Online Dating

sharper

Bobby42 wrote: »

I don't get the whole not replying thing - a simple thanks but no thanks would at least let you know where you stand.

When you get a bunch of unsolicited mail from people you're not interested in, "thanks but no thanks" is a chore plus as the others mentioned people sometimes don't take it well. People may have their picture or whatever up but they can still turn nasty.

It's best not to get too invested in someone just because you read their profile. If you see someone you like enjoy it for what it is, send them a nice mail and then forget about it. Don't allow yourself to immediately start forming expectations about the future.

You're basically relying on luck and that's scary but eventually someone will show up that's as thrilled to meet you as you are them.

Bobby42

Yeah I might have been expecting too much, I guess people just aren't going to reply to every message. Best not to take things personally! Thanks for the advice all.

tink2

Dovies wrote: »

Maybe Im the only one but do you ever look at someone (a relation or whatever) and think 'how the hell did they ever meet someone and I can't'? Im thinking of specific people I know and without going into specifics I really don't know how they have ever met anyone in the first place and then managed to maintain a relationship!!

Im just feeling sorry for myself today!!

Yep I do! I had a long term relationship of 8 years but ended it as we got together so young and felt we had grown apart. Two years later I wonder if I will ever meet the right guy having dated 2 very wrong ones but just try and stay positive as I really do think there is someone out there for everyone. I am online dating but only log on about once a week as I get out and about as often as I can. I find the online thing is a bit awkward and people try and move a lot faster than I would be comfortable with. Keep the faith and it will happen for you ! (and me too I hope!)

G-Money

I'd prefer they didn't reply.

Sometimes the "thanks but no thanks" comes across as pretentious or something.

newbee22

Same here Dovies:mad: I know I'm going to sound completely shallow and actually can't believe I'm saying this but I saw a couple out over the weekend and wondered how had the girl actually got this fella. I'm not basing this totally on looks either, he was looking at his watch the whole time, up and down like a yoyo to the bar and out for some ciggies! Or maybe it was their first date and he hadn't remembered how boring she was or worse they could have been an internet date and she may have used a fake picture!

Samich

Don't think I'll bother setting up another profile. Can't bare to go back on it.

G-Money

Taking a break from it myself, I disabled my OKCupid profile about a week ago. Feeling grand so far. Sometimes I get fed up with the whole emailing, texting, calling, arranging to meet up, getting nervous, waiting around and the whole "will I like them, will I not, will they like me". Sometimes suspense is good, but I think when it comes to internet dating, it's a pain.

C.D.

"Out of my league" girl blew me off tonight when I asked her out. Guess I was right when I thought too good to be true! No idea why, we seemed to be getting on very well.

Kevin Duffy

C.D. wrote: »

"Out of my league" girl blew me off tonight when I asked her out. Guess I was right when I thought too good to be true! No idea why, we seemed to be getting on very well.

How long were you talking before you asked her out and what did blowing you out consist of?

parker kent

C.D. wrote: »

"Out of my league" girl blew me off tonight when I asked her out. Guess I was right when I thought too good to be true! No idea why, we seemed to be getting on very well.

Some people on the sites seem to do that. Larianne called it looking for a pen pal last week! You just have to take that as part of the experience.

C.D.

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

How long were you talking before you asked her out and what did blowing you out consist of?

parker kent wrote: »

Some people on the sites seem to do that. Larianne called it looking for a pen pal last week! You just have to take that as part of the experience.

A week, texting for a few days. Lots of contact, great banter, lots flirting and her being suggestive. Great connection on an intellectual level and to top it all off she doesn't drink- I had given up on finding an intelligent, good looking girl who doesn't (I don't do much of it myself).

I guess it was a case looking for a pen pal or just liking the attention. Back to the drawing board eh?

Edit: Blowing off consisting of the vague equivalent of a "maybe" followed a few hours later by a "I think we should say goodbye now".

G-Money

C.D. wrote: »

A week, texting for a few days. Lots of contact, great banter, lots flirting and her being suggestive. Great connection on an intellectual level and to top it all off she doesn't drink- I had given up on finding an intelligent, good looking girl who doesn't (I don't do much of it myself).

I guess it was a case looking for a pen pal or just liking the attention. Back to the drawing board eh?

Edit: Blowing off consisting of the vague equivalent of a "maybe" followed a few hours later by a "I think we should say goodbye now".

She sounds like a p**** tease or someone who justs wants a penpal/ego boost. I don't understand why people do that, it's just a waste of time, especially on an internet dating site. The clue is in the name, it's for dating. I've seen some girls say on their profile that they're not single and they're just looking for friends.

Yeah right, I'm sure they're just looking for friends. Not an ego boost at all, not one little bit you know :rolleyes:

stargazer 68

newbee22 wrote: »

Same here Dovies:mad: I know I'm going to sound completely shallow and actually can't believe I'm saying this but I saw a couple out over the weekend and wondered how had the girl actually got this fella. I'm not basing this totally on looks either, he was looking at his watch the whole time, up and down like a yoyo to the bar and out for some ciggies! Or maybe it was their first date and he hadn't remembered how boring she was or worse they could have been an internet date and she may have used a fake picture!

Oh thank god its not just me then!!!

Snowie

newbee22 wrote: »

Same here Dovies:mad: I know I'm going to sound completely shallow and actually can't believe I'm saying this but I saw a couple out over the weekend and wondered how had the girl actually got this fella. I'm not basing this totally on looks either, he was looking at his watch the whole time, up and down like a yoyo to the bar and out for some ciggies! Or maybe it was their first date and he hadn't remembered how boring she was or worse they could have been an internet date and she may have used a fake picture!

I was out getting some grub on my own on satruday and there were a couple to the right of me who never said a word to each other it was hilarious :pac:

she played with her phone he watched the foot ball. then they left...

people eh...

C.D.

Sooo... an update. "Out of my league girl" texted me this morning to explain why she had not wanted to meet up. She said she felt intimidated and reading between the lines was afraid of getting hurt. I'm not sure how I came across as a womanizing alpha male sort, I am anything but! I think I might have been over compensating because I thought she was out of my league (ironic huh?) I said the above to her and...

I now have a date, hopefully this weekend but we'll have to see what schedules permit. She comes across as a genuinely nice girl and not many girls would put themselves out there by explaining, but I am feeling cautiously.. cautious now. I'm worried all the drama will put enough of a dampener on the initial sparks that it won't go anywhere. Don't worry I'll keep all the boardsies updated :cool:

stargazer 68

C.D. wrote: »

I'm worried all the drama will put enough of a dampener on the initial sparks that it won't go anywhere. Don't worry I'll keep all the boardsies updated :cool:

Hmm - you havent even met for 1 date and shes afraid of getting hurt?? Dont think online dating is for her then! But good luck

C.D.

Dovies wrote: »

C.D. wrote: »

I'm worried all the drama will put enough of a dampener on the initial sparks that it won't go anywhere. Don't worry I'll keep all the boardsies updated :cool:

Hmm - you havent even met for 1 date and shes afraid of getting hurt?? Dont think online dating is for her then! But good luck

I know, but bizzarely enough I was worried about getting hurt with her too. I keep having to tell myself "stop feeling like this, you haven't even met her!". So at least both of us feel that even if my fumbling, oafish attempts at courtship said differently.

I'm no newbie to the relationship game either, mid 20s with several relationships over a year long and one two and a half years long, all interspersed with dates and flings. I'm well versed in matters of the heart and this is totally unprecedented for me and I feel rather foolish being so keen about somebody I have never met. But hey, you only live once.

That_Guy

I updated my profile... again...

Any female boardsies care to glance over it for some feedback?

liz2

That_Guy wrote: »

I updated my profile... again...

Any female boardsies care to glance over it for some feedback?

I will are you on pof?

my own profile is a load of crap, but i cudn't care less anymore lol :rolleyes:

That_Guy

liz2 wrote: »

I will are you on pof?

my own profile is a load of crap, but i cudn't care less anymore lol :rolleyes:

Aye POF.

PM sent.

G-Money

C.D. wrote: »

Sooo... an update. "Out of my league girl" texted me this morning to explain why she had not wanted to meet up. She said she felt intimidated and reading between the lines was afraid of getting hurt. I'm not sure how I came across as a womanizing alpha male sort, I am anything but! I think I might have been over compensating because I thought she was out of my league (ironic huh?) I said the above to her and...

I now have a date, hopefully this weekend but we'll have to see what schedules permit. She comes across as a genuinely nice girl and not many girls would put themselves out there by explaining, but I am feeling cautiously.. cautious now. I'm worried all the drama will put enough of a dampener on the initial sparks that it won't go anywhere. Don't worry I'll keep all the boardsies updated :cool:

Nice one dude. Glad to see she's proving us wrong. Hope it goes well

hollypink

Looks like I have another potential first date soon, I'm a bit hesitant about it, I think he might be a much more outgoing, livelier person than me, so he might find me a bit dull or I might find him a bit headwrecking!

C.D.

hollypink wrote: »

Looks like I have another potential first date soon, I'm a bit hesitant about it, I think he might be a much more outgoing, livelier person than me, so he might find me a bit dull or I might find him a bit headwrecking!

Only one way to find out..!

G-Money

hollypink wrote: »

Looks like I have another potential first date soon, I'm a bit hesitant about it, I think he might be a much more outgoing, livelier person than me, so he might find me a bit dull or I might find him a bit headwrecking!

Or you can just go out with me instead :cool:

newbee22

Any of ye lovely male boardsies on Pof wanna check out my profile and tell me whats wrong with it?! Not having any success-AT ALL!! :mad:

C.D.

newbee22 wrote: »

Any of ye lovely male boardsies on Pof wanna check out my profile and tell me whats wrong with it?! Not having any success-AT ALL!! :mad:

PM sent. And is it me or is it getting hot in here?

G-Money

newbee22 wrote: »

Any of ye lovely male boardsies on Pof wanna check out my profile and tell me whats wrong with it?! Not having any success-AT ALL!! :mad:

I'm not on POF so I can't check it but here's a few tips based on profiles I read on POF.

Make your profile interesting. Don't write something like "I like socialising, shopping, going to the gym, but I also like nights in with a DVD and a glass of vino". You would not believe the amount of girls who have something like that on their profile. Sometimes that's all they have.

Others just have rubbish like "don't know what to write here, need to write 4 lines, is this enough yet" blah blah. I guess they think their pic means they have to make no effort. :rolleyes:

I'd also put up a half decent pic. I don't mean some super professional one, but just a normal decent one. A lot of girls put up pics of themselves plastered drunk with some stupid expression on their face and it's not exactly attractive. Not saying you do this, but just some things to avoid.

But my main point would be to put effort into the profile. You have a personality, show it! The girls who often caught my eye had a decent pic but always had a really interesting profile and showed they had a sense of humour and were funny. As opposed to those girls who just think they're funny.

LollieB

had another first date at the weekend. Lovely, friendly guy, very smart & good looking & we have a freakish amount of stuff in common....but I'm not feeling anything at all?!! We had a kiss at the end of the night & he seems very interested in meeting again although we haven't arranged anything as of yet.

Not sure what to do- meet him again to see if my feelings change? I don't want to lead him on as he does seem like a genuinely lovely guy.

newbee22

G-money i think you just described my profile- need to get good at making myself sound good!

Sky King

I occasionally popped onto the dating sites back in my single days so I am familiar with the format.

I would echo G-Money's sentiments regarding stuff such as 'eh... not sure what to write here'.

I would also suggest keeping everything very positive on your profile. I personally believe that any kind of negativity gives off a negative vibe about you to the reader, perhaps even on a subconsious level.

You see profiles with stuff written such as 'I don't want a man who...' or "If you can't treat me...." or "why am I always the one who has to?".

Avoid that stuff!

Also, I've always found a passionate interest a very attractive thing. A passionate interest in anything! Even if it's something I am not that interested in myself... Maybe because of your job you're an expert in something random,.. use that to make your profile quirky: "Hi guys! You want to meet up and discuss your favourite type of electro-mechanically actuated multi-stage high pressure water transfer systems?"

Actually, maybe most people will probably think you're a complete nutjob if you write that but the 1% who find it funny will really appreciate it...