Strippers at parties - how do you react?

hippiechickie

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Nevyn

I would have left and I would have asked if any of the other ladies wanted to come with me, I've done it be and had a fair few people follow me out of the function room and into the bar proper. If it's a lads night out for the birthday thats one thing but if it's a family function then in my opinion it's not on.

Macha

hippiechickie wrote: »

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Dear god that sounds like the most horrifying experience. Knowing me, I probably would have made a scene or at least made my disgust very apparent. It's bad enough this crap goes on but to expect women to be complicit in it for fear of accusations of being a "spoilsport" or not having a sense of humour (because sexism is sooo hilarious) is nothing short of censorship.

baby and crumble

Thaedydal wrote:

If it's a lads night out for the birthday thats one thing but if it's a family function then in my opinion it's not on.

Totally agree. Everyone's entitled to fun, and strippers of either gender don't bother me in the slightest, but I do think the friends who need to grow up and cop on. People being forced to smile and laugh along is not cool, and especially someone's WIFE and MAM?? :eek::eek:

Shudder.

Posy

I agree with the above posters. At a stag do/lads night out I don't really see the harm. It can be perceived as a bit of fun for the fellas. But at a family function with the man's family present, it is grossly inappropriate!

The Big Red Button

Totally agree with all of those replies.

How did the man himself react?! I assume he wasn't expecting it? To be perfectly honest, in those circumstances if it was my husband, I was be very pissed off if he didn't put an end to it - even if it meant that he looked like a "bad sport" or whatever. I would expect him to act out of respect for his wife and family members and not just go along with it to look cool or whatever in front of his mates.

diverdad

When is your 30th? Is the stripper booked yet?

Seriously, it was too too much to carry on like that with family present. Granted he may not have known about the stripper being booked by his mates and the embarassment factor caused to him must have caused them no end of laughs.

It would have been resonable behaviour to walk out on the proceedings and let them [the lads] know of your displeasure. How would they all feel if the roles were reversed?

As a male, even I would find this situation very sleezy.

Clare Bear

I'd walk out. Not in a big throwing a strop way, more a "Right lets leave the lads (and whatever ladies want to stay) to it" kind of way without wanting to embarrass anyone involved, especially the birthday boy.

I wouldn't be too impressed with his friends though for arranging it knowing his wife and mother would be there. A stag do fair enough but that was completely out of order. What a bunch of idiots :rolleyes:

Panthro

yup, as a bloke, if my mates got a stripper in knowing that a girlfriend/wife and family were going to be there, I would be rather pished off with the lads. Clearly the lads showed nil respect for the fella's wife/family etc, I would be seriously wondering what sort of mates do I have.
surely they knew there is a time and place for that kind of thing.

baby and crumble

Yeah TBH I think the issue here is with the moronic friends. Are they 30 too? Really? Really?

hippiechickie

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The Big Red Button

hippiechickie wrote: »

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Ah I don't blame you. If I was the wife or one of the sisters, I certainly wouldn't have stuck around. But if I wasn't directly involved and was just a friend or acquaintance ... well, I would certainly leave quietly if I got the opportunity, but I wouldn't feel it was my place to cause a scene and run the risk of ruining the party for everyone. Although I'd say that having the stripper there probably ruined it to an extent for his family anyways!

Gillo

Regardless of the recipients gender there's a time and a place, yeah it was bad having a spouse and family there but there's a good chance if it was a 30th there'd be nephews and neices there too.

In fairness to the guy in question, unless he's a complete knob I doubt he found it anyway amusing himself considering the situation. Yes, he should have refused, but that's a lot easier to say when we're not stuck in a situation like that, I remember being in a busy city centre pub in town, there was a girl there who was having a birthday party and her mates ordered a stripper, some of her family were there and you could see her discomfort but her "mates" literally held her to the chair until the stripper got going. Point is it can be easy to throw stones when we aren't the victims.
There's a time and a place for having a laugh like that and he's mates need a serious kick in the a$$.

Scarinae

I know a girl whose friends organised a male stripper for her 21st birthday party, even though her family (parents, grandmother etc) were there. She was mortified but went along with it at first, even when he got her to lean over a table and 'spanked' her, but when he tried to get her to eat a banana out of his crotch she couldn't go along with it anymore. She was absolutely furious with her friends and it kind of ruined the party for her.

I think she went along with it because she was taken off guard and didn't know what to do, so I guess she figured to get it over with? It's really unfair of so-called friends to do something like this at a family party imo, seems to be designed more to embarrass the birthday girl/boy than to actually provide any titillation.

panda100

Everytime I've gone to a party and there's been a stripper there I find it just uncomfortable rather than funny tbh.
I've been on a few hen's where there's been strippers and its always the akward part of the evening,especially for the bride to be, but it seems to be the done thing so people just go along with it.

I love the shenangians on a hen night,like the dares and dressing up but the stripper stuff just doesnt amuse me that much at all,its just degarding for both parties involved.

kippy

Thaedydal wrote: »

I would have left and I would have asked if any of the other ladies wanted to come with me, I've done it be and had a fair few people follow me out of the function room and into the bar proper. If it's a lads night out for the birthday thats one thing but if it's a family function then in my opinion it's not on.

Speaking as a male, I would totally agree with that stance......
Jesus how terarded were the guys who organised this? Some "mates". Absolutely shocking behavior.
Relatively fair enough on Hens/Stags/One sex only affairs, but at a family event?

xzanti

I was at a 21st a few weeks ago and the stripper actually pulled her thong to one side and rubbed 'herself' off the guy.. I felt so sorry for his GF.. she had actually booked it, I guess she probably thought it was just to be a bit of 'slap & tickle' feather duster job.. Boy was she wrong it was obscene...

Jack B. Badd

hippiechickie wrote: »

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The stripper wouldn't have bothered me as much as that retarded adolescent attitude. He's 30 and he still gives into the pressure to "act cool" in front of his mates? That's an attractive quality in a man (or woman) :rolleyes:

baby and crumble

xzanti wrote:

I was at a 21st a few weeks ago and the stripper actually pulled her thong to one side and rubbed 'herself' off the guy.

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

That is VILE. What would happen if a woman was at a male stripper and he whacked one out on top of her? He's get done for public indecency at the very least.

Oh that is just horrendous...

Handsome Bob

My mates kept insisting that they were going to get me a stripper for my 21st and it actually gave me a lot of needless stress. No way would I have wanted a stripper when my elderly parents and plenty of female relatives/friends were going to be there.

But then you have the problem of refusing to play along and coming across as a frigid or a wuss in front of male friends and relatives. And knowing my friends and relatives, there would have been a struggle, forcing me into the chair. Which would have been so embarassing.

Thankfully there was no stripper. :pac: I think I got the message across when I threatened physical violence towards the guy who was threatening me most about it.

Neyite

jeez. some friends.

on what planet, exactly, would a stripper in front of your mammy, nan, wife and kids be appropriate??

how mature:rolleyes:

Red Hand

Neyite wrote: »

jeez. some friends.

on what planet, exactly, would a stripper in front of your mammy, nan, wife and kids be appropriate??

how mature:rolleyes:

Most embarressing thing ever.

Black Swan

Strips in front of Mum and sisters? This raises the bar to a whole new level of bad taste in parties.

angelxx

I think strippers are best left for boys nights out, It is always going too be hugely
uncomfortable for any female family members involved.

Truley

Wow I find it quite shocking that someone would think that was a good idea, at a family function?? I don't blame the birthday guy though, he was put in a very awkward situation and I'd imagine he was under alot of pressure to go along with it. Hen nights and stag nights are the only times I think it's fair game to have a stripper. And even then I think people should be cautious of their guests and what they're actually letting themselves in for.

My sister was at a 21st birthday Anne Summers party recently. Now I have never been to one before but had always presumed it was a bit of harmless games and looking at toys, underwear etc. However while she's by no means a prudish person she was actually quite shocked, and a little upset by the aggressive sex talk she was expected to engage in, very invasive truth or dare games, and at one stage the party rep coerced her to kneel in the middle of the room while she 'spanked' her with a riding crop in front of everyone :eek:

I'm sure it was a bit of fun for the other guests but stuff like that isn't for everyone and puts people in a very tough position to either go along with it and not be seen as a prude, or to do something that can be very uncomfortable and embarrassing. Especially since in my sister's case photos were taken and of course surfaced on facebook. She even went as far as to say she felt almost violated coming out of it. And I would be inclined to agree she was.

The Big Red Button

Truley wrote: »

My sister was at a 21st birthday Anne Summers party recently. Now I have never been to one before but had always presumed it was a bit of harmless games and looking at toys, underwear etc. However while she's by no means a prudish person she was actually quite shocked, and a little upset by the aggressive sex talk she was expected to engage in, very invasive truth or dare games, and at one stage the party rep coerced her to kneel in the middle of the room while she 'spanked' her with a riding crop in front of everyone :eek:

I'm sure it was a bit of fun for the other guests but stuff like that isn't for everyone and puts people in a very tough position to either go along with it and not be seen as a prude, or to do something that can be very uncomfortable and embarrassing. Especially since in my sister's case photos were taken and of course surfaced on facebook. She even went as far as to say she felt almost violated coming out of it. And I would be inclined to agree she was.

OK that sounds really awful. I've never been to those parties, but I have heard about what goes on and seen photos. But I always sort of assumed that the guests were engaging in it voluntarily, and only participating to an extent that they were comfortable with ... it's horrible to think that someone would feel forced into anything. Reading your post would seriously put me off ever going to one of those.

baby and crumble

Yeah, that's pretty bad, although I do think it depends on who the host and the ann summers rep is... I hosted one once and our rep had a chat with us at the start and we kinda said how far it was ok to go with some things, and that some people wouldn't be up for some stuff, and she was grand. None of my friends are big drinkers, so she didn't do any drinking game things, or anything like that, and there was certainly no spanking!!!

Nervous Wreck

I wouldn't want a stripper under any circumstances. If same happened to me in front of my family, I'd ask her to leave and toss the lads responsible out too. Morons.

angelxx

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

I wouldn't want a stripper under any circumstances. If same happened to me in front of my family, I'd ask her to leave and toss the lads responsible out too. Morons.

I agree, Who on earth could think hiring a stripper, knowing the girlfriend/sister/mother
will be present is a good idea.

Snoopy1

His friends seriously need to grow up. Booking a stripper for his 30th when they knew there would be wives girlfriends and family present, what idiots are they??

Callan57

angelxx wrote: »

I agree, Who on earth could think hiring a stripper, knowing the girlfriend/sister/mother
will be present is a good idea.

I find it really depressing that the issue seems to be 'knowing that the girlfriend/sister/mother will be present' implying that it is OK but not in front of the Mammie! I'd be fairly sure Mammie has seen it all already!
But for me the issue is the infantile and inadequate mindset of someone who thinks a stripper (the exploitation of another human being) is OK or amusing in ANY circumstances.
It should also be remembered that the underlying intention behind booking a stripper of either gender, regardless of the occasion, is principally to embarrass or humiliate the 'target' ... not exactly what a 'friend' would do.
That a 'friend' of mine would think that a stripper is a gesture I would appreciate would IMO imply they held a fairly low opinion of me & I'm fairly confident no friend of mine would ever dream of booking one.

convert

Ok, while strippers may not necessarily be my 'thing', I can understand that they are 'fair game' at hen/stag nights, but at a birthday party with family members and significant other is just a little too much...

Not sure how I'd react, to be honest... I'd probably end up sitting there with the group 'till it finished, and unless someone else got up and left first, I doubt I'd be the first one to up and leave...

And if it was done to my OH... Well, let's just say I think his mates would know better than to order a stripper when I was there... 'Tho I'm pretty sure it's something my mates would order for him knowing I was there just for a (childish) laugh! :rolleyes:

Sid_Justice

I wouldn't consider myself a cowardly person but if a stripper turned up at my 30th birthday I'd bolt for the loo and lock myself in and would not return until I was 100% certain said stripper had been paid and told her services would not be needed.

I inadvertently gate crashed a 30th birthday for a lesbian girl who's friends had organised a male stripper as surprise. It was actually quite a lot of fun, he was just a pretty decently shaped bloke that stripped down to skimpy undies and told some kinda naff rhymes/jokes. it was all quite fun and harmless and she went along with it but didn't do anything she didn't want to.

The party was mostly all her close friends, no family.

if it was at a party and a female stripper turned up i'd probably just discretely leave. Probably being accused of double standards here but I think male stripper is generally very innocent thing but female seems a bit more raunchy and exploitative.

fionav3

Is strippers the done thing at birthday parties now?

Tbh, I would be disgusted and appalled if one showed up at a family birthday party. I'm no prude and have absolutely no objection to strippers at stags or hens; that's par for course really. But at a birthday party? Time and a place. What a bunch of moronic friends, if any of mine ever did that to me in front of my family then I'd never speak to them again!

LittleBook

panda100 wrote: »

Everytime I've gone to a party and there's been a stripper there

LMAO, I read:

panda100 wrote: »

Everytime I've gone to a party there's been a stripper there

Not even sure I could have left it at walking out, if I was the wife/girlfriend/sister/mother I think I would have actually stopped the show ... then I would have hunted down the little f#ckwit who thought this was a great idea and learned him some manners. :mad:

Brendog

In my opinion, Its brilliant! contrary to popular belief the whole fun out of it comes from the persons absolute akwardness in the situation.

You can have the biggest "lad" ever. Some idiot named wayne or something, obsessed with "KNOCKERS!! WAHAY!!" and he'll be like a child when given a lap dance. Its all a good laugh.


can't stand the heat? Go to another room....

Yourself

I was at a 21st recently and they had a stripper for the guy. A shy guy and he was physically carried by one of his mates to the dancefloor.

Brendog wrote: »

can't stand the heat? Go to another room....

His 87 year old grandmother was there (she'd have difficulty moving to another room), not to mention his mother etc etc.
Its nothing they havent seen before but its nothing that they'd be interested in being around either.

It was unbelievable the lengths that grown men went to, to get a look at the action, standing on tables and chairs, pushing past girls... shameful. The stipper pulled his trousers down then reveling his backside gave him 21 lashes with a whip and he was roaring red. :eek:

He spent the rest of the night apologising to his family and female friends explaining how embarrassed he was.

My point is I'm sure he would have enjoyed it far more if it was just him and the lads. It was a complete waste of money to hire her for those 10 mins that night because it the only reason he was embarrassed wasnt because he was inexperienced/usually pretending to be a hard man but because you dont mix family time and sexual experiences!

Elle Collins

Callan57 wrote: »

I find it really depressing that the issue seems to be 'knowing that the girlfriend/sister/mother will be present' implying that it is OK but not in front of the Mammie! I'd be fairly sure Mammie has seen it all already!
But for me the issue is the infantile and inadequate mindset of someone who thinks a stripper (the exploitation of another human being) is OK or amusing in ANY circumstances.

+ 1

citytillidie

Sid_Justice wrote: »

I wouldn't consider myself a cowardly person but if a stripper turned up at my 30th birthday I'd bolt for the loo and lock myself in and would not return until I was 100% certain said stripper had been paid and told her services would not be needed.

I inadvertently gate crashed a 30th birthday for a lesbian girl who's friends had organised a male stripper as surprise. It was actually quite a lot of fun, he was just a pretty decently shaped bloke that stripped down to skimpy undies and told some kinda naff rhymes/jokes. it was all quite fun and harmless and she went along with it but didn't do anything she didn't want to.

The party was mostly all her close friends, no family.

if it was at a party and a female stripper turned up i'd probably just discretely leave. Probably being accused of double standards here but I think male stripper is generally very innocent thing but female seems a bit more raunchy and exploitative.

I have seen two shows in mixed crowds one by a female stripper and one by a male stripper and all I can say is that the male one was much worse.

Female stripper did a strip to her thong and left as the guy told her the situation and she understood, it was an easy show for her.

However the male he wanted to stay and tried to dip his thing into the girls drink, her friends were cheering and egging him on to do more.

It took the girls bf and 2 brothers to get him out of the house before all hell broke loose.

Nuggatey

Well I have two very different stories concerning strippers...
A few years ago for a male friend's 21st we got him a stripper. This was because he was fond of stripping after he had a few pints and even got offered a job as a stripper while on holidays in Spain with his gf after stripping on a night out. Anyway, the stripper stripped to pretty modest underwear and then made our friend strip. It was by no means raunchy or degrading. It was actually pretty funny.

Last March I was in Westport with my fiance, a few male friends and one other girl. We were in a bar when the dj announced there was someone to visit "John" on his stag night. "John" and his friends were at the table next to us. The stripper arrived over....sat yer man on a chair....basically gave him a lap dance taking off all her clothes except for knickers.....sprayed whipped cream on her nipples and other places and made the stag AND a few of his mates lick it off...then poured baby oil over herself.....took off the guys top and pulled down his jeans....pulled out his boxers from his waist....poured the lotion down his pants and stuck her hand down where she copped a good feel for a few seconds.

Well I was disgusted!!! Stripper number one was all in good fun.....stripper number two was a prostitute in my eyes. Even the stags friend said to us afterwards....."Jays we'd no idea that was gonna happen when we hired her".

If I was that poor guys fiancee I would be devastated to find out that happened. I've warned our best man....lucky he's my friend too!

flange46

i think its so embarassing especially at a family party my sons friends got one for him at his party and i didnt approve but didnt want to cause a scene. i think he was embarassed himself . it should be confined to a lads night

fionav3

I asked my brother and some male friends what they thought about this and they were all horrified! Seems the general consenses is that strippers are great fun on a lads night out but never in a million years where there's a family party. Guess the guy the OP was talking about just has really bad friends.

_Kate_

Some mates is right!

There's actually a big party coming up for my boyfriend and i'm actually mortified that his friends AND cousins would arrange a stripper.

How is a girlfriend to react? Without being seeing to be jealous, or an attitude or is there a way to not to have a face!

Daisies

Strippers at a family party? What planet are these people living on?
I even think for hen parties it needs to be seriously considered as the mother of the bride and groom are normally there. Was at a hen party recently, no stripper TG but the mothers were very uncomfortable with the blow up doll on the night.

Trier

I like winning. I would have a man or even several guys doing the equivalent for all the ladies around...:D

That's how i roll. And i'm not even kidding. Even closer to the end of the night if needed, i would have a friend or even a male stripper found quick to come and do that for the girls. And also i would have befriended the (female) stripper, and been/acted super fascinated about her condition/work etc (even pay her more than she was paid to be brought here if needed so that she can send the guys to piss off because she's "talking" without being concerned about money...). bet the guys would be well pissed off! :P

The way to piss off guys and have fun (not getting ulcers in the process and not being a killjoy) and being really egalitarian is to ENJOY yourself more, have an equivalent, show female solidarity in a positive way... Trust me. It's the tougher, most unconventional route for someone but it's all worth it!

I know not the answer most people here would have expected but i love thinking out of the box in a way that really leaves a mark in such situations... Then you have the 'it was family party, was not really appropriate' talk not forgetting to mention the "but it was good fun after all, you should make tactful mistakes and provocations like this more often" in humour.... Showing you always make the most of every situation, are pro-active, show a good example to the little girls/children around about female solidarity and open-mindedness, emotional intelligence... But then they will listen and you will be in a position of power + a bit more relaxed and open-minded for it :P ...the problem is not with the stripper, it's with the stupid friend + husband not intervening.

pollypocket10

Was just reading through this thread, and mentioned it in the office. The stories some of the guys here told me have shocked and appalled me. One even recounting a stripped having full blown intercourse in front of all the attendees at his stag. You might think this happened in the red-light district of some Eastern European country, but no, it was the sunny south east of Ireland.

TBH, in you position I would have left. In the wifes position I would have told the girl to get the hell out of there myself.

And Trier, a persons opinion on strippers, has no baring on your emotional intelligence or how open minded you are but that is a topic for another thread.

CrackisWhack

hippiechickie wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

In fairness i think your being a bit harsh on him there, he may have been in shock, lots of people around, not knowing what to say or do etc.

It's his mates fault for putting him in that situation, and if it happened to me i'd have a quiet word wit them afterwards!

But they wouldn't do it in the first place, because they're not retarded!

dugganindeep

I think strippers can be great fun. Maybe at a 21st with family members is not the best timing.
But if it's discussed in advance and it's a fun crowd then bring it on.
God so many people in this country are just so dry and prudish.

We got one recently for a 40th birthday and it went down a treat.

The crowd at Stripireland are great and their performers will tame down the performance if asked. It's just supposed to be a bit of fun.
Niamh.

Logical Fallacy

Even as a bloke i hate the whole stripper thing. It's just annoying and childish to me.

If any of my mates got a stripper for my birthday/stag whatever i'd actually just tell her to go home, but she could keep their money.

Invariably there are about 3 or 4 lads who actually want the stripper there then the rest are just herd following.

Most parties seem to end up being about the people who organise them, rather than the person they are for.

speedboatchase

Hate strippers myself, though I do the dynamics between male and female strippers fascinating. Female strippers seem to receive huge security to ensure no man places a finger on hm while male strippers can get masturbated (and more) in front of baying crowds?

Found this thread about male strippers, whether you're male or female, it will make you lose faith in humanity, as the ladies don't reckon giving a stripper a bj in front of friends isn't cheating??

http://www.femalefirst.co.uk/board/male-strippers-and-hen-night-what-do-you-ladies-g-t117939.html?sid=7255300fc8b465e41da447ccd4407d60

rantyface

I wouldn't like if people organised a stripper for my boyfriend, but neither would he. I'd be disappointed in him if he didn't refuse the dance.

If my family were there and he didn't refuse the lap dance, I would be absolutely mortified. I don't think he could ever fit in with my family after that and that would be too much for me to put up with. It would cause too much tension.

I think your friend was very restrained! I could hold it in in public but in private I know the relationship would disintegrate.

I don't have any problem with strippers. They're just doing a job and getting paid for it.