Online Dating

Lon Dubh

gatecrash wrote: »

Well I'm glad that you got a giggle out of it, the only other thing i'd say is that dating sites are difficult.

It's hard sorting the wheat from the chaff, it's hard putting yourself out there in a much more open manner than in a pub/club situation. In the pub/club there are ways and means of letting a guy/girl know that you find them attractive, the coy glance & smile, the offering a light when you are out smoking (week and a half off them today, 2 nights out too WOOHOO ME!!!) to the having a little chat...

On a site you are showing a lot more of yourself than on ANY other areas of the internet, and contacting people you find attractive, only for them to either rebuff your advances or turn out to be suffering from Severe-Over-Intense-Itis, or for the odd little nugget out there where the attraction is mutual.

In a pub I certainly wouldn't start conversations with 20 total random women who happened to catch my eye. After getting shot down twice or three times I stop and just say feck it, i'm here with mates, enjoy it. On the internet I CAN start 20 different conversations........ and get no replies!!

I suppose what i'm really trying to say is enjoy it, but don't take it too seriously either. If you meet someone that's right for you, you'll both know

Now, there is an ominous silence from downstairs where the dog and his sidekick, Destructo-pup are so i gotta go!!

Yes, I think I will pull the plug on that guy, as he lives quite a bit away from me and it wouldn't be fair to drag him here only to tell him I didn't think we were compatible. Not looking forward to writing that e-mail but better now than later.

parker kent

gatecrash wrote: »

ok, hypothetical question.

You see a profile you like and mail her. She replies etc etc etc phone numbers swapped, texts so on and so forth, eventually first date, get on really well, and you like this girl.

You look at her profile again just for some reason, and you realise that she has a kid, it says it quite clearly up there, no "I'll tell you later" just "Have you children, Yes 1."

You missed this when you first looked and for whatever reason it never stood out to you any other time you looked. You really like this girl and are quite attracted to her.

Are you going to cut and run at this point?

I'll give you a real situation. I went on a few dates last summer with a girl with 2 children. First date was just me and her and it went well. Then I met her for a walk with her kids and I just knew it wasn't for me. I liked her, but I don't want to date somebody with kids. I liked her and was attracted to her, but there was no future between us. I don't know if I ever want kids, but I know that right now I don't. It is not as if there are not plenty of girls without kids.

I'm 25, I have no idea where I'm going to be in a months time and I simply don't want to date somebody with kids. I shouldn't really have to explain why I feel how I feel.

cyrusdvirus

Lon Dubh wrote: »

Yes, I think I will pull the plug on that guy, as he lives quite a bit away from me and it wouldn't be fair to drag him here only to tell him I didn't think we were compatible. Not looking forward to writing that e-mail but better now than later.

It's almost as hard to write that one as it is to receive it...... or at least i hope it is, only ever having been on the receiving end of them!!:pac::D

Gillo

Ah, see you've hit the nail on the head because it depends on the parents relationship with the child. The woman you met lived with her children, where as I don't, much as I hate the title in reality I'm a part-time dad. Don't get me wrong, I love my daughter and adore spending time with her but at the end of the day it's gonna depend on the parents relationship to the child how that affects your relationship with them.

stupidusername

gatecrash wrote: »

As would I. You cannot help who you are attracted to, it happens and that's the bottom line.

well ya kinda can. in some situations. i mean if i meet someone, and start chatting to them i might think i fancy this guy, i like him, we seem to get on, but i'm going to pretty soon figure out he has kids, and that's where it'd end. I mean it's not like i'm going to be mad about him and then find out he has a child (or if that is the way it goes, i'd tell him where to go!) so i'd be able to stop then and end things. tough depending on how long it'd been, but yeah if something doesn't suit you, it doesn't suit you. for a big thing like not wanting children, if you're dead set on it that is, your mind isn't going to just be changed like that.

but i know you were saying you might not have such a problem, after giving things a go. anyway, going round in circles here I am!

cyrusdvirus

parker kent wrote: »

I'm 25, I have no idea where I'm going to be in a months time and I simply don't want to date somebody with kids. I shouldn't really have to explain why I feel how I feel.

You don't have to explain anything Parker & no one is or has. There is no need to feel so defensive.

I was just offering a hypothetical situation, one you have experienced in real life.

All I was suggesting is to be open to the idea, I'm 10 years older than you, and in those 10 years, I've made my share of balls ups, and cut my nose off to spite my face more than once.

Galvasean

Lob me in the camp that when searching actively looks for people without kids. I'm fairly young and definitely not mature enough or financially stable enough to be anything like a father figure.

parker kent

Age and stage of life play a big role too. I'm far more worried about getting a career going than thinking about settling down. I'd just like to meet somebody and see whatever happens.

Gillo

stupidusername wrote: »

but i know you were saying you might not have such a problem, after giving things a go. anyway, going round in circles here I am!

ha ha, its getting late, didn't mean to open that kettle of worms.

anyways about that drink???

and on that bombshell, Gillo is heading to bed for a fw hours kip

Galvasean

parker kent wrote: »

Age and stage of life play a big role too. I'm far more worried about getting a career going than thinking about settling down. I'd just like to meet somebody and see whatever happens.

I'm the same boat. My career is quite fledgling and in an industry renowned for being incredibly difficult to break into at the best of times, let alone during an economic crisis.

parker kent

Galvasean wrote: »

Lob me in the camp that when searching actively looks for people without kids. I'm fairly young and definitely not mature enough or financially stable enough to be anything like a father figure.

I would make a pretty good deadbeat Dad. No money, no car, no job...gimme a wifebeater and a few cans and I be sorted :pac:

But seriously, you either are open to somebody with kids or you are not.

stupidusername

Gillo wrote: »

ha ha, its getting late, didn't mean to open that kettle of worms.

anyways about that drink???

and on that bombshell, Gillo is heading to bed for a fw hours kip

no, it's a good point of discussion, I think.

but for me it's not about career, or finances (I haven't been that smart in my thinking) but it's still not for me. i guess it's about the way I was brought up. put me off having my own.

am, are you serious about that drink??

cyrusdvirus

Galv, just cos a potential partner has kids, she may not want you to be a father figure to them, it might not be something you need to worry about

Having said that we all have our own opinions, and mine would be to be open to the idea. I don't actively search for women with kids, but i'm not going to ignore the possibilities either.

Jebus I'm sounding like an old man here, and one who women find irresistible too.........WHICH I'M NOT!!:D

Galvasean

Psst, guys. This is the part where you PM

cyrusdvirus

Galvasean wrote: »

Psst, guys. This is the part where you PM

heh heh heh

parker kent

Galvasean wrote: »

Psst, guys. This is the part where you PM

There are only guys chatting now. I'm not keen on dating a girl with kids but I'm not ready to go that far in the opposite direction :pac::P

Galvasean

gatecrash wrote: »

Galv, just cos a potential partner has kids, she may not want you to be a father figure to them, it might not be something you need to worry about

Well if you have any intention of becoming serious / going steady with someone with kids (which at this stage I'm not dating people so I can collect them all, I would like to meet someone whom there would be potential for such with) you kinda can't help it surely? I mean if you are spending time with this person you will end up caring for their kids in some capacity at some point (assuming they see their kids frequently that is).

cyrusdvirus

parker kent wrote: »

There are only guys chatting now. I'm not keen on dating a girl with kids but I'm not ready to go that far in the opposite direction :pac::P

i think he was referring to Gillo and Stupid

Galvasean

parker kent wrote: »

There are only guys chatting now. I'm not keen on dating a girl with kids but I'm not ready to go that far in the opposite direction :pac::P

Just in the odd chance you aren't joking, I was tellling Gillo and stupidusername.

parker kent

gatecrash wrote: »

i think he was referring to Gillo and Stupid

No shít Sherlock :pac:

I was joking.

Lon Dubh

gatecrash wrote: »

It's almost as hard to write that one as it is to receive it...... or at least i hope it is, only ever having been on the receiving end of them!!:pac::D

I am tempted to make it easy on myself by pulling out the "I'm not over my ex" card (sorry Galvasean if you are reading this and it is causing Post-traumatic stress flashbacks ). I feel this would definitely send him running (this was one if the boxes I had to tick - not on a rebound!).

I am worried that if I say I think we are not compatible he might start arguing with me (him being perfect and all). Decisions decisions. I am going to try to do it tonight as I am worried he is going to make arrangements to come here which he would then have to cancel if I leave it too late. I am cringing as I have not done this before either.

cyrusdvirus

Galvasean wrote: »

Well if you have any intention of becoming serious / going steady with someone with kids (which at this stage I'm not dating people so I can collect them all, I would like to meet someone whom there would be potential for such with) you kinda can't help it surely? I mean if you are spending time with this person you will end up caring for their kids in some capacity at some point (assuming they see their kids frequently that is).

Yes, but remember in a lot of cases the father will still be an integral part of those kids lives. Fair enough, they might end up living under the same roof provided by you and their mother, but their Dad will ALWAYS be their Dad.

It didn't happen me, but years ago one of my staff (not my own company, but i was management in a branch of a company, and the staff there would be regarded as our staff) was going out with one of the girls from the shop. She had a kid, and the kids dad was separated from the mother. One day she heard her boyfriend ( the guy she worked with) telling the kid to call him dad.... and went freakin' BALLISTIC, telling him that he had no right etc.... and she was correct.

Anyway, i think we've done this to death, both of you have your own reasons and they are perfectly valid ones for not dating women with kids.

I'm a little further along the tracks in terms of years, and a percentage of the single women out there in the age range i'm interested in will have kids, so i've had to adjust my own views accordingly

cyrusdvirus

Lon Dubh wrote: »

I am worried that if I say I think we are not compatible he might start arguing with me (him being perfect and all). Decisions decisions. I am going to try to do it tonight as I am worried he is going to make arrangements to come here which he would then have to cancel if I leave it too late. I am cringing as I have not done this before either.

if he starts arguing with you then he's a total twat.

It takes 2 people to make a couple, and if one isn't interested, then it's game over.

If he starts arguing, just tell him it's not something open for debate, and leave it at that

Denisejcc

:mad: very disillusioned with the whole POF thing and the 'being single' thing. I dont want to be single forever :mad::(

Galvasean

gatecrash wrote: »

if he starts arguing with you then he's a total twat.

It takes 2 people to make a couple, and if one isn't interested, then it's game over.

If he starts arguing, just tell him it's not something open for debate, and leave it at that

I don't get that mentality (and it's common enough) where people try to argue their way into getting someone to go out with them. Surely they must realize that is not going to lead to anything good?

HellFireClub

parker kent wrote: »

There are only guys chatting now. I'm not keen on dating a girl with kids but I'm not ready to go that far in the opposite direction :pac::P

At last we can agree on something!

parker kent

Galvasean wrote: »

I don't get that mentality (and it's common enough) where people try to argue their way into getting someone to go out with them. Surely they must realize that is not going to lead to anything good?

Which is why I think emailing people to say "Thanks, but no thanks" is a bad idea.

cyrusdvirus

Denisejcc wrote: »

:mad: very disillusioned with the whole POF thing and the 'being single' thing. I dont want to be single forever :mad::(

<HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGS>

Galvasean

Lon Dubh wrote: »

(sorry Galvasean if you are reading this and it is causing Post-traumatic stress flashbacks )

Ah don't worry about me. I'm not upset or annoyed anymore. Everyone from work has taken my side so my reputation remains intact. She's the one who things will be awkward for now that everyone despises her for hurting poor ol' Galvasean. As it turns out part of the reason why she is in line for so much flak is that I have vowed never to date anyone from work ever again and some of the girls are not happy about that (nice confidence boost!). :pac:

cyrusdvirus

parker kent wrote: »

Which is why I think emailing people to say "Thanks, but no thanks" is a bad idea.

So we're finished arguing about kids, lets bring up this one again??

I JOKE!!!!

Lon Dubh has arranged a date with this lad, their third i think, she does not want to go through with it. Should she mail him, or just stand him up?

Mail is the best option. Not to turn up to an arranged meet is even more rude than the no reply.

Lon Dubh

gatecrash wrote: »

if he starts arguing with you then he's a total twat.

It takes 2 people to make a couple, and if one isn't interested, then it's game over.

If he starts arguing, just tell him it's not something open for debate, and leave it at that

Thanks, I did it! Ripped the bandage off. Decided not to use the ex card as that was not what was bothering me. Kind of relieved now.

Gillo

gatecrash wrote: »

Mail is the best option. Not to turn up to an arranged meet is even more rude than the no reply.

A simple mail saying thanks but no thanks, christ it's not like a proper break up but standing the guy up, thats just bad form.

stupidusername

Denisejcc wrote: »

:mad: very disillusioned with the whole POF thing and the 'being single' thing. I dont want to be single forever :mad::(

don't let it get to you. think of it this way, in any amount of time you could be tied down to an infinite relationship, and now's your only chance to enjoy your freedom!

nah, not buying it?

my housemate suggested last night that we go along to a speed dating evening some time, half joking i think, but think he'd actually do it. i'm considering it.

Denisejcc

stupidusername wrote: »

don't let it get to you. think of it this way, in any amount of time you could be tied down to an infinite relationship, and now's your only chance to enjoy your freedom!

nah, not buying it?

my housemate suggested last night that we go along to a speed dating evening some time, half joking i think, but think he'd actually do it. i'm considering it.

Yeah Ive a friend who is mad to try that but Im not sure Im brave enough!

cyrusdvirus

right gang, i'm up in 6 hours to walk the mutts and go to work so i'm out of here.

g'nite.

Galvasean

I've always wanted to try speed dating... although me being silly I'd probably end up ticking all the boxes! :pac:

HellFireClub

Denisejcc wrote: »

Yeah Ive a friend who is mad to try that but Im not sure Im brave enough!

Would it be worth the risk though if you got the little sheet back at the end of it and nobody wanted to meet ye again?!?

Denisejcc

So true, thats why I dont want to do it!

Galvasean

Okay this might sound mad, but some day we should organise a charity event and auction off the various men of tGC for dates. It worked in the Simpsons.

stupidusername

Denisejcc wrote: »

Yeah Ive a friend who is mad to try that but Im not sure Im brave enough!

well i'd have a lot less balls than a lot of folk round here... so if i would then you should!

HellFireClub wrote: »

Would it be worth the risk though if you got the little sheet back at the end of it and nobody wanted to meet ye again?!?

never even thought of that!

HellFireClub

Galvasean wrote: »

Okay this might sound mad, but some day we should organise a charity event and auction off the various men of tGC for dates. It worked in the Simpsons.

You know you could be onto something there!

Lon Dubh

gatecrash wrote: »

So we're finished arguing about kids, lets bring up this one again??

I JOKE!!!!

Lon Dubh has arranged a date with this lad, their third i think, she does not want to go through with it. Should she mail him, or just stand him up?

Mail is the best option. Not to turn up to an arranged meet is even more rude than the no reply.

They probably hadn't read all the preceeding posts. No I would never stand anyone up, no matter what I thought of them. Sent the e-mail, and like Gillo said it is not like a proper break-up or anything, but still hard to do as I am a big softie.

HellFireClub

Lon Dubh wrote: »

They probably hadn't read all the preceeding posts. No I would never stand anyone up, no matter what I thought of them. Sent the e-mail, and like Gillo said it is not like a proper break-up or anything, but still hard to do as I am a big softie.

Ah he'll get over it!

parker kent

Lon Dubh wrote: »

They probably hadn't read all the preceeding posts. No I would never stand anyone up, no matter what I thought of them. Sent the e-mail, and like Gillo said it is not like a proper break-up or anything, but still hard to do as I am a big softie.

Oh I had read your posts, mine about the "thanks but no thanks" emails wasn't connected to your situation. I was just using Galvasean's post as a spring board for my post.

Galvasean

HellFireClub wrote: »

You know you could be onto something there!

Of course you all know when my number came up an intense bidding war between Maguined and Fewcifur would ensue, resulting in buck buck$ for the charity.
Hmm, perhaps that could be an idea for the Santa Strike Force? Who do we ask about that?

stupidusername

Galvasean wrote: »

Of course you all know when my number came up an intense bidding war between Maguined and Fewcifur would ensue, resulting in buck buck$ for the charity.
Hmm, perhaps that could be an idea for the Santa Strike Force? Who do we ask about that?

you're the mod here! an admin or someone i suppose. though dunno that they'd go for it really.

Galvasean

stupidusername wrote: »

you're the mod here! an admin or someone i suppose. though dunno that they'd go for it really.

Well, they let me do stand up comedy on a stage in front of 160 people, so they seem pretty open mined :cool:

stupidusername

Galvasean wrote: »

Well, they let me do stand up comedy on a stage in front of 160 people, so they seem pretty open mined :cool:

yeah, but i think when you move on to selling people, it might be a different game to consider.

Lon Dubh

parker kent wrote: »

Oh I had read your posts, mine about the "thanks but no thanks" emails wasn't connected to your situation. I was just using Galvasean's post as a spring board for my post.

Yeah, that was what I had thought you might have meant. Yes I can see from people's posts here why they would not reply to people they have never met on the online dating sites as it seems to sometimes lead to more and more e-mails from the same person trying to argue them into a date.

HellFireClub

One thing I can't understand about pof is the amount of absolutely caustic profiles on it, some profiles I've read, you'd want to be mad to contact the author.

Is it the same for girls, like do you find guys have very defensive profiles up???