Online Dating

Screaminmidget

"How did ye meet"
"I poked her"

:pac:

parker kent

qz wrote: »

To be honest, it's to be expected. This thread is full of positive sentiments of the whole concept of online dating and you'd have to agree that this is the minority view, although the fact that it's all accumulated in this thread would lead you to believe that it's the norm. Realistically, society outside of this thread would not be as open to the notion as we would, so while the segment may seem ridiculous it's actually the majority view. Whether or not that should be the case is a different question obviously.

I think everything on Boards needs to viewed through that prism. The notion of ever decreasing circles means similar people will end up doing similar things.

Galvasean

Blergh, the Late late is known for having retarded* audience members, particularly those who speak up.

*No offense to those who are actually retarded, what I mean is gob****es.

panda100

Denisejcc wrote: »

So jealous of all your dates, I cant get a date, I just get strings of emails with chit chat :mad::mad:

Well If after a month of emailing know meetup has been suggested then I will suggest it. If the guy doesn't seem that interested in meeting up then I don't bother replying as I'm not interested in having a virtual relationship.

Denisejcc wrote: »

This isnt a very positive view on online dating at all

Uh knew it would be like that, full of cliches and gender stereotypes! Irish media love portraying men and women as two separate species.

Neonjack

Just plucked this off the message boards on AF. Written by a member. -

Dating for Dummies – Part 1 (for women)

1.Dating to find “the one” is a bit of a conflict in terms – think of dating as a way of developing and fine-tuning your bull**** radar.

2.Profiles can be works of fiction – you don’t actually have to believe EVERYTHING you read, nothing wrong with a healthy dose of cynicism.

3.Emailing and texting someone you’ve never met is NOT the beginnings of a “relationship” its emailing and texting someone you’ve never met.

4.Any fool can present themselves as anything they want on the internet – but it takes a special kind of fool to take them seriously.

5.To survive “internet” dating you really should learn to take everything you hear and see with a massive pinch of salt.

6.Don’t allow your own fears, insecurities and feelings of isolation to sell yourself short or to open the door to any smooth-talking bull****ting predator on the “net” – fears can be faced, insecurities can be overcome and isolation can be a thing of the past if you give yourself a chance to learn and grow and be your very best self – you don’t need someone else to validate your existence.

7.The old adage “fools rush in where angels fear to tread” applies in buckets on the “net” – the greatest emotional investment you’ll make is in yourself – don’t squander it on the first lothario that comes sniffin around – it takes time to know someone, real time IN real time – and it’s worth it.

8.Above all be yourself – you are unique, there’s only one you – maintaining a false persona is tiring and rarely fools anyone for very long – so don’t kid yourself that you can keep it going successfully.

9.Don’t be blind to the real genuine kind and decent human beings that you will encounter – not all stars come in pretty packages – beauty really is skin deep – but ugly goes right to the bone.

10.When in doubt.............................DON’T.


Dating for Dummies – Part 2 (for men)

1.Guys, in spite of what your mammy told ya – you’re NOT God’s gift to womankind – there really aren’t shed loads of women lurking on the internet desperate sad lonely and anxious to be “plucked” from their manless existence by YOU!

2.Everything you know or think you know about women is wrong – everything your “mates” told you about women is wrong - especially if they’ve been dumped by more women than they’ve had hot dinners.


3.There are three types of women you really should watch out for:

a)Women who hate themselves – these will be looking to you to fill in the blanks in their lives, you represent the “something missing” from their lives – it’s not personal – its psychological, this is a relatively small group of women, you hook up with one of these, and it’s been nice knowing ya, cos you’ll be kissing your previous life of freedom and fun bye bye.

b)Women who hate men – another small but distinctive group, if you like being bullied, dictated too, put down, made fun off, go for it, there’ll be lots of “rules” about what you can or can’t do, should or shouldn’t do all presented to you as examples of what you need to do to “prove” how faithful, committed and dedicated you are to “the relationship” which by the way – you don’t get a say in.


c)Women who hate their mothers – a very small but distinctive group, for this little band, you represent everything SHE knows her mother will hate – her life is a constant battle to “prove HER mother wrong” – will come across as independent, free-speaking, “spiritual” new-agey and into every weird and wacky philosophy out there.

4.Don’t fool yourself that just because a woman agrees to go on a “date” with you that its because you’ve charmed her, enchanted her with your riveting personality and good looks – women tend to be too polite to say no – don’t fool yourself into thinking that because she smiled, nodded and let you ramble on and on and on about whatever that she was so fascinated by you that you’ve cracked it – nope – again – women will let you do that because they’re too polite to tell you to just shut up!!

5.Dating does NOT = yes I will have sex with you – nor does it give you permission to grab, grope or slobber all over her – newsflash guys – women are NOT complimented, grateful or thrilled to be viewed simply as a means to satisfy YOUR “needs”

6.Put some effort into yourself – just being “male” isn’t actually enough, just talking about football, is mind-numbingly boring, take a good long hard look at yourself BEFORE you leave the house, the beer belly, comb-over, white socks combo is NOT really the “best look” for...............anybody.

7.Don’t talk-over her, or interrupt constantly, don’t take every opportunity to point out how much more about EVERYTHING you know – you don’t – try listening – to the actual words that is – not just the one or two keywords that are YOUR cue to jump right in there with YOUR analysis opinion or solution.

8.If you DO go on a date and decide that you DON’T want to pursue this – have the common courtesy to say so – a text or a phone call THE NEXT DAY, saying “thank you for the lovely time but...................................” women don’t get upset or annoyed because YOU’VE decided not to take one date further, they get upset and annoyed because its rude discourteous and ill-mannered to leave a person hanging on for days wondering – guys, women are more likely to give YOU the benefit of the doubt even if they weren’t exactly “swept of their feet” by you.

9.Please bear this in mind – women talk – a lot – to one another – if you think that the internet is a female candy store and you’ve got unlimited pocket money – think again – you’ll get away with – for a while – but not for long.

10. Guys – women can be the yin to your yang, the alpha to your omega, the best friend you ever had, the one who will support you through thick and thin, be glad when you succeed, sad when it just won’t come together, bring out the best in you, and forgive the worst, if you’ll let them – but tread carefully – or you may find yourself setting in motion the beginnings of a hurricane – the old adage “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” really should read “hell hath no fury like a woman taken for granted, disrespected, used, or made a fool off”

Happy Dating everyone

liah

Not sure I like that post. Seems to demonize guys and make women seem insecure..

Not that there's stuff in there I disagree with. But it seems pretty unbalanced.

Neonjack

The writer says that she's been dating online for 5 years. It's her personal opinion. I thought it was interesting.

liah

Going to try and write my own now :pac:

Dating for Dummies, Revised!

#1 - The Golden Rule
Be honest about yourself. You will not find a satisfying relationship (regardless of what type) if you are not completely honest about who you are and what you want. This is especially true if you're looking for the right person - the right person will love you for you, including all your flaws, weaknesses, and quirks. By lying about yourself and what you want, you may increase your chances (this depends, obviously), but the relationship will not last - it can't. If you want a happy relationship, put your entire self out there, and the type of people you want to respond will respond - trust me!

#2 - Do Unto Others..
Treat your date how you want to be treated. If you don't want them to play games with you, don't play games with them. If you want them to be honest with you, be honest with them. If you want them to treat you well, treat them well. If you want them to text you the next day, text them the next day. If you want them to ask you out, ask them out. Etcetera. If you don't, don't be surprised when it all falls apart. And if it falls apart even when you do all these things, they're not right for you to begin with.

#3 - Handle Rejection Gracefully
Literally everyone gets rejected. Every single living person on the planet has experienced rejection. It is a part of life, so drill that as far into your skull as possible. Another thing worth drilling in is the idea that there are billions of people in the world - there are many, many, many people who you could be very happy with. Equally, there are many, many, many people who you could be absolutely miserable with. If one person rejects you, the only thing it means is that you are not suited to each other. It's not the other person's fault. It's not your fault. Take it as a filtering process, helping you to get closer to the person that is right for you.

#4 - Be Skeptical, But Not Jaded
Finding people do date online isn't really that much different from finding people in the real world to date. There's no reason to be excessively paranoid about it. Everyone uses the internet these days - think about all the people you know who are completely normal, and then all the ones you know who are absolutely nuts. The ratio is roughly the same online. People lie to you in real life too, about all kinds of things - the only thing people online can lie about that people offline can't is their physical appearance. Literally everything else has the (very slim) potential to be a complete fabrication. Basically, apply the same rules to yourself online as you would offline - be skeptical, but don't be paranoid. Chances of anything genuinely bad happening to you are slim to none, the worst is generally meeting up with someone who looks different than their pictures, and all that requires is a polite "not interested" (if that's how you feel). No reason to make a big deal about the deception part of it. Dating in general is a minefield, so don't get jaded about the online aspect of it. Just make sure your first date is in public (should do that with strangers in real life, too)!

#5 - Don't Have a Goal
I guess this is a bit of a weird one, but let me explain.
Don't go into a expecting to get your bit at the end of the night. Don't go into it expecting to spend the rest of your life with the person. Honestly? Don't go into it for any other reason than to enjoy yourself with the person, and if it's right, it should just progress naturally. But you shouldn't ever try to force a situation or goal - life and people don't work like that, and it can be a pretty unhealthy thing to do. Learn to enjoy spending time simply conversing and learning about another person, rather than focusing on where you want the relationship to go. This builds a much more natural rapport and, at least in my opinion, sets down a great base for a solid relationship if everything goes well.
And just because you shouldn't set those goals immediately doesn't mean they may not just happen naturally!


..Bah, that's all I could come up with before I got bored of typing.. :pac:

Neonjack

liah wrote: »

#5 - Don't Have a Goal
Don't go into a expecting to get your bit at the end of the night. Don't go into it expecting to spend the rest of your life with the person. Honestly? Don't go into it for any other reason than to enjoy yourself with the person, and if it's right, it should just progress naturally.

I've been dating online for about 3 years on and off. This is pretty much the best advice you could give to anyone considering it.
Just have fun with it, but don't mess people around.

stupidusername

qz wrote: »

Ah here that couple John and Nicola in the audience were on that RTE show Don't Tell the Bride. And she is still a smoking hottie!

Still? Why would it have changed..?

Rossin

id be afraid people i know would see it,i also couldnt fill the profile in properly for the same reason, i dont think its for me! took my page down after a week on oc

then the fact that you have to initiate stuff as well makes it even harder, back to the pub it is

qz

Oh you know, letting herself go now that's she's off the market

Neonjack

Rossin wrote: »

id be afraid people i know would see it

If they see it, it's only because they're on the site too.

Amtmann

Neonjack wrote: »

Just plucked this off the message boards on AF. Written by a member.

...

Terrible post (not your's, Neonjack, her's). Very unbalanced. Clearly whoever wrote it has a poor understanding of men.

liah

Tremelo wrote: »

Terrible post (not your's, Neonjack, her's). Very unbalanced. Clearly whoever wrote it has a poor understanding of men.

While I agree with you, there certainly are a lot of men out there that what she wrote applies to and I've had similar passing thoughts with some guys.

It is hugely unbalanced though, as I said - for every minirant against guys in there, there exists somewhere an equivalent one for women!

Rossin

Neonjack wrote: »

If they see it, it's only because they're on the site too.

well they could be just lurking, ive done it myself little to be doing

Amtmann

Well, I have my third date with herself tomorrow. The last one went very well so we'll see how this next one pans out. It'll be a slow burn if it leads to a relationship (which it might; I've got that feeling), but it suits me. I haven't logged in to PoF since I found her on it. I'm very busy with life anyway, and one woman is more than enough for me at present

Otis Driftwood

Good stuff man,sounds promising.Have fun!

Magic Eight Ball

Neonjack wrote: »

Dating for Dummies – Part 2 (for men)

1.Guys, in spite of what your mammy told ya – you’re NOT God’s gift to womankind – there really aren’t shed loads of women lurking on the internet desperate sad lonely and anxious to be “plucked” from their manless existence by YOU!

2.Everything you know or think you know about women is wrong – everything your “mates” told you about women is wrong - especially if they’ve been dumped by more women than they’ve had hot dinners.


3.There are three types of women you really should watch out for:

a)Women who hate themselves – these will be looking to you to fill in the blanks in their lives, you represent the “something missing” from their lives – it’s not personal – its psychological, this is a relatively small group of women, you hook up with one of these, and it’s been nice knowing ya, cos you’ll be kissing your previous life of freedom and fun bye bye.

b)Women who hate men – another small but distinctive group, if you like being bullied, dictated too, put down, made fun off, go for it, there’ll be lots of “rules” about what you can or can’t do, should or shouldn’t do all presented to you as examples of what you need to do to “prove” how faithful, committed and dedicated you are to “the relationship” which by the way – you don’t get a say in.


c)Women who hate their mothers – a very small but distinctive group, for this little band, you represent everything SHE knows her mother will hate – her life is a constant battle to “prove HER mother wrong” – will come across as independent, free-speaking, “spiritual” new-agey and into every weird and wacky philosophy out there.

4.Don’t fool yourself that just because a woman agrees to go on a “date” with you that its because you’ve charmed her, enchanted her with your riveting personality and good looks – women tend to be too polite to say no – don’t fool yourself into thinking that because she smiled, nodded and let you ramble on and on and on about whatever that she was so fascinated by you that you’ve cracked it – nope – again – women will let you do that because they’re too polite to tell you to just shut up!!

5.Dating does NOT = yes I will have sex with you – nor does it give you permission to grab, grope or slobber all over her – newsflash guys – women are NOT complimented, grateful or thrilled to be viewed simply as a means to satisfy YOUR “needs”

6.Put some effort into yourself – just being “male” isn’t actually enough, just talking about football, is mind-numbingly boring, take a good long hard look at yourself BEFORE you leave the house, the beer belly, comb-over, white socks combo is NOT really the “best look” for...............anybody.

7.Don’t talk-over her, or interrupt constantly, don’t take every opportunity to point out how much more about EVERYTHING you know – you don’t – try listening – to the actual words that is – not just the one or two keywords that are YOUR cue to jump right in there with YOUR analysis opinion or solution.

8.If you DO go on a date and decide that you DON’T want to pursue this – have the common courtesy to say so – a text or a phone call THE NEXT DAY, saying “thank you for the lovely time but...................................” women don’t get upset or annoyed because YOU’VE decided not to take one date further, they get upset and annoyed because its rude discourteous and ill-mannered to leave a person hanging on for days wondering – guys, women are more likely to give YOU the benefit of the doubt even if they weren’t exactly “swept of their feet” by you.

9.Please bear this in mind – women talk – a lot – to one another – if you think that the internet is a female candy store and you’ve got unlimited pocket money – think again – you’ll get away with – for a while – but not for long.

10. Guys – women can be the yin to your yang, the alpha to your omega, the best friend you ever had, the one who will support you through thick and thin, be glad when you succeed, sad when it just won’t come together, bring out the best in you, and forgive the worst, if you’ll let them – but tread carefully – or you may find yourself setting in motion the beginnings of a hurricane – the old adage “hell hath no fury like a woman scorned” really should read “hell hath no fury like a woman taken for granted, disrespected, used, or made a fool off”

Happy Dating everyone

Condescending bull****! :rolleyes:

stupidusername

qz wrote: »

Oh you know, letting herself go now that's she's off the market

Oh right yeah.ok

TaraFoxglove

I used to have a subscription on match.ie. It's now lapsed because I cannot afford to continue with the subscription at the moment but I can still get messages. I logged on there for the first time in months out of curiosity after looking at this thread. I had an email from some dude. In it he said:

"Read your profile and you sound decent.
Have a read of mine and get back to me if you are interested in having a chat.
But I will want to see a pic, cause the last person i was talking to totally mis represent themselves.

I am good fun, good humored and genuine person, but this thing is time consuming and I don't want to waste more than I have to on it."

and

"I like the sound of you from your profile
But could you send me a pic to person @hotmail.com if you are not going to put one up or tell me you face book name.

You sound nice and chilled

But have a read of my profile and see if you might be interested. If you are I'd love to talk to you to see what your like.

Regards,"

Er, eek! :eek:

This is how NOT to do it.

EDIT: Sorry mods if posting messages isn't allowed.

Jesus Wept

I'm pleased for you Tara, congrats imo.

TaraFoxglove

The-Rigger wrote: »

I'm pleased for you Tara, congrats imo.

Feck off, you sarky fecker. [/Father Jack] :pac:

Oh and a guy I was interested in a few months ago, who cut contact with me immediately after me sending him my pic, has now just "winked" at me. W.T.F.

Online dating is mad shít altogether.

Darlughda

Feeling v.low right now. Meet someone tonight from okcupid and I really enjoyed myself. Maybe, I was not massively interested in him romantically, but the thought was there ...I would like to see him again.

I have met other guys from that site and others, who have been nice, interesting, attractive etc, but I wasnt interested in pursuing anything further.

However, I got the distinct impression from him tonight, only as we were saying our goodbyes, that he wasn't interested.

Thing is he kept using the self deprecating armour of humour, and the boyish charm of 'I'm just a computer geek' role all night that it makes it hard now to know if I am right about him not being interested.

However, rejection sucks. I don't think I'll be emailing him to find out if I am right or not.

qz

stupidusername wrote: »

Oh right yeah.ok

:rolleyes: Leave it out.

stupidusername

qz wrote: »

:rolleyes: Leave it out.

what?

goldentouch

Hi Guys

I'm currently on POF, I've met a few guys, was only interested in one of them but turns out he is looking for nsa, even though his profile said he was seeking a relationship.

The other I've met were nice guys but no spark, one date was a complete disaster but I suppose that is bound to happen.

Its so tough to find a guy who genuinely wants to date and has no other motives

Larianne

Darlughda wrote: »

However, rejection sucks. I don't think I'll be emailing him to find out if I am right or not.

But then he might think you're not interested and won't get in touch and its a vicious circle. :cool:

panda100

Darlughda wrote: »

Feeling v.low right now. Meet someone tonight from okcupid and I really enjoyed myself. Maybe, I was not massively interested in him romantically, but the thought was there ...I would like to see him again.

I have met other guys from that site and others, who have been nice, interesting, attractive etc, but I wasnt interested in pursuing anything further.

However, I got the distinct impression from him tonight, only as we were saying our goodbyes, that he wasn't interested.

Thing is he kept using the self deprecating armour of humour, and the boyish charm of 'I'm just a computer geek' role all night that it makes it hard now to know if I am right about him not being interested.

However, rejection sucks. I don't think I'll be emailing him to find out if I am right or not.

How did you get the impression he wasn't interested?What did he say when he was leaving? Did he mention anything about meeting up again?

I had my second meeting off OkCupid tonight. There was some crazy mixed signals! When I met him his face visibly dropped and the first thing he said was that he didn't think I would be so tall. Well, duh, It says 6' on my profile! He said he had to leave earlyish as he had to catch a flight tommorow. I felt it was a bit of a brush off, which is fair enough as sometimes there just is no physical attraction. I thought we would be just staying for one drink and that was it. Yet, each time I came back from the toilet he had another drink in front of me. I thought he was just being polite so I suggested heading home at the end of the third drink and he asked me If I wanted to go somewhere else for a bite to eat.

I didn't get the vibes of him that he fancied me, or that there was any spark. I don't know why he was drawing out what was a pretty uncomfortable date. He seemed to get more chatty as the night went on though, so maybe I might give him another chance.

I will allow myself one night tonight though of wallowing in my own self pity. As much fun as it is dating lots of different guys, I just want to meet someone cool, interesting and nice.Is that so much to ask for men of Ireland?!

Darlughda

Larianne wrote: »

But then he might think you're not interested and won't get in touch and its a vicious circle. :cool:

Yes. But, he told me just before we left that he though I was a great person etc, eeek rejection intro! Then dodged my kisses as I said goodbye, and ran? I thought he kinda fancied me, but I must have been wrong.:mad:

panda100 wrote: »

How did you get the impression he wasn't interested?What did he say when he was leaving? Did he mention anything about meeting up again?

I had my second meeting off OkCupid tonight. There was some crazy mixed signals! When I met him his face visibly dropped and the first thing he said was that he didn't think I would be so tall. Well, duh, It says 6' on my profile! He said he had to leave earlyish as he had to catch a flight tommorow. I felt it was a bit of a brush off, which is fair enough as sometimes there just is no physical attraction. I thought we would be just staying for one drink and that was it. Yet, each time I came back from the toilet he had another drink in front of me. I thought he was just being polite so I suggested heading home at the end of the third drink and he asked me If I wanted to go somewhere else for a bite to eat.

I didn't get the vibes of him that he fancied me, or that there was any spark. I don't know why he was drawing out what was a pretty uncomfortable date. He seemed to get more chatty as the night went on though, so maybe I might give him another chance.

I will allow myself one night tonight though of wallowing in my own self pity. As much fun as it is dating lots of different guys, I just want to meet someone cool, interesting and nice.Is that so much to ask for men of Ireland?!

Oh golly I do hope he isn't one of those serious problem drinkers who will do anything to have a drink in company of a female! However, he may be chronically shy, strange though you got no vibes of him fancying you though.