Online Dating

Lost Accent

Awful_Bliss wrote: »

I mean it when I say it knocks the confidence. It's been a lot of women at this stage. When there clearly was chemistry (it took me ages to understand what it was) they ran and hid. I'm thinking that women go on these sites to treat men like crap because they themselves have been treated like crap by men.

Attraction is incredibly subjective and I have never understood what makes some people attracted to others. I'm sorry you have had a run of bad luck but if you read previous posts in this forum (I know there is a lot) you will find others have had similar experiences. It does knock your confidence and it is rotten feeling we all have experienced.

I am sure though that there were some of these women you weren't really interested in? Also you have no idea what is going on in some people's lives. Sometimes it really is them and not you. I asked for a profile review here recently, which was really helpful. I got some points and tips in helping me improve my profile.

Finally as I a woman on a dating site, I haven't been treated like crap by men and I certainly don't intend on treating anyone like crap. I treat people how I like to be treated.

stupidusername

There's been plenty of users past and present that have complained / commented on a lack of responses or luck or connections. I don't think it's fair to be ganging up on him saying it's down to him. Maybe he's come off like he's got a tone, but in fairness to him it has to be frustration, and I don't blame him.

AB, you have to decide to either continue with it, and approach it with the right attitude, or don't and maybe just take a break.

Putsch

Awful_Bliss wrote: »

Oh yeah it's nice to get 14 people interested in me but to be knocked back 14 times is another side of the story. And I don't think I'm being aggressive in my profile by mentioning I don't like time wasters.....who does like them?

Well, if it makes you feel any better I've gone on 20+ dates without success - I try not to count though! I had a few 2nd dates, some 2nd/3rd/4th dates but also alot of dates with no follow-ups. I can usually find some chemistry towards almost all attractive females - what spurs chemistry in females though is a mystery to me - dates that went equally well from my perspective had outcomes that were the opposite.

Personally I can't really judge whether I like someone from one encounter, and as someone that's a little reserved and shy around new people it is frustrating to be judged so quickly based on one meeting - but that's the nature of online/blind dates.

stupidusername

Gah! one guy I see that I fancy, and he seems decent and interesting - only after something casual.

second guy I've just seen, on the same level as me, smart, interesting, quirky, good looking - really overweight. though he acknowledges this, has said he's getting fit and training for next years marathon, pictures of him the way he used to be are quite good.

Awful_Bliss

Thanks for the support guys. Will take a little break from it. I'll rephrase what I said earlier. SOME women rather than ALL women are on the sites to drive men berserk. Anyway, good luck to you all. May you have more luck than me.

sharper

stupidusername wrote: »

second guy I've just seen, on the same level as me, smart, interesting, quirky, good looking - really overweight. though he acknowledges this, has said he's getting fit and training for next years marathon, pictures of him the way he used to be are quite good.

What's the problem with this guy? Or are the pictures of him the way he used to be before he gained weight?

stupidusername

sharper wrote: »

What's the problem with this guy? Or are the pictures of him the way he used to be before he gained weight?

There's pictures of both.mostly of now.
My point being I wouldn't go out with someone based on a condition

tbfrance11

It's really cool to go online dating but don't take it too seriously yet, should meet up and know each other better before going to the next stage. There are lots of posers nowadays. But I suggest you go for paid sites because the users sure are after real dating there

sharper

stupidusername wrote: »

There's pictures of both.mostly of now.
My point being I wouldn't go out with someone based on a condition

Ah! I was a bit confused about the before and after - I was thinking he'd lost the weight or was on his way towards it and the pictures were of before he lost it.

Speaking from experience he's best to get himself in shape (or at least to a point where he's happier) before he starts thinking about relationships.

stupidusername

sharper wrote: »

Ah! I was a bit confused about the before and after - I was thinking he'd lost the weight or was on his way towards it and the pictures were of before he lost it.

Speaking from experience he's best to get himself in shape (or at least to a point where he's happier) before he starts thinking about relationships.

no harm in putting yourself out there though

stargazer 68

LollieB wrote: »

It's been an eye opening experience, sometimes great fun, some great people out there but I seem to be adept at picking the weird/desperate ones and the criminals.

There are definitely a few weirdos around. Had a spur of the moment date on Friday. We got around to talking about our exes - now myself and my ex get on fine and never have any problems which is what I said. He, however, was so bitter! OMG. He told me she is in trouble with the banks etc - how does he know - because he is hacking her voicemail!! He thought this was great. My instinct was to find the woman and tell her!! He also said he was looking for a xmas pressie for his son - he saw this huge digger thing and was going to get that - purely to pee her off as she would have nowhere to store it!!

Is it just me or do other find that sad and weird??

AnnyHallsal

Dovies wrote: »

There are definitely a few weirdos around. Had a spur of the moment date on Friday. We got around to talking about our exes - now myself and my ex get on fine and never have any problems which is what I said. He, however, was so bitter! OMG. He told me she is in trouble with the banks etc - how does he know - because he is hacking her voicemail!! He thought this was great. My instinct was to find the woman and tell her!! He also said he was looking for a xmas pressie for his son - he saw this huge digger thing and was going to get that - purely to pee her off as she would have nowhere to store it!!

Is it just me or do other find that sad and weird??

Red flags, Dovies. Even if he's not a bad guy usually, he obviously has a few, eh, issues, that need sorting before he gets involved with someone else.

lilyjclare

Recently on POf I started chating to this lovely guy maybe for ten days now. He puts alot of effort into his messages and i feel we really click. I know I could ask him out but I am probably old fashioned and want him to ask me me. How long do you think on average it takes for a guy to ask girl out as I dont want a penpal. I do know he is upthe walls in work. Im interested in yuor views.

thanks

cyrusdvirus

lilyjclare wrote: »

Recently on POf I started chating to this lovely guy maybe for ten days now. He puts alot of effort into his messages and i feel we really click. I know I could ask him out but I am probably old fashioned and want him to ask me me. How long do you think on average it takes for a guy to ask girl out as I dont want a penpal. I do know he is upthe walls in work. Im interested in yuor views.

thanks

In before the deluge of ASK HIM OUT suggestions...

With an Ask him out suggestion.


Forget about being slightly old fashioned. It's better off that you know before investing too much time and energy. The big drawback about online dating is the lack of visibility of body language. You can read too much into mails. Just bite the bullet

Larianne

lilyjclare wrote: »

Recently on POf I started chating to this lovely guy maybe for ten days now. He puts alot of effort into his messages and i feel we really click. I know I could ask him out but I am probably old fashioned and want him to ask me me. How long do you think on average it takes for a guy to ask girl out as I dont want a penpal. I do know he is upthe walls in work. Im interested in yuor views.

thanks

AS Gatecrash has said, just ask him out. From my own experience and reading this thread, there's quite a few shy guys doing online dating so just ask him out! YOu can be old fashioned and allow him to ask you out on the second date.

thefireinside

I've been reading this thread recently and it's really interesting to hear other people's experiences!!

Just to throw in my 2c, I used online dating many years ago and ended up going out with a lad for nearly 2years who I met on face party (old school!!), then went out with someone I met in real life for almost the same length and neither relationship worked out for me for various reasons.

On a whim I went back to online dating maybe a year ago, this time with a different approach than when I was younger. Years ago I would've indulged on weeks/months of online chatting, in an effort to be friends before meeting up, or maybe to establish some form of a relationship, I'm not sure!! This time I rarely did and switched quickly enough to txting. I feel you can get much more of a feel of someone from txting as opposed to online messaging. I know some of you might criticise me for giving out my number fairly willy nilly but if I ended up not interested for whatever reason before or after meeting I always said something along the lines of I'm really sorry but it's not going to go any further with us and best of luck with the dating etc. And I've never had any major problems with clingers! :pac:

I met a good few guys this time around, from POF, of the ones I got along with through texts and found attractive in photos. I was let down a couple of with clearly much older photos in which they looked much better and then there was others with whom there was just no spark when we met, despite getting along pretty well in texts etc and who I would've considered attractive.

Anyway, all the while I thought I had this dating thing all sussed out, there was one guy who I'd been chatting with from when I signed up first and then through to texting a lot. I had kinda written him off as friend material, we didn't have a huge amount in common and I thought his photos were ok but nothing major. And anyway, strangely he had never even made it that obvious he was interested in me in 'that way'. There was literally maybe 2 months of texting before we kinda said we'd meet as our banter was so much fun.

Now, bear in mind I wasn't even sure he was interested, I wasn't sure if I was either and then boom, it was honestly like being hit with a bus. The attraction in every way was just overwhelming!! He was much better looking in real life We took things very slow as I felt I'd rushed into relationships before and he waited and waited til i was ready to label what was going on. So now 8 months after we first met we've organised our first overseas trip for January to Prague!! I know it's early days so touch wood and all that but I'm very very happy!

I suppose what I'm trying to say by sharing my experience is stick with it, I know a lot of you get disillusioned wih the whole thing and that's very understandable! But you never know where you'll find the one you're looking for!

Don't be put off by guys that don't ask for a date quickly or don't be too put off by girls who don't always reply every time their online etc cos that's not the way me or himself were. I often didn't reply to him as I was originally more interested in other guys. But he stuck around, in what was really more of a friend capacity before we met in real life.

You never know what guy/girl might join just when you're thinking of giving up that might be the one for you!

Best of luck everyone :cool:

booboo88

Im definately doing something wrong, the only message I 've gotten is from a guy telling me how much Im ust like him as I dont reply to him cause I dont know what to say to him:rolleyes:

Kevin Duffy

booboo88 wrote: »

Im definately doing something wrong, the only message I 've gotten is from a guy telling me how much Im ust like him as I dont reply to him cause I dont know what to say to him:rolleyes:

Are you sending messages? Or sitting back hoping for the best?

Want a profile review from a bloke?

booboo88

Kevin Duffy wrote: »

Are you sending messages? Or sitting back hoping for the best?

Want a profile review from a bloke?

if you dont mind please?
I have sent a few messages, but nada.

stupidusername

profile gone

sharper

stupidusername wrote: »

profile gone

How come?

stupidusername

sharper wrote: »

How come?

fed up. i knew i wouldn't last. afraid to message anyone, besides the fact that there's only been 3 guys i fancy on it this time round. hardly anyone messaging me.

sharper

Indeed! You'd think it wouldn't be beyond the wit of man to create a way of meeting people that wasn't so draining you'd need to have someone supporting you through it.

What the world needs is some unholy combination of boards and facebook, where people can hang out and talk about that things that interest them instead of hanging out for the sake of dating.

stupidusername

sharper wrote: »

Indeed! You'd think it wouldn't be beyond the wit of man to create a way of meeting people that wasn't so draining you'd need to have someone supporting you through it.

What the world needs is some unholy combination of boards and facebook, where people can hang out and talk about that things that interest them instead of hanging out for the sake of dating.

that is what the world needs next hop to it!

eilo1

I is now internet dating!! (well im messaging people)

I feel really excited at this point finger x it works out.

Sky King

We'll Call it Faceboards™

parker kent

sharper wrote: »

What the world needs is some unholy combination of boards and facebook, where people can hang out and talk about that things that interest them instead of hanging out for the sake of dating.

stupidusername wrote: »

that is what the world needs next hop to it!

Eh...Boards???

stupidusername

parker kent wrote: »

Eh...Boards???

nah it'd have to be more facebooky in that way

eilo1

stupidusername wrote: »

nah it'd have to be more facebooky in that way

all you would need is pics and actually get people to fill in their profile.

Although I dont think Id be as honest on boards if people had a lot of information on me.

parker kent

stupidusername wrote: »

nah it'd have to be more facebooky in that way

Don't some dating sites have forums as well? It would just end up a race to thank and like everything any pretty girl said or did.