Psychological problem affecting sex life

LegacyUser

Hey, just thought I would go unregged for this as its slighly embarrassing but there is no where else I feel I can go for advice. Basically, when im with a women I care for or have feelings for I cant really perform sexually.

It started about 3 years ago when I was out one night and I bumped into this girl from my area who I use to have a MAJOR crush on when I first start noticing girls (10/11) she was 21/22. I use to always see her and her friends heading out into town and dressed up and fell in love with her..any time I seen her I would go red. In anyway a few years ago 3/4 we got taking on a night out and well I suppose kind of flirting and having a great time. I decided for some reason to get way to drunk, maybe it was nerves and to calm me down or that. Come the end of the night she asked me back to her place! I couldnt believe it and we ended back up in her place everything going fine until that dreadful moment where I just couldnt get it up!! I wanted a hole to open up and swallow me. So I blamed it on the drink and she said it was ok she understood. The thing is prior to this I was out having great fun with girls of my own age and drink or no drink always able to perform at the drop of a hat.

I believe it was a mental / psychological thing. Been with this girl who was older than me, who I fancied and who had more experience than me I think I just froze. But this has been following me around ever since and is beginning to really bother me. Any time I meet a new girl and it seems like something physical is going to happen I always think "what if such and such happens again", so I would head out and get drunk again meet up with the girl so if or more like when I couldnt perform I would have a ready made excuse by saying I was drunk! Some of the girls that this has happened with would have been girlfriend material but I felt that I couldnt get involved in a relationship because of it.

Its not a physical problem because I have had other one night stands with girls that I dont know and never would want to know or would want to see and I was able to perform no problem, and when masturbating everything works. I have also been to see several escorts and have never had a problem there either..the only time I have had a problem with strangers is when I think back to what has happened in the past.

Sorry for ranting on but its something I really really want to get sorted. Im only 23 and am not in a relationship because of it and I am starting to feel lonely and the longer I let this go on the worse it will get.

What do I do or where do I go? I was thinking maybe about hypnosis but im not sure if anyone has used hypnosis before for such a thing. I have tried positve self talk but everytime I do its like my brain is answering back "no that wont happen, whats going to happen is the same thing on that faithful night".

Anybody got any advice?

Thanks for reading.

Pebbles68

I went to see this hypnotist and can swear by him. I went to lose weight but there is a link on his site that might interest you. It doesn't go into detail but the poster does mention "unwanted sexual thoughts". He's based in Dublin. Hope it helps.
http://www.aidansloan.ie/hcforum08/viewtopic.php?t=1710

FortyPlusHubby

Young-Man23 wrote: »

Anybody got any advice?

If you care about these girls then take the time to get to know the person before you hop into bed with them. It'll lessen your anxiety a whole load.

In any event, lay off the drink. "Brewers' Droop" can ruin anyone's performance.

Maybe this isn't the advice you wanted?

40pH

Benincasa

I would say that a lot of this stems from your view of sex. You admit that you can have sex with total strangers you wouldn't want to see again, but you can't with "girlfriend material".

Perhaps the problem has arisen because you view women as something to be used to gratify your sexual urges, but the presence of emotions, where you could actually care for the person rather than just use them and where you yourself could get hurt, means that you cannot actually have sex at all.

Perhaps you need to give up one night stands, visiting prostitutes and masturbation, and view women as more than sex objects. Try to actually have dates with women and get to know them before you have sex with them.

It seems to me that you have trained yourself into a mindset where sex is an almost anonymous, physical thing based largely around pleasure for you. You will have to train yourself out of that.