Online Dating

parker kent

There is a serious amount of nit picking to the length of time comments. I just made a comment that there is no need to spend as long getting ready for a coffee date as there is for a dinner or night out etc. In other words, it is casual, therefore it is expected that both people will be dressed and presented casually.

Anyway, the main point was that it is a coffee date. Some people made a comment that it gives the option to leave early should either decide to do so for whatever reason. So however long somebody spends getting ready, makes no difference to whether the people like each other. Nobody is saying get up and run away 5 minutes in or that coffee dates are secret "code" for anything. They are just a casual option (with all that casual meetings entail) for people who have never met each other.

liah

I hate dinner dates, myself (mainly because I don't exactly own anything nice to wear), would prefer coffee or a takeaway or something casual.

This is despite the fact that it takes me at least an hour to get ready each morning (I take ridiculously long showers and have a lot of hair that never wants to behave, eye makeup I have to inevitably re-apply a few times to make sure the eyeliner is straight - never is, and I take breaks in between each stage because I get sick of standing in front of the mirror :pac:..).

But I can see how it would be super annoying to do all that just to be out for half an hour and then go back home, regardless of the type of date tbh - I don't think a lot of guys really understand what it's like to get yourself all dolled up and have nowhere to go, so to speak. The looking good thing can take awhile and you wanna be able to at least show it off a bit Feels like a waste of an hour of your day (and how awesome you look), otherwise.

coffee_cake

I think the coffee date sounds fine, and don't overdo getting ready.
It certainly seems better to have a set cut off point, so you can decide to continue on if you get on well, or leave politely if you don't, without being stuck there.

parker kent

liah wrote: »

But I can see how it would be super annoying to do all that just to be out for half an hour and then go back home, regardless of the type of date tbh - I don't think a lot of guys really understand what it's like to get yourself all dolled up and have nowhere to go, so to speak. The looking good thing can take awhile and you wanna be able to at least show it off a bit Feels like a waste of an hour of your day (and how awesome you look), otherwise.

I don't think anybody is disputing that it would be annoying. Just that it isn't necessarily a good reason for spending 2 hours sitting in miserable, silence. I've never had a date that ended really quickly, but I think coffee does open the option for both parties to end it if they felt it was the right thing to do.

Like for example, weird creepy guy turns up and you feel it is better to get out of there ASAP. So you might be annoyed you spent a while getting ready, but the pros of staying don't outweigh the cons of wasting the effort you spent getting ready.

Anyway, if a date ends early, you should be disappointed about more than the wasted effort. It is just a pity all round for both people that it wasn't what you hoped for.

liah

parker kent wrote: »

I don't think anybody is disputing that it would be annoying. Just that it isn't necessarily a good reason for spending 2 hours sitting in miserable, silence. I've never had a date that ended really quickly, but I think coffee does open the option for both parties to end it if they felt it was the right thing to do.

Like for example, weird creepy guy turns up and you feel it is better to get out of there ASAP. So you might be annoyed you spent a while getting ready, but the pros of staying don't outweigh the cons of wasting the effort you spent getting ready.

Anyway, if a date ends early, you should be disappointed about more than the wasted effort. It is just a pity all round for both people that it wasn't what you hoped for.

I'm not saying I'd sit there for two hours for the sake of it. Just saying I appreciate the frustration it can cause, 'cuz I've been there!

magneticimpulse

Finally another woman who knows how annoying it is to spend all that time getting ready.


1st off, where are guys going with they think they need to end the date early? It has never ever occurred to me to end a date early in my years of dating 100s of guys.

2nd, do you not chat to the people before going on the date? Exchange photos? Ive never met anyone creepy on a date, just the rude prick from POF.

Really if this is the attitude of guys and online dating today. I'll never use online dating again. End off. I dont want to waste my time with guys who have a predetermined view that there is a fear they want to "end" a date. Its not gentleman enough for me. A guy should be strong enough person to deal with alot of situations. He should be able to compose himself and follow through with a date. Ive often gone to the pub on dates and the guy might be quite, but we just end up doing a pub crawl or something.

If I turned up for an 8 o clock date, id stay til 11 or midnight at least. So definitely your average 4 hour night out in the pub. I think its just rude otherwise. Especially if you took the time to scan through 100s of emails beforehand, reply to emails, exchange text/phone calls. Arranged a time and date. Get hair, make up, shower, done. Get clothes, hand bag sorted, get transport to date.

The guy would want to be a right prick to cut a date short after that effort. If he did, he would be getting a slap of my handbag and a kick in the balls.

So as result of todays conversation. Im bailing out of POF and OKC and might stick with match.com. Id rather be single then deal with that sort of high horse attitude from guys. I dont believe anyone could turn out that bad on a date. Id have to been talking to a brick on the internet for the date to turn that bad. I just dont see how it could be possible or how anybody could be so cruel to be rude!! Online dating is stressful and daunting enough as it is. If people are just going to be pricks about it and think they want to escape dates. Its not for me.

coffee_cake

Jesus if you don't like the guy ending the date "early" then move on.

Real life chemistry is completely different to online chemistry, I know from experience on that one.
As for ignoring dating websites or threatening violence just because some people on boards say so, I mean...

parker kent

liah wrote: »

I'm not saying I'd sit there for two hours for the sake of it. Just saying I appreciate the frustration it can cause, 'cuz I've been there!

You don't know the frustration of a man who has meticulously sculpted his hair with gel :pac:

I think everybody appreciates the frustration. The debate just got thrown a bit defending coffee dates.

*Plus bold statement time which will require me to take cover :pac:*. There are girls who spend longer getting ready than they really need for casual coffee meetings. The type of girl who wakes up beautiful, has a wardrobe full of perfectly fine clothes but who says she looks ugly and has nothing to wear. So there is an element of that frustration in what I say! I'm not for one second denying the personal need to spend time getting ready, nor am I saying girls shouldn't or don't need make up to look good. I know make-up is often more about confidence in yourself, than trying to look good for somebody else. I'm not falling into the trap of believing that the natural look is actually no make-up either. But there is a teensy bit of truth in that in my view.

Kevin Duffy

magneticimpulse wrote: »

my years of dating 100s of guys.

How's that working out for ya?:rolleyes:

magneticimpulse

parker kent wrote: »

You don't know the frustration of a man who has meticulously sculpted his hair with gel :pac:

I think everybody appreciates the frustration. The debate just got thrown a bit defending coffee dates.

*Plus bold statement time which will require me to take cover :pac:*. There are girls who spend longer getting ready than they really need for casual coffee meetings. The type of girl who wakes up beautiful, has a wardrobe full of perfectly fine clothes but who says she looks ugly and has nothing to wear. So there is an element of that frustration in what I say! I'm not for one second denying the personal need to spend time getting ready, nor am I saying girls shouldn't or don't need make up to look good. I know make-up is often more about confidence in yourself, than trying to look good for somebody else. I'm not falling into the trap of believing that the natural look is actually no make-up either. But there is a teensy bit of truth in that in my view.

Look my brother spends more time getting ready then me for dates!!! He can empty a full tank of water for his shower then it takes for me, my mam and dad to use!

Look its very annoying to anybody who spends time to get ready, to make a night free for a date. Only for the guy to quit and say his dog died. Talk about insulting someone! Its not about coffee dates. Its about destroying someones confidence. Yeah I think you should bare it! Are people really that bad at picking dates from online that the person turns out so different in real life?

Jeez give people a break. Who knows what they have been through in the past. They prob have built up the courage to go on the date and you want to destroy it because you think they are a minger or boring. Talk about throwing an axe around.

coffee_cake

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Look my brother spends more time getting ready then me for dates!!! He can empty a full tank of water for his shower then it takes for me, my mam and dad to use!

Look its very annoying to anybody who spends time to get ready, to make a night free for a date. Only for the guy to quit and say his dog died. Talk about insulting someone! Its not about coffee dates. Its about destroying someones confidence. Yeah I think you should bare it! Are people really that bad at picking dates from online that the person turns out so different in real life?

Jeez give people a break. Who knows what they have been through in the past. They prob have built up the courage to go on the date and you want to destroy it because you think they are a minger or boring. Talk about throwing an axe around.

Wtf.
I could say a lot more, but I won't.

I will add that if someone clearly has that amount of baggage, I would be glad of an escape route.

parker kent

magneticimpulse wrote: »

1st off, where are guys going with they think they need to end the date early? It has never ever occurred to me to end a date early in my years of dating 100s of guys.

2nd, do you not chat to the people before going on the date? Exchange photos? Ive never met anyone creepy on a date, just the rude prick from POF.

Bluewolf has already hit the nail on the head. That being said, it is not guys saying they HAVE to end dates early. It is men and women saying it gives the option. Which is a pretty big difference.

Of course people chat online, but there is big difference to getting on online and getting on in real life. Hence the notion of having a casual meet up. It lets you meet the other person and test the waters.

Plus it can be a safety thing for many people. It is easier to get away from a casual coffee. Nobody is saying knuckle dragging, drooling weirdos are everywhere, just that it is no harm to be cautious when meeting a stranger.

There is no need to get your knickers in a twist over this and label everybody on POF, OKCupid or any other site as worthless.

magneticimpulse

bluewolf wrote: »

Wtf.
I could say a lot more, but I won't.

I will add that if someone clearly has that amount of baggage, I would be glad of an escape route.

Its nothing about baggage. Its just about not being so blunt, f*cking rude to people.

One guy PM'ed me and told me he had an egg hunt planned for his date yesterday. But when she turned up he thought she was a minger or whatever. And ended the date. Where do people get off with being so rude? Would it really hurt to go looking for a few eggs?

coffee_cake

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Its nothing about baggage. Its just about not being so blunt, f*cking rude to people.

One guy PM'ed me and told me he had an egg hunt planned for his date yesterday. But when she turned up he thought she was a minger or whatever. And ended the date. Where do people get off with being so rude? Would it really hurt to go looking for a few eggs?

What the fcuk are you even talking about now?

We said a basic coffee date. Let's meet up and have a quick coffee. Pre-arranged to have the coffee and leave. Either get on and do something else after, or arrange another date, or say thanks for the date and both leave as already arranged. Nobody is talking about leaving early in the middle of dinner ffs.

magneticimpulse

parker kent wrote: »

Bluewolf has already hit the nail on the head. That being said, it is not guys saying they HAVE to end dates early. It is men and women saying it gives the option. Which is a pretty big difference.

Of course people chat online, but there is big difference to getting on online and getting on in real life. Hence the notion of having a casual meet up. It lets you meet the other person and test the waters.

Plus it can be a safety thing for many people. It is easier to get away from a casual coffee. Nobody is saying knuckle dragging, drooling weirdos are everywhere, just that it is no harm to be cautious when meeting a stranger.

There is no need to get your knickers in a twist over this and label everybody on POF, OKCupid or any other site as worthless.

Online profile deleting now...i dont have to take this crap.

Oh and your so funny kevin duffy!

tbh

right folks, I think this thread has run it's course. It'll be closed shortly, any final remarks, make them now.

coffee_cake

MI it's a good thing you are deleting your profile if you take everything so personally - work through your issues first

magneticimpulse

yeah thanks bluewolf. my life will be brighter without your insults

ToniTuddle

magneticimpulse wrote: »

One guy PM'ed me and told me he had an egg hunt planned for his date yesterday. But when she turned up he thought she was a minger or whatever. And ended the date. Where do people get off with being so rude? Would it really hurt to go looking for a few eggs?

The girl could end up more hurt as she might think...wow what an awesome date he must really like me to go to all this effort. So he would have possibly been leading her on if he did do what he had planned.

She had no idea what he had planned either. So it's not like she is going to be all devastated as she doesn't know!

tbh

Closing thread.

MI, I strongly suggest that if you want to continue posting in this forum, you learn to take things less personally. I don't appreciate you reporting the same post minutes apart - we're (the mods) not here to protect your feelings. If you continue to abuse the reported post function by multiply reporting trivial posts, I will assume that the forum isn't for you and remove your access, for your benefit and everyone elses. I suggest that you read and consider this post carefully. I will not be responding to PM's on this issue.

tbh

Ok folks, following some representations we've decided to re-open this thread as it seems to be a useful resource.

Please keep things civil, please use the report function to report any problematic posts - do not engage these posts yourself - and keep yourselves nice.

Galvasean

Thank the Gods the thread has been re-opened!

Remember all that good luck I was having recently? Gone! Ever since this thread closed I have yet to receive a single email and have been getting blanked completely!

Hmmm... the women must be sobering up after the long weekend

Otis Driftwood

What about the ones you were emailing already Galva - the dino fans?

cantdecide

Galvasean wrote: »

...Remember all that good luck I was having recently? Gone!...

That's a shame, matey. Having seen one or two of your pics, I would have thought you would have been a hit with the ladies. You keep us boardsies well entertained, too. It's a mystery.

I think you need an 'angle'. There's no point being a decent bloke who surfs or is a keen amateur photographier or tiddly-winker. You have to be 'Galvasean: Surfer' or Galvasean: photographer extraordinaire. Abandon all modesty and Sell Sell Sell!

Galvasean

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

What about the ones you were emailing already Galva - the dino fans?

*shrugs shoulders* Extinct?

coffee_cake

Maybe they are just recovering from the long weekend gal, and can't face anyone or anything today in work

Otis Driftwood

Galvasean wrote: »

*shrugs shoulders* Extinct?

How many mails had you exchanged?

bluewolf wrote: »

Maybe they are just recovering from the long weekend gal, and can't face anyone or anything today in work

Thats a good point,the post bank holiday blues SUUUUUUCK.

tbh

Galvasean wrote: »

Thank the Gods the thread has been re-opened!

Remember all that good luck I was having recently? Gone! Ever since this thread closed I have yet to receive a single email and have been getting blanked completely!

You owe a townie of mine a pint so

parker kent

Yeah I wouldn't worry too much yet, day after a bank holiday weekend it is to be expected people be slow getting back to you. Not everybody is chronically addicted to the Internet like us hardcore Boardsies :pac:

coffee_cake

parker kent wrote: »

Yeah I wouldn't worry too much yet, day after a bank holiday weekend it is to be expected people be slow getting back to you. Not everybody is chronically addicted to the Internet like us hardcore Boardsies :pac:

That's so true. I really should get some work done in this last hour before I leave :pac::pac::pac: