Online Dating

amandaf675

kingtut wrote: »

Ah no everyone is meant to date I think
Do you ever send guys messages or do you wait for them to send you ones? No harm in making the first move if you don't usually...

Ah id send first messages and put effort into them aswel

Amtmann

kingtut wrote: »

Don't give up!!

Do you have photos on your profile? Is your profile very bare and says nothing about you? I get a lot of messages from women however most of the messages lead me to think that they have not even read my profile and only looked at my pics :rolleyes::(

+1. Write a lot about yourself on your profile, and take the time to write it properly. You'll attract quality men if you do that. You'll continue to attract chancers as well, but it'll be easy to tell if someone actually took the time to read your profile by the content of the message they send you.

** Also, personally, I always avoid profiles where all the pics consist of the girl holding an alcoholic drink in her hand, or pics that were clearly taken on a night out. It's a personal thing, but if all her pics were taken in pubs, I'd assume she was a one-trick pony socially and had few other interests/leisure pursuits. Not fair perhaps, but it just goes to show the importance of having a well-balanced profile imo.

amandaf675

i never put pics up of a night out.. EVER!!Cause i always look a mess in them haha

Ah I Just seem ta attract loosers on em.. Sicka gettin messgaes sayin "ya up for a bita fun".. Its like.. " em no.. do i look like i want to sleep with a complete and utter stranger""

Amtmann

amandaf675 wrote: »

Ah I Just seem ta attract loosers on em.. Sicka gettin messgaes sayin "ya up for a bita fun".. Its like.. " em no.. do i look like i want to sleep with a complete and utter stranger""

They're annoying messages alright. If you're on PoF you can set it up so that people who want to contact you must type a minimum number of characters. On my profile, I also had a number of rules that people should abide by if they wanted to contact me:

1) Have a picture
2) No text-speak
3) There must be more to your weekend than getting locked

I'm sure those rules put a lot of people off messaging me, but that's exactly what I wanted tbh

amandaf675

Tremelo wrote: »

They're annoying messages alright. If you're on PoF you can set it up so that people who want to contact you must type a minimum number of characters. On my profile, I also had a number of rules that people should abide by if they wanted to contact me:

1) Have a picture
2) No text-speak
3) There must be more to your weekend than getting locked

I'm sure those rules put a lot of people off messaging me, but that's exactly what I wanted tbh

Ah Cool Hun!! May Go Change Some Settings Me Thinks

kingtut

Tremolo - Your advice is amazing!!

amandaf675 wrote: »

Ah Cool Hun!! May Go Change Some Settings Me Thinks

Yes you can block people with no photo, people who are married, people are not within a certain age range, people who are looking for sex etc and there is always a block user button!!! (usable only if a user has sent you a message)

IrishEyes19

Galvasean wrote: »

Might as well vent while I'm here...



Gone from this to flat out non-response now. I don't get it. She said 'if you get some free time during the week let me know so we can meet up'. So I give her a buzz today saying I'm finished nice n' early tomorrow and if she wants to do anything. Not so much as a response. Seems since she went out that night after her exams finished her interest has rapidly deteriorated. I was willing to brush off the bland/formal texts as a symptom of hangover, but this really does feel like the cold shoulder now. Must have picked herself up a fella or something..
Oh well, I've chased/worked enough on this one. I said I'd give it one more go. Nothing doing. Time to move on methinks. No point chasing shadows.

As everyone else said, her loss Galvasean. What does it take these days for people to just give an honest call saying things aren't really working out rather than leaving people wondering :rolleyes:

I say we go back to the old days, where maiden's dropped their hankerchiefs and knights in shining armour would win them in battles. haha. And a match is made. Far more civil in light of the texting and dating woes we have today hehe

swapple

Damn, still no message from guy I asked out on Monday
Must get around to adopting that 'win some, lose some' attitude :rolleyes:

Amtmann

swapple wrote: »

Damn, still no message from guy I asked out on Monday

Had you been chatting to him for long before asking him out?

Must get around to adopting that 'win some, lose some' attitude :rolleyes:

Yup. Men deal with this regularly. Don't take it to heart. Nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that.

swapple

Tremelo wrote: »

Had you been chatting to him for long before asking him out?

Almost two weeks, and it wasn't just one liners back and forth so thought I'd just go for it!

Tremelo wrote: »

Yup. Men deal with this regularly. Don't take it to heart. Nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that.

That's what I keep telling myself! I'd rather know if he wasn't keen than keep pretending!

18AD

You guys actually get replies?

I thought the whole thing was a fake :pac:

Galvasean

Gillo wrote: »

In fairness to her she may have felt that she liked you at first, there's only so much you can learn from an email.

Date FTR. We got beyond emailing.

Gillo wrote: »

That said the least she could do is send a text or email saying Thanks, but no thanks.

especially after telling me she was looking forward to seeing me again (more than once) grr...

Denisejcc

Still disillusioned by the whole thing tbh

Still just get messages and no mention ever of meeting up!

Amtmann

swapple wrote: »

Almost two weeks, and it wasn't just one liners back and forth so thought I'd just go for it!



That's what I keep telling myself! I'd rather know if he wasn't keen than keep pretending!

Well, my advice regarding internet dating is to try to move pretty quickly towards asking someone out. I know others here seem to have waited weeks, but personally I'm opposed to that. I generally try to get a decent conversation going back and forth over email/messages, much like you can get a conversation going on these threads here on Boards. If you're online and the person you're communicating with is online at the same time, it can be fun to exchange emails over the course of an afternoon/evening. When their replies come quickly and there's a good flow to it all, you know that you've clicked. That's when I casually suggest meeting for a coffee and a chat. They always say yes once you have that good rapport built up.

However, drag it out for too long and misunderstandings over email/messages tend to become inevitable. Also, you can build up an unrealistic impression of the other person in your mind. Finally, if someone is still reluctant to meet me after having exchanged a good few messages over a day or three, then I just lose interest. I wonder why they're on it if they're so slow to meet, I tend to equate it with time-wasting, and figure they must be too different from me for us to get along properly in real-life. Again, that's just my take on it and I have a 'type' I go for on ID, the type relating to how they convey themselves over the web.

Marty McFly

Denisejcc wrote: »

Still disillusioned by the whole thing tbh

Still just get messages and no mention ever of meeting up!

Would you not take the bull by the horns and suggest meeting up?

Or maybe are you giving off the right vibes with the people your chatting with? Some people on the sites can have a very formal way of writing, there on internet dating but still kind of sceptical of the whole thing which comes off in there mails. I always like someone who i can have a good bit of banter with and a little flirt.

coffee_cake

Denisejcc wrote: »

Still disillusioned by the whole thing tbh

Still just get messages and no mention ever of meeting up!

why are you sitting around waiting for someone to suggest it to you, just say it

oompaloompa

Tremelo wrote: »

They're annoying messages alright. If you're on PoF you can set it up so that people who want to contact you must type a minimum number of characters. On my profile, I also had a number of rules that people should abide by if they wanted to contact me:

1) Have a picture
2) No text-speak
3) There must be more to your weekend than getting locked

I'm sure those rules put a lot of people off messaging me, but that's exactly what I wanted tbh

I have no text speak on my profile and still I get messages full of text speak.... can't they read or do they think they're originally and witty?

Amtmann

Just wondering, how do people here generally phrase the whole 'asking out' part? Me, I always ask the girl if she'd "like to join me for a coffee and a conversation some evening". I don't really deviate all that much from this phrase.

It's a simple way of asking someone out, and I put more than a little thought into it.

Firstly, I think that as a question, it comes across as less loaded than "would you like to go out with me some time?" or "would you let me take you out for a drink/dinner/whatever?" You're asking them to join you. The verb has a different connotation.

Secondly, I think *some* girls can perceive you as being in the palm of their hands/attempting to impress them if you put the onus on yourself to "take her out", thereby setting up a situation where YOU feel YOU have to do the impressing. With coffee situations, it becomes more equitable.

Thirdly, I ask someone out for a casual coffee and conversation because, frankly, that's all I want from them at this point. I'm basically testing the water with them, to see if I actually like them, and if we click. I don't actually want to have dinner with someone I have never met before.

Fourthly, following on from the above, I am unwilling to take a stranger out for dinner. For me it's too formal for a first date and it's costly. I think people are more at ease in coffee shop situations, so you get to see a truer picture of them than you would in some restaurant.

Fifthly, I don't want to convey the impression that I have something to prove by proposing a fancy first date. I think that by playing it cool, you can come across as more self-assured.

Sixthly, an informal coffee allows both parties to withdraw quickly if things aren't working out. On the other hand, they also allow for other things to happen right after the coffee if things go well.

That's just my approach of course, and it works for me.

Dord

Tremelo wrote: »

I don't actually want to have dinner with someone I have never met before.

Fourthly, following on from the above, I am unwilling to take a stranger out for dinner. For me it's too formal for a first date and it's costly.

I've gone on a dinner date as a first one once. I'd never do it again. I was awkward and as you mention costly. Usually I'd go for a few drinks in bar or coffee/tea in a cafe.

Amtmann

oompaloompa wrote: »

can't they read or do they think they're originally and witty?

They are just thick usually.

Dravokivich

oompaloompa wrote: »

I have no text speak on my profile and still I get messages full of text speak.... can't they read or do they think they're originally and witty?

It's an evolution of the typed language and is propelled into culture as a result of character limitations on Twitter and tabloids constantly trying to shorten/combine words.

I tend not to get too caught up on how something is typed, but more so try to take into account what is being typed. As in understanding what they are actually saying.

There was a girl I used to I.M. a lot in work and she always used "TxtSpk." If I was to take it as a representation of her personality traits as described above and determined her level of intelligence as per Tremelo's post, I'd be missing out on who she was...

amandaf675

Im On POF.. Just wondering what other sites are out there?

panda100

Tremelo wrote: »

+1. Write a lot about yourself on your profile, and take the time to write it properly. You'll attract quality men if you do that. You'll continue to attract chancers as well, but it'll be easy to tell if someone actually took the time to read your profile by the content of the message they send you.

** Also, personally, I always avoid profiles where all the pics consist of the girl holding an alcoholic drink in her hand, or pics that were clearly taken on a night out. It's a personal thing, but if all her pics were taken in pubs, I'd assume she was a one-trick pony socially and had few other interests/leisure pursuits. Not fair perhaps, but it just goes to show the importance of having a well-balanced profile imo.

All the pictures I have on my profile are from nights out. I don't own a camera, as I think they are the tool of satan herself. Nothing ruins a perfectly nice day out or doing a fun activities then someone annoying you to take pictures every two seconds. The only time I can half tolerate a camera in my face is when I have had a few drinks.

Regards the 'asking out' part, I always suggest meeting for a drink. I think asking to meet someone for 'conversation' is quite funny!I mean, what else would you do over coffee, just sit in silence??

Amtmann

Dravokivich wrote: »

There was a girl I used to I.M. a lot in work and she always used "TxtSpk." If I was to take it as a representation of her personality traits as described above and determined her level of intelligence as per Tremelo's post, I'd be missing out on who she was...

That's fair enough actually. My best friend is very bad at textual communication, and she's the smartest person I know. But I didn't get to know her over text. I met her in person and got to know her that way.

With ID, you get to know someone initially over text. While it is very possible to call it wrong and dismiss someone, I'm of the view that when creating a good first impression online, taking the time to write properly is important. For me, it's the same rationale that gives us the no text-speak on Boards rule. In addition, it's just yet another filter for me when poring over hundreds of online profiles. I have to whittle them down somehow.

Also, I genuinely feel that textese makes even the smartest people sound really dumb. When I'm getting to know someone online, I'd rather not have to read their email and have my mental voice pronounce their words as though they sound like a vowel-less moron. It sort of kills the attraction I'm afraid

Dravokivich

It's no problem if you're imagining them sounding like Marilyn Monroe.

:cool:

Amtmann

panda100 wrote: »

Regards the 'asking out' part, I always suggest meeting for a drink. I think asking to meet someone for 'conversation' is quite funny!I mean, what else would you do over coffee, just sit in silence??

It absolutely does sound quirky alright - that's why I wrote it like that. I find that with online dating, you're just one person out of thousands, so you have to make yourself stand out by writing distinctively and being quirky. A simple but unusual phrase can sound strange, but strange can be a good thing too. It can make people pause and think about you for a minute, even if it's only to say "that's an unusual way to put it!". And if you're emailing a cute girl, there're likely other guys emailing her too, so anything that makes you stand out is good in my book. Like I said, it works for me all the time, all other factors going well.

Also, as an aside, I really have a thing about the importance of good conversations, which I really emphasised in my profile description. I suggest *coffee* because I actually don't drink. If meeting in the evening, coffees can be had in pubs too, and the girl can order whatever she feels like obviously. I also emphasised in my profile that I'm not into the pub scene. So many people are only comfortable with the opposite sex in the pub, that it's sort of one my tests: "are you at ease interacting socially and being yourself with a stranger in a non-alcohol situation?" I realise this will seem weird to people who drink, but being a twenty-something non-drinker in Ireland isn't easy from a social pov, and it's important for me to establish early on that a potential partner is okay with hanging out in non-pubby places with me

Denisejcc

luvbulmers01 wrote: »

Would you not take the bull by the horns and suggest meeting up?

Or maybe are you giving off the right vibes with the people your chatting with? Some people on the sites can have a very formal way of writing, there on internet dating but still kind of sceptical of the whole thing which comes off in there mails. I always like someone who i can have a good bit of banter with and a little flirt.

No, I'm definitely not being too formal in replies I always put a bit of banter in there etc and keep it light hearted!

I'm too chicken to ask to meet up

Galvasean

Denisejcc wrote: »

I'm too chicken to ask to meet up

What's the worst that could happen? Some boy from the internet whom you're never likely to meet otherwise will say no or ignore you? So what. Not like you're gonna get him by not asking him.
There is absolutely nothing to fear in this scenario.

oompaloompa

Tremelo wrote: »

They are just thick usually.

I'm inclined to agree.

The amount of these mails I get is very frustrating!

I'm sure there has to be at least one nice/normal guy online that I'd click with :rolleyes:

Mind you, I did have a 60yr old man ask me to meet him at 6.30 for a drink in a bar in Dundrum... said he'd be outside smoking, described what he was wearing... we could have a coffee, then back to mine...fee was no problem! :eek:

Denisejcc

Galvasean wrote: »

What's the worst that could happen? Some boy from the internet whom you're never likely to meet otherwise will say no or ignore you? So what. Not like you're gonna get him by not asking him.
There is absolutely nothing to fear in this scenario.

Believe me I know all this in theory, of course theres nothing to lose but still doesnt make me ask them! :mad: