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Online Dating

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    #8852
    parker kent
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,289 ✭✭✭parker kent


    Mark27 wrote: »
    Parker_Kent: How can you waffle on about hurting her feelings by blanking her or by telling her you got back with an ex, when you are telling the OP he should tell her the truth and not hurt her.

    ANd whats the truth, sorry love i think your ugly and im not attracted to you?

    Of course you lie in these situations!!

    Waffle on? So saying that somebody should not tell an obvious lie (given that he will still be online and she will be able to see that) is waffling? You do realise that it is possible to tell somebody you are not interested whilst retaining some form of politeness and tact? Nobody is saying to say she is ugly, so don't lie and say that is what we are suggesting.

    Lets face it, rejection will always hurt. But she should be treated with enough respect to at least not fob her off with an extremely obvious lie.

    Also, not everybody feels the need to lie in these situations. I like to at least try to treat people with respect in the hope they reciprocate. We're not passing notes to each other in secondary school so we should try and be a little bit adult about it.


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    #8853
    sharper
    Registered Users Posts: 1,216 ✭✭✭sharper


    Rejection is tricky. Pretty much nobody likes being rejected and few like rejecting others. It's very tempting to just make up an excuse to avoid rejecting someone.

    The thing is though people aren't dumb. When someone suddenly goes quiet or presents some totally out of the blue and unrelated reason why they can't talk anymore it's going to raise suspicion. Likely it's not the first time they've heard something like this and when the fourth person in a row has to move out of the country suddenly they're doing to cop on.

    So being rejected isn't nice but being rejected and lied to is even worse.

    There's a risk the rejectee will go mental or worse start pleading. Most will say thanks for being honest and move on.


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    #8854
    movingtotheuk
    Closed Accounts Posts: 101 ✭✭movingtotheuk


    C.D. wrote: »
    My previous comment was in jest, I'm with stupidusername to be honest. I would simply say that I don't think there is chemistry on a physical level.

    Letting it fizzled out is not fair. She will be waiting for emails and wondering 'what if'.

    Saying you got back with your ex won't work unless you also leave the site- she will see you on there. Heck, she probably has friends on it- what if you contact them?!

    If you have moral qualms, simply ask yourself- how would I like to be treated in this situation and that will tell you the path you should take. I would want to told straight out so I'm not left hoping or thinking there is a chance.

    I'd honestly rather a lie - ignorance is bliss. Genuinely i'd rather a lie. Rejecting someone over there looks is just awful.

    Tis an awkward one and i know she will text tomorrow. I ABSOLUTELY hate this situation - i should have asked for a photo much sooner - we are practicaly friends now....


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    #8855
    booboo88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,107 ✭✭✭booboo88


    movingtotheuk wrote: »
    Nor sure what to do. If i lie she will still see im online - maybe i could block her and she might just think ive deactivated my account.

    Telling her the truth would be very tough. I don't think anyone out there would want to hear that.
    No offence, but grow a pair. Just be straight with her,


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    #8856
    Fluorescence
    Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 8,490 Mod ✭✭✭✭Fluorescence


    movingtotheuk wrote: »
    I'd honestly rather a lie - ignorance is bliss. Genuinely i'd rather a lie. Rejecting someone over there looks is just awful.

    Tis an awkward one and i know she will text tomorrow. I ABSOLUTELY hate this situation - i should have asked for a photo much sooner - we are practicaly friends now....

    I know what you mean. I second an earlier suggestion to maybe meet up once, and afterwards mention you don't think it'll work out? Better than saying so now and it being painfully obvious you don't find her attractive :/

    It's all well and good saying to man up and be honest, but to be fair a white lie would probably serve her better than an ugly truth.


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    #8857
    zuroph
    Registered Users Posts: 11,097 ✭✭✭✭zuroph


    fluorescence wrote: »
    would probably serve her better than an ugly truth.

    excuse the pun.


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    #8858
    movingtotheuk
    Closed Accounts Posts: 101 ✭✭movingtotheuk


    fluorescence wrote: »
    I know what you mean. I second an earlier suggestion to maybe meet up once, and afterwards mention you don't think it'll work out? Better than saying so now and it being painfully obvious you don't find her attractive :/

    It's all well and good saying to man up and be honest, but to be fair a white lie would probably serve her better than an ugly truth.

    Ah christ im not wasting my time meeting her!

    I can't believe this - this is supposed to be fun, supposed to be enjoyable. Instead im left with the head ache.

    Going to just go the white lie...Or else start ignoring her in a week or so - at least that way she can simply think im a prick rather having being rejected over her looks...


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    #8859
    Fluorescence
    Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 8,490 Mod ✭✭✭✭Fluorescence


    movingtotheuk wrote: »
    Ah christ im not wasting my time meeting her!

    I can't believe this - this is supposed to be fun, supposed to be enjoyable. Instead im left with the head ache.

    Going to just go the white lie...Or else start ignoring her in a week or so - at least that way she can simply think im a prick rather having being rejected over her looks...

    *shrug* Just a suggestion. Say whatever you want to her :pac:


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    #8860
    booboo88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,107 ✭✭✭booboo88


    movingtotheuk wrote: »
    Ah christ im not wasting my time meeting her!

    I can't believe this - this is supposed to be fun, supposed to be enjoyable. Instead im left with the head ache.

    Going to just go the white lie...Or else start ignoring her in a week or so - at least that way she can simply think im a prick rather having being rejected over her looks...

    Im pretty sure shes already gotten vibes? she'll think your a d!ck anyway


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    #8861
    Larianne
    Registered Users Posts: 35,954 ✭✭✭✭Larianne


    hollypink wrote: »
    I met someone in a bar recently where there was instant chemistry and while that wont go anywhere, it reminded me of whats been lacking with nearly all my internet dating experiences.

    Yep, happened to me too. Although it didn't go anywhere it definitely showed me what it should be like.
    movingtotheuk wrote: »
    Ah christ im not wasting my time meeting her!

    I can't believe this - this is supposed to be fun, supposed to be enjoyable. Instead im left with the head ache.

    Going to just go the white lie...Or else start ignoring her in a week or so - at least that way she can simply think im a prick rather having being rejected over her looks...

    Look, you're not going to float everyone's boat the same way this girl isn't floating yours. That is the risk with not having your photo up on these websites. Just be honest and upfront and stop wasting each others time. Obviously, do it with a little tact.


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    #8862
    Larianne
    Registered Users Posts: 35,954 ✭✭✭✭Larianne


    Maguined wrote: »
    I think Otis should come dressed as a pimp to set the mood.

    I can soooo see it now. :pac:


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    #8863
    movingtotheuk
    Closed Accounts Posts: 101 ✭✭movingtotheuk


    booboo88 wrote: »
    Im pretty sure shes already gotten vibes? she'll think your a d!ck anyway

    Don't think so. I'll happily have her think im a complete prick to be honest!


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    #8864
    phoenix833
    Registered Users Posts: 211 ✭✭phoenix833


    Well I haven't signed in to my POF account in about a week because as somebody else mentioned the buzz you get from meeting/flirting with people in a bar/club just can't be replaced.

    I'm on a hot streak in the public scene at the moment so I don't think I'll be visiting POF for a while yet:D


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    #8865
    Larianne
    Registered Users Posts: 35,954 ✭✭✭✭Larianne


    phoenix833 wrote: »
    I'm on a hot streak in the public scene at the moment so I don't think I'll be visiting POF for a while yet:D

    You make it sound like a chore leaving your computer! :pac:


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    #8866
    MIN2511
    Registered Users Posts: 5,398 ✭✭✭MIN2511


    movingtotheuk wrote: »
    Don't think so. I'll happily have her think im a complete prick to be honest!
    You are making a big deal out of nothing...

    It's okay if you don't like her, it's a dating site - many more fishes in the sea!


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    #8867
    parker kent
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,289 ✭✭✭parker kent


    MIN2511 wrote: »
    You are making a big deal out of nothing...

    It's okay if you don't like her, it's a dating site - many more fishes in the sea!

    I'm sure he is not the only person she is talking to either.


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    #8868
    phoenix833
    Registered Users Posts: 211 ✭✭phoenix833


    Larianne wrote: »
    You make it sound like a chore leaving your computer! :pac:


    As the age old saying goes Larianne...It's tough work but somebodys gotta do it:D


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    #8869
    WindSock
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,239 ✭✭✭✭WindSock


    Tell her she looks like your sister...


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    #8870
    User Friendly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,483 ✭✭✭User Friendly


    WindSock wrote: »
    Tell her she looks like your sister...
    :D very good! and would work.


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    #8871
    movingtotheuk
    Closed Accounts Posts: 101 ✭✭movingtotheuk


    WindSock wrote: »
    Tell her she looks like your sister...

    ****ing finally! That is now the avenue i will go down and both of us can probably have a joke about it.

    No one will get hurt, it is little white lie and a joke or two will follow.

    OUTSTANDING!


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    #8872
    newbee22
    Registered Users Posts: 937 ✭✭✭newbee22


    Another dateless weekend.....my mum said to me yesterday that in a few years I'll be living with 37 cats...time to face reality?!:rolleyes::o


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    #8873
    booboo88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,107 ✭✭✭booboo88


    newbee22 wrote: »
    Another dateless weekend.....my mum said to me yesterday that in a few years I'll be living with 37 cats...time to face reality?!:rolleyes::o

    If I didnt hate cats Id say I'd be there already:rolleyes:


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    #8874
    newbee22
    Registered Users Posts: 937 ✭✭✭newbee22


    I hate them too:(Might be my only hope of not living forever alone!:rolleyes:


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    #8875
    sharper
    Registered Users Posts: 1,216 ✭✭✭sharper


    newbee22 wrote: »
    Another dateless weekend.....my mum said to me yesterday that in a few years I'll be living with 37 cats...time to face reality?!:rolleyes::o
    The trick is to leave post-it notes around the house reminding yourself not to go above 5 cats.


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    #8876
    booboo88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,107 ✭✭✭booboo88


    newbee22 wrote: »
    I hate them too:(Might be my only hope of not living forever alone!:rolleyes:

    hmmm....what other animal could substitute a cat? im thinkin loads of dogs :)


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    #8877
    Otis Driftwood
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,925 ✭✭✭Otis Driftwood


    I dunno why people are so quick to revert to the cat theory.If you are going to be alone,get lots of dogs,at least they have some personality!


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    #8878
    MIN2511
    Registered Users Posts: 5,398 ✭✭✭MIN2511


    To everyone who posts here; we've all had ups and downs in life...

    I've tried internet dating; made friends, good and bad experiences, I could write a book! But I constantly tell myself that some people are meant to be single and maybe I'm one of those people.


    Gets me through the day :D


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    #8879
    Otis Driftwood
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,925 ✭✭✭Otis Driftwood


    To a certain extent Id agree Min.When I was younger I would have felt very much like I had to be in a relationship but now Im ok with being single.Of course being with someone steadily is great.Its nice to have someone to share things with and that you know is only too happy to give you a hug after a shytey day plus regular guilt free sex but I know alot of people that are in relationships that arent particularly happy and I reckon alot of them are with the other person because they feel its their only option.Feck that.Id rather be single and happy then be with someone just for the sake of being with someone!


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    #8880
    booboo88
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,107 ✭✭✭booboo88


    booboo88 wrote: »
    hmmm....what other animal could substitute a cat? im thinkin loads of dogs :)
    Otis Driftwood wrote: »
    I dunno why people are so quick to revert to the cat theory.If you are going to be alone,get lots of dogs,at least they have some personality!

    im clearly way ahead of you:rolleyes:


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    #8881
    MudSkipper
    Registered Users Posts: 556 ✭✭✭MudSkipper


    wahey, skippy's got a date this week :D

    *does little happy dance*


This discussion has been closed.
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