Absolute waster.

LLcoolJ27

Hi all
I just wanted some opinions on a situation I was in earlier in the weekend. I'd be grateful for any advice you could give me because it's a tricky situation.
So here's the story. I've been in a relationship with another girl for almost a year now (Yes I'm a lesbian ) She has this male friend who she's good friends with and he's an absolute waster, all he does is sit around drinking, smoking dope and he isn't even activly looking for a job. Which is fine if he chooses to live like that, but all he does is moan, give out about the government, goes on about politics. It's like he's a broken record. I work quite hard and I guess its just depressing seeing this after a hard days work!This is probably adding far too much info about him, but he's really been buggin me lately.

The other night, he decides to joke around and say to me when I arrived to meet my gf at her place.. 'Ah wouldn't you like to know what I was doing with her before you came', I laughed it off but I felt it was a completely inappropriate and disrespectful thing to say, even if it was a joke. Granted, he was full of beer which isn't really anything new. And I don't want to be making excuses for him because the next thing he said in front of me to my girlfriend was 'Ah can we not finish off what we were doing earlier, I was nearly there' while he was making gestures of **** himself. I just said, right I'm off to bed, see you later. And that was the last I saw of him. I think my gf thinks its quite funny the stuff he comes out with but I dont at all. I was thinking of the stuff that I should have said back to him but he's probably not even worth wasting my breath over.

My gf looked quite annoyed that he'd say such a thing and to be honest I thought it was really out of order, but what can you say to someone when they're full of drink, and who's also a registered alcoholic.

How do you think I should handle this situation, considering he's a friend of my gfs? Do you think I should make any kind of a deal about it? Say something to him / just leave it altogether?

I'm still raging about it & I'm thinking, how is she friends with such a person. By the sounds of things, he doesn't even have respect for himself.

Any suggestions would be welcomed!

BettePorter

LLcoolJ27 wrote: »

Hi all
I just wanted some opinions on a situation I was in earlier in the weekend. I'd be grateful for any advice you could give me because it's a tricky situation.
So here's the story. I've been in a relationship with another girl for almost a year now (Yes I'm a lesbian ) She has this male friend who she's good friends with and he's an absolute waster, all he does is sit around drinking, smoking dope and he isn't even activly looking for a job. Which is fine if he chooses to live like that, but all he does is moan, give out about the government, goes on about politics. It's like he's a broken record. I work quite hard and I guess its just depressing seeing this after a hard days work!This is probably adding far too much info about him, but he's really been buggin me lately.

The other night, he decides to joke around and say to me when I arrived to meet my gf at her place.. 'Ah wouldn't you like to know what I was doing with her before you came', I laughed it off but I felt it was a completely inappropriate and disrespectful thing to say, even if it was a joke. Granted, he was full of beer which isn't really anything new. And I don't want to be making excuses for him because the next thing he said in front of me to my girlfriend was 'Ah can we not finish off what we were doing earlier, I was nearly there' while he was making gestures of **** himself. I just said, right I'm off to bed, see you later. And that was the last I saw of him. I think my gf thinks its quite funny the stuff he comes out with but I dont at all. I was thinking of the stuff that I should have said back to him but he's probably not even worth wasting my breath over.

My gf looked quite annoyed that he'd say such a thing and to be honest I thought it was really out of order, but what can you say to someone when they're full of drink, and who's also a registered alcoholic.

How do you think I should handle this situation, considering he's a friend of my gfs? Do you think I should make any kind of a deal about it? Say something to him / just leave it altogether?

I'm still raging about it & I'm thinking, how is she friends with such a person. By the sounds of things, he doesn't even have respect for himself.

Any suggestions would be welcomed!

Handle what situation exactly ? The situation you mention has passed, he was drunk and he's clearly an arse hole............i wouldn't get myself worked up over it if i were you......He's an infantile waster with a drink/drug problem ..... why does he even merit your rage ? He says it again.....just reply with 'you wish' !

St._Andalou

Does he live with your girlfriend? How often do you have to see him?

The most important thing I would say is that just because your girlfriend is friends with him, that does not mean that you have to be friends with him.

Any boyfriend I've had has been mates with people I could not stand (and I'm sure he did not like some of my friends -- it's inevitable in all relationships).

Next time he makes remarks that bother you, just say it. "That's out of line," or "I don't think that's appropriate", or just even, "That's not funny". You're under no obligation to engage in an argument with him. If he continues to make remarks like that, then at least you have made an effort your side but it's time to cut him out.

Tell your girlfriend. She'll appreciate that you've made an effort. She could arrange for him not to be there when you visit, or make it so that you don't have to socialize with him. It wouldn't be a big deal, and I imagine she cares much more about you than she does about him.

It is a little thing, but you're right, if you've had a long day and want some time to chill out with your girlfriend then dealing with a moron is the last thing you'd want.

Zen65

LLcoolJ27 wrote: »

How do you think I should handle this situation, considering he's a friend of my gfs? Do you think I should make any kind of a deal about it? Say something to him / just leave it altogether?

I'm still raging about it & I'm thinking, how is she friends with such a person. By the sounds of things, he doesn't even have respect for himself.

Any suggestions would be welcomed!

Just to clarify, are you upset by what he said, or by the possibility that there was something going on before you came home? You should be clear at least in your own mind about exactly what you're annoyed about.

If it's simply his behaviour, the best approach is probably to ignore it. He's looking for attention, so don't give him that pleasure.

Perhaps suggest to your gf that you think it would be nice if you had more time together, just you and her? Let her know you will tolerate this man because he is her friend, but you do not enjoy his company.


Be at peace,

Z

Neil3030

Hide his social welfare card.

LLcoolJ27

Thanks Bette! Good advice, actually and you're right he is an arsehole.
I just have no interest in being around this guy at all, he's such a waster but its my girfriends choice who she's friends with. I can't change that one!
So you're an L word fan, love the name !!lol

LLcoolJ27

St._Andalou wrote: »

Does he live with your girlfriend? How often do you have to see him?

The most important thing I would say is that just because your girlfriend is friends with him, that does not mean that you have to be friends with him.

Any boyfriend I've had has been mates with people I could not stand (and I'm sure he did not like some of my friends -- it's inevitable in all relationships).

Next time he makes remarks that bother you, just say it. "That's out of line," or "I don't think that's appropriate", or just even, "That's not funny". You're under no obligation to engage in an argument with him. If he continues to make remarks like that, then at least you have made an effort your side but it's time to cut him out.

Tell your girlfriend. She'll appreciate that you've made an effort. She could arrange for him not to be there when you visit, or make it so that you don't have to socialize with him. It wouldn't be a big deal, and I imagine she cares much more about you than she does about him.

It is a little thing, but you're right, if you've had a long day and want some time to chill out with your girlfriend then dealing with a moron is the last thing you'd want.

Yeah I've already said that I can't stand him to her, and he really bothers me with all his moaning amongst the other crap he comes out with. I just see a very sly side to him now and I don't like it. He's a dirty little pervert and I can't understand how she doesn't like this especially him passing these kinds of remarks.

I'll just leave it for now, and if I hear anything like this again I'll just say Its disgusting and inappropriate saying things like that. I mean, would he say it to one of his male friends about their girlfriends.. you know I wouldn't put it past him to be honest.

I guess I haven't been in the position where I haven't liked a girlfriends friend before as I get on with most people, but I guess this arse got to me. I don't want anything to do with him but I'll tolerate him for my girlfriend or at least I'll find out when he's around.

I think I've probably wasted enough of my time even thinking about this idiot, but thanks all for your advice especially the one about hiding his social welfare card You never know, I might try it out lol.

Elle Collins

To be honest I'd be taking a closer look at my partner if I were in your shoes. 'Birds of a feather' and all that.

Beruthiel

My advice would be to just spend as little time as possible in his company.

Fittle

Sounds like a waster, and others are right, ignore him. I'm suprised your gf has any time for him tbh. How are they even friends? Does he live with your gf?

I'm also wondering what a 'registered alcoholic' is

Gone Drinking

Hmmmmm... lesbians

LLcoolJ27

Hi
The guy doesn't move in yet but there was talk of him moving in and I really don't like the sound of it. He's spending a few nights here and there and the very odd time he stays with her.

If he does and I have to put up with that **** when I go over and see her, I'm not sure how long it's going to last (without sounding too dramatic). I get on with everyone but he went too far on Friday night with those comments and I think he knew it.

Everyone is right in here and the best thing probably to do is forget about it and avoid him at all costs.

Silverfish

Gone Drinking wrote: »

Hmmmmm... lesbians

Banned.

St._Andalou

LLcoolJ27 wrote: »

Hi
The guy doesn't move in yet but there was talk of him moving in and I really don't like the sound of it. He's spending a few nights here and there and the very odd time he stays with her.

If he does and I have to put up with that **** when I go over and see her, I'm not sure how long it's going to last (without sounding too dramatic). I get on with everyone but he went too far on Friday night with those comments and I think he knew it.

Everyone is right in here and the best thing probably to do is forget about it and avoid him at all costs.

But try and object before he moves in, or before those plans are set in motion.

If he does move in, it will cause a lot of problems and resentment, so voice your opposition now, before things go too far.

LLcoolJ27

Hi Andalou
Yeah, this guy would definately be a problem for me and I couldn't pretend to like someone like this. I'd not be afraid to tell her how I feel about him moving in and put a stop to it before it happens. It really isn't up to me though, and I don't want to sound controlling. I just would never be around in her place.

I'll tolerate him for my girlfriend if I happened to see him, but I'd prefer to avoid him at all costs.

LegacyUser

OP if I was you I'd just refuse to go around there
Meet your gf elsewhere

Basically just avoid being anywhere near him

Chuchoter

He obviously doesn't respect your relationship, so if she respects that then she shouldn't be his friend. I personally think people are much more honest when they are drunk and he's been thinking that for ages and when he was drunk and saw you he decided to actually say it. I mean if you were a man and he said that to you he'd be expecting to get his teeth smashed. I would also be worried about your girlfriend, if she's alone with him when he's drunk and he has a thing for her I'd be worried what he would do.

I think depending on how long you've been dating, she should stop being his friend. If you've been going out a long time I think you trump drunk pervy friend.

EDIT: reread your post, a year? Your girlfriend needs to get her head screwed on and get rid of him if he's treating you like this. If I was going out with someone for a year and then my supposed friend said something like that to my girlfriend I would never talk to them again.

Bruce7

LLcoolJ27 wrote: »

the next thing he said in front of me to my girlfriend was 'Ah can we not finish off what we were doing earlier, I was nearly there' while he was making gestures of **** himself. I just said, right I'm off to bed, see you later. And that was the last I saw of him. I think my gf thinks its quite funny the stuff he comes out with but I dont at all.

He does these things because he can. In the dynamic between the three of you he feels that he is in a stronger position than you, that your friend will take his side over yours. You feel this way too, otherwise you would have said something when he was ****, or appealed to your friend to get him to stop.

What do you think your friend would say to you if you said the above to her in front of him, and shoved your hand down your knickers while saying it?

I think the real issue here is that you are afraid that your friend is not a real lesbian and is going to leave you for him; also she is aware of this and is teasing / threatening / manipulating / bullying you with it, whether this is something she is going to do or not.

Time to call it a day, methinks.

LLcoolJ27

Thats a very unusual opinion you got there but I have absolutely 100% that my girlfriend (not my friend) is a "real" lesbian. The guy did it because he's a quite arrogant and to be quite honest, I want to avoid him at all costs now.

St._Andalou

It sounds as though there's a certain amount of homophobia on his part, to be honest. If you were a guy dating a female friend, he wouldn't make comments like that.

He's just one of those fools who's not half as funny as he thinks he is.

Kidchameleon

LLcoolJ27 wrote: »

The other night, he decides to joke around and say to me when I arrived to meet my gf at her place.. 'Ah wouldn't you like to know what I was doing with her before you came',

That's just banter, we joke like that with the women in work all the time. Your just letting your dislike for him blow a typical joke out of all proportion. Although the reasons you dislike him are justified IMHO.

Chuchoter

Kidchameleon wrote: »

That's just banter, we joke like that with the women in work all the time. Your just letting your dislike for him blow a typical joke out of all proportion. Although the reasons you dislike him are justified IMHO.

If this was your girlfriend, and she'd just been alone with him and he said that to you I'm pretty sure you'd freak.

LLcoolJ27

I've realised this guy is a waste of space, and he doesn't even deserve to be thought about for one minute more.
The guy is a drunk and has a drug problem. Not that its any excuse.

If I do come in contact with him again (which might be likely), I'm making a point of voicing my opinion about him and have no conscience about it.
Because right now, I don't care what he thinks as he is exactly the same.

I need to see if my girlfriend reacts to these digs, and if she stands up for him in any way after this, I know what I have to do after this.

LegacyUser

LLcoolJ27 wrote: »

Hi Andalou
Yeah, this guy would definately be a problem for me and I couldn't pretend to like someone like this. I'd not be afraid to tell her how I feel about him moving in and put a stop to it before it happens. It really isn't up to me though, and I don't want to sound controlling. I just would never be around in her place.

I'll tolerate him for my girlfriend if I happened to see him, but I'd prefer to avoid him at all costs.

I may be wrong but you don't live with your girlfriend and thus her living arrangements are nothing to do with you so don't interfere in other peoples house business. As you stated you are afraid with might happen and if you do you are just creating a rod for you own back.


[QUOTE/]I need to see if my girlfriend reacts to these digs, and if she stands up for him in any way after this, I know what I have to do after this.[/QUOTE]


Sorry but what do you mean you will know what has to be done? Are you seriously considering breaking up with her over this cretin? I am sorry to say that if this is the case than perhaps your relationship with her wasn't all that strong in the first place or you are being a little bit melodramatic. Calm down and think what you are doing, you are playing directly into this muppets hands.