Online Dating

dollymixtures · 14-10-2011 11:03am

Hi everyone,

Haven't got to read the whole thread yet but will get to it at some stage. Does seem to be a very mixed bag though!

Can I just ask is the general consenus POF gets more positive reviews than OK cupid or is that the other way around? I read reference to one of them being more trashy but can't recall which. I know individuals can have completely different experience on the same site.

Previously my concerns about online dating was married men or men in relationships etc. A couple of friends however mentioned meeting numerous people who had zero social skills. Were fine communicating online but in the real world not at all. Anyone come accros that as a common theme? Strangely it is something I never considered!

Sorry I don't want this post to sound judgemental and not generalisiing to the whole online dating population, everyone is individual. I guess I am curious and slightly apprehensive about the whole thing.

Glad some people have had positive experiences. Might try one of the sites today!

stargazer 68 · 14-10-2011 11:10am

dollymixtures wrote: »

Hi everyone,

Can I just ask is the general consenus POF gets more positive reviews than OK cupid or is that the other way around? I read reference to one of them being more trashy but can't recall which. I know individuals can have completely different experience on the same site.

Glad some people have had positive experiences. Might try one of the sites today!

You are going to get mixed reviews. I dont like OKC personally but others do. Think your age has a lot to do with the sites too. Some are more suitable for younger people. As for married men etc - you can get that on all sites as well as out in the real world - married women too so not to be bias!

Only way you are going to know if online dating is for you is to give it a go. Don't take everything personally though as you will come across some complete muppets with no social skills at all and no manners but hey ho thats how it works! Good luck and keep us up to date!

dollymixtures · 14-10-2011 11:14am

Thanks Dovies -good advice. Will keep expectations low!

parker kent · 14-10-2011 11:23am

gatecrash wrote: »

Mick, while you were messaging this girl were you messaging anyone else? If not, then fair play to you, but you shouldn't put all your eggs in one basket. If you were messaging others, why can't she? What's to stop one of the other lads asking her out on a date?

It is common courtesy to tell somebody you have been chatting with and looking like you may date, that you have actually started dating or are not interested etc. Fair enough to ignore a first email, but if you have actually been chatting and then get suddenly blocked like the above poster, well that is a bit weird.

stargazer 68 · 14-10-2011 11:31am

parker kent wrote: »

It is common courtesy to tell somebody you have been chatting with and looking like you may date, that you have actually started dating or are not interested etc. Fair enough to ignore a first email, but if you have actually been chatting and then get suddenly blocked like the above poster, well that is a bit weird.

Hmm yes and no. One side may think a date is on the cards while the other is just replying in general chit chat with no interest in dating that person. Telling them you have no interest can lead to all sorts of problems (has been discussed several times here) so ignore or block is their solution to an embarassing discussion.

sharper · 14-10-2011 2:18pm

Dovies wrote: »

Telling them you have no interest can lead to all sorts of problems (has been discussed several times here) so ignore or block is their solution to an embarassing discussion.

There's a big difference though between ignoring an unsolicited mail from someone you have no interest in and ignoring a reply from someone you lost interest in. Sudden dead silence is jarring for the other person and there are plenty of ways to subtly bring an exchange to an end without a confrontation and without the other person thinking they've made an arse out of themselves.

I agree that people can behave very badly when they sense rejection which makes avoiding it preferable but at the same time people are not going to like being treated as if they're going to behave badly.

The dead silence thing has happened to me and while I get it, it's still not nice since I'm left to use my imagination as to why it happened.

NewFrockTuesday · 14-10-2011 2:52pm

I was supposed to meet somebody tonight but a friend coming home from China is arriving earlier than I thought tonight so Im going to have to cancel.
Took a raincheck on Sunday which was the first meet we set up due to not getting home till 5am Saturday night - then arranged to meet Wed and got stuck in work late so had to cancel and now Im going to have to do it...... again.

Hes been very tolerant and is incredibly nice, but I think even I would not stand for another excuse!

Ho well...that was that.

Trying to work up the gumption to text him now

stargazer 68 · 14-10-2011 3:49pm

NewFrockTuesday wrote: »

Hes been very tolerant and is incredibly nice, but I think even I would not stand for another excuse!

Ho well...that was that.

Trying to work up the gumption to text him now

Why dont you ring instead? You can come across as sincere if you are speaking but on a text it may seem like an excuse

cyrusdvirus · 14-10-2011 4:40pm

Dovies wrote: »

Why dont you ring instead? You can come across as sincere if you are speaking but on a text it may seem like an excuse

sounds like the perfect resolution

parker kent · 14-10-2011 9:36pm

Dovies wrote: »

Hmm yes and no. One side may think a date is on the cards while the other is just replying in general chit chat with no interest in dating that person. Telling them you have no interest can lead to all sorts of problems (has been discussed several times here) so ignore or block is their solution to an embarassing discussion.

I know it has been discussed many times (given I was involved!). I'm just saying that the specific example I was referring to does not sound like a situation where blocking was appropriate. Once chat is actually opened and it goes on for more than just a few messages one evening, it does change things IMO.

LegacyUser · 15-10-2011 11:52am

hi there, ive been a browser on this thread for some time and thought id give my opinion or experiences on online dating!
well where do i start.. ive been on a good few dates in the last few months, 2 guys i actually dated for awhile and i don't know if it has been my actual fault or the fact that they didnt know what they wanted, that made it go wrong. whenever i dated men in real life, it was alot more simple in my opinion.. others may beg to differ..
So the first guy was really interested, constantly pursueing me etc, went on a few great dates i have to say where i felt we had a great connection and then he just disappeared, where i later found him back on plenty of fish (must have thought he'd find something better)
Second guy we had actually made it exclusive, even deleted our accounts on pof, we had gotten quite close as a couple and i thought gee finally someone thats not going to abscond on me, i think i can trust this one where he might know what he wants! well as it happens, he too disappeared, with which again i found him back on pof...jesus whats wrong with these people?? or is it just me

i am now beginning to see online dating like being a kid in a sweet shop! hmm, i like this one, drop it and move onto the next one.. im tired of being made a fool of and no longer willing to give it a go. I do know of alot of people that have succeeded through this, so i know it can work, but not for me..
sorry for my long rant, i just wanted to share my experience!
thanks and good luck

LegacyUser · 15-10-2011 12:40pm

parker kent wrote: »

I know it has been discussed many times (given I was involved!). I'm just saying that the specific example I was referring to does not sound like a situation where blocking was appropriate. Once chat is actually opened and it goes on for more than just a few messages one evening, it does change things IMO.

I agree. I think once you are chatting with a person on a couple of occasions then blocking is not appropriate. Just say if you aren't interested and why. I was chatting with a guy a good few nights and we seemed to be getting on great. Then he suddenly closed his account. I have no idea why but it's definitely a kick in the teeth! Found the online dating has dented (my already low) confidence a bit to be honest.

movingtotheuk · 15-10-2011 2:31pm

What is the general policy on contacting a lady on anotherfriend? Send a wink? Send a quick flirt? Message?

First timer and confused as to how it all works

Also there seems to be a lot of scantily-clad young women on it. What are they on it for? I'd imagine they are not really the relationship type and I'd say they get asked out all the time.

Larianne · 15-10-2011 3:29pm

movingtotheuk wrote: »

What is the general policy on contacting a lady on anotherfriend? Send a wink? Send a quick flirt? Message?

First timer and confused as to how it all works

Also there seems to be a lot of scantily-clad young women on it. What are they on it for? I'd imagine they are not really the relationship type and I'd say they get asked out all the time.

I don't like all this stupid winking and flirt stuff. It seems very immature. If you like someones profile just send them a message saying so and give a bit of info about yourself etc.

Make an effort!

zuroph · 15-10-2011 3:53pm

So, waiting to find out if I've date 3 tonight :eek:

Larianne · 15-10-2011 5:19pm

zuroph wrote: »

So, waiting to find out if I've date 3 tonight :eek:

SNAP! :pac:

Hyperbullet · 15-10-2011 5:29pm

zuroph wrote: »

So, waiting to find out if I've date 3 tonight :eek:

Larianne wrote: »

SNAP! :pac:

Best of luck ye two

zuroph · 15-10-2011 6:38pm

Larianne wrote: »

SNAP! :pac:

could have been us Lar, if you'd only responded

Date confirmed, night in, movies, fire, wine, popcorn.

movingtotheuk · 15-10-2011 7:28pm

Larianne wrote: »

I don't like all this stupid winking and flirt stuff. It seems very immature. If you like someones profile just send them a message saying so and give a bit of info about yourself etc.

Make an effort!

Tis not lack of effort in the slightest! I just have no idea what to say really.

Most people's profiles have nothing really on them.

Help me out folks???

Ammsy500 · 16-10-2011 12:49am

tired_of_onlinedating wrote: »

ive been on a good few dates in the last few months, 2 guys i actually dated for awhile and i don't know if it has been my actual fault or the fact that they didnt know what they wanted, that made it go wrong. whenever i dated men in real life, it was alot more simple in my opinion.. others may beg to differ..
So the first guy was really interested, constantly pursueing me etc, went on a few great dates i have to say where i felt we had a great connection and then he just disappeared, where i later found him back on plenty of fish (must have thought he'd find something better)
Second guy we had actually made it exclusive, even deleted our accounts on pof, we had gotten quite close as a couple and i thought gee finally someone thats not going to abscond on me, i think i can trust this one where he might know what he wants! well as it happens, he too disappeared, with which again i found him back on pof...jesus whats wrong with these people?? or is it just me
i am now beginning to see online dating like being a kid in a sweet shop! hmm, i like this one, drop it and move onto the next one..

I was thinking the same thing a while ago about online dating. Sometimes I think people set a standard and meet somebody and think I could do better than that even if it seems to be going well. I went on a few dates with a guy I met online and one night when we were out he was telling me about a new jacket he had bought(I like clothes

) and said 'oh you should check it out I uploaded a picture of me in it on my profile last night....'. Now we had only gone out on a few dates and of course we were both free to see other people as we were not an item but I dunno for me when I start 'dating' somebody im not really interested in seeing somebody else or log on to whatever dating site thats just too much hassle :pac: but I always felt he was just looking for somebody 'better' to come along by updating his profile and keeping his hand in the cookie jar so to speak!

Also another guy I went on a one date with told me I was his number 8 date :rolleyes: after joining two months ago it just seemed he was ticking us off one by one. And im not saying this is only males who are doing this Im sure plenty of females are doing it just the same. I just think its so easy to meet a number of people online than it is in the real world. Think about it you can set up a date while sitting on your couch in your jammies as apposed to going out on a night out and maybe meeting somebody.

On a side note I had my worst online date the other night. We had absolutely nothing in common oh god it was awful :eek:

Kali_Kalika · 16-10-2011 5:13am

Just home from a successful Date number 2 tonight

We've seen eachother now two weekends in a row. Plans in place for next weekend as well! :eek: And, we're going to a gig tuesday week, so, without shooting myself in the foot .... I guess this online dating malarky does work. Time, patience and effort does pay off in the end lads and ladies! So keep at it!:)

Signed,

One Happy Customer:D

2 Miles From Narnia · 16-10-2011 9:55am

Had a lovely date SIX yesterday, and he wants me to meet his friends and his mother knows about me!

:):)

cyrusdvirus · 16-10-2011 11:16am

2 Miles From Narnia wrote: »

Had a lovely date SIX yesterday, and he wants me to meet his friends and his mother knows about me! :):)

You need to stop posting on the online dating thread and set up a 3D world dating thread instead!! ;-)

2 Miles From Narnia · 16-10-2011 12:12pm

gatecrash wrote: »

You need to stop posting on the online dating thread and set up a 3D world dating thread instead!! ;-)

I will as soon as I get the courage to have the conversation about deleting our online profiles!!

Larianne · 16-10-2011 1:21pm

movingtotheuk wrote: »

Tis not lack of effort in the slightest! I just have no idea what to say really.

Most people's profiles have nothing really on them.

Help me out folks???

I meant make an effort in your first message. Something more than "Hi, how are you?" or "Hey, how's the site going for you?" or "Hey babez, you're hot". etc. etc.

I wouldn't bother myself with anyone's profile that has zero information.

LegacyUser · 16-10-2011 1:22pm

Ammsy500 wrote: »

Now we had only gone out on a few dates and of course we were both free to see other people as we were not an item but I dunno for me when I start 'dating' somebody im not really interested in seeing somebody else or log on to whatever dating site thats just too much hassle

On a side note I had my worst online date the other night. We had absolutely nothing in common oh god it was awful :eek:

yeah i feel the same.. i think im too nice a person or something, because not only could i not be bothered with the hassle of dating lots all at once, i feel i need to give the one guy a proper chance to see if there's anything there..
I've had it anyway with internet dating, there's too much choice on the plate so to speak and that kind of competition i take to heart

So id rather do without or stick to real life dating, it mightn't be soo bad out there

Im sorry to hear about your last date, thats another risk you take too i guess

hopefully u might have better luck!

G-Money · 16-10-2011 5:11pm

Nowt happening here although I should probably say I'm making little or no effort. I'm sort of waiting for the girls to initiate contact with me. I've a feeling I will be waiting a while if I stick to that!

I don't know if I could be arsed with dating someone for the time being. I'm just feeling very meh about everything at the moment and I'm finding it hard to get enthused about anything so perhaps it's better I stay off the radar for while.

ronkmonster · 16-10-2011 5:25pm

G-Money wrote: »

Nowt happening here although I should probably say I'm making little or no effort. I'm sort of waiting for the girls to initiate contact with me. I've a feeling I will be waiting a while if I stick to that!

I don't know if I could be arsed with dating someone for the time being. I'm just feeling very meh about everything at the moment and I'm finding it hard to get enthused about anything so perhaps it's better I stay off the radar for while.

What site are you using?
I made an account with okcupid last week and POF on Friday night.
I've had 4 mails on POF from girls mailing first.
Nothing from okcupid, but I've not been sending out mails either.

G-Money · 16-10-2011 5:50pm

I'm on OKCupid. I tell a lie, I got a mail from one girl a few hours after I joined but she was in the US and I'm not convinced it was a genuine mail as such so I deleted it and didn't reply. I was on POF but got fed up with it.

liz2 · 16-10-2011 6:35pm

G-Money wrote: »

I'm on OKCupid. I tell a lie, I got a mail from one girl a few hours after I joined but she was in the US and I'm not convinced it was a genuine mail as such so I deleted it and didn't reply. I was on POF but got fed up with it.

what about a paid site? anotherfriend is meant to be okay

Online Dating

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