How would you react?.....

The Corinthian

metrovelvet wrote: »

You can always use craigslist.

Apparantly not for free.

metrovelvet

The Corinthian wrote: »

Apparantly not for free.

Its not just used for prostitutes.

The Corinthian

metrovelvet wrote: »

Its not just used for prostitutes.

I'll bow to your greater knowledge in the matter

SugarHigh

panda100 wrote: »

I think a quick look at Escort Ireland shows that most women working as prostitutes in Ireland are in a desperate situation. There not even 6 Irish women on there. The majority of women are from Eastern Europe, South America,Africa and China. That just rings massive alarm bells to me.

I don't understand youy point?

Does it make prostitution bad?

It's obviously their best option otherwise they wouldn't be doing it.
The number of Irish women doing it is irrelevant.

panda100

SugarHigh wrote: »

I don't understand youy point?

Does it make prostitution bad?

It's obviously their best option otherwise they wouldn't be doing it.
The number of Irish women doing it is irrelevant.

Irish women are allowed to work legally in this country so there not forced into the sex industry. If prostitution was such a lucrative, wonderful "career" that some posters on here are suggesting it is, then you would see a lot more Irish women partaking in it. Instead the market is flooded with women from impoverished,developing world countries.
To me that screams exploitation ,and yes makes prostitution bad.

Eve_Dublin

In all honesty I wouldn't like the idea of my man being happy to have sex with a woman who doesn't enjoy it. I'm not going into the ins and outs of whether the woman isn't enjoying it because she might be exploited, that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about their enjoyment on a base level...the woman more than likely doesn't want to be there, her orgasms are fake and are more often than not she's repulsed by whoever is inside her. That would make me think twice about the guy to be very honest. If he knows in his heart of hearts that the woman is faking it but doesn't care as long as he's enjoying himself, then I'd be turned off and would question how he views me. Whether that's my own insecurities talking is another issue but that's how I personally would feel.

In this situation I think ignorance is bliss. What we don't know doesn't hurt us though and I'd NEVER ask that type of question just as long as the guy was STI free. I wouldn't want him to know the details of my past so I wouldn't even go there.

Cavehill Red

panda100 wrote: »

I think a quick look at Escort Ireland shows that most women working as prostitutes in Ireland are in a desperate situation. There not even 6 Irish women on there. The majority of women are from Eastern Europe, South America,Africa and China. That just rings massive alarm bells to me.

I just had a wander through the city centre and most of the people working tills in the shops in Dublin are from Eastern Europe, China and other places abroad.
Should that also ring massive alarm bells? If so, why?
People came to Ireland to make better money than in their own economies. Some did so by working tills, some by turning tricks, whatever their trade happened to be.
I'm not remotely interested in the issue of prostitution (though I reckon it isn't going away and should be properly legalised and regulated for the sake of sex workers' well-being and safety).
I am interested in the number of proto-Catholic and proto-xenophobic posts on this thread masquerading as anti-prostitution sentiment, however.

girlyhappyface

An ex of mine was with a prostitute before we got together. It was away on holiday with the lads and he used a condom.

The idea completely creeped me out but I loved him for who he was, not his past.

I don't agree with prostitution, and the idea of someone paying for something so intimate is disgusting to me but each to their own.. as long as both adults are consenting.

panda100

Cavehill Red wrote: »

I just had a wander through the city centre and most of the people working tills in the shops in Dublin are from Eastern Europe, China and other places abroad.
Should that also ring massive alarm bells? If so, why?
People came to Ireland to make better money than in their own economies. Some did so by working tills, some by turning tricks, whatever their trade happened to be.
I'm not remotely interested in the issue of prostitution (though I reckon it isn't going away and should be properly legalised and regulated for the sake of sex workers' well-being and safety).
I am interested in the number of proto-Catholic and proto-xenophobic posts on this thread masquerading as anti-prostitution sentiment, however.

Well I can only speak for myself but I am not Catholic and not xenophobic in the slightest.
I am not anti-prostitution in itself and would actively campaign to see it legalised. However I am anti-exploitation of women and I think their continued portrayal as sex object has far reaching consequences for our society.

Anyways, Back on topic, I would be disgusted If my boyfriend had used a prostitute. This is only reinforced when I see men talking about using prostitutes, like the thread started in AH recently, where the OP spoke of him putting his 'junk' in the prostitutes mouth. Seedy and tacky and I couldn't date a man who thought this was ok

girlyhappyface wrote: »

I don't agree with prostitution, and the idea of someone paying for something so intimate is disgusting to me but each to their own.. as long as both adults are consenting.

In Ireland, trafficking is an enormous issue, You can never be 100% sure If the prostitute is consenting or not.

MagicMarker

panda100 wrote: »

Anyways, Back on topic, I would be disgusted If my boyfriend had used a prostitute. This is only reinforced when I see men talking about using prostitutes, like the thread started in AH recently, where the OP spoke of him putting his 'junk' in the prostitutes mouth. Seedy and tacky and I couldn't date a man who thought this was ok

I thought that thread was a pisstake tbh. Regardless, he could easily have said the same thing about any number of one night stands.

girlyhappyface

panda100 wrote: »

In Ireland, trafficking is an enormous issue, You can never be 100% sure If the prostitute is consenting or not.

I know trafficking is a huge issue for sex workers all over the world, thats why I specified that it is only okay when the adults are consenting.. but it's obviously difficult for punters to distinguish between those who are forced into it, or those who do it for money.

The Corinthian

panda100 wrote: »

In Ireland, trafficking is an enormous issue

Is it? I had thought that claim had been put into question recently?

Actually here is an interesting article on how the trafficking in the UK has been exaggerated and facts have been distorted by the press and other interested parties:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/oct/20/trafficking-numbers-women-exaggerated

Eve_Dublin

The Corinthian wrote: »

Is it? I had thought that claim had been put into question recently?

Actually here is an interesting article on how the trafficking in the UK has been exaggerated and facts have been distorted by the press and other interested parties:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2009/oct/20/trafficking-numbers-women-exaggerated

Ah! A Guardian article.....haha! Surprise surprise eh Corinthian?

metrovelvet

Touche. Fifteen love.

Cavehill Red

panda100 wrote: »

Well I can only speak for myself but I am not Catholic and not xenophobic in the slightest.

You don't need to be Catholic to espouse inherited moralistic views. But I fail to see how your objection to foreign women working as prostitutes in Ireland is anything other than xenophobic.

panda100 wrote: »

I am not anti-prostitution in itself and would actively campaign to see it legalised. However I am anti-exploitation of women and I think their continued portrayal as sex object has far reaching consequences for our society.

Men are portrayed as sex objects too.
What are these 'far reaching consequences', anyway?
And how do they relate to the OP, which is about having a partner who has been with prostitutes in the past?

panda100 wrote: »

Anyways, Back on topic, I would be disgusted If my boyfriend had used a prostitute. This is only reinforced when I see men talking about using prostitutes, like the thread started in AH recently, where the OP spoke of him putting his 'junk' in the prostitutes mouth. Seedy and tacky and I couldn't date a man who thought this was ok

And that's your moral position. Fair enough. Though like a previous poster suggested, it would make an awful lot more sense to be concerned about their general sexual health and sexual history than about whether they ever paid cash for sex.

panda100 wrote: »

In Ireland, trafficking is an enormous issue, You can never be 100% sure If the prostitute is consenting or not.

Is it really? This is something I've often wondered about, especially given the glaring lack of evidence to support it. I got annoyed when a Government-funded agency (primarily run by nuns) started using taxpayers' money to accuse Irishmen of being rapists on a primetime TV ad.
They've never been able to produce any hard data to support their claims of hundreds of trafficked women in Ireland at all. On the contrary, the Gardai report an almost negligible number of cases.
Of course, the one way to ensure that women are not coerced into prostitution is to legalise, licence and regulate it.

The Corinthian

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Ah! A Guardian article.....haha! Surprise surprise eh Corinthian?

Have you been staking me all this time to catch me out?

In fairness, I was surprised too the Guardian published it.

SugarHigh

panda100 wrote: »

Irish women are allowed to work legally in this country so there not forced into the sex industry. If prostitution was such a lucrative, wonderful "career" that some posters on here are suggesting it is, then you would see a lot more Irish women partaking in it. Instead the market is flooded with women from impoverished,developing world countries.
To me that screams exploitation ,and yes makes prostitution bad.

Just because some people in the industry are exploited doesn't make the act wrong. People get exploited in the manufacturing industry but that doesn't make you say "Manufacturing is bad".

I still don't think the number of Irish women who are prostitutes is relevant. The service industry had extremely high numbers of foreigners but you don't that as being dodgy.

Irish women have better options so they don't have to resort to being prostitutes, but many women clearly don't and it is their best option. If you were to take away their best option wouldn't they be in a worse situation than they are now?

SugarHigh

panda100 wrote: »

Well I can only speak for myself but I am not Catholic and not xenophobic in the slightest.
I am not anti-prostitution in itself and would actively campaign to see it legalised. However I am anti-exploitation of women and I think their continued portrayal as sex object has far reaching consequences for our society.

Anyways, Back on topic, I would be disgusted If my boyfriend had used a prostitute. This is only reinforced when I see men talking about using prostitutes, like the thread started in AH recently, where the OP spoke of him putting his 'junk' in the prostitutes mouth. Seedy and tacky and I couldn't date a man who thought this was ok



In Ireland, trafficking is an enormous issue, You can never be 100% sure If the prostitute is consenting or not.

It's strange that you felt the need to include this.

Eve_Dublin

The Corinthian wrote: »

Have you been staking me all this time to catch me out?

In fairness, I was surprised too the Guardian published it.

I contributed to this thread before you caught yourself out.

SugarHigh

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Ah! A Guardian article.....haha! Surprise surprise eh Corinthian?

I don't get it?

If the source isn't trust worthy how about you tell us why and show us which bit is false.

Catari Jaguar

Cavehill Red wrote: »

But I fail to see how your objection to foreign women working as prostitutes in Ireland is anything other than xenophobic.

And quite the fail it is. :rolleyes:

Eve_Dublin

SugarHigh wrote: »

I don't get it?

If the source isn't trust worthy how about you tell us why and show us which bit is false.

This is following on from a discussion from another forum. I personally believe the source IS trustworthy. That's not what my comment was referring to. It's a private thing. I'll let it pass now.

panda100

Cavehill Red wrote: »

You don't need to be Catholic to espouse inherited moralistic views. But I fail to see how your objection to foreign women working as prostitutes in Ireland is anything other than xenophobic.

I am different to maybe other women commenting on this thread as I have become emotionally involved with those who work in the Sex industry in Ireland through volunteer work.

My objection to migrant women working in the sex industry is that for a significant majority of women its the only way they can feed their families and provide a better future for their children, as legally they are unable to work. They should be allowed work permits and asylum granted so they can prove their worth and be treated with the same dignity,respect and employment opportunities as Irish women.
I wonder how many would choose to continue to have anal sex with strangers If they were afforded the same employment rights as everyone else?
If thats xenophobia than so be it,but its laughable to even suggest that

As for trafficking being some sort of myth, well any type of evidence I throw up here that says otherwise won't convince those who believe this ,I guess ignorance gives a clear conscious when their next getting their 'junk' blown by an 19 year old from Rio-Di Janeiro.

The Corinthian

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

It's a private thing. I'll let it pass now.

Thanks sweetie.

SugarHigh

panda100 wrote: »

I am different to maybe other women commenting on this thread as I have become emotionally involved with those who work in the Sex industry in Ireland through volunteer work.

My objection to migrant women working in the sex industry is that for a significant majority of women its the only way they can feed their families and provide a better future for their children, as legally they are unable to work. They should be allowed work permits and asylum granted so they can prove their worth and be treated with the same dignity,respect and employment opportunities as Irish women.
I wonder how many would choose to continue to have anal sex with strangers If they were afforded the same employment rights as everyone else?
If thats xenophobia than so be it,but its laughable to even suggest that

As for trafficking being some sort of myth, well any type of evidence I throw up here that says otherwise won't convince you,I guess ignorance gives a clear conscious when your next getting your 'junk' blown by an 19 year old from Rio-Di Janeiro.

So like I said it's their best option. I don't see how this puts prostitution at fault. Without it they would be in an even worse situation.

They should be allowed work permits and asylum granted

Completely different discussion.

pickarooney

I tried replacing 'prostitute' with 'footballer' for the entire thread and the only real difference I could find was that attitude of the common man/woman to the professional involved.

On topic: How would I react? I'd be a bit bemused, but that would be about it.

metrovelvet

I forgot to ask, is this question heterosexist? Exclusive to female prostitutes?

SugarHigh

metrovelvet wrote: »

I forgot to ask, is this question heterosexist? Exclusive to female prostitutes?

I don't think the thread was meant to be exclusive but I'd imagine the amount of people who use male prostitutes is fairly rare so you're not going to get much of an opinion on it.

The Corinthian

SugarHigh wrote: »

I don't think the thread was meant to be exclusive but I'd imagine the amount of people who use male prostitutes is fairly rare so you're not going to get much of an opinion on it.

LOL. No demand for rent boys in Ireland then...

Catari Jaguar

The Corinthian wrote: »

LOL. No demand for rent boys in Ireland then...

Yea but again, it's mostly men availing of this "service"...

metrovelvet

cherub rock wrote: »

Yea but again, it's mostly men availing of this "service"...

And?

Catari Jaguar

metrovelvet wrote: »

And?

And it's the exact same if it's towards a women or a man. The attitude of paying people for sex is the problem here. And majority responsible is men, and these men need to readjust their thinking. The thread is about how women feel knowing that their boyf has used a prostitute & their opinions on men that use prostitutes.

SugarHigh

cherub rock wrote: »

And it's the exact same if it's towards a women or a man. The attitude of paying people for sex is the problem here. And majority responsible is men, and these men need to readjust their thinking. The thread is about how women feel knowing that their boyf has used a prostitute & their opinions on men that use prostitutes.

The attitude of paying people for sex is the problem here.

Why is it a problem? someone wants to sell sex and someone's willing to buy it.

and these men need to readjust their thinking

Because it isn't the same as yours?

MagicMarker

cherub rock wrote: »

And it's the exact same if it's towards a women or a man. The attitude of paying people for sex is the problem here. And majority responsible is men, and these men need to readjust their thinking. The thread is about how women feel knowing that their boyf has used a prostitute & their opinions on men that use prostitutes.

Technically it's the women who are responsible, after all they're the ones offering the service.

Cavehill Red

panda100 wrote: »

As for trafficking being some sort of myth, well any type of evidence I throw up here that says otherwise won't convince those who believe this ,I guess ignorance gives a clear conscious when their next getting their 'junk' blown by an 19 year old from Rio-Di Janeiro.

Nice out.
Once again we get the allegation that Ireland is swarming with trafficked sex workers being raped by Irishmen without a shred of evidence to support it.

Catari Jaguar

MagicMarker wrote: »

Technically it's the women who are responsible, after all they're the ones offering the service.

Men don't have to avail. If there's no demand for the service it wouldn't exist. Maybe it's the pimps that are responsible. Not necessarily the woman's choice? Lots are drugged, trafficked, gotten hooked on crack or whatever and then forced to turn tricks in exchange. Not every hooker decided that she wants to do it because she loves sex or wants to pay her college fees.

krudler

cherub rock wrote: »

Men don't have to avail. If there's no demand for the service it wouldn't exist. Maybe it's the pimps that are responsible. Not necessarily the woman's choice? Lots are drugged, trafficked, gotten hooked on crack or whatever and then forced to turn tricks in exchange. Not every hooker decided that she wants to do it because she loves sex or wants to pay her college fees.

Thats semantics though, do drug dealers keep junkies on drugs? or do junkies keep drug dealers in business? its one and the same. basic supply and demand.

Wibbs

cherub rock wrote: »

The thread is about how women feel knowing that their boyf has used a prostitute & their opinions on men that use prostitutes.

Yes and its going more down the prostitution as a topic itself, so maybe a move to humanities is in order?

SugarHigh

cherub rock wrote: »

Men don't have to avail. If there's no demand for the service it wouldn't exist. Maybe it's the pimps that are responsible. Not necessarily the woman's choice? Lots are drugged, trafficked, gotten hooked on crack or whatever and then forced to turn tricks in exchange. Not every hooker decided that she wants to do it because she loves sex or wants to pay her college fees.

Men Women don't have to avail sell. If there's no demand for seller of the service it wouldn't exist.

Not necessarily the woman's choice? Lots are drugged, trafficked, gotten hooked on crack or whatever and then forced to turn tricks in exchange. Not every hooker decided that she wants to do it because she loves sex or wants to pay her college fees.

But that doesn't reflect prostitution as an act. Every industry can exploit it's workers.

Maple

As previously stated, this thread is about how women would feel knowing that their boyfriend has visited a prostitute and their opinions on this.

Lets get back to the topic in hand folks.

M.

lynski

Because I believe that I and most people would not be happy to that mother, sister, brother, cousin, daughter, son or friend choose this 'career' path, I would not be happy that anyone i knew visited a sex worker.
Because trafficked or not, junkie or not, coerced or not, there are very few people who want to work as sex workers, and for that reason if I was involved with someone who had used a person in the past I would have to have a serious conversation about attitudes and be very sure they had changed. If is was something that was more recent, ie during our relationship, it would be game over

panda100

Wibbs wrote: »

Yes and its going more down the prostitution as a topic itself, so maybe a move to humanities is in order?

+1

I don't think this thread needs to be moved to humanities as Its an interesting issue that affects women. Its interesting to see that some women wouldn't be bothered by it at all while others would be repulsed by the idea.
Its obviously uncomfortable for some people to read that many women would be put out by their partner having used a prostitute.

I think I and others had to go off topic to defend our views that others did not like to hear. This is a personal opinion thread and not one on the rights and wrongs of prostitution,but when I was called xenophobic I felt the need to defend my position, so Im Sorry for going off topic!

The Corinthian

panda100 wrote: »

Its obviously uncomfortable for some people to read that many women would be put out by their partner having used a prostitute.

Meaoooow! Saucer of milk for table six!

Actually, I'm curious to know what attitude women would have towards the examples I gave, in particular that of the married man.

g'em

The Corinthian wrote: »

Meaoooow! Saucer of milk for table six!

There is absolutely no need for that kind of remark. It was a generalised observation, please don't antagonise and make unfair suggestions about the posters motives.

Malari

The Corinthian wrote: »

Actually, I'm curious to know what attitude women would have towards the examples I gave, in particular that of the married man.

Do you mean if we were in that situation? Can't imagine myself in a sexless relationship really. Don't know why anyone would stay in a situation like that.

However, if a man is going to a prostitute or having sex with someone who doesn't require payment, it's still cheating as far as I'm concerned. I suppose it's harder for a man to find a woman who is willing to give him no-strings-attached sex, which is why he chose a prostitute. How badly does he need sex though? If he's so concerned with not being able to afford a split, why is he spending his money on sex?

The Corinthian

Malari wrote: »

Do you mean if we were in that situation?

No, as per the thread title - say he does eventually break up and you end up in a relationship with him. What would you think? Would you think less of him that it was a prostitute or that he cheated? If he'd had an affair, would that be better (relatively)?

However, if a man is going to a prostitute or having sex with someone who doesn't require payment, it's still cheating as far as I'm concerned.

Certainly it's cheating, there's no doubt about that.

I suppose it's harder for a man to find a woman who is willing to give him no-strings-attached sex, which is why he chose a prostitute.

Yes, I believe so.

How badly does he need sex though?

So, you think he should have remained celibate?

If he's so concerned with not being able to afford a split, why is he spending his money on sex?

I don't think you can really equate the two costs.

Malari

The Corinthian wrote: »

No, as per the thread title - say he does eventually break up and you end up in a relationship with him. What would you think? Would you think less of him that it was a prostitute or that he cheated? If he'd had an affair, would that be better (relatively)?

Oh I see. Personally I don't care if it was with a prostitute or not, the thing that would upset me is the cheating.

The Corinthian wrote: »

So, you think he should have remained celibate?

No, I'm not saying that. I don't know. But is having sex important enough that he would risk his marriage anyway, even though he's decided he can't afford a split?

The Corinthian wrote: »

I don't think you can really equate the two costs.

Can't we? If it's over a lifetime? It's not rhetorical, I really don't know the costs involved!

The Corinthian

Malari wrote: »

Oh I see. Personally I don't care if it was with a prostitute or not, the thing that would upset me is the cheating.

So that it was a prostitute rather than an affair would make no difference?

No, I'm not saying that. I don't know. But is having sex important enough that he would risk his marriage anyway, even though he's decided he can't afford a split?

What would you do if you found yourself in a sexless marriage?

Then add to this that you would be financially ruined and would lose custody of your children if you split?

Placing myself in that situation (where I'm thankfully not) and thinking on it, I would leave the marriage, except for the addendum. TBH, I'd be kind of screwed.

So unless I wanted a life of celibacy and Internet porn onto death, I'd have to cheat. An affair could be messy, harder to conceal and more prone to blowing up in my face. Even then, I was only talking to a chap last week, who's marriage fell apart after his girlfriend decided to phone up his wife. A prostitute would appear more practical and safer in terms of the above.

As an aside, I've seen a number of threads on PI with men in that situation.

Can't we? If it's over a lifetime? It's not rhetorical, I really don't know the costs involved!

Well, if he is looking to have sex six times a week, I'd agree with you, but I very much doubt that. Presumably, given costs of two or three hundred per visit, I would think that a monthly or bi-monthly visit would be all that could be realistically afforded by most.

All the same, the examples I've given (the above and the 40-year old virgin) are actually somewhat off-topic to this thread, as neither of them is likely to have a girlfriend in the future who will judge them. But I do think it important to have raised them so as to demonstrate that it's a much more complex topic.

Malari

The Corinthian wrote: »

So that it was a prostitute rather than an affair would make no difference?

What would you do if you found yourself in a sexless marriage?

Then add to this that you would be financially ruined and would lose custody of your children.

I'd undoubtedly favour going out with a man who had used a prostitute over one who had an affair. One is just sex, the other is probably some kind of emotional attachment.

Like I said, I can't see myself staying in a sexless relationship and it's hard for me to imagine kids in the situation, because I'm not having any, but people tend to put kids before a relationship, don't they? So I guess using a prostitute to ensure access to your kids (in a roundabout way!) is acceptable.

metrovelvet

If I were in a sexless marriage and the cause of that was me, either I was bored or lost erotic charge for my husband, chances are a affair wouldnt bother me that much. In fact, I might be relieved that the pressure was off me.

If he was visiting prostitutes, that would demean him in my eyes and the marriage would be over. I find it difficult to be friends with someone I look down on, let alone married to someone I see as beneath me.