Unbearable family situation

LegacyUser

Hi

I'm posting here for some advice on a situation that I have recently found myself in.

I have posted here before looking for advice on the very poor relationship that I have with my father. It is rocky to say the least. Can be good, then can be bad.

But I now find myself with a whole other problem on my hands of late - it seems that my siblings have totally turned against me.

There is no apparent reason for this at all. In particular my younger brother and I were very close and were great friends, telling one another everything. My younger sister (I'm the eldest) and I have a bit of a ropey relationship, but nothing that ever lasted more than a few days.

But I have noticed that over the last month they have almost 'teamed up' (I know my choice of words is pathetic and child-like but I can't think of a better way to phrase it) and are being very inhospitable lately.

It started off not that really noticeable. They would stop offering to include me on a trip to the takeaway or something. Big deal, I don't really mind that and never really thought anything of it at the time as I don't even really eat them that often.

But then I remember going into the brother's room, talking to him and he just completely either ignored me or wasn't interested in what I had to say. When I asked him for his response he just said "yeah, whatever." The thing I had been talking to him about was a family issue and was about 8 on a scale of 1-10 in importance.

I was actually quite hurt by that as, like I said, we would have been very close in the past.

I also thought to myself - maybe he's just having a bad day so I tried not to get too paranoid about it all.

Problem is, that was a month ago. And I have tried to make conversation and offer to cook etc.. in the meantime and it has all been shrugged off.

The situation with my sister is much easier to read, as at least she is upfront with me about how she feels.

Lately, she smirks and makes snide comments at everything I say. When I'm having a conversation with anyone she will exclaim out of nowhere, "Oh my god, did she just say that?" or something similar, as if she is talking to someone but there is nobody there.

She will look me up and down with this really deliberate scrunched up face as if she is about to throw up and then say to me something like "good luck wearing that tonight" and just every so often casts these glances at me like I disgust her.

This has been happening now for about a month and I have to say it is really starting to take its toll on me. I have been a sufferer of depression and have worked very hard at counselling for the last 2 years to beat it. But I can feel these low thoughts coming back because of all of this.

I confronted my sister about this and asked her "What is your problem with me lately? Have I done something that I'm not aware of that has pi55ed you off?" and she just gave me that scrunched up face that she knows I hate and said to me "Wha are you on about? Seriously, get away from me, ye freak."

That is what I'm trying to reason with you see. I know something is going on but I don't know what. I know I should confront my brother but the problem there is that I'm still so upset that we're not talking (can handle the sister as I don't really like her anyway - we are completely different people) I'm actually getting teary about it now, and I just want to be able to compose myself better when I finally do speak to him.

The upshot of all of this is that my relationship with my dad is getting better as I think he sees what is happening and feels bad for me. But I don't want to discuss this with him because I'm not a child (25) and he gets so upset when we fight and he has his own problems (health and personal) and I really don't want him worrying about this too.

I am going to move out, I've been in full time ed until now and have before this kind of enjoyed being at home (the family has been through a lot and we're the only ones who understand each others pain if you know what I mean) but I won't be able to move out any sooner than october.

Can anyone help me by giving me advice on how to deal with a situation like this until then. It's so hard for me to come to terms with the fact that all of a sudden my brother and sister just don't seem to want to know me.

thanks.

LegacyUser

I am not really sure what to tell you, but only that you are not alone.

Last night my brother (33) and I (30) had a huge row and he stormed out of the house.

I live at home. I am studying very hard at the moment. He visits with his girlfriend (who doesnt seem to like me either). They always seem to be hanging around here. I dont think either of them have many friends or things to do where they are living. They hang out with my 2 sisters and their husbands. I dont get on very well either with sisters or husbands either.

The main reason is because of lack of respect. Friends all my life said to me "you know they walk all over you" - about a year ago I decided to stand up to them (something changed in my life and I realised I needed to be more proactive in standing up for myself, as I was usually the one feeling hurt and they didnt care).

Anyways, yesterday brother comes into sitting room (house is quite big BTW - there is another sitting room), lights up a fag and turns on the TV while I am sweating bricks trying to study. He knows I study in there and Ive told him countless times I cant go upstairs as the internet wireless connection breaks.

So, I say to him "can you have a little bit of consideration for me please - im trying to study here" and all of a sudden he starts roaring and shouting at me. Called me every name under the sun. Then he and his gf stormed out of the house. He said in the argument that this is his home too, I reminded him that no it was not - that his home is else where now - I live here and is in fact my home. He seemed taken aback by that - like he hadnt realised or something.

Anyways, this bcrap goes on in houses/families up and down the country. Doesnt matter what age you are. I know what its like to not get on with your siblings. It makes you feel different in a bad way.

kittykrazy

It could be that you've changed through therapy and this has changed the dynamic between you and your siblings. Your responses to them and what's important to you might have changed so conversations become unpredictable to them and they're feeling a bit lost with this new and improved you and they're lashing out at this "unknown" person.

It could also be that they are preparing themselves for you moving out and not being around any more. A sort of "you don't need us so we'll show you how much we don't need you".

Do you have any other theories as to why they might be acting this way?