"The one"

LegacyUser

Hi folks. Just before I start I am going to say a bit about myself. I'm a 20 year old male, and i've recently accepted the fact i'm gay. I spent years trying to deny it and since i've accepted it, and even told close family and friends i've been happier.
Now this is where it gets tricky.

There's always been this guy in my life, or some where in the fringes. We went to the same secondary school and got friendly around 5th year. We'd meet up at house party's and have the laugh or what ever. It was around this time I really noticed my feelings towards him and in return me being gay. A few months later I lost my best friend to suicide and this guy, John, was my rock. He was there for me in every single way, we really really grew close. Then I began to notice some thing. My gaydar was beeping :P, I noticed we always made eye contact in classes, and I mean always. One of my gay friends even told me he thought John was into me, and he's been right about 8+ other people who have all recently come out, he just has a great gaydar.

But here's the hard part. When it came to College we went our separate ways, we would text each other now and again but I went about 7 or 8 months without seeing him. In this space of time he's had a girl friend, she's a nice person and I am happy for him, really, I am. But this weekend just gone my sisters party was on and I seen him for the first time in 8 months. My head was in a mess, my heart was racing and when we finally spoke to each other I felt like a tulip and couldn't get words out of my gob.
For the rest of the night we had a few dances, few bottles bit of a chat but the eye contact was even more than ever before, we made eye contact LOADS of times from across the room. When he was leaving he came up and asked me to come visit him down in his house in college when ever I want. We shook hands and he walked on out with his girl friend.

A few little bits a forgot to tie in
We cuddled on the sofa a few times for a few seconds back about 2 years ago, but it was as if it was messing or he was testing me or some thing.
He used to always buy me drinks when we'd be out on the town.
And last Saturday when he left a few of my friends who'd know about the scenario said it really looked as if he wanted to hug me when he was leaving (arms on either side of my chair)...

Its been wrecking my head for almost 4 years now and I need some closure, what should I do!

Chuchoter

Go for it. Ring him within the next day or two. He sounds into you, and if your still thinking about 4 years into the future something needs to be done.

Beruthiel

Ask him out and see what happens.
You've nothing to loose, life is short and you'll be dead a long time.

baby and crumble

He's got a girlfriend though... I mean yeah he might be into you, but he IS in a relationship. Kinda makes him off limits, no?

St._Andalou

I would say, no. In fact I would say NO.

This comes from personal experience. I got my wires crossed with a straight guy a couple of years ago when I had just come out. It was a really similar situation to yours, actually. He really messed me up for a long time, so please avoid that.

Do you have any other potential boyfriends in your life? If you don't, it's possible you are fixating on this guy simply because he is there and has given you a few mixed messages.

Don't waste your life away. Move on, find someone else, give it time, and I guarantee you you will feel differently.

Messing around with straight guys never ends well. Remember, this guy has a girlfriend.

There is no "the one"; there are simply "ones".

SarahBeep!

We're here for a good time, not a long time.

Dark Artist

It doesn't sound to me like there's sufficient evidence to suggest he is gay. If something is already in your head then it doesn't take a lot of 'signs' to convince you that it's true. However, if he's that close to you, maybe it wouldn't hurt to even ask him if he sometimes likes guys in general. That's a really safe way to determine whether or not it's worth taking the risk.

metamorphosis

It's a tough one - it's so so easy to cross signals and totally mis interperate things. I did with a straight guy and well it made things really awkward.

I say - go out have fun enjoy yourself in college and meet other guys. Don't lump yourself in the background for something that never might happen.

Then again you could be reading the signals right. Id say visit him, have a few drinks and a chat and that might make it clearer. Do remember he HAS a girsfriend too though.

LGiamani

Needadvise:( wrote: »

Hi folks. Just before I start I am going to say a bit about myself. I'm a 20 year old male, and i've recently accepted the fact i'm gay. I spent years trying to deny it and since i've accepted it, and even told close family and friends i've been happier.
Now this is where it gets tricky.

There's always been this guy in my life, or some where in the fringes. We went to the same secondary school and got friendly around 5th year. We'd meet up at house party's and have the laugh or what ever. It was around this time I really noticed my feelings towards him and in return me being gay. A few months later I lost my best friend to suicide and this guy, John, was my rock. He was there for me in every single way, we really really grew close. Then I began to notice some thing. My gaydar was beeping :P, I noticed we always made eye contact in classes, and I mean always. One of my gay friends even told me he thought John was into me, and he's been right about 8+ other people who have all recently come out, he just has a great gaydar.

But here's the hard part. When it came to College we went our separate ways, we would text each other now and again but I went about 7 or 8 months without seeing him. In this space of time he's had a girl friend, she's a nice person and I am happy for him, really, I am. But this weekend just gone my sisters party was on and I seen him for the first time in 8 months. My head was in a mess, my heart was racing and when we finally spoke to each other I felt like a tulip and couldn't get words out of my gob.
For the rest of the night we had a few dances, few bottles bit of a chat but the eye contact was even more than ever before, we made eye contact LOADS of times from across the room. When he was leaving he came up and asked me to come visit him down in his house in college when ever I want. We shook hands and he walked on out with his girl friend.

A few little bits a forgot to tie in
We cuddled on the sofa a few times for a few seconds back about 2 years ago, but it was as if it was messing or he was testing me or some thing.
He used to always buy me drinks when we'd be out on the town.
And last Saturday when he left a few of my friends who'd know about the scenario said it really looked as if he wanted to hug me when he was leaving (arms on either side of my chair)...

Its been wrecking my head for almost 4 years now and I need some closure, what should I do!

Hey you should not push this any futher. You have made big steps in your life and he has been there for you through some pretty bleak times and kept you together. This guy has a girl and more than likely is straight so keep the friendship and spread your wings and have some hot lovin with other guys but keep your relationship purley non sexual with this guy. He sounds like he wants to keep you in his life best of luck

unreggd

He has a gf

Regardless of what he actually likes, he's off limits

But its no harm to just ask him to settle it for yourself

Just don't be expectin any fairytales

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the replies people.

What I've decided to do is this. Take him up on his "come visit me" offer a few times, have a laugh, meet his college friends and what ever else. Then once we are close enough again I am going to say some thing along the lines of "John, I've some thing to tell ya, I've recently come out to all the close people in my life, and you've been a great friend over the last few years, I'm sorry I couldn't tell you sooner"

- That way the balls in his court and if he ever did have any feelings that way he could come to me. Seems just about the fairest way.



And finally...
I've been pretty saddened at how "no strings" orientated the majority of men i've met so far are. Am I ever going to connect emotionally with some one who will like me back as much as I like them?
Keep in mind im from a much smaller town that most of you lot