Online Dating

Rossin

great thanks liz, it appears I still show up on that "meet me" thing despite being hidden

ill check it when i get home from work, blocked here

stargazer 68

gudwan wrote: »

Now normal, amiable, sociable people are these sites, the reason being that at some particular time in their life they are very busy with work and don't have all the time in the world for clubbing/pubbing in order to meet people. And the people you meet there are often not looking for relationships, but rather one night stands.

At least on dating sites, people know what they want. That said, my sister went on a date with someone she met on a dating site and it turned out he only had one ear...

Lol interesting night that must have been!

Also I find that pubs are not places to meet people any more - cant hear yourself think in half of them anyway. Last time I was chatted up on a night out I think I was still at school! That was some time ago too!

liz2

Rossin wrote: »

great thanks liz, it appears I still show up on that "meet me" thing despite being hidden

ill check it when i get home from work, blocked here

no probs
im not sure about the 'meet me' bit though, i would have thought that you wouldn't show up on that when hidden

stargazer 68

liz2 wrote: »

no probs
im not sure about the 'meet me' bit though, i would have thought that you wouldn't show up on that when hidden

That meet me thing is all a bit odd to be honest. If I click on 'people you want to meet' nothing shows up as I have never 'wanted to meet' anyone. Yet I have had a couple of emails saying I have clicked on them etc.

liz2

Dovies wrote: »

That meet me thing is all a bit odd to be honest. If I click on 'people you want to meet' nothing shows up as I have never 'wanted to meet' anyone. Yet I have had a couple of emails saying I have clicked on them etc.

i don't bother with it all, i don't get it as i had about 200 meet me's at one stage and not one of them actually mailed me! lol

Rossin

If someone clicked meet me and I liked their profile id send them a mail, isnt that the idea? So maybe you should mail some of them?

stargazer 68

Rossin wrote: »

If someone clicked meet me and I liked their profile id send them a mail, isnt that the idea? So maybe you should mail some of them?

I mail the ones I like - the other 200 I dont bother!
But I have only ever had 1 reply to the mail - probably because they never clicked 'meet me' in the first place!!!

liz2

Rossin wrote: »

If someone clicked meet me and I liked their profile id send them a mail, isnt that the idea? So maybe you should mail some of them?

Thats the thing, i did mail a few of them but they never mailed me back! Thats why i don't get it :rolleyes:

magneticimpulse

miaowsky wrote: »

Can you imagine if we'd all dated the same guy!? That's kinda funny actually. My friend reckons I should txt him to see what the story is but I think that's a bit much. While yes it may answer a few questions...I'd rather not be thought a psycho!

Once his name is not Pat or Tony you should be grand. They the only psychos I met so far

magneticimpulse

Howard the Duck wrote: »

I've been waiting since lunch time today for a reply! I think it's fizzling out by text. Nothing says not interested like a slow texter backer. Although that isn't always the case i just assume it is.

Im not a text person full stop, rather just pick up the phone, call and arrange to go out for drinks in real life.

Rossin

noooo I hate talking on the phone to anyone, never mind to some stranger texting ftw

*really hopes the name of this guy is tony or pat*

stargazer 68

Rossin wrote: »

noooo I hate talking on the phone to anyone, never mind to some stranger texting ftw

*really hopes the name of this guy is tony or pat*

I hate the phone too. If we have met and are planning on another date then yeah phone is okay but not if we havent met yet or worse still you want a second date and I dont!!! :cool:

liz2

Yeah, i think everyone has different opinions on this phone thing..
Im usually not a phonecall person, i prefer to text but i am starting to appreciate the quick chat on phone before a 1st date now,, some guys ring others don't but it helps to break the ice i think

magneticimpulse

Rossin wrote: »

noooo I hate talking on the phone to anyone, never mind to some stranger texting ftw

*really hopes the name of this guy is tony or pat*

I dont mind...I escaped the 2 of them haha.

I dont mind the occassional text...but anymore than 2 in a row and i just dont bother replying...purely because I have better things to do then have a drawn out conversation. I always Skype before hand Thou it didnt help avoid the 2 psychos above.

Owen

So another few nights of sending out nice introductory messages on POF, making sure to mention common interests, and nothing back. I'm wondering - from a girl's perspective - I have on my profile that I don't want kids. I don't, and want to be up front about it - but do you think that might be the reason I'm not getting replies?

Semele

I've not had much luck at all with contacting guys first- which is a bit surprising considering so many profiles I've seen have mentioned how impressed they'd be if a girl broke the stereotype and got in touch first! Any dates that I've had from a site so far have been people who contacted me. It's a bit annoying because obviously anyone I do contact first is more likely to be my type than the other way round.

I'm not hideous, have a really good profile apparently and get a lot of messages- yet of the 5 guys who I've contacted first recently (short, funny messages, suggesting meeting for a drink if they're interested) 3 never replied, one got back to say he really liked my profile and wanted to know when I was free to get a drink- then never replied to my reply- and the last sent a few one-liners back and forth, asked me to add him on Facebook, "liked" a load of my pictures and then refused when I invited him along to a gig! Honestly:rolleyes:

Just thought I'd add this in to counter the women-don't-message-first-it's-so-much-easier-for-women narrative! I do appreciate women probably do have it easier in terms of numbers, but of the messages I get there are very few people that I'd actually be interested in meeting (and I don't judge just on looks either!). I'm certainly far from being able to pick and choose though and the same holds for all my female friends who are online.

I don't take it personally though- obviously I'm not going to be everyones cup of tea, any more than the majority of the guys I get messages from are mine and tbh I'd much rather not get a reply than have someone send me a polite PFO!

On the plus side though, I had a 4th date last night with a guy who I wasn't mad into at first (he seemed way too keen and scared me off a bit) but is really growing on me! Think it may be worth giving this one some time and see what happens:)

Rossin

As an utter noob I could be wrong, but I wouldnt ask someone out for a drink in my first mail, maybe someone can enlighten us with this

liz2

Owen wrote: »

So another few nights of sending out nice introductory messages on POF, making sure to mention common interests, and nothing back. I'm wondering - from a girl's perspective - I have on my profile that I don't want kids. I don't, and want to be up front about it - but do you think that might be the reason I'm not getting replies?

I wouldn't think that should be a problem..there's plenty of ladies not looking to start a family, ever.. but there are alot of single mothers (incl myself) on pof, and they may think you are putting them in the same bracket? or, fair enough if you don't want to go down that route either

liz2

Rossin wrote: »

As an utter noob I could be wrong, but I wouldnt ask someone out for a drink in my first mail, maybe someone can enlighten us with this

i wouldn't either to be honest.. i think for both a male and female, they'd prefer to chat for a bit first..?

Semele

Rossin wrote: »

As an utter noob I could be wrong, but I wouldnt ask someone out for a drink in my first mail, maybe someone can enlighten us with this

Well, I have little interest in having a penpal! I've done the messaging for a while before meeting and I do see it as a waste of time tbh- I've ended up being really disappointed by how different someone seems in person. Also, I found it easier to be enthusiastic about emailing when I started online dating, but after meeting a couple of guys who I just didn't click with in person the whole getting to know you messaging stage has lost it's attraction and seems like a chore. I love getting first messages asking me out- it's honest and straight to the point and even if I wasn't overly keen on the person I'd be far more likely to think "What the hell, I'm free tomorrow, lets go for a drink" than I would be to half-heartedly write back to a getting-to-know-you type email.

I don't understand this pussyfooting round the fact that presumably you are both online to get dates! If I like someones profile and they like mine then as far as I'm concerned the obvious next step is a casual drink, rather than endless emails while you agonise over when/how to ask them out. If I'm emailing, I'm interested. I'd much rather find out about someone in person than via email- I like a proper conversation! If I get the sense that someone is shy then I'll do the asking out rather than let it fizzle out as I get bored of emailing.

To clarify though, I usually end up with a few back-and-forth chatty emails/texts in the process of arranging the date (what area someone lives and works in, what pubs they like, what they've been up to that day type thing) but always with the idea of meeting up firmly on the table! I may have made it sound a bit clinical before, looking back! It's not like I send a "Date? Yes or No?" message and refuse to engage beyond that!

Edit: Dunno if it's an Irish thing? I'm living in London at the minute and there seems to be alot more recognition of the fact that people are very busy and just want to broaden their circles outside of workmates and flatmates! There's a good new-ish London site called Lovestruck, in which the USP is that on you profile you can select "Semele is free for lunch/coffee/drink/dinner...today/tomorrow/this weekend" and search by the same criteria. Cuts out the bull and suits my dating style v well!

Rossin

But i want to go on dates with people that I think I might have a chance of liking, if it takes 3+ mails to find that out, then why not! Saves turning up for pints with someone that ends up boring you to death etc

Im sure its also useful for spotting crazies

In saying that im new to this, so this is just my first impression

magneticimpulse

Rossin wrote: »

But i want to go on dates with people that I think I might have a chance of liking, if it takes 3+ mails to find that out, then why not! Saves turning up for pints with someone that ends up boring you to death etc

Im sure its also useful for spotting crazies

In saying that im new to this, so this is just my first impression

Oh sure it helps with spotting some crazies. But there are always a couple who miss the net and you end up going on a date or 2 with them.

Then you realise they are control freaks/abnormal etc.

Semele

Rossin wrote: »

But i want to go on dates with people that I think I might have a chance of liking, if it takes 3+ mails to find that out, then why not! Saves turning up for pints with someone that ends up boring you to death etc

Im sure its also useful for spotting crazies

In saying that im new to this, so this is just my first impression

Yeah, that's fair enough:) It's only a combination of preference and experience for me. It's always surprising how different people can be in person from the mental image you build up through messaging though, so I don't like to build up too much expectation. And as far as dating someone you haven't been in contact with much- its no different from getting chatting to someone in a pub really. You get an evening out and a chat with someone you presumably have some common ground with at worst and at best you really like them. I've never met any crazies and the dates that haven't quite gone to plan have at least been a good story afterwards!

My flatmate met her partner online- she got a message one afternoon saying "Bit of a long shot, but do you fancy a drink tonight?" She did, went along and they've been together for 2 years now! It's maybe not for the cautious, but the people I've had the most fun with have been the ones I've had no chance to build up an impression of beforehand. You get to take people entirely on face value.

Rossin

ah ,nice story

I got a mail today, it said, hi. I dont think there's going to be a great spin off romance story from this one

cyrusdvirus

I'd agree with Semele.

Any of the 'successful' dates that i've had (ie ones that have had at least 2 follow on dates) have been ones where it's been a few mails, then swapping phone numbers, then chatting and then meeting... All within the space of a week.

The fact that I'm here, and single, doesn't change that in my opinion. The quicker you meet someone the better it is, as you don't build up a mental picture, but have a 'real' picture to go on!

Lon Dubh

liz2 wrote: »

I wouldn't think that should be a problem..there's plenty of ladies not looking to start a family, ever.. but there are alot of single mothers (incl myself) on pof, and they may think you are putting them in the same bracket? or, fair enough if you don't want to go down that route either

Yeah, I was going to tick the one about not wanting to have kids, but I wouldn't mind dating someone with kids, and I was afraid they might interpret that as that I would not date them either. So in the end I ticked the one another not being totally sure one way or the other (or whatever the wording is, I am invisible at the moment so don't want to check). Strictly speaking I might consider having a kid under the right circumstances, but more than likely I won't (especially if Mr Right never materialises ).

2 Miles From Narnia

Dovies wrote: »

I hate the phone too. If we have met and are planning on another date then yeah phone is okay but not if we havent met yet or worse still you want a second date and I dont!!! :cool:

I don't really phone anyone except for friends who I've known since pre-texting days - any friends I've made in the last decade keep in touch with texts and emails, and of course in person.

I've only ever had one guy call me before a date. I'd just gone from what was possibly the worst working day in 15 years of having jobs straight to a mediocre date where I had 3 glasses of wine on an empty stomach, and then got caught in the rain on the way home. God knows what I rambled about on the phone! :D:D

G-Money

If a girl emailed me and in her first mail suggested drinks, there's no way I'd go. I'd insist on swapping a few emails first, and texts and a phone call to suss her out and see what she's like. I've encountered a few mad ones on dating sites so the last thing I want to do is sign myself up meeting up right off the bat.

Semele

G-Money wrote: »

If a girl emailed me and in her first mail suggested drinks, there's no way I'd go. I'd insist on swapping a few emails first, and texts and a phone call to suss her out and see what she's like. I've encountered a few mad ones on dating sites so the last thing I want to do is sign myself up meeting up right off the bat.

That's interesting...maybe London is just a totally different dating culture then I honestly don't get what the problem is- it's not like you're committing to anything with one date. Its a couple of hours, max. I'd rather that than invest time over a period of days/weeks and then decide there's nothing happening. I do find it quite strange that there are so many complaints about girls sitting back and letting the guys do all the hard work and yet being proactive and upfront is also seen so negatively- like if we do let the guy make all the first moves then we're spoilt princesses getting off on having a guy working for our attention and if we ask him out then we're clearly mentally unstable and to be avoided!

I think you can get a fairly good sense of someone from their profile- I wouldn't contact someone if they didn't have enough info for me to make an informed decision as to whether or not I thought we'd get on and anything thereafter is for a real conversation I think.

MickShamrock

Just can't be arsed messaging anyone tonight. No one ever replies, so just a waste of time! :pac: