Online Dating

parker kent

Dovies wrote: »

Sorry didnt see the earlier post about seeing him for 4 weeks - thought it was one date thing! No thats a bit off - has happened to me too though. Seems to be a case of if I dont contact her she will get the hint (or him cos Im sure women do it too).

Even if it was just one date, ignoring the person isn't really a great way to say you have no interest. Like I said the other day, I'd much prefer an actual response saying "Sorry, you were nice but no interest etc etc".

And yes, sadly girls do this too!

scared_silly

First off, thanks Gatecrash for taking the time to respond, much appreciated!

gatecrash wrote: »

Your first mistake is admitting to having dual accounts... i think the mods tend to frown on that sorta thing!! :pac:

I think its fine, Mods can confirm that its only an issue if you use a 2nd account to get around a ban?

As concerns your post...

very good looking guy..... Not meaning to sound smart, but who says? Your mum? You? Blood relations tend not to be the best arbiters in this example.

I would regard myself as a decent enough looking bloke, but there's nothing about me that makes a woman swoon when i walk by. I certainly wouldn't say I'm very good looking....even though my mother does!!

Yes my mum thinks i'm the most handsomest in the world lol.

The ladies not reading the mails thing has been done to death here. There is one user on here who stated that she got over 200 mails in a week and physically didn't have the time to read them all. Maybe these women are already conversing with other blokes and don't want to start another conversation thread as they could well be approaching meet up stage with the other chap. Maybe they had a look at your profile and decided "not for me".... it does happen, even to the very good looking ones among us. There are a whole bunch of reasons. Either way, don't let it frustrate you, just pick yourself up, dust yourself down, and move on

True, since i'm a new to this i'm just trying to gather perspective.

The girl who doesn't have a full profile could well have let her premium membership lapse. I know a girl in real life (who recommended match to me) who is still on it, but has a lapsed profile. And they can still see your profile. One other thing to remember, match, and all these other sites are providing a service. It's in their interest to get money out of you. So making it that you have to pay to read mail.... well yeah, it may be a pain in the arse, but it's not really a scam. you know what you are getting into. And match does say whether or not a profile is full/premium when you are looking at it.

What alarmed me to this was one girl had in her profile that she doesnt even have a basic account (aka cant even read emails) so if you want to contact her go to another dating website. So that got me thinking, how many other girls just set up an account but never really joined or paid any money so theyll never be able to read your email.

Last night i sent an email to a girl. I noticed she didnt read the email but she view my profile about 1hr after i sent it, either its a coincidence or she cant read my email either.

I understand Match is trying to maximse profit by applying this tactic but it seems like a bit of BS and it will be the main reason i wont renew my account, so they are losing money there.

Not everyone is going to have all perfect pictures. There was an initial attraction on your part, why not meet and see if there is a real attraction. Or are you really that vain?

TBH there has to be mutual physical attraction between two people or its not going to work, whether its vain or not. Anyway she emailed me this morning saying she lives in the same area as me so it'll be very easy to meet up so i may aswell go for it as it wont be too much hassle.

Maybe she's decided you are not worth her time??? Maybe she's very good looking and out of your league and she doesn't want to waste your time. Maybe she saw some different pictures of you and if she had seen them first she wouldn't have responded.
I wouldn't bother shooting her another mail. She's obviously decided not to bother pursuing it any further. if she was interested, and had accidentally deleted your mail, there is nothing stopping her from mailing you....

Ha i see what you did there. What i dont get is why she keeps looking at my profile but hasnt looked at my email. If she wasnt interested, why is she still looking at my profile? I think i'll drop her another email, worst comes to worst she wont respond and i lose nothing.

I'm afraid that she's another one to leave to one side. No point in mailing her again and pestering her. She'll only get annoyed, and then you have no chance whatsoever. if you leave it for a month or 2, then mail her again, it might be better.... and if you do wait until then don't make reference to the fact that you were in contact with her before.

Hmm i dont know how the don't contact her for a month or 2, but when i do, dont reference the fact that that we spoke before will work...surely she'll see the previous email chain. Again i'm new to this so i dont know, has this worked for anybody?

Yeah, you are taking it too personally. It's not a guaranteed life changing thing. When you mail a girl consider it a bonus if she responds, not a necessity.

Yeah i'm probably taking it too personally probably because its time consuming to write emails and the fact i accidently signed upto the 6 month premium service which left a dent in my wallet and at the start i was determined to to make the most of it.

I think you're right that i should consider it a bonus to chat to girls during the week as opposed to only doing it in the same old environments like bars and nightclubs at the weekend.

This online dating malarky seems to be a massive numbers game, waaaay more than in any bar or nightclub. I think i'm going to change my tactics a bit by sending a lot of short emails to a lot more people. I reckon if people like your profile they are going to respond and it doesnt matter as much the small talk you make in the email.

Girls, what makes ye more likely to respond to a guy, a good email or a good profile?

Justask

My ex mailed me today :eek: LMAO

Has on my profile that I dont like liars, Hes lying about his age by 3 years PMSL Ah bless.

That was my giggle of the day

liz2

G-Money wrote: »

That worries me a bit. I always thought there's either a spark or there isn't. I didn't think it would ever be the case that I'd lose interest after a few dates. I guess it's not the biggest stretch of the imagination anyway.

I think if theres a strong spark/connection where the two people are getting on great, with no outside influences (ie.online dating site) then its rare the spark will go..
But if one person decides 'no', the other person will feel it and then its gone.
Thats my thinking of it anyway :rolleyes:

liz2

Yeah guys, I would prefer the text saying 'Thanks but its not going to work' thing, rather than the ''me sitting around for a few days wondering what the heck is going on, did i say or do something wrong etc etc..'' And then to be ignored.. Its rude

Anyways, all this is after turning me into a rock, lol, god help the next guy that comes along

Ectoplasm

scared_silly wrote: »

Girls, what makes ye more likely to respond to a guy, a good email or a good profile?

To be honest for me it's a combination. A good email, i.e. something longer than "Hi, how are you?" and a good profile and I could almost guarantee I'd reply. So often though, this doesn't happen so to maybe break it down I'd say this:

A good email with a somewhat short, or not bad profile is quite likely to get a response.

A good email with a completely incompatible profile might get a reply, usually pointing out why we're incompatible or it might not. More likely the latter.

A bad email - for me that is the one liner or anything over familiar (uses babe, honey, darling or worse) is going to be ignored most of the time, unless the profile is spectacular - and most are not.

Overall, that first email is very important, but it does need to be 'backed up' by a profile that has some information beyond what the mail told me.

Just my 2c, you might find others who disagree though.

That_Guy

Girl has initially started messaging me but I find myself trying to keep the conversation going.

I'd send back a four or five line response and she'd say something along the lines of, "Yeah that's good"

Don't think I'll bother messaging her back.

C.D.

I joined PoF about a week ago, had a female friend review and help with my profile. I have had about 3 views a day and a few winks, though for a variety of reasons I don't think anything would happen between myself and the winkees. I don't know whether this is a large or small amount of interest- maybe someone could compare?

I had started to feel quite cynical about the whole thing- from reading boards.ie and forums on various websites, supply of men far outstrips demand and women can be picky. No doubt I would be the same, but it is frustrating as I am very picky as well and am not interested in wasting time in dead end relationships. Out of the 100's of profiles on PoF there were only about 10 that made me think "Yeah this is worth a shot".

So there I was, feeling a little morose at a lack of response from my emails (some of which took a lot of time) and a girl who is waaay out of my league emailed me back and we've been talking. I originally had no intention of emailing her as I thought I'd never have chance, even if she read my email considering she must get hundreds a day. We'll see how it goes!

I still feel real life is the better option. In a comparable amount of time I have been out twice and to a work related networking event, both of which yielded more exchanged numbers. Maybe I am just not photogenic! Or perhaps my personality compensates for Quasimodo like charm. Unfortunately the nature of my work means I don't get to socialise as much as I'd like, hence why I'm trying this internet dating lark.

edit: Forgot to say, some girls are very strange. One girl emailed me, said she wanted to meet me on the "meet me" feature, checked out my profile a good bit and did not reply to my email. Another one emailed me first and did not respond when I emailed her back.

parker kent

C.D. wrote: »

Another one emailed me first and did not respond when I emailed her back.

I always find that a bit odd. It makes me wonder if I come across as really off-putting in my first responses!

the_syco

scared_silly wrote: »

What alarmed me to this was one girl had in her profile that she doesnt even have a basic account (aka cant even read emails) so if you want to contact her go to another dating website.

From a cold business point of view, going onto other sites and making profiles with gorgeous teases with links back to your site sounds like a decent way to get members. You are after all targeting an audience who may already be on multiple sites, so they may join your site as well.

It may not be so, but it seems like it to me.

=-=

Meh. Get a few visitors on OKC, but no messages for a while. Not sure how to navigate PoF, but meh, no real contact from anyone anyhoo's. Have PM'ed a few people light heartily on OKC. I find that American meaning of "curvy" is, well, coca-cola bottle shape, as opposed to when the Irish women with a milk cartoon shape call themselves "curvy" :pac:

What the hell. When my belly goes I'll update meh profile pics on OKC & PoF, but until then, I see no real point

parker kent

Just to add some positivity, I have a date arranged for tomorrow evening!

KTRIC

I disabled my account on OKC then went out last Thursday and met this lovely girl that caught my eye for some time.
Too many bad experiences with online dating has put me off for good. Oh and I don't get the feeling of "the chase" either. Thats the fun part.

sharper

That_Guy wrote: »

Girl has initially started messaging me but I find myself trying to keep the conversation going.

I'd send back a four or five line response and she'd say something along the lines of, "Yeah that's good"

Don't think I'll bother messaging her back.

Unfortunately it's very common. For one thing I don't think most women are very used to initiating and driving a conversation so they're not really sure how to do it. For another I think many feel they've done enough just by saying hi, after that you're supposed to do the work.

The best conversations I've had were with people either really interested in discussing something they don't know about already or who have something in mind they'd really like to talk about. This business of scrambling around trying to find something of mutual interest while the other person just shrugs or mehs doesn't work for me, I don't think getting to know people should be a chore.

G-Money

KTRIC wrote: »

I disabled my account on OKC then went out last Thursday and met this lovely girl that caught my eye for some time.
Too many bad experiences with online dating has put me off for good. Oh and I don't get the feeling of "the chase" either. Thats the fun part.

One of my problems is that I don't go out very often and even on the nights that I do, I rarely meet anyone. Most of my mates are settled down now so I don't head out with them very often. Even when we do, we don't often talk to other people. The odd time I might get talking to a girl but it's all a bit too random and doesn't really give me a lot of hope that it's a reliable way of meeting someone.

sharper wrote: »

Unfortunately it's very common. For one thing I don't think most women are very used to initiating and driving a conversation so they're not really sure how to do it. For another I think many feel they've done enough just by saying hi, after that you're supposed to do the work.

The best conversations I've had were with people either really interested in discussing something they don't know about already or who have something in mind they'd really like to talk about. This business of scrambling around trying to find something of mutual interest while the other person just shrugs or mehs doesn't work for me, I don't think getting to know people should be a chore.

I hear you buddy. I've lost track of the amount of girls who will email me something like "hi, how r u?" and that is it. If I sent a girl a mail like that, she wouldn't reply in a million years. I'm not sure I buy into them not knowing how to initiate a conversation. They sure as hell talk enough to their friends so starting a conversation on a website shouldn't be difficult.

I agree, the best conversations are when you have a joint interest. There's been a few girls where they've written about being interested in something that I am also interested in and it just makes the initial conversation SO much easier. Unfortunately, the amount of girls who actually put any sort of effort into their profile is very small. I'd say the majority of girls have a short description of themselves that goes for no more than about 4 lines and sounds like this "Hi, I like going out with my friends, shopping, going to the gym. I like nights out but also like nights in with a DVD and a glass of vino. Get in touch if you'd like to know more".

That's all they write. It's so boring. When I read that I think "well so does the rest of the world". There's nothing there to help strike up a conversation and it leaves you clambering and scraping the bottom of the barrel for something to email them about because they always say "please don't email me something like 'hi, how are you?'". Well in that case, bloody well write something in your profile for us to talk to you about

stargazer 68

G-Money wrote: »

One of my problems is that I don't go out very often and even on the nights that I do, I rarely meet anyone.

Unfortunately, the amount of girls who actually put any sort of effort into their profile is very small. I'd say the majority of girls have a short description of themselves that goes for no more than about 4 lines.
That's all they write. It's so boring.

Yep me too - last time I was chatted up on a night out I think I was still at school and that was wayyyy long ago!!

Isn't in funny how both men and women complain about the same things in profiles. Have a look through the mens ones on the sites and you will see exactly the same in their profiles or 'will fill this in later'. If you can't be bothered to fill in the profile properly then clearly you aren't interested!!

cyrusdvirus

G-Money wrote: »

"please don't email me something like 'hi, ow are you?'". Well in that case, bloody well write something in your profile for us to talk to you about

Girl i'm chatting to at the moment had something similar on her profile.

But she winked at me first so i responded with a mail, pretty much slagging/ripping the piss out of her, and specifically that comment.

She's on holidays now, but we have been texting and talking on the phone before she went away. Meet up will be happening next week, when she's home.



The point i'm making is that sometimes it's easier to slag the profiles and get a conversation going that way!!

That_Guy

gatecrash wrote: »

The point i'm making is that sometimes it's easier to slag the profiles and get a conversation going that way!!

So is it ok to send this:

"You look bloody stupid in your profile pic. Who the bloody hell owns Gucci bags these days? It's all about the Paul's Boutique biatch. *clicks fingers, side to side head movement.*"

cyrusdvirus

That_Guy wrote: »

So is it ok to send this:

"You look bloody stupid in your profile pic. Who the bloody hell owns Gucci bags these days? It's all about the Paul's Boutique biatch. *clicks fingers, side to side head movement.*"

Only if you are a lesbian.


If you are a bloke i would refrain from commenting on womens fashion. It's safer. They'll think you have the ghey!!

sharper

Dovies wrote: »

Isn't in funny how both men and women complain about the same things in profiles. Have a look through the mens ones on the sites and you will see exactly the same in their profiles or 'will fill this in later'. If you can't be bothered to fill in the profile properly then clearly you aren't interested!!

Well of course the guys tend to spend most of their time browsing the girl's profile and vice-versa. In my experience the proportion of good:bad profiles is about the same for both genders but of course there are always so many more men than women that you have a lot further to go before you're into "i hate filling these out lol" territory with the male ones.

G-Money wrote: »

I'm not sure I buy into them not knowing how to initiate a conversation. They sure as hell talk enough to their friends so starting a conversation on a website shouldn't be difficult.

Talking to friends is totally different though personally I think the route to a good relationship runs through friendship but many see them as wholly separate.

A lot of people act as if they're in a pub/club. Walk upto someone and say "Hi, how are you?" and see how it goes from there. They don't realise they're in a different medium and that when you're talking the time to write you really need to put a bit more effort in unless maybe you're in the top 1% and people will be just ticked pink you messaged them at all.

sharper

gatecrash wrote: »

If you are a bloke i would refrain from commenting on womens fashion. It's safer. They'll think you have the ghey!!

Ooops. I thought women liked being told their shoes were fabulous!

LegacyUser

My take on internet dating......... for a start manners are almost completely out the window. You do have to have a thick skin and it seems like those taking it seriously get knocked about a fair bit. Personally I've had a fair bit of success but that was through basically acting the maggot and not being serious at all. I'd scroll through the profiles and pick out the prettiest girl in the bunch, send her a message where I gently(and I mean gently) rip her out of it and presto! It works, everytime. I think guys who mail women and are being all serious and asking about common interests and trying to suck up to them, are going nowhere. Im not saying you should act like an a s s h o l e, but at the same time you cant be nicey nice, there has to be an edge. You gotta look at it from the womens perspective. On any internet dating site the men out number the women 3:1, so women get way more messages and attention than the guys do. If you're a pretty girl just imagine how many messages per day you get, and then imagine how many of those messages are identical. The same thing over and over, some guy telling them you're beautiful, you have a nice smile, nice eyes or whatever. You'd get sick of it, you'd get bored of every guy trying to win you over by sucking up to you. So You gotta not do what every other guy does. It has nothing to do with looks or money, its all about valuing yourself to the point that you dont try to suck up to anybody.
Like I said those take internet dating serious end up frustrated, its not a genuine environment(for the most part). But if you dont take it seriously and play around a little it can be good fun.

C.D.

Could use some advice from more experienced boardsies. I messaged a girl with very little on her profile about her, just some jokey stuff. My reply was short but funny. She replied back with a one liner saying she'd love to go to dinner. Do boardsies think this is a joke profile or I'm likely to be stood up? She looks like she has a lot of potential and I like her sense of humour.

Otis Driftwood

You got a one line reply saying she would like to go to dinner.

Read that again mate.

You got a one line reply saying she would like to go to dinner.

Now its not (much) beyond the realms of possibility that she does in fact want to go to dinner but my advice would be,dont go booking anywhere just yet.

2 Miles From Narnia

C.D. wrote: »

Could use some advice from more experienced boardsies. I messaged a girl with very little on her profile about her, just some jokey stuff. My reply was short but funny. She replied back with a one liner saying she'd love to go to dinner. Do boardsies think this is a joke profile or I'm likely to be stood up? She looks like she has a lot of potential and I like her sense of humour.

I think she's just hungry

G-Money

C.D. wrote: »

Could use some advice from more experienced boardsies. I messaged a girl with very little on her profile about her, just some jokey stuff. My reply was short but funny. She replied back with a one liner saying she'd love to go to dinner. Do boardsies think this is a joke profile or I'm likely to be stood up? She looks like she has a lot of potential and I like her sense of humour.

My advice? Never, ever, ever agree to dinner as a first date, especially with someone from an internet dating website.

Just go for drinks or something first. If you's don't like each other, you can leave, if you do like each other, you can stay longer. Going for dinner locks you into being there for at least 2 hours no matter what.

parker kent

sharper wrote: »

Ooops. I thought women liked being told their shoes were fabulous!

I imagine many actually would like being told that you liked their shoes, clothes. Although real life situations suit that better instead of online. Once you have met and know the girl, you could make a few simple compliments on clothes, shoes etc. I've never met a girl that didn't like any genuine compliments about anything like that.

C.D.

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

You got a one line reply saying she would like to go to dinner.

Read that again mate.

You got a one line reply saying she would like to go to dinner.

Now its not (much) beyond the realms of possibility that she does in fact want to go to dinner but my advice would be,dont go booking anywhere just yet.

Ha yes don't worry I have no intention of doing so. Gave her my number and I'll see if we can get a proper conversation going. Just seems very unusual that somebody would want to go to dinner with somebody they don't know at all, almost as if she is taking the p*ss.

Maguined

parker kent wrote: »

I imagine many actually would like being told that you liked their shoes, clothes. Although real life situations suit that better instead of online. Once you have met and know the girl, you could make a few simple compliments on clothes, shoes etc. I've never met a girl that didn't like any genuine compliments about anything like that.

I once told a girl at a work night out her silk ribbon shoes were so good I was starting to think I had a fetish, it didn't seem to get much of a reaction either way. I thought it would of been a marmite type situation myself.

Long Time Reader

lads,

i'm not one to post alot of stuff on this site but, i think i may be able to assist some guys here. in my experience of internet dating. (which is, a couple of dates, some flings and currently now kind of in a relationship.. early stages) your best to stay away from compliments and even suggestions of compliments. As you know, you need to stand out from the crowd!

I tend to ask the most random type of questions possible. ie. (what type of super-power would you have, If ants were the same size as us. Do you think we could train them?) I know these are stupid questions but you can learn alot from there answers which in turn will lead to conversations and messages back and fourth. Try be quirky, (if your naturally a bit funny, well then internet dating and the whole messaging conversations will be easier!)

Hope this helps some guys...

parker kent

Maguined wrote: »

I once told a girl at a work night out her silk ribbon shoes were so good I was starting to think I had a fetish, it didn't seem to get much of a reaction either way. I thought it would of been a marmite type situation myself.

Well I did say that it all depends on the timing and delivery. My point was that there are few girls that will react badly to getting a compliment if the situation suits it. So that includes the qualifier that poorly timed, poorly phrased compliments may not go down too well.

Sending random compliments on dating sites or to people you have just met is not a good idea. But complimenting somebody at the right moment can work a treat.