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How to grow a personality

  • 13-08-2010 3:51pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    OK, so this post could be a little long. I'm a male in my mid twenties. I don't have many friends-you could say that I have none as I don't really have a social life other than the odd night out with people from work every couple of months or so, and a fellow who I used to work with (separately). I've never been with a girl either in any way. I know that this is down to me being really quiet and shy in school and college, where I was almost ashamed of myself as a person and didn't mix. I'm better now with people and can talk to people at work, but I need to change my personality to become better and less of a dry sh*te.

    The other day, I was reading a post in the Gentleman's Club and I saw this post.
    thats not the same thing as the op is refering to, attitude is everything and that shows but as far as being typically good looking or not it really dosnt matter that much

    a good looking dry ****e will get more chicks then an ugly dry ****e but the ugly life and sole of the party super cool guy who everyone wants to be around will sweep the floor with the both, if your like the latter guy and happen to be good looking too more power to you

    I'm obviously not the life and soul of the party. I'm average looking, but my personality isn't great. I have no great likes or dislikes and I'm kinda bland. In short: a dry sh*te. The quiet person you have to endure at work.

    For instance, at work, there is a guy and he is great fun. He is very witty and has a great sense of humour and people are drawn to him. He always is able to make small talk and be interested in what people are telling him, and he is able to come back at them with a humorous anecdote or something related to what they are talking about.

    I'm very poor at that. Like, I have joined a sports club and even gone to a boards beers to help meet people, but my personality isn't great. I know that it is said that you should ask people questions about themselves which I've done but even still, I don't make connections. When people try and get me talking about myself, I run out of things to say fairly fast. Or sometimes, I feel I kinda kill the moment by not being that funny or humorous.

    In short and crassly put, how do I move on from being a dry sh*te?


Comments

  • #2
    dory
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 4,527 Mod ✭✭✭✭dory


    I think you really need an interest. Have you ever travelled? Wrote a blog? Learned how to cycle?
    What do you do when you're not at work. If it's not TV/Internet then you have to be doing something.

    Everyone can be a dry ****e if they're not with the right gang of people.

    Also, there are personal development classes that could help. Or a toastmasters. It'd be great practice if you could get up in front of a roomful of people and talk about anything. It'll be hard at first but it's better than always being unhappy with yourself.


  • #3
    Sound Bite
    Closed Accounts Posts: 788 ✭✭✭Sound Bite


    OP, I'd agree with Dory. You need some interests or hobbies. You should probably join a club or something. Firstly, you'll get to meet new people an scondly, it gives you something to talk about with those you already now.

    You need to get out there, meet more people and do more things. I know I make it sound easy but I do know its not, but push yourself out of your comfort zone by thinking of the end results.

    Even think about those people you already know, even siblings, is there any way you could arrange to go out with them or even a short city break. Again you'll enjoy it and its something to talk about.

    The more people you meet and the more you achieve re hobbies etc, the more confident you will become, which will in turn lead to a more happier you which will reflect in your personality.


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I was like you in my early 20s.

    Develop opinions and never say "I don't mind"

    Why not try this: Write out a list of things you like and dislike - then see which ones you really like and really dislike with reasons why. Think of tv shows, movies,food, sports, politics etc

    Do interesting things and try to see the interesting side in things.....

    If you can find a hobby or an interest then join a club as you have an immediate ice breaker.

    A friend of mine tries a new thing every few weeks. He then has something to talk about (not that he needs to and he doesn't do it for that reason).

    Edward De Bono has written a book called "How to be more interesting" which might be of help.


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