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i want to die

  • 10-08-2010 6:27pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I'm having suicidal tendencies. I hate my body (i'm female btw). I just can't bear to be in a world that's so shallow anymore. It's really making me hate men as well as I read a lot of the comments on boards here about fat women. It also makes me more suicidal. I hate having to face people in social settings.

    And I'm expecting the backlash to my post from the sizist c@nts on here saying oh lose weight, go to the gym, stop eating. You people have no f:cking clue! It's people like you that cause people like me to want to die.

    I know I will never be thin no matter what I do. I have had a thyroid problem all my life but it wasn't properly diagnosed until I was 34. So all my life I've been watching what I eat and getting regular exercise only never to lose weight. I became so frustrated. I couldn't understand it. I used to train and do the same workouts as my mate who was a competitive athlete. It made me even more depressed. So while I'm on medication I'm still not losing weight. Sure I lost a little bit (a stone) but it will take my entire lifetime to lose it all, even if I were to develop an eating disorder.

    The only reason I haven't gone through with it is because I don't want to devastate my mother. This will sound horrible, but I've been waiting for her to pass away before I do it. But I don't think I can bear it much longer.

    So I don't think there's any point of living. How can I live in a world where there is so much hatred for people like me? People who, just by looking at my size, think I'm lazy or don't care about my appearance? Or don't want to date me.

    I'm very intelligent, well educated, funny and pretty but I'm fat. And that's all that will ever matter. I will never have a happy life. So I think suicide is the only way.

    I don't know why I am posting here. I suppose I'm hoping there are some women who read this forum who are big who might post and give me some hope? I'm not holding my breath though.

    I don't want to talk to any health care professionals. A person who is not big will never understand where I'm coming from. Though maybe if someone knows of some support service for people like me I might consider looking into it.


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