mid thirty dilemma...

Ali35

hi all...just wondering if there is anyone else out there who in the blink of an eye have found yourself mid thirties, female, single and completely disillusioned??...somehow it seems like yesterday that I was in my twenties sailing through life and always guaranteed to have some girlfriend or boyfriend who was on for a night on the town...now all my friends are coupled off and suggesting going for a drink on a saturday night is met with endless list of excuses followed by "we this and we that"...when did singular become plural?? even when I am in a relationship I never confuse the two!!!..when you do eventually manage to drag one of them out...the boyf enevitably arrives and the two are interlocked before you can shout..."vodie and coke..actually make that a double!"....what do people in their thirties do??...its not that im against relationships..please dont get me wrong..I love that loved up feeling but for some reason Im single a bit longer than I thought I would be...maybe Ive been crapped on so much that subconsciously Ive become a bitter and twisted spinster..ha ha...o god...yes I am only joking...anyway.....I live in Kilkenny so If anyone has any suggestions of any extracurricular activities I could partake in to relieve this boredom please feel free to dispense advise......:rolleyes:

Xiney

moved from tLL - more appropriate here I think

Sound Bite

OP, this is so common and I haven't reached my mid 30s yet. Can't understand for the life of me why once people get a boyfriend/husband they come "we" and can't seem to do anything seperately or without a huge amount of plannin (and I talking about couples without kids here).

It's my greatest fear that I'll end up one of those dependent people who can't seem to do anything without my partner. I've had boyfriend's in the past but always made sure I also had a seperate life too, whether it be going out with friends at wkend, shopping trips, girly wkends away etc.

Anyhow, rant over. I'm not near Kilkenny & only thing i've do since friends have started dropping off, it make an increased effort to be socialable when I'm out. Have gotten to know alot more people in the last yr or two in order to maintain the social life.

p.s. I'm not a bitter and twisted singleton either!

LegacyUser

Well if you think things are that bad when they are just in a relationship wait until the kids come along, you will be expected to call to them all the time (most of my friends expect this) as I'm single and have all the free time, sure I have nothing to be doing, I am just completing a masters which I would say added anything from 30- 40 hours a week work - on top of my job and they still think I should have all the free time to do it all.
I have just stopped contacting some of them after endless phone calls and invites to my house which was not taken up (all were invited husbands/boyfriends/kids).

It is hard, I have some mighty friends that are married and have lots of kids who are brilliant at keeping contact and visit me as well as me visiting them. Most of them live a distance from me so don't always socialise with them anyway.

You'll need to just get out there join sporting groups, start going to things music events theatre and the likes on your own and you will meet others who are there on their own.
It's tough, but it can be done. Don't give up.

Arthurdaly

Can't understand for the life of me why once people get a boyfriend/husband they come "we" and can't seem to do anything seperately or without a huge amount of plannin (and I talking about couples without kids here).


Eh, because they love eachother and would rather spend their limited time on earth with eachother and their family!

force majeure

Well if it helps I'm 34 a guy forever single ruddy keyed off by looved up pairs munching on each other and yes pretty sure one day I drop off my pedestal muttering the words... God damm wher did all go.
Any way cant say much for the midlands but can say a nice walk in the park on sundays afternoon may help unwind and if all else fails do what i well end up doing to pass the time out off hours, join a poker club and play cards till you drop.
PS it helps if you win the odd game.

Dudess

Hill-walking (no longer for pensioners but all age groups who enjoy scenery and keeping fit) seems a brilliant way of making friends, ditto dance classes (thinking of taking up pole-dancing meself, as in classes - could be a laugh I'd say ).

Arthurdaly wrote: »

Eh, because they love eachother and would rather spend their limited time on earth with eachother and their family!

Ok, but the OP was talking about couples who don't have children, and they shouldn't abandon their friends. Different story when there are children though - then, staying in often can't be helped.

PhiloCypher

Pretty much the same deal with me , all my mates are loved up and when we do all go out its to some quaint couply pub or back to one of theirs hardly the ideal pulling grounds for a virile singleton like myself .

As such I've taken hitting the town with my brother every now and again while at the same time trying to broaden my social circle abit by joining boards like this .

LegacyUser

This often comes up on boards. I would have a slightly different point of view.

When a relationship is changing from seeing someone too something more committed its is important psychology that they form an identity as a couple, its part of the community bonds that help and support commitment and marriage. Its not good to want or expect that a couple have TOTAL independent social life and separate interested ( thats not the same as saying a couple should be completely entwined with each other and have no separate interested).

When a couple who are in a committed relationship check with their partner before they accept an invitation they are not asking permission from the partner, they are acknowledging the relationship with their partner as the primary relationship in their lives.

As for what single friend should do maybe accept that thing are different when someone is in a committed relationship.

I am not talking about people who think they are in a relationship after a few dates!!