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To propose or not to propose?

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  • 10-08-2010 4:11am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Ok guys, going unreg for this one just in case the other half pops in, which us unlikely but you can't be too careful...

    Ok, here's the story- been with my GF for years now, we're well settled (apart from both being in college) and we've spoken about getting hitched, but that was before the cp bill... we'd always talk about what kind of ceremony we'd have, etc.

    However, now that I can't say "I will when it's legal HAHAAH!!!" anymore, I can't stop thinking about proposing. I have a scenario all worked out. The thought of her saying yes fills me with joy, which is a bit lame but there you go.

    Anyway, the problem I have is that she'd never get married or partnered or whatever the feck we're calling it while one of her relatives is still around, because it'd break her heart and she'd (my GF) be disowned by the family.

    Do I do what I want, and propose because I think the timing is right, or bite my tongue? I know we wouldn't actually go through with the ceremony for a number of years as we're both just starting our careers... I have no problem with having to keep it a secret from her family because we did that with our relationship for years anyway, doesn't bother me too much...

    Anyway, just looking for some advice, guys, from some different viewpoints. Cheers.


Comments

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    #2
    GalwayGuy92
    Closed Accounts Posts: 106 ✭✭GalwayGuy92


    This could just be me, but I think you should propose. It's really romantic that it's a secret like it belongs to just you two. I know this glosses over the facts of why the engagement is hidden but I'm a hopeless romantic.:o
    Realistically however, I still think you should. Being careful to explain you know it will be a private matter and that the ceremony wont be for years. Although your other half probably knows you know this and will pick up on it right away.


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    #3
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    opinionsneeded wrote: »
    Do I do what I want, and propose because I think the timing is right, or bite my tongue? I know we wouldn't actually go through with the ceremony for a number of years as we're both just starting our careers... I have no problem with having to keep it a secret from her family because we did that with our relationship for years anyway, doesn't bother me too much....

    Well in that case, go for it!


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    #4
    Chuchoter
    Registered Users Posts: 4,305 ✭✭✭Chuchoter


    Its all very romantic...but to be honest if she thinks her family will disown her over just this one individual, they're going to disown her even if that person is gone. She needs to weigh up whats more important: her family who will never accept her or the person she loves.


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    #5
    gmale
    Closed Accounts Posts: 95 ✭✭gmale


    opinionsneeded wrote: »
    Ok, here's the story- been with my GF for years now, we're well settled (apart from both being in college)

    Bit of an obvious question but feel the need to ask. How old are you both?


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    #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    hey guys, OP here.

    Thanks for the feedback...

    First off I'm 28, she's 26, been together for nearly 7 years, and we've had the major conversations like, kids, religion, social rights & responsibilities and we're on the same page, more or less, so I'm confident that it's not just 'jumping in' now that it's legal, so to speak.

    As for disowning thing, that was a bit dramatic... it's just that her family have some difficulties, and one or 2 of her family that know we're together are of the opinion that knowing she was gay would do a lot of damage, because her gran (who is the person we're talking about here) is very religious. She's old, and getting frail, and tbh I don't mind, honestly, keeping things shtum. I just don't want to put my GF in a position where she will hurt her family, or feel like she's hurting me by not telling people. Personally, from the way I'm treated by everyone who allegedly 'doesn't know', I reckon it's everyone else in denial, not the gran!

    Basically, I'm going to want to tell my friends and family, but luckily they don't ever mix with hers, so that's not much of an issue. Just you know how things go in Ireland... but we've managed to 'evade detection' for nearly 7 years now, so I reckon we could pull it off. It just honestly seems a bit creepy waiting for this old woman who we both love to bits to die so we can take the next step in our relationship. I don't mind waiting to have the actual partnership take place, but I dunno... i just kinda feels right.

    I have a suspicion I'm over thinking things here...


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