Online Dating

mood

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Just because I am an Irish female, doest mean I spend my life in the chippers getting fat.

Why assume that is what Irish people do! I don't because It's not healthy but even if I did I would still be a petite size 8 and I'm a Irish woman in my early 30s. There is really no need to insult the general Irish population and look down on people.

Lying about you age on you profile could ruin a relationship. I won't be happy if I later found out a guy lied to me about age etc. I also think It's important to state if you want kids and believe in marriage etc because a relationship has no long term future if you don't want the same things.

Also I think the way you dress could be a reflection of you confidence or lack of. I dress how I want and where I live doesn't come into it at all.

AnnyHallsal

doncarlos, I have no idea if it's true but I really hope lying about age isn't the done thing online. That would be a real shame, mostly because it suggests there is something wrong with being older.

Three of my aunties married young and entered into destructive relationships. Two separated and divorced, one was widowed. In their forties and fifties all three met lovely men they've been very happy with for many years now.

I would discourage anyone from lying about their age. Yes it's deceitful, but it also suggests they're not happy with their age. I know it's a cliche but if you're not content with who you are, it's difficult to expect someone else to be.

I can understand the pragmatic motivations, but I think they're delusive. If someone's put off by the fact you're 30 or 35, is that someone you want to be with?

mood

I don't lie about my age and agree it's not good!

parker kent

magneticimpulse wrote: »

I think the point was, i wore an outfit you would wear on a night out in France...as in all black, very plain clothes as if you were going to lectures in college in Ireland...and women would never wear such a thing on a night out in Dublin. I also barely wear make up because its something i just dont do in France. I dont wear fake tan anymore either....so I think I just look completely strange to Irish men in that sense. I think they expect a fluorescent ompa lumpa in a neon short pink lipsy dress with fake eye lashes and masses of fake blonde hair extensions and nude dead lips....ive just been away so long ive turned French in my fashion sense and what it is like to dress up! I just wear the same clothes i would wear to lectures and at 30 thats prob a bit too much like im 18 in 1995??

Emm I'm not sure where you meet Irish girls but I don't think I know one guy who has that expectation of Irish girls. Perhaps an 18 or 19 year old might think like that. But I normally associate what you mention with very young girls. They are the only ones I see dressing like that or with oompa loompa tans. Basically they are just inexperienced and searching for a look or identity and may use tans, make-up etc as a crutch (again I'm speaking in general and I'm well aware there are 18 year olds with the fashion sense of Kate Moss!).

I think most Irish men will say they prefer the natural look. And many will confuse the natural look for no make-up and say that is what they prefer. Either way, I think you are very wrong! Perhaps you met an idiot, but most lads would not say or think such things on a date.

And not all Irish girls are eating non-stop at a chipper! The poster was just referring to the stereotypical view of French girls.

If this is the case, I will just have to lie and pretend im 25. I dont want a man to assume because im 30 i want to get married. I just want "a" relationship. I never had a proper relationship. Like people at 21 might have. I just want that sort of relationship. I also would have no problem dating 20 - 30 year olds either. I see them as being very positive about the world. My experience with 30+ is that these guys have had their heart broken etc and are very skeptical about relationships. Just my 2 cents

My post about age perceptions was not meant to be a catch all idea. I just said that certain ages are sometimes associated with certain behaviours and that may explain different reactions to the same person at different ages. I think that is more associated with online dating and meeting in clubs, bars etc than other ways of getting in relationships (through work, friends etc).

Nobody is suggesting a need to pretend you are 25! Lying about your age is not a good idea, nor should it be encouraged. I just meant that when faced with a large amount of profiles online, it can be easy to think "Oh they are such and such an age, they will be like this". And setting arbitrary categories can mean people suited to you are ignored.

Don't worry about what one eejit said on a date. You sound like you dressed perfectly well and lots of us have seen your photos on here, so we know you are a perfectly good looking woman. But I do agree with The Morrigan that your profile should reflect who you are, not who you think men want. If you dress and act like a French girl, then so be it. French girls are renowned for style and beauty, so it is not the worst thing in the world to be accused of.

Otis Driftwood

parker kent wrote: »

I do agree with The Morrigan that your profile should reflect who you are, not who you think men want.

+1 Parker,particularly the above section.

MI,you are basing your whole perception of Irish men on one dick you met.You've been living abroad for the last number of years so obviously wouldnt have met many Irish men to go on dates with.

Yes,there are some assholes out there however that can be said for every single place in the world.Wankerism is not an Irish man only trait.

ilovesleep

I was due to meet someone from online yesterday. He sent a short message to cancel and didn't hear anything from him since. Lovely! At least he had the manners to cancel and didn't stand me up. Even though he's not communicating now, guess I know where I stand with that dude.

mood

ilovesleep wrote: »

I was due to meet someone from online yesterday. He sent a short message to cancel and didn't hear anything from him since. Lovely! At least he had the manners to cancel and didn't stand me up. Even though he's not communicating now, guess I know where I stand with that dude.

Did he give a reason? If not I won't arrange to meet him again.

The_Morrigan

ilovesleep wrote: »

I was due to meet someone from online yesterday. He sent a short message to cancel and didn't hear anything from him since. Lovely! At least he had the manners to cancel and didn't stand me up. Even though he's not communicating now, guess I know where I stand with that dude.

It was only yesterday, maybe something has come up.
I've had to cancel on guys last minute, when work has decided to ruin my plans, I'm still in touch with them though while waiting for another time where we are both free etc.

Don't write him off just yet, there may be a valid reason, especially if he took the time to let you know he couldn't make it.

ilovesleep

mood wrote: »

Did he give a reason? If not I won't arrange to meet him again.

He told me during the week that he was separated from his ex-wife. I was going to give him the benefit of the doubt but not now. His wife - which he calls ex - probably has him locked up.

Good riddance I say

mood

ilovesleep wrote: »

He told me during the week that he was separated from his ex-wife. I was going to give him the benefit of the doubt but now. His wife - which he calls ex - probably has him locked up.

Good riddance I say

Weird. Don't reply if he contacts you again. Who need to get involved with a married man!!!

Even if he was separated she is still his wife and is only an ex wife when they divorce.

What site was he using?

ilovesleep

mood wrote: »

Weird. Don't reply if he contacts you again. Who need to get involved with a married man!!!

Even if he was separated she is still his wife and is only an ex wife when they divorce.

What site was he using?

Wont be making any more contact with him. I deleted his number and any texts/calls that I had from him so have no trace of his number. Doubt he will contact me. He probably came over with guilt or something and was able to see the folly of cheating on his wife.

Will pm you.

magneticimpulse

^^ Either that or he went out during the week and met someone he clicks with. You have to remember on dating websites, some people are arranging to meet a few dates and he might just have met someone he likes.

Yeah I agree with the age thing. I got the impression from online that lots of men were lying about their age. It really did annoy me when the 39 year old has that he is 34 on his profile and later told me. I understand that this was just a bad date and I should not change myself to suit men because he said I should dress more sexy.

As for the marriage/kids option, I do have that as undecided. For me, its something I dont know if I want, until I meet the person who's right for me. So I dont think I am misleading anyone by having undecided/open as an option for that.

I went on lots of lovely dates from online around December 2009. However June 2010 onwards (ok just 3 online dates) have been strange. So the last one was just the icing on the cake to tip me off. The previous date to last week was back in October and I already mentioned that and how he had an open planned appartment with the toilet in the middle of the room. He asked if I came to visit would I let him watch me pooh!!! So it took me a long time since October, to even give online dating another go after that.

What does bug me is when guys email and say "Hey im new to this online dating". Especially when you have seen them on every dating website for the past 2 years and became Facebook friends with them and already went on a date with them 2 years ago. If its not true, i dont see why they should even mention that in their 1st email. Its amazing how many guys dont even remember going on a date with me from online before...or they dont remember that they already sent me an email?? How bad is that?

I think there are nice guys out there. So the search continues.

ilovesleep

Magneticimpulse -
He left it to the last minute to cancel. Could he not tell me during the week that saturday was off?

Kevin Duffy

This thread is gone from being about online dating and moved on to a lesson in the pitfalls of generalising based on nationality, age and gender, and assumptions based on...er...not much really.

G86

magneticimpulse wrote: »

After this im seriously thinking of changing my age to 25 down from 30.

Don't do this, there's absolutely nothing to be gained from it.

Listen, I don't want to offend you at all, but I'm going to run with brutal honesty here. You come across very negative in your posts here (not in general, just this thread), you seem to have a very defeatist attitude towards the whole thing; and if I'm getting that impression now, what are the guys you're meeting/mailing thinking? Do you think that maybe you're writing them off before you even meet them? That maybe you're just waiting for them to slip up and prove you right? Again, I'm not accusing you, I'm just asking you to think about it yourself...only you know the answer.

As for not getting dolled up for the date, maybe the guy just felt you weren't making an effort in general, maybe you weren't overly chatty and there may have been other factors that made him think you weren't that bothered. He may have just used the outfit thing to get this point across. Either way, you shouldn't change how you are for someone, you shouldn't dress differently or tailor your personality to suit theirs....you shouldn't have to give yourself a DIY overhaul to get someone to like you - they should like you for YOU. Again, I'm not accusing you, but you come across as a wee bit unsure of yourself, especially since you're considering changing for these guys. I've seen your other posts on boards, and I know that you're a good looking, intelligent, and mature woman, but you need to believe that yourself before anyone else does.

Take your time in meeting people, don't meet someone just because they want to meet you, meet them because YOU like them. Be choosy, be picky, be selective - just window shop for a while, no-one says you have to buy. You're 30 years old, not 70, you have all your life to find someone to love and the search is meant to be fun! It's not meant to be hard, and if it is then it's not the right time for you, because you should be happy to be on your own before you can be happy with someone else.

Messi2

Out of curiosity myself (male) and my friend (female) set up a fake profile on POF last night. No photo or anything, and filled it in with the usual girl type profiles on the site (ie. they all like the gym, going out, travelling apparently, whatever).

In 20 minutes we had like 50+ views, without a photo ffs! And 15+ mails, crazy.
Could you picture a mans profile with no photo getting even ONE mail, or even one view :eek:

It really is shooting fish in a barrel for women (granted they might not like any of them but its so easy to get any man within reason if truly desperate), and a sad state of affairs on the man front IMO - if youre normal/nice, the girls are absolutely bombarded with views and mails, its easy to assume if she is decent looking (and HAS a photo) she'll get literally too many to read.

Like I said, we didnt even have a photo and got so many mails, however usually consisting of "Did you have a good weekend? and how are you?"

This is ALL the mail we got, in 12 hours:

-
ride me quickly..haha
-
heya darlin, how are u?? sooo... can i see your athletic body?? ;-)
-
stunning and for a single girl would you like to chat some time see how we get on
-
hey, how's yourself? how did your weekend go, you have a good one?
-
hi how u?
-
Hi There, would you like to meet for few drinks..
-
heya wats up
-
check my pics so u kno who ur talkin to r if ur comfortable wit giving ur number out after u tlk to me for abit il send u a pic message.. Open ur eyes cuz ur dream just came thru
-
hiya
-
Ill kiss you quick xx
-
hello there hows things babe!!im jj
-
hey how are you? hope your well? would you like to chat?:):)
-
HI THERE im joe would you like to chat?
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hey hun how are you...what part of dub you from..?
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Hi you sound really nice xx
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whatsup>>>welcome here miss ...xx
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hey hun hows u xxxxx
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hey whats up how are u good weekend?
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Feel free to ignore, but might you be interested in casual fun?x
-
hey there,what a ride,mail me
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hey wats the story wat ye up2 today?? ye get up 2 much last night
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hw many guyz u slept wit darlin??wb xxxx
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how are you? Would you like to chat with a nice guy?
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What would you do when i let you catch me???
-
hi there. cool profile. im paul. how has the boy hunt been going? lol were you out over the weekend? im so hungover today
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mwaaaaaah :L only messing whats up missus where you from :)x
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how quick wud u like to be kissed and where ha,did you have a good weekend? Where are you from?
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so do you prefer boys or men?? did you head out this weekend??
-
heya, how was ur weekend? do anything exciting? how u getting on here?
-
hi there
-

Thats it, all with no photo and an average description, in hours (one night). Can you just picture literally how much a "nice" girl would get with photos and everything. Just a small little sample of what happens, jaysus its scary.

The poor girls have to put up with some serious bombardment and the poor serious men can be SO easily overlooked (and bunched in with the creeps before even reading), you could message her and it wont even be on the first two pages of her inbox when she signs in.

**For the record, as I said I am male, the profile had no photo. And I did have a profile on POF myself, but have deleted this morning, theres just no hope IMO, so much rubbish to overcome.

Back to the normal ways for me! Hope this maybe gave insight or was completely useless, whatever

panda100

ilovesleep wrote: »

I was due to meet someone from online yesterday. He sent a short message to cancel and didn't hear anything from him since. Lovely! At least he had the manners to cancel and didn't stand me up. Even though he's not communicating now, guess I know where I stand with that dude.

Oh noes! I came on specifically to ask how the date went! Oh well, ball is in his court now so just wait and see If he'll get back in touch.

I went on my third date yesterday with okcupid guy. We went roller blading which I would really recommend as a fun date. Though my ass is sore today from all the falling over :pac:

Messi, personally I find POF a bit tacky and juvenile, and would give it a wide birth. I have to admit as a decent looking women, with a picture up, I never got bombarded with message on okcupid. I got about 1 new message every two days or so, and except for two none of them were sleazy. I really think it depends how you fill out your profile. You can suss out whose being honest and whose looking around for a bit of fun pretty quickly from what they say on their profile.

ilovesleep

panda100 wrote: »

Oh noes! I came on specifically to ask how the date went! Oh well, ball is in his court now so just wait and see If he'll get back in touch.

I went on my third date yesterday with okcupid guy. We went roller blading which I would really recommend as a fun date. Though my ass is sore today from all the falling over :pac:

Glad yours went well. He texted last night asking could we make plans to meet up again. I was tired, wasn't in the mood to reply to him and was going to ignore him anyways. He texted again this morning saying - 'you're not talking to me?'
Like he was the one who completely brushed me off.

Earthhorse

Messi2 wrote: »

The poor girls have to put up with some serious bombardment and the poor serious men can be SO easily overlooked (and bunched in with the creeps before even reading), you could message her and it wont even be on the first two pages of her inbox when she signs in.

From the looks of those messages all a serious man would have to do to avoid being overlooked is write a whole two lines.

Galvasean

Earthhorse wrote: »

From the looks of those messages all a serious man would have to do to avoid being overlooked is write a whole two lines.

I am serious man.
I write serious message.
I make serious reference to what is written in profile.
I are seriously ignored. :mad:

Feh, i used to get annoyed every time I read a woman's tale of woe on this thread, about all the weirdos she met up with. I used to think, "How come those dickheads are getting all the dates? Why am I being overlooked in favour of obvious weirdos??"
Now I just chuckle to myself. Your loss ladies! :pac:
That probably makes me a bad person. Oh well.

Snowie

Galvasean wrote: »

I am serious man.
I write serious message.
I make serious reference to what is written in profile.
I are seriously ignored. :mad:

Feh, i used to get annoyed every time I read a woman's tale of woe on this thread, about all the weirdos she met up with. I used to think, "How come those dickheads are getting all the dates? Why am I being overlooked in favour of obvious weirdos??"
Now I just chuckle to myself. Your loss ladies! :pac:
That probably makes me a bad person. Oh well.

What are you talking about on dates is she asking you questions are you asking her questions are you drinking going for coffee, walk and talking... ?

how long are you talking before the date? days, weeks, months ?

Whats your sense of style? as in how do you dress?

I know we all have disastrous dates I had one which was awfull but hey, that's life......

Earthhorse

Galvasean wrote: »

I am serious man.
I write serious message.
I make serious reference to what is written in profile.
I are seriously ignored. :mad:

Maybe you need to lighten up? :pac:

Feh, i used to get annoyed every time I read a woman's tale of woe on this thread, about all the weirdos she met up with. I used to think, "How come those dickheads are getting all the dates? Why am I being overlooked in favour of obvious weirdos??"

Sounds just like real life.

Galvasean

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

What are you talking about on dates is she asking you questions are you asking her questions are you drinking going for coffee, walk and talking... ?

how long are you talking before the date? days, weeks, months ?

Whats your sense of style? as in how do you dress?

I know we all have disastrous dates I had one which was awfull but hey, that's life......

Uh...? I think what we have here is a failure to communicate.

Galvasean

Earthhorse wrote: »

Maybe you need to lighten up? :pac:

Oh don't mind me. I'm simply in rambling mode. It appears the weight of the world has temporarily crushed my spirit. I'll be back to my jovial self once I get something to eat.

doncarlos

Galvasean wrote: »

I am serious man.
I write serious message.
I make serious reference to what is written in profile.
I are seriously ignored. :mad:

Feh, i used to get annoyed every time I read a woman's tale of woe on this thread, about all the weirdos she met up with. I used to think, "How come those dickheads are getting all the dates? Why am I being overlooked in favour of obvious weirdos??"
Now I just chuckle to myself. Your loss ladies! :pac:
That probably makes me a bad person. Oh well.

Maybe you need to act more like a weirdo. Problem solved

Holmer

Isn't Plenty of Fish just for getting the ride, as opposed to actual dating? I know a guy who

1. messages girls on POF in the morning.
2. acquires their number and starts texting them at lunchtime
3. has them over that night

Seeing the profiles on it, people seem to make it fairly obvious they're only looking for sex.

cantdecide

Galvasean wrote: »

I am serious man. I write serious message. I make serious reference to what is written in profile. I are seriously ignored. :mad: Feh, i used to get annoyed every time I read a woman's tale of woe on this thread, about all the weirdos she met up with. I used to think, "How come those dickheads are getting all the dates? Why am I being overlooked in favour of obvious weirdos??" Now I just chuckle to myself. Your loss ladies! :pac: That probably makes me a bad person. Oh well.

I could have written that post. I choose to think that the girls often just don't recognise real quality but who knows. Not letting these things get you down is a good start. Having said that, I have never doubted myself more than when I've tried online dating. That's why I'll never try it again.

Galvasean

cantdecide wrote: »

I could have written that post. I choose to think that the girls often just don't recognise real quality but who knows. Not letting these things get you down is a good start. Having said that, I have never doubted myself more than when I've tried online dating. That's why I'll never try it again.

So... coffee? :cool:

Snowie

Galvasean wrote: »

Uh...? I think what we have here is a failure to communicate.

im just asking i dont understand how a guy can have 17 dates ? yet get no were with any of them, genuinely curious

cantdecide

Holmer wrote: »

...Isn't Plenty of Fish just for getting the ride...

You can seek 'intimate encounters' if you want.

There's no rhyme nor reason as to what's good or bad / what works or doesn't / what types of trends or types of profiles etc etc etc. What works a treat for one is the pits for another. It depends on the experience of the individual. The trick is to ignore the experience of others, good or bad, and join these sites with expectations as low as a worm's nutsack.