Bad farts

Fulton Crown

Yeah ..was behind a fcukin bearded crusty in the q for a sarni in O'briens the other day.

Cnunt had a pair of dung colored courdoroys ...saggy at the arse and material to spare if you get my drift.

Cnunt had just ordered a veggie roll and tap water..when i heard a low gutteral growl coming from nearby.

Thought little of it at the time but just as I was about to give my order a fcukin pure sulpherous toxic stench enveloped the fcukin queue.

I couldnt fcukin give my order and the guy at the counter was gaggin as well...fcukin queue dissapeared and dung trousers blithley trotted off with his veggie roll to a nearby table.

saw a few folks nearby evacuate sharpish and reckoned the cnunt had dropped another one.

Should be a fcukin law agaisnt that kind of thing...:eek:

Ricardo G

Ahh school days, belting a good fart off the back of those black plastic chairs and watching the foundations shake with the echo !

Great also at 30,000 feet on a plane, no way anyone can escape !

Whilst walking around a very warm shop with herself, laughing at everyone else nearly choking after you leave out the deadly silent one !

FlutterinBantam

Fulton Crown wrote: »

Yeah ..was behind a fcukin bearded crusty in the q for a sarni in O'briens the other day.

Cnunt had a pair of dung colored courdoroys ...saggy at the arse and material to spare if you get my drift.

Cnunt had just ordered a veggie roll and tap water..when i heard a low gutteral growl coming from nearby.

Thought little of it at the time but just as I was about to give my order a fcukin pure sulpherous toxic stench enveloped the fcukin queue.

I couldnt fcukin give my order and the guy at the counter was gaggin as well...fcukin queue dissapeared and dung trousers blithley trotted off with his veggie roll to a nearby table.

saw a few folks nearby evacuate sharpish and reckoned the cnunt had dropped another one.

Should be a fcukin law agaisnt that kind of thing...:eek:

jeez -only thing worse is the moleskin trousers merchants.

The crusties favour these fcukers and i agree that whatever shite these gimps eat seems to 'hang' in the air when they queef out one.

Fcuking long skirted bint collecting for 'save the borneo apes' wearing a linen skirt surely bunted out the most noxious queefer ever.

back of the skirt rippled like the bonnet of a crashed Ka.

Bitch must have been on raw turnips and brown sauce for weeks:mad:

dubtom

FlutterinBantam wrote: »

Tom, that was an excellent post,conveys the drama of the occasion and leads the reader to emphatise with the poster.

When you can read and say":eek:Thank fcuk that wasn't me" it was a good post.

Now down to business.

"Fouled the bowl" I like that description but what does it mean.?

That you coated the pan in a skein of wet midden from rim to S?

"That you dumped a knarled knobbly lad which settled uncomfortably in the S?

"That you bolted out a ripper like a fcuking flock of starlings and scudded the pan and the area surrounding"?

That you bunted out Meatloaf's daughter which lodged like a dead corgi dog in the S"?

Clear that up and we're good:D

Why thank you Flutterin. All of the above would describe the alien that ejected from my nether regions, it not alone clung to my bowel ,but clung with venom to the bowl too, so much so that I may have to invest in a new toilet brush. It would seem my days of one wipe floaters are long gone. How I miss them.

PeterIanStaker

Ever do the Ugly Duckling?

Its where you walk with a waddle and a quack and a waddle and a quack . . .

karlog

I love the feeling when you clench your butt cheeks together while doing a fart. It creates a bubble that runs along your arse crack until it pops. Ah bliss:)

W.Shakes-Beer

Ricardo G wrote: »

Ahh school days, belting a good fart off the back of those black plastic chairs and watching the foundations shake with the echo !

Great also at 30,000 feet on a plane, no way anyone can escape !

Whilst walking around a very warm shop with herself, laughing at everyone else nearly choking after you leave out the deadly silent one !

Ah yeah, the old days of lifting your arsé an inch and a half off the chair, to get the clatter going, hoping to jesus you wouldn't follow through.

Nothing beats walking around a supermarket, letting off a humid, air filled satchel as a result of that mornings bran flakes.

karlog

nullzero wrote: »

On a flight to Spain last year with my girlfriend I had an awful gutful of pewtrid foulness that I expended over the duration of the two hours or so of the flight.
There was however a young Spanish lad sitting in front of us who had the entire row of seats to himself. He was sleeping and waking up, shifting around akwardly. Needless to say I was blaming the stench on this unfortunate person whilst managing to keep a straight face the whole way over.
I lost count of how many I ripped out on that flight but I pity whoever sat in the seat after me.
When we got home to Dublin, whilst we were driving home I asked herself if she remebered that dirty Spanish bastard from the flight over and then broke the truth to her. She genuinely looked shocked and appalled although she said had a sneaking suspicion it was me all along. How I laughed.

I hate the thought of someone farting on an airplane when the air is recirculated for the whole flight.

CiaranMT

Ah, memories of this very discussion held on the first day of Irish College all those years ago come flooding back...

xsiborg

took me a while to find it but:

http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showpost.php?p=66511971&postcount=31

Local-womanizer

I once cleared a section of a dance-floor at a wedding,just blamed it on some aul fella.

On a more disturbing note,in secondary school back in the day,one fella in my year shat the jocks after hoping to impress his peers with his arse trumpet. No mess mind you,which could not be said of another fella the same year.....

The room had to be cleared out after he tried to let one off,not a good idea when you have some lingering sh!ts,covered the seat and floor and himself....

Aglomerado

Dried apricots have to be, for me at least, the progenitors of the loudest and most foul-smelling farts. It must be the sulphates in them or something. Rotten.