Exclusive Bottle Feeding

Ayla

Good points all around..

It's blantantly clear that *everyone* sees this as a sensitive issue, and no matter what side of the fence you sit on you'll be criticized & judged...as others have said, it's human nature...sad, but true :rolleyes:

As I said in my original post, I was looking for reasons that people decide to exclusively bottle feed from day 1. I never intended this thread to be a venue for anyone to feel the need to rationalize or defend their decisions, nor did I want anyone to think I was "standing on my morale high ground". It was simply a question, and I apologize if I came across as nosey or condescending.

For those out there who think I'm judging, you have no idea why I asked this question...for all you know I could be someone who's expecting another kid & is considering doing something different to what I've done before. So for Pete's sake, would you please stop being so touchy!

Cat Melodeon

CK2010 wrote: »

i think as long as you're doing it discretely nobody should be telling you to move or anything of the sort. they are entitled to feel the way they do but you're also entitled to feed your baby!

This is the one thing I have to take issue with you over. People are not entitled to say that breastfeeding is wrong or that it should be done hidden away like a dirty act. I know the sort of person you're talking about, they somehow see breastfeeding as perverted or deviant or disgusting. It is not, and they are not entitled to make nursing mums feel like it is. If they feel that way, grand, but it is not acceptable to scob at women or tut-tut or walk away with a look of disgust on their faces. That is as bad as saying directly to the woman 'I think you're sick', and that is the attitude that needs to be changed. The only way it will change is by having more babies breastfed in public so it becomes as commonplace a sight as bottlefeeding, and for more people to support breastfeeding mums. I'm not talking about everyone wearing pro-breastfeeding badges or attending meetings, but just giving a a quick smile to a nervous-looking breastfeeder, or countering other people's negative remarks by saying something like 'sure it's only normal'. You don't have to breastfeed yourself or even to have children. Just make it more normal by not assuming all babies are breastfed (I've lost count of the number of times people have said to me 'oh he needs a bottle' when my son cries or fusses in public).

By the way CK2010, you sound like a very strong individual and fair play to you for doing so well in college - seriously doubt I would have managed to scrape a pass with a baby in tow, never mind get a 2.1!

CK2010

Cat Melodeon wrote: »

This is the one thing I have to take issue with you over. People are not entitled to say that breastfeeding is wrong or that it should be done hidden away like a dirty act. I know the sort of person you're talking about, they somehow see breastfeeding as perverted or deviant or disgusting. It is not, and they are not entitled to make nursing mums feel like it is. If they feel that way, grand, but it is not acceptable to scob at women or tut-tut or walk away with a look of disgust on their faces. That is as bad as saying directly to the woman 'I think you're sick', and that is the attitude that needs to be changed. The only way it will change is by having more babies breastfed in public so it becomes as commonplace a sight as bottlefeeding, and for more people to support breastfeeding mums. I'm not talking about everyone wearing pro-breastfeeding badges or attending meetings, but just giving a a quick smile to a nervous-looking breastfeeder, or countering other people's negative remarks by saying something like 'sure it's only normal'. You don't have to breastfeed yourself or even to have children. Just make it more normal by not assuming all babies are breastfed (I've lost count of the number of times people have said to me 'oh he needs a bottle' when my son cries or fusses in public).

tbh if someone randomly smiled at me while i breastfed id think they're a bit weird! maybe thats just me! itd make me think they're laughing at me!
but i get what you're saying.

and im not saying it should be done hidden like its sordid, im talking about throwing a blanket over or whatever so its modest, like you dont have your boobs out! thats what i mean by discreet. some women have everything on display almost before the baby is out of the pram with the exposed nipple for eveyone to get a good look and then once baby is feeding they just let it all hang out!! but tbh id be tutting myself at a woman if she took it too far. yes, babies need to be fed but not everyone needs to see your boob and nipple! lifting your top discretely or whatever and craddling baby close is obviosly nothing to be tutted at!! you get what i mean? i think theres a bit of a problem with some mothers taking it too far, which gives those with a bit more modesty a bad name. because its those women who make it an uncomfortable situation for others by subjecting them to too much!

oh and thanks for the compliment, i wasnt fishing!

caprilicious

CathyMoran wrote: »

I did feel scared answering that I did not breastfeed, there is a huge stigma when you do not breastfeed and women who do not or can not feel like failures, or at least I did.

I know what you mean, I felt overwhelming guilt for not being able to breastfeed beyond the first week.
It is almost as though you have to justify why you didn't breast feed, breastfeeding is so natural et cetera.

The difference now compared to years ago (pre formula) is that when there wasn't an alternative to breastmilk, all women fed that way. Therefore there was an abundance of women in close proximity on hand to assist, offer advice.
Now the advice isn't always readily available to all.

Because everyone had told me breastfeeding was natural, I naively didn't read up or educate myself about it beforehand; I genuinely thought it'd come naturally

I believe that it is no one's business but the childs parents how their child is being fed.
(not directing this at op, but do people that do vilify women for bottle feeding)
Surely it is of higher importance that the child is being fed, nurtured & loved than what specifically they are being fed?

I would have loved to breastfeed, bottle feeding was not through choice, through necessity. My baby is thriving so thats what is of paramount importance to me

Knit wit

I had my third child almost two weeks ago. After a horrible experience of expressing for a very sick first child, and a miserable time breastfeeding a hefty 9lb second child, I opted to bottle feed this child. I have no regrets ... Although days 4 and 5 were tough when my milk arrived ... I found myself feeling very emotional ... As though I was letting my baby down by not feeding her myself. Thankfully a week on the swelling/leaking is subsiding ... Sorry tmi ... And I'm more confident in my decision.

I suffered with pnd with both of my first two children and I honestly believe breastfeeding contributed to my stress and anxiety. Every time he baby had cramps or tummy problems I felt it was something I eating that was making my baby ill. That coupled with very little support and a sense of overwhelming responsibility for all feeding maðe breastfeeding a miserable experience for me.

IMHO Ireland, especially rural Ireland is neither accepting not supportive of breastfeeding ... U are expected to stay home out of public gaze until ur baby is ready to be weaned! Good luck to any mothers who do breastfeeding ... U have my admiration, but for me and my little one, we are happier with the bottle!

scurnane

We had a baby boy a few weeks ago. My wife tried the breast feeding from the start. After day 2, the nurses recommended a bottle top-up after each feed as they were worried he was de-hydrated. A normal breast feed could last up to 2 hours with both baby and mother ending in tears.
I went and bought a breast pump on way home from hospital and we now feed him formula mainly during the day and feed him expressed milk for 2-3 feeds overnight.
My wife finds the expressing much easier than feeding him directly so we find this system suits all three of us in our situation.

3DataModem

Ayla wrote: »

Ok, so here's a question that I've been wondering...

For those out there who decide to bottlefeed from Day 1, can I ask why? I know there are all sorts of reasons why people may try breastfeeding then stop, but I am curious why new parents decide - sometimes even before the child's birth - to bottle feed exclusively.

Please note, I am in no way judging or critising (to each their own). This is always just something I've wondered.

One word answer; twins.

Plenty can do it I'm sure, but my two thrived on the bottle.

(I will also add that the two mothers who "reacted" to my wife's decision to bottle-feed, both happily toddled off to work after 5-6 months leaving their infants in crèches... god forbid anyone else even considers the relative merits of THAT choice.)

Some people just like to think that their choices are best, whatever they are, because the idea that you don't do your best for baby is so hard to contemplate.

It's funny, parents of twins never seem to worry so much about the bottle / breast stuff. Or wipes vs cotton wool. Or disposable vs terry nappies. They wish they had time to give a damn.

iCosmopolis

3DataModem wrote: »

One word answer; twins.

Plenty can do it I'm sure, but my two thrived on the bottle.

(I will also add that the two mothers who "reacted" to my wife's decision to bottle-feed, both happily toddled off to work after 5-6 months leaving their infants in crèches... god forbid anyone else even considers the relative merits of THAT choice.)

Some people just like to think that their choices are best, whatever they are, because the idea that you don't do your best for baby is so hard to contemplate.

It's funny, parents of twins never seem to worry so much about the bottle / breast stuff. Or wipes vs cotton wool. Or disposable vs terry nappies. They wish they had time to give a damn.

I'd dare anyone to question it, congrats & well done!

Zveri

Well 3DataModem
I just want to say it's fine if your wife bottlefed your twins.
But it's totally possible to breastfeed twins.
I on/off 'breast breastfed' my twins for four months and during this time we had to travel abroad for two weeks (very very tough with new born twins) and from day 1,
I've expressed breastmilk for them and provided minimum 75% of their feeds and for some of the months I managed to provide 100% of their feeds through expressed breastmilk.
I'm still expressing now (they're 11 months now) and still providing the majority of their milk feeds and I did have time to think about it and had time to plan it in advance.
I bought my breast pump 3 months before they were born even though my pregnancy included more than 20 weeks on bedrest and a c section at the end. I won't say it was easy but as I'm sure you know, twins aren't easy to look after.
But it's worth it too me and I know i'm probably not allowed to say this and I Mean no offence to anyone but I'm sorry for the women who never even tried not for one day. Across from me their was a teen mom (17) and she never even tried.
maybe I was too exhausted to have sense not to pry.
But I asked her why she wasn't trying to breastfeed. Her answer 'i just never wanted to try'

3DataModem

Zveri wrote: »

Well 3DataModem
I just want to say it's fine if your wife bottlefed your twins.
But it's totally possible to breastfeed twins.
I on/off 'breast breastfed' my twins for four months and during this time we had to travel abroad for two weeks (very very tough with new born twins) and from day 1,
I've expressed breastmilk for them and provided minimum 75% of their feeds and for some of the months I managed to provide 100% of their feeds through expressed breastmilk.
I'm still expressing now (they're 11 months now) and still providing the majority of their milk feeds and I did have time to think about it and had time to plan it in advance.
I bought my breast pump 3 months before they were born even though my pregnancy included more than 20 weeks on bedrest and a c section at the end. I won't say it was easy but as I'm sure you know, twins aren't easy to look after.
But it's worth it too me and I know i'm probably not allowed to say this and I Mean no offence to anyone but I'm sorry for the women who never even tried not for one day. Across from me their was a teen mom (17) and she never even tried.
maybe I was too exhausted to have sense not to pry.
But I asked her why she wasn't trying to breastfeed. Her answer 'i just never wanted to try'

Don't get me wrong - I know it can be done. I know a gal with 4 kids under 5 including twins - all breastfed! I'm certainly not saying that it is a reason for everyone, it was a good enough reason for my wife. A tough final month of the pregnancy, and the fact that we were moving abroad a couple of weeks later, and it was an easy decision that I supported.

I'd she'd have been up for it she'd most certainly have tried - she was keen to try for a week or two. But in the end it didn't happen, and she has had no regrets at all.

As you say, nobody should dismiss it out of hand... once you go with the bottle you can't go back (but you can the other way around!).

Zveri

I know it's understandable that your wife choose the bottle I mean the circumstances must have been hard. If I wasn't so stubborn and persistant I would have easily failed at breastfeeding . I just felt they pushed the bottles of formula too much in the hospital and those ready made bottles are so easy to use.
And like I said I'm sad when women don'teven attempt and then later they can decide it's not for them thats fine.

xzanti

I had planned to breastfeed but there were complications during the birth.. I had to have a C Section and he was born covered in meconium so he couldn't be put onto my chest when he came out, had to be whipped away to have his airways cleared and be washed.. I only saw him for a minute from across the room

Daddy had to bottle feed and care for him for the first few hours while I was in recovery, and when I eventually got up to the ward it became apparent that there had been a complication with my epidural.. I couldn't sit up straight and was crippled with headaches for the first few days so the Nurses and my Partner had to pretty much feed him until I felt half right again..

Good times.

Rubberlegs

I'm now a firm believer in each to their own on this matter. As long as a baby is fed and thriving, I really don't think it matters if it's bottle or breast. I have baby no3 now, I've had 3 sections. I was quite young having baby no1 and felt pressured into breastfeeding. I gave it a good shot, but couldn't get on with it. The seargent major of a matron had me with a breast pump in the end. Cracked nipples, and blood, the works. Sorry for the TMI, but I found it a horrible experience. Baby no2 had to be transferred to a hospital miles away, for surgery, straight after birth. So breastfeeding wasn't feasible that time. I tried again 3 months ago, again I felt pressured and guilted into it. It went great for the first 2 days, then we hit a brick wall. Baby wasn't latching on properly,and was getting really cranky, and I was really, really sore. One of the nurses made a huge fuss, told me the child needed feeding, or her sugar levels would drop. There was no way I could give her formula, it would ruin the breastfeeding. Could someone get me a pump. I sent the eldest girl to a chemist to get one, in a tear. I was told the pump needed to be back in the hospital, and sterilised and the child fed within a half hour. Talk about pressure, I felt like s**t:( So the guts of 50 euro was spent on a pump. It was put in sterilising solution, and the nurse who was "helping" me had done a disappearing act. When she eventually came back, to see how I was getting on, she took a look at baby, and says " Ah, no wonder you were having problems. She's tongue tied, sure she can't latch on properly". To say we felt like choking her was an understatement, there was 50euro down the drain, on a breast pump that obviously could not be returned. Also a whole lot of hassle and stress on baby and me would have been saved if it had been noticed she was tongue tied in the first place. Looking back on it, I'm glad the 2 I did breastfeed for the short time, got the colostrum. However, I really wish I'd stood my ground, and bottlefed from day1. I really admire all of you who did. And I admire those who got on well with the breastfeeding too, of course:)

Ms2011

When my son was born by c-section I had no milk plus he had low blood sugars due to an infection so had no energy to suck to bring it in. He needed constant feeding to bring up his sugars but as I didn't get any milk until he was four days old he had to be given bottles in special care. By the time I did have milk he wasn't interested in the breast.
I was gutted to not even get a chance to breast feed & shed a tear selling my unused breast pump :-( but as people point out to me so long as my son is healthy & happy I've nothing to feel guilty about :-)