What is the point?!

gaeilgegrinds1

Before I start, I feel really fortunate. I'm healthy, as is my partner and beautiful baby boy. However, I just wonder is it me that feels it never ends?! We have relations over at the moment so after being up a lot with Little Sir lastnight, teething I think, I get a text at 6.45 am asking me to pop on over whenever I'm up. So I do, at 8. We cook, bake, clean etc.
Then the mother-in-law, so to speak, decides she's coming in. I'm entertaining, all the while thinking all I want to do is curl up on the couch with my lovely man and wee man. I'm wrecked, and to make matters worse am not back to work yet. I think my problem is I can't say no. I'm really tied to my family, I love being there for them but everyone relies on me so much. How do I tell them I need time to myself? I'm jaded. Sorry, I sound like I'm complaining but after an evening entertaining Yanks I don't know after spending all morning cooking for them and all afternoon being scrutinised by my partner's Mom cos I'm useless I'm just beginning to wonder what is it all for?!

Ickle Magoo

You know the issue, you have to learn to say no to your family and your husband has to do likewise to his. Of course everyone is really excited and all the help is fantastic but now you have the perfect reason to state you have had little sleep and just want to mooch today - no visitors please & thanks. You can't really blame anyone for coming round & thinking you are okay with that if you are just merrily going along with it and what's more, cooking for and entertaining them.

"That sounds lovely, are you free [insert date that suits YOU here]" works wonders in not offending but doing things on your own timetable.

All the best!

carab

I think that your partner and your little baby are your family now and you 3 as a family unit come first. Obviously, both your families will be in your lives but not all the time! Its hard to say no esp when you havn't in the past but if you feel you need time to yourself then you should say so!
Good luck

gaeilgegrinds1

Thanks so much. I know I just have to say no but if either Granny gets put off they get very put out. I'm so tired and my partner is studying at the moment so I'm running solo. God disappointing people is so hard but I'm jaded. Thanks

Deliverance

I can answer that from experience... Pick yourself up find a nice B&B/Guesthouse with a good rep. Then have a meal preferably with candles, enjoy your meal with your parther order a bottle of wine (I would reccomend a merlot for red), have a good conversation with your partner then retire to bed after the comforting phonecall to see if the little one is ok. The first night you may just want to cuddle and sleep, if you can afford a second night then...

Forget yourself and get back to being two people that had a life before the little one. It does happen you know.

You have a baby sitter via family so use that, the mother in law would be only delighted. Take a break for yourself and your partner from time to time, it will work.

I highly reccomend the two night stay to get back to yourselves as a couple it kind of puts things back into perspective and makes it 'worth it', Enjoy.

metrovelvet

Delegate. Get them to help you.

gaeilgegrinds1

I took you advice deliverance. We're leaving him with my Mom tonight and my OHs Mom tomorrow night and heading for the hills so to speak. People mean well but sometimes just don't know when to leave things be. And yes, both Grannies are delighted at having been asked. Thank you.

Deliverance

Sounds great gealgegrinds1. I did it recently and the difference was amazing. You kind of feel guilty at first but after the first day and into the second night you tend to be a couple again. It works. You realise that there is more to life than having kids. The extended family will nearly always be delighted to help out. That is what family is about really.

Hope you come back with some good reports as such;)

dr ro

i reckon you'll be dying to go home after 1 night. Kind of!

cowhands

Your actually very lucky to have so many people and family around you. Im in a different boat, have no friends or family around me and only wish that someone would pop by for a coffee and chat sometimes. Count yourself lucky you have people to talk to, people to rely on and people you can ask to babysit. Not everyone is as fortunate.

BostonB

With a new baby, you need to set boundaries when people can visit. You have to draw a line in the sand. Your time is vastly more precious than theirs.

pickarooney

cowhands wrote: »

Your actually very lucky to have so many people and family around you. Im in a different boat, have no friends or family around me and only wish that someone would pop by for a coffee and chat sometimes. Count yourself lucky you have people to talk to, people to rely on and people you can ask to babysit. Not everyone is as fortunate.

Same story here. I would love to have some family about to help out from time to time, but at the same time I couldn't handle it if they were constantly there. Glad to hear things are going better gaeilgegrinds; it can be really draining trying to please everyone and sometimes a bit of 'selfishness' is needed for everyone's sake.

gaeilgegrinds1

So away we went this weekend, God I love my man, I missed the wee man but he had a great two nights with his Nanas. We went to Ballinahinch, I'd say I put on two stone but we just smiled all weekend. This is what is important, our love for each other and our baby, not how clean the house is or how happy we have kept everyone. Now I've told both sets of Grandparents I'll be in touch Wednesday so we've some time to ourselves. Thanks for all the advice, I feel like a new woman!

BostonB

Clean the house, are you mad?

You'll miss the crunch of cheerios underfoot, when they are all grown up.

Handprints

Sometimes you get discouraged
Because I am so small
And always leave my handprint
On furniture and wall

But everyday I'm growing
(I'll be all grown someday)
And all those tiny hand prints
Will surely fade away.

So here's a final handprint
Just so you can recall
Exactly how my fingers looked
When they were very small.

© T. Lambert, Jr. May 1978

gaeilgegrinds1

Thanks BostonB, I know you're right. But I always kept the place well and did everything I could for any of the family members I could so I don't want to start letting people down now.

Nevyn

Your piroties just got re stacked and it can take a while to figure that out.
Top of that list is your partner and your children and you.
Don't forget you, you can't be the best Mam and partner you can be if your not making sure you eat right, get enough sleep, taking time to care for yourself and time outs for yourself.

Then the extended family comes after that, your not long after having your baby and the first 2/3 years can be hard going, so people esp family will make allowance but you have to make them for yourself as well.