not replying to messages :rolleyes:

Misticles

Ya can't win with some people!

Lord TSC

Misticles wrote: »

My point proved!

Not interested because you're not attracted to them not because you think they are only average looking! Plus who defines what is average looking? Everyone is individual and they know what they like and who they are attracted to!
Nothing stuck up about it all!

I'll change my wording then.

I've got no problem with deciding not to continue talking to someone because you're not interested. I'll be the first to admit I'm shallow and looks are important to me.

The reason I say "stuck up" is because even if looks were a factor, I wouldn't be so brutally open about it. There's nicer ways to finish up with someone than to say "I think you're ugly." I use the words "stuck up" not because she doesn't find me attractive (I'm confident enough with my looks that that doesn't bother me). It's the way the message was worded with a "Stay the **** away from me" attitude that annoys me.

You can let someone down gently instead of trying to destroy their confidence, either by nessecity (as seems to be the case you described above) or through sheer arrogance (as I feel was the case with that message I got). It's not what you say but the way you say it...

Kya1976

Teamshadowclan wrote: »

I'll change my wording then.

I've got no problem with deciding not to continue talking to someone because you're not interested. I'll be the first to admit I'm shallow and looks are important to me.

The reason I say "stuck up" is because even if looks were a factor, I wouldn't be so brutally open about it. There's nicer ways to finish up with someone than to say "I think you're ugly." I use the words "stuck up" not because she doesn't find me attractive (I'm confident enough with my looks that that doesn't bother me). It's the way the message was worded with a "Stay the **** away from me" attitude that annoys me.

You can let someone down gently instead of trying to destroy their confidence

Of course looks are a factor, you are hardly gonna date someone you are not attracted to.
And I'm not saying that you have to look like a super model, I normally go for 'geeky' looking blokes. Different strokes.....

KyussBishop

Misticles wrote: »

Well I have done both.

Saw the pic, wasn't my type and replied saying enjoyed chatting but nothing is going to come of this as you are not my type etc and I was hurled with abuse.. called shallow, got the "oh you think you're too good for me", up your own a$$. So for me, I had about 2 conversations with pictureless people, not replying worked better up until I just decided not to talk to people who had no picture. I did it twice I didnt want to be hurled with abuse again so more of a precautionary measure.

Ya that's fair enough, it's a shame some arseholes react to that with abuse, especially after having already chatted a bit.

stargazer 68

Teamshadowclan wrote: »

I'll change my wording then.

The reason I say "stuck up" is because even if looks were a factor, I wouldn't be so brutally open about it. There's nicer ways to finish up with someone than to say "I think you're ugly." .

Well I have never told anyone that and I certainly wouldnt do it either.

Anyone

On the topic of photos. I have met 4 women through a dating site, and 3 looked different to their photos(very different).

liz2

yes, i have found that also. some people tend to put up their best photo u see, so i think it may be a good idea to ask for a few photo's to get a better idea of what someone looks like

LollieB

had another date from okc & this time, the date went very well! i got really nervous before it (thinking of the last disaster), even thought of cancelling but boy, am i glad i didn't!

He was cuter than his pictures, really nice & just hit off very well! Meeting him again next week. Lesson learned- keep persevering!

I'm finding okc quite good really, was on match.com & eharmony before & found both to be duds. I think okc suits my playful side!

Misticles- I am with you on not replying to pictureless people, it's terrible that you got abuse after being honest & upfront about not being interested!

stargazer 68

Well I hate those messages that I get:

Wow what are you doing on a dating site?
You must be inundated with dates?
Why on earth are you still single?

If I knew the answers and were inundated with dates I wouldnt be on this stupid site! :rolleyes:

cyrusdvirus

Dovies wrote: »

Well I hate those messages that I get:

Wow what are you doing on a dating site?
You must be inundated with dates?
Why on earth are you still single?

If I knew the answers and were inundated with dates I wouldnt be on this stupid site! :rolleyes:

Personally i'd prefer to get complimentary messages like that over the Hi, how are you messages that give nothing away about the person

stargazer 68

gatecrash wrote: »

Personally i'd prefer to get complimentary messages like that over the Hi, how are you messages that give nothing away about the person

Ah yeah I get those too!

cyrusdvirus

Dovies wrote: »

Ah yeah I get those too!

Ah there's no pleasing you!!

stargazer 68

gatecrash wrote: »

Ah there's no pleasing you!!

Haha probably why Im still on the sites!!

Maguined

LollieB wrote: »

Misticles- I am with you on not replying to pictureless people, it's terrible that you got abuse after being honest & upfront about not being interested!

I'm the opposite, I would rather take the abuse for being honest rather than just ignore someone.

Getting abusive mails off someone I find very easy to deal with, it makes that person an asshole so I don't care what they say, but not answering people and just ignoring them is a bit rude and mean on a small tiny scale so I would rather have other people be the bad guys than me.

billy the squid

woke up to messages from five people this morning on POF, finnished replying to those. got one on OKC from someone who isnt dating but was passing their time answering the questions. I suppose they have some entertainment value.

Larianne

Teamshadowclan wrote: »

I'll change my wording then.

I've got no problem with deciding not to continue talking to someone because you're not interested. I'll be the first to admit I'm shallow and looks are important to me.

The reason I say "stuck up" is because even if looks were a factor, I wouldn't be so brutally open about it. There's nicer ways to finish up with someone than to say "I think you're ugly." I use the words "stuck up" not because she doesn't find me attractive (I'm confident enough with my looks that that doesn't bother me). It's the way the message was worded with a "Stay the **** away from me" attitude that annoys me.

You can let someone down gently instead of trying to destroy their confidence, either by nessecity (as seems to be the case you described above) or through sheer arrogance (as I feel was the case with that message I got). It's not what you say but the way you say it...

How did she word it?

Misticles wrote: »

From experience, it's awful after a lot of messages, thinking ye really wanna meet up, gettin on great etc then they produce the photo. It's not what you expected, then when you don't reply back or express disinterest you're the worlds worst.

You're better off asking for a photo is the first or second mail exchange. Saves a lot of time and hassle.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to see what a person looks like.

billy the squid wrote: »

woke up to messages from five people this morning on POF, finnished replying to those. got one on OKC from someone who isnt dating but was passing their time answering the questions. I suppose they have some entertainment value.

Ha! Thought you were quitting!

Gatecrash, how did your date go the other night????

billy the squid

Larianne wrote: »

How did she word it?



You're better off asking for a photo is the first or second mail exchange. Saves a lot of time and hassle.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to see what a person looks like.



Ha! Thought you were quitting!

Gatecrash, how did your date go the other night????

Oh i am just keeping my options open. nothing really happening in the real world.

Lord TSC

How did she word it?

Deleted the message now but pretty much "I only am interested in people with above average looks".

As I said, I don't care if I'm not her type. I'm confident enough with my own looks. And I get that anyone should be allowed to end a conversation because they aren't attracted to someone. I just think how you say it can be important and how this message was typed wasn't just saying she wasn't interested but was also a tad insulting in the process.

You can be honest and tactful....

Larianne

Teamshadowclan wrote: »

Deleted the message now but pretty much "I only am interested in people with above average looks".

As I said, I don't care if I'm not her type. I'm confident enough with my own looks. And I get that anyone should be allowed to end a conversation because they aren't attracted to someone. I just think how you say it can be important and how this message was typed wasn't just saying she wasn't interested but was also a tad insulting in the process.

You can be honest and tactful....

:eek: Jeez, that is harsh. No loss there!!!

You do have a thick skin for on-line dating. I think some on-line peeps forget that there is another person at the other end reading the messages. :cool: