Online Dating

Otis Driftwood

Well there is about 8250 posts in this thread,probably a good starting point in fairness.

gav25

well aware of the amount of posts but don't really have time to go through each one,some suggestions would be appreciated

Otis Driftwood

You can search the thread for what you are after too.

gav25

what do you mean??

Otis Driftwood

Enter in keywords that you are looking for in here

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/search.php?searchthreadid=2055989495

depending on what you are looking for information on.

MudSkipper

right, I've re-enabled my pof profile again...... any female boardsies willing to take a looksee and help improve it a bit? Am 40 so anyone +/- 10 years that would be the size of my errr net :pac:

liz2

hey,,how is everyone getting on?
well he's not sick of me yet haha, the 6th date is on thurs..
im still noseying through the thread thou lol

Kleenex

Just a couple of thoughts on online dating.

I have tried a few of the sites - POF & OKCupid and am now on Match.com.

I would be contacting women between the ages of around 21-26, I'm ideally looking for something more than just casual fun.

Thought POF was a lot trashier then the othe two sites, you could definitely get your casual fun off someone on POF and some not all of the women on it seem to just love the male attention and have met up with quite a few guys for fun.

OKCupid I thought was a small site with not many members, match.com seems better than it.

It seems that the vast majority of women(and probably the same with men) base whether they will reply to your or not on your picture and if they are attracted to you.

While attraction is certainly important I have often found I can get more attracted to a person based on their personality.

The online dating lark certainly is a lot easier for women based on the amount of messages they get from males while very few males get many messages from the women or even a reply to a message.

Not sure if its for me to be honest but will keep at it.

2 Miles From Narnia

liz2 wrote: »

hey,,how is everyone getting on?
well he's not sick of me yet haha, the 6th date is on thurs..
im still noseying through the thread thou lol

Good for you Liz!!

I'm getting on very well myself, very early days but there's something different about this one, and I think he's thinking the same.

LegacyUser

good for you Liz. It's good to hear success stories.

I was on POF for a while. Met a couple of guys. One in particular I thought was great and was different to other guys I met. It was all great for the first few weeks. We were meeting as often as possible but then I realised he was still logging onto to POF frequently so asked him about it. Got the boot for "monitoring" him. Don't think I'm cut out for online dating. Have given up now.

On another note I saw one post mentioned girls have it easier for online dating. Maybe it was just me but I wasn't confident enough to message guys. Most of the guys that messaged me only sent "hi". More than likely not going to respond to that as there was no effort at all made. I did respond to everyone who sent more than a "hi". The reason I wanted a photo was not to judge on looks but because Cork is a small place and I recognised too many guys on the site. The picture was to figure out if I knew the person first. If it was someone from work I would have been embarrassed.

liz2

2 Miles From Narnia wrote: »

Good for you Liz!!

I'm getting on very well myself, very early days but there's something different about this one, and I think he's thinking the same.

aw thats really cool, best of luck with it

and to think i nearly closed my pof account :eek::D
its early days yet but we're getting on great so far

Rossin

disabled my accounts for the time been, haven't got the patience for it really but i'm sure ill be back in a few weeks

mood

uglyjohn wrote: »

i think im going to try real life for a while.....i broke up with the internet girl last night. she ended up being very confusing..im starting to think that chemistry in real life is far more important than having hobbies in common.

Definately. Internet dating is only a way to meet someone initially. I think once you have meet you should forget about the emails, profiles etc. Real life meeting someone is what matters and where you see 'chemistery' etc not online.

stargazer 68

MudSkipper wrote: »

right, I've re-enabled my pof profile again...... any female boardsies willing to take a looksee and help improve it a bit? Am 40 so anyone +/- 10 years that would be the size of my errr net :pac:

PM me your user name and I will take a look later if you like.

parker kent

just visiting wrote: »

On another note I saw one post mentioned girls have it easier for online dating. Maybe it was just me but I wasn't confident enough to message guys. Most of the guys that messaged me only sent "hi". More than likely not going to respond to that as there was no effort at all made. I did respond to everyone who sent more than a "hi".

Surely you see how contradictory this is? You can't lambast somebody for just saying "Hi" if you never send any first time messages yourself. As little effort as "Hi" is, it is still more effort than saying nothing at all. Guys are made from the same things as girls and they can be nervous and lack confidence too.

Anyway, I have been talking to a few really nice girls lately. Had a really good date recently and trying to arrange a second date with her. I went ages with nothing really happening and now there a few girls around I could see myself having dates with on OKC. Typical really :pac:

sharper

parker kent wrote: »

Guys are made from the same things as girls and they can be nervous and lack confidence too.

I've always been intrigued by the confidence thing - the #1 factor for guys always seems to be to have confidence, lacking that they have nothing to offer. Indeed anything that even seems sort of like confidence (i.e. just being an asshole) works.

Nobody seems all that interested in using their own faculties to judge others. If someone meets the criteria I use (they're intelligent, treat others well, are open minded etc) then I'm going to have respect for them partially as a function of the respect I have for my own character judging ability. Whether they, for whatever reason, lack confidence in their own character or ability doesn't affect that.

Otis Driftwood

So Ive been using online dating for about the last 2 months or so,maybe a little longer and here are my observations/thoughts.

The sites themselves.
I wasnt prepared to pay to use a dating site so I was left with pof & okc,I didnt bother seeking out any other free ones based on what others have said here.I lasted about a week on okc.I just found the site itself very user unfriendly and I thought the match + search function is frickin horrible.

Im also not a fan of that little "this person replies selectively/very selectively etc" thing on profiles and found it offputting more than anything,the logic being why would I go to go to the bother of composing a well thought out opening message if the recipient rarely replies to anyone.As I said,I lasted a week and deleted my account from it.

POF I actually found/find ok.For sites like this ease of use is key.POFs search function is excellent in terms of age group,location,attributes etc and it auto defaults to when they were last online which is something that okc doesnt do either.There are also a huge amount of users on POF so the weekly match list was always different people,it helps being in Dublin for this of course.

Sending/receiving messages,meet me etc.
Since joining POF Ive received what is I reckon an average amount of new mails from different users,probably 5 or 6 new contacts a week.Ive been very selective about who I have instigated contact with and by my count its probably 15 or less that Ive messaged first and of them probably 60/65% replied.I didnt get any "dear John" responses either.If they replied they were interested or didnt reply at all which is fine by me.

In terms of replying to people who send the "hi,how are you" type messages for the most part I dont bother replying at all unless I thought them very attractive or if they had a decent profile.I have received some really good opening messages that had genuine effort put into them and even if I wasnt interested in the person I would take the time to reply to them and thank them for the message but tell them they weren't my type,only fair when they actually tried.

That meet me function is a load of bollix.At present I have 43 women on my list that want to "meet me" and since Ive been on it its probably around 50 in total.Of those that have picked they wanted to meet me I messaged 3 or 4,2 of which replied which is pretty damn strange but sure what can ya do.Of the ones on my list,2 have mailed me first off so as I said,its a stupid function and I reckon it promotes laziness.

Profiles.
There is an unbelievable difference in the profiles on pof.Some of them are really,really good and do the person justice.For anyone female reading this,make a bloody effort.There are so many profiles that consist of

Cant think of anything,
This says I need 4 sentences
This says I need 4 sentences
This says I need 4 sentences
This says I need 4 sentences

or

sdjfnasdipppppppppppppppppppppfjgndfipondefovneofvnefvefv
evefiovne[ovnefiovnevnernerognrfonfonefogndf[ogine[gnme[riognjmeri[o
egoefvnpvn[erovner[ovner[ovner[ovner[ovner[ovnerovnjogijerg

Jesus wept,I dont expect an essay but a little bit of information to go on would be nice.Ive come across a number of profiles like the above and even though the person I thought was absolutely stunning if they are relying on their looks to carry them then they really arent for me.I came across one profile the other day.The girl was mid/late 20s,breathtakingly attractive but had nothing in her profile whatsoever aswell as having her occupation in as,and I kid you not,"professional cúnt",ya,good one.:rolleyes:

Another thing Ive noticed is that there are a huge amount of profiles that have the users photo's that were taken at professional photo shoots.Come on like,none of us look like that in real life so a bit of honesty please.Of course we all want to look our best as its invariably what will first cause someone to visit our profile but give me a girl covered in muck having a laugh at Electric Picnic instead of an over the shoulder,trout pout shot in a studio any day of the week!

Dates
Ive had iirc 7 dates since re-joining pof though none of them progressed past date one.Ive been lucky in that they have all been really nice people but there was zero physical spark there so no point pursuing anything.I dont really mind though as Ive met some cool people,a few of which Im still in touch with and we give eachother updates as to how we are faring out and have a laugh chatting back and forth so its good in that regard.

In terms of how long between initial contact to meeting up it has also varied highly.One girl I went on a date with the day after we got chatting,another it was nearly a month.I have kinda settled on about a week being long enough to chat before meeting.Any longer then the danger is there that there will be disappointment because Ive been getting on so well online but in the real world there is no va va voom.

Final thoughts.
I think that for the most part people on dating sites (females anyway) are genuine and serious about trying to meet someone but as Ive stated above,the transgression from online to meeting can be a bit disappointing.

Do I reckon that I will meet someone that I click with online?I dunno but gun to the head Id lean towards no.Its possible of course,this thread and its regular users are testament to that but its not something that Im even remotely stressing about.Ive taken the whole lot with a massive pinch of salt right off the bat which I think everyone should to because it will other wise lead to annoyance and disappointment.

Im going to give it another few weeks but wont hold out any false hope!

Rossin

great post otis! one thing I noticed about okcupid, a lot of girls where it says replies often, just reply the once and then leave it, I could be wrong but I think it's just to keep their status as replies often, if someone replied and their status was "replies selectively", the conversation would always continue till one of us wasnt bothered etc

so yeah as you said its a rubbish feature!

sharper

The "replies often" thing doesn't work properly (like a lot of okc features) so it may say "Replies selectively" to someone that replies quickly to every single mail they get and vice-versa.

Even if it did work it's silly, the algorithm they stated gives women 24 hours to reply to a mail before it marks them down. So a woman that replies a day late to everything gets marked down (or would, if it worked).

The best parts of okc are the match system (especially since they added the public questions, you can learn a lot about someone just from that) and the journals but they've deprecated that feature and new people don't even see them anymore.

Kleenex

Great post Otis, do you mind me asking roughly what age group you are in?

Otis Driftwood

Im 32 and my age criteria is in from 25 to I think 35/36 or so.

Galvasean

sharper wrote: »

The "replies often" thing doesn't work properly (like a lot of okc features) so it may say "Replies selectively" to someone that replies quickly to every single mail they get and vice-versa.

From my experience the 'very selectively' people were just as likely, if not more so, to respond than the 'replies often' people.
But then again.... I'm a very particular person with peculiar interests :pac:

sharper

Galvasean wrote: »

From my experience the 'very selectively' people were just as likely, if not more so, to respond than the 'replies often' people.
But then again.... I'm a very particular person with peculiar interests :pac:

Yep it's entirely meaningless for all sorts of reasons.

The intent behind was good - okc do a lot of statistical analysis and that showed men tend to send lots of mail to a relatively small number of women. Those men leave because they don't get much of a response, the women feel overwhelmed and also leave. The stop light system was intended to dampen down mails to overwhelmed people and encourage it for people actively responding.

The okc blog is good for that kind of stuff though they haven't bothered to update much since being bought by match.com

G-Money

I joined OKCupid the other night as I was bored and within about 8 hours, some girl from America had emailed me saying she liked my profile blah blah and said for me to send her my email address as she wasn't sure she'd be able to write to me on the site

Surprisingly enough, I can see she has actually looked at my profile. I've been on a few sites where I'd get an email from a girl saying she'd liked my profile but it was blatantly obvious she'd never even checked it. Most of the time those girls are fake accounts as they either put their email in like "m@ssy g 1rl at hoot male dot com, etc etc. They almost always go into a big spiel as well something along the lines of the following:

"To me, the heart is special, it is the one, for I am looking for someone not for one, but forever and one more love. I have seen your profile and feel we could be suitably matched. I look for the man who completes me, fills my heart with joy, and wipes away my tears when I am sad. I am the woman for love and marriage, with children".

And so on and so forth. I always just delete those messages, as you find the persons profile mysteriously disappears a short time later. I've only messaged one girl on OKCupid so far, and have been blanked so no change there. A girl who used to work in my company who I fancy is on it. I even saw that it said no-one had emailed her this week. I find that surprising as she's quite tasty.

LegacyUser

parker kent wrote: »

Surely you see how contradictory this is? You can't lambast somebody for just saying "Hi" if you never send any first time messages yourself. As little effort as "Hi" is, it is still more effort than saying nothing at all. Guys are made from the same things as girls and they can be nervous and lack confidence too.

Anyway, I have been talking to a few really nice girls lately. Had a really good date recently and trying to arrange a second date with her. I went ages with nothing really happening and now there a few girls around I could see myself having dates with on OKC. Typical really :pac:

Ok, fair enough point. What I should have said to be fair is I will always look at their profile. If they have a detailed profile and we seem to have common interests I woud email back. Most times there is little or no information on their profiles, just I'll fill this out later or just on here having a look or the alphabet as someone else mentioned earlier.

Lon Dubh

Finally, I am going on a date this weekend . I thought he was after getting cold feet, but seemingly not. I'm getting nervous now all of a sudden. We have some interests in common anyway so should have no problem having a conversation.

sharper wrote: »

I've always been intrigued by the confidence thing - the #1 factor for guys always seems to be to have confidence, lacking that they have nothing to offer. Indeed anything that even seems sort of like confidence (i.e. just being an asshole) works.

Nobody seems all that interested in using their own faculties to judge others. If someone meets the criteria I use (they're intelligent, treat others well, are open minded etc) then I'm going to have respect for them partially as a function of the respect I have for my own character judging ability. Whether they, for whatever reason, lack confidence in their own character or ability doesn't affect that.

I agree with you Sharper. I don't really understand a lot of other people's emphasis on confidence as something they are looking for in someone, or that attracts them to someone. Actually I prefer the shy ones myself, and if anything would find that a more attractive quality (partly as it usually means they are not arrogant and full of themselves.). Like you I would look to things like how people treat others to judge them on. Most people will get over the shyness fairly quickly anyway once you get to know them.

PS Meant to say, great to hear of so many people getting nice dates and getting beyond the first few dates. Hope things work out for at least some of us.

Xios

I was just talking to the perfectest girl ever, she canadian and a Biker! And is a chef!

Then okc crashes and it's down now

Oh what cruel faith!

LegacyUser

So my question is. I met a girl on POF and sent a few emails back and forth getting to know each other, both asking questions etc. She seemed interested anyway with what she was asking.

It's been a few days since she replied though and I see she's been online since. Now maybe she hasn't had the time to reply which is cool but I really wanted to ask this girl out for a drink or whatever so should I just mail her again and ask?

Or just wait it out and if she doesn't reply just take it that she was just being polite and not interested?

Panthro

A girl messaged me A girl messaged me A girl messaged me!

(Be cool Panthro, be cool..)


A girl messaged me A girl messaged me A girl messaged me!:D

Ophiopogon

How long is the norm before you ask to meet up?

I don't know what I want so I just really want to have a chat, no big rush or pressure. But I'm finding that some guys want to meet in person after a few messages.