Online Dating

zuroph

Whats wrong with a bit of sex? Jesus (irony noted) the Catholic church have done a good number on this country.

Go out with the girl, have fun, do what ye enjoy doing, and dont self-destruct by reading too much into every little thing as a "should we be doing this?" nonsense.

liz2

jenny111111 wrote: »

Yeah Dublin region, to be honest there's not a lot to the majority of them, I've deleted around 20 so far...all the mails were along the lines of "xxxx" "hey sxc/sexy/insert pet name i have not earnt" or "hey wanna cam"...Don't start thinking i'm some kind of online man magnet.

:pac:

i used to get all those type of mails but since i changed my mail settings as to who can mail me, it has whittled them out..
i still get a few 'hey sexy' god like..
i thought there were other websites for that kind of thing :P

compscii

Sorry guys, ive been trailing through most of the posts here trying to figure out which online site would be one of the best but havent a clue. Im thinkin of taking the plunge and registering for a pay site, any ideas which would be best? Pof seems like a terrible waste of time.

busyliving

compscii wrote: »

Sorry guys, ive been trailing through most of the posts here trying to figure out which online site would be one of the best but havent a clue. Im thinkin of taking the plunge and registering for a pay site, any ideas which would be best? Pof seems like a terrible waste of time.

Well mate, I reckon giving it a try on a free site first might be better do use the free site to get used the whole thing...

If your in the Dublin region, OkCupid and POF are options...

One of my mates has met a girl on POF (only just told me the other day that's were he met her, after I told him I set up an account on POF) a few months back and they are still together now, she is also a lovely girl and quite attractive too boot as well

Galvasean

Galvasean wrote: »

Just back from a multi-hour date. Talked about dinosaurs ALOT.
Was like being on date with me. This pleases my narcissism

Judging by the amount of thanks this post got many of you get a giggle out of my dinosaurian ramblings. how many of you know I'm deadly serious though?

Date 2 was a bit of a mare tonight. We meant to go to the cinema but both ended up running late and missed all of the movies!
Tomorrow we're gonna do it right though :cool:

Otis Driftwood

Bring her to see Kill List Galva.

Dont,dear Jesus dont!

ballsymchugh

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

Bring her to see Kill List Galva.

Dont,dear Jesus dont!

had he played his cards right, omen 2 is on tv now!

Galvasean

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

Bring her to see Kill List Galva.

Dont,dear Jesus dont!

That looks good.

Think it's gonna be Super 8

Otis Driftwood

Its brilliant but its definitely not a date movie.

Snowie

I cnt sit still long enough to reply at the moment head aches, and a massive need for cigerates...

liz2

Snow-Monkey wrote: »

I cnt sit still long enough to reply at the moment head aches, and a massive need for cigerates...

poor snowie.. are you off the ciggies or just have headaches?
i was crippled with migraines 2 weeks ago, not nice

Snowie

liz2 wrote: »

poor snowie.. are you off the ciggies or just have headaches?
i was crippled with migraines 2 weeks ago, not nice

im of the ciggies and have head aches i cant sit still ior do anything my squezze ball is being squezzed

Miagraines are my mortal enemy I always have migraleave around me do you get them bad?

magneticimpulse

busyliving wrote: »

One of my mates has met a girl on POF (only just told me the other day that's were he met her, after I told him I set up an account on POF) a few months back and they are still together now, she is also a lovely girl and quite attractive too boot as well

i could say the same about copper face jacks...you always here the story of the "1" friend who met his wife/her husband there...but you never factor in the waste of time it is for everyone else

magneticimpulse

cuddlylad wrote: »

hi guys, i asked some advice on the below about 3 week ago:



here is what happened, much to my surprise!!!

met for dinner on sat nite, went to a nice resturant and got on well. loads in common etc. kissed that nite and went home.

Go to the cinema sunday nite, and then kissed, got abit carried away and she ended up going down on me,twice, and went home (i'm not really complianing, it was sweet)

Couldnt meet during the week as both of us are very busy people, meet her sat nite, nothing serious happened but she text me later to see if it was too soon to spend a night together???????????

now dont get me wrong she is a nice girl but on the 3rd date to be looking to spend the night together is a little bit quick imo, i hardly even know the girl.
so now i;m wondering what to do and does she do this with every guy she meets??

how many 3rd dates have you gone on? its not unusual to sleep together on the 3rd date, in fact its pretty much the norm. You think its strange? What if she wanted to sleep with you on the 1st date? If she just wanted a ONS, NSA she would be looking for that on POF in the Intimate Encounter section. Why bother going to that much trouble of waiting until the 3rd date if "thats what she does with all of the guys". Do you want to date a nun or actually have a sexual relationship??

1st date: Quick date to see if you like each other, dressed up in the evening, is there attraction etc...cafe/pub
2nd date: Usually not involving alcohol, see if you can stand each other without having the need for alcohol. In more down to earth clothes during day. Maybe a trip to some park/zoo/blah blah

3rd date: Sex/Or spooning

Thats pretty much it. If you have not had sex by the 3rd date or soon after...your in the friends zone and time to move on.

As for what other people said...I agree, I think Oral sex is more intimate then Intercourse. If I have a ONS, I dont mind doing intercourse, because the guy is normally wearing a condom. But I wont do Oral sex...because most likely he would not want to wear a condom...hence you are at more risk from "closer" contact and therefore STD etc. Therefore Oral for me is definitely the last thing I do with a guy...ie only boyfriends.

cyrusdvirus

magneticimpulse wrote: »

how many 3rd dates have you gone on? its not unusual to sleep together on the 3rd date, in fact its pretty much the norm. You think its strange? What if she wanted to sleep with you on the 1st date? If she just wanted a ONS, NSA she would be looking for that on POF in the Intimate Encounter section. Why bother going to that much trouble of waiting until the 3rd date if "thats what she does with all of the guys". Do you want to date a nun or actually have a sexual relationship??

1st date: Quick date to see if you like each other, dressed up in the evening, is there attraction etc...cafe/pub
2nd date: Usually not involving alcohol, see if you can stand each other without having the need for alcohol. In more down to earth clothes during day. Maybe a trip to some park/zoo/blah blah

3rd date: Sex

Thats pretty much it. If you have not had sex by the 3rd date or soon after...your in the friends zone and time to move on.

Maggie has (most of) it right

magneticimpulse

jenny111111 wrote: »

Right so I'm back. I set up the pof profile around 2 weeks ago, I've been logging on when I get mails and snooping through profiles but haven't replied or sent any mails as I just didn't have the time till now.
So I've got give or take 180 mails to go through and try and find some diamonds among the monsters, this should be great fun. :pac:

luckily majority of these emails are quick to judge and delete...

as in "hey hun", many cock photos etc etc

I think it also depends what time of day you use POF. Start of the week Mon - Wed you will get loads desperate for a shag by the weekend.

Captain Havoc

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Thats pretty much it. If you have not had sex by the 3rd date or soon after...your in the friends zone and time to move on.

I'd disagree with that. I think relationsips built on sex are immature and don't last, if a long relationship is what you're after. Obviously if you want to fool around then yeah, you'd want to be aiming for sex on the third date. Nothing wrong with either.

Captain Havoc

I feel obliged to point out that, I am the last person on this planet you should take dating and relationship advice from.

magneticimpulse

Captain Havoc wrote: »

I'd disagree with that. I think relationsips built on sex are immature and don't last, if a long relationship is what you're after. Obviously if you want to fool around then yeah, you'd want to be aiming for sex on the third date. Nothing wrong with either.

We will have to agree to disagree. I have many male friends. I get on with them very well. Most of them eventually make a move on me because we do get on well....but for me they are in the friends zone, they are like brothers, i dont find them sexually attractive at all. I cringe at the thoughts of having sex with them. Sure I had sex with one male friend when we were really really drunk and the two of us still cringe about it after months later.

Sexual relationships and Friend relationships are completely different. I decide more or less instantly if I want to mate with someone. If I have not "mated" with a guy within a month, he will only go onto my friend pile and I will never find him attractive enough to have sex with.

The whole point to find a partner is the have sex, be a friend etc. If one or the other is missing it will never work for me. Maybe men will have sex with any woman (friend or stranger) and rate them differently. I however, have a clear divide between male friends and guys I would have sex with and progress to a relationship. I would expect the guy I have sex with to also be a friend...hence I am still looking. I am hardly going to have a relationship with a male friend which involves no sex at all?? What is the point then?

^I understand the last bit is confusing.

After one month of knowing a guy:
If we have Sex = ok simultaneously I have decided he is also a friend and someone i want to have sex with....we give it a go at a relationship...works or doesnt work. If it doesnt work....he will not be kept as a friend
If no Sex = he will only ever be a friend, but most importantly a friend for life...any moves in the future will be rejected in order to protect the friendship.

Luckily....most online dates never progress pass the 1st date (ive had my profile since 2002). One guy did make it to the 2nd and 3rd dates...but I didnt want to sleep with him on the 3rd date, so I knew he was not for me and he went into the friend zone pile.

Also to explain why ive not had success since 2002 with online dating...well thats it...it always comes down to the same conclusion...nice guy, would make a great friend but I already have loads of great guy friends...it is always missing the initial sexual attraction and I am very fussy when it comes to sexual attraction.

Captain Havoc

What about people who don't have sex before marriage, they're in sexless relationships with people who are partners but not friends (if you catch my drift). I have friends who are women, I don't distinguish my relationship towards them solely based on if we are or have had sex. Anyway, there's only one true way of identifying your relationship and that's if it's on your facebook profile.

magneticimpulse

Asexual people exist and if thats what both partners went then fine.

My desire is to have a sexual "partner". That sexual partner is someone I hope to marry. I hope to have sex with the sexual partner quite soon after we meet...be good friends....develop a relationship, marry, have kids etc.

None of my current male friends will ever be a sexual partner. They have entered the friend zone.

Exactly if you look at the Ladder Theory. Men dont think of female friends based on whether they will have sex or not. I am in agreement with the Ladder Theory...if I have not had sex with a guy he is always going to remain in the friend zone.

sunflower27

I got the impression Captain Havoc was talking about people that want to wait until marriage to have sex, not necessarily 'asexual' people.

At least that is how I read it.

cuddlylad

yea, its interesting to see peoples views and everybodys differnet and entiltled to there view!
i dont want to date a nun, but i am looking for a relationship and i believe that it cant be build on sex. it has to be built on the person first and then the sex. i want to be with someone i can trust, get on with, have a laugh with, go out with and enjoy life with, if i cant have theses what good is the sex???
dont get me wrong i hve had one nite stands and NSA, i am a red blooded man after all!!

zuroph

cuddlylad wrote: »

yea, its interesting to see peoples views and everybodys differnet and entiltled to there view!
i dont want to date a nun, but i am looking for a relationship and i believe that it cant be build on sex. it has to be built on the person first and then the sex. i want to be with someone i can trust, get on with, have a laugh with, go out with and enjoy life with, if i cant have theses what good is the sex???
dont get me wrong i hve had one nite stands and NSA, i am a red blooded man after all!!

but you're of the opinion that it reflects negatively on the chance of the relationship working?

i want to be with someone i can trust, get on with, have a laugh with, go out with and enjoy life with, if i cant have theses what good is the sex???

why are these two connected? You know you can have both, either, or neither, just because you have sex now doesnt mean you have less involvement in each others lives. just make sure to balance both. nights out and nights in, days out and days in.

Galvasean

3rd date tonight.... MUST GET LAID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

j/k

I really don't buy into any of that, "If you haven't done X by this time it's not going to work". Reminds me of those people who plan their lives in an "I MUST be married by 30" fashion.

cyrusdvirus

Galvasean wrote: »

3rd date tonight.... MUST GET LAID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

j/k

I really don't buy into any of that, "If you haven't done X by this time it's not going to work". Reminds me of those people who plan their lives in an "I MUST be married by 30" fashion.

Awww feckit, I'm 5 years 330+ days too late!!

cyrusdvirus

cuddlylad wrote: »

yea, its interesting to see peoples views and everybodys differnet and entiltled to there view!
i dont want to date a nun, but i am looking for a relationship and i believe that it cant be build on sex. it has to be built on the person first and then the sex. i want to be with someone i can trust, get on with, have a laugh with, go out with and enjoy life with, if i cant have theses what good is the sex???
dont get me wrong i hve had one nite stands and NSA, i am a red blooded man after all!!

Maybe I'm being a bit thick, but I still fail to see the problem.

To my mind, having regular contact with someone over the course of 4 weeks before i meet her IS a form of relationship building!

sunflower27

cuddlylad wrote: »

yea, its interesting to see peoples views and everybodys differnet and entiltled to there view!
i dont want to date a nun, but i am looking for a relationship and i believe that it cant be build on sex. it has to be built on the person first and then the sex. i want to be with someone i can trust, get on with, have a laugh with, go out with and enjoy life with, if i cant have theses what good is the sex???
dont get me wrong i hve had one nite stands and NSA, i am a red blooded man after all!!

Then maybe don't accept blowjobs in the cinema at the start.

Maguined

cuddlylad wrote: »

yea, its interesting to see peoples views and everybodys differnet and entiltled to there view!
i dont want to date a nun, but i am looking for a relationship and i believe that it cant be build on sex. it has to be built on the person first and then the sex. i want to be with someone i can trust, get on with, have a laugh with, go out with and enjoy life with, if i cant have theses what good is the sex???
dont get me wrong i hve had one nite stands and NSA, i am a red blooded man after all!!

How does having sex with someone prevent any of these thing from happening and therefore building your relationship on that? Just because I have sex with someone does not mean I no longer find them trustworthy, funny or interesting, why does sex change these things for you?

magneticimpulse

Galvasean wrote: »

3rd date tonight.... MUST GET LAID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

j/k

I really don't buy into any of that, "If you haven't done X by this time it's not going to work". Reminds me of those people who plan their lives in an "I MUST be married by 30" fashion.

Its not a rule...its a guideline I have and I have heard other people use the expression if they want to keep then dont put out before the 3rd date.

Its not written in stone. You could get laid on the 1st date etc.

The guy was judging the girl making out she was easy for wanting sex on the 3rd date. I was pointing out that by the 3rd date you should know if you will ever want to have sex with the person. I just know from myself there is no point going out with a guy for say 10 dates without sex. If the sex hasnt happened...then he is just not going to be boyfriend material. Doesnt mean we cant be friends.

I dont think you should judge people either. I think you should be honest. But actions speak louder then words. If you have to "think" about the relationship too much, maybe the person is just not for you.

I assume majority of people decide whether someone is nice or not by the 3rd date. Sure we are not talking about popping the question of marriage. But sexuality/friendship/trust etc usually all develop simultaneous. If its not working then you end the relationship and narrow down what you think will work. None of us are mind readers or can see into the future.