Am i a bad friend?

LegacyUser

Hi, i need some advice on a friend, we're both late 20's, shes my best friend in the world and i love her to bits, but lately she's just driving me insane . Of course its a man causing all the hastle .

So long story short, we've both had terrible luck when it comes to men, 2 months ago she met a guy and they've been dating since and i'm happy for her i really am (yes i'll admit that i'm single and there is a part of me thats a tiny bit jealous, but i honestly don't let her know that, i smile and put on the happy face when she talks about him) The problem is she talks about him all the time. Every conversation we have ends up being about him, every time i ring her for a chat she'll start talking about him, shes constantly showing me the 'adorable' texts he sent her, she always analysing his texts, asking me for advice when they've had a spat, its now gotten to the point where shes telling me intimate details about their sex life, like she will actually tell me when they've had sex.

I just can't take anymore! i was seeing a guy at the start of the year and i made a point of never mentioning him unless she asked, because i know how hard it is when you're single and someone keeps rambling on about a new guy (something which she said she hated) i thought she'd understand and do the same for me, (i've a lot of c**p going on in my life at the moment) i guess i was wrong.

Am i being a jealous cow here??, because i'm starting to feel like one ? How do i steer conversations away from him? How do i tell her nicely without insulting her that i just can't listen to her constant gushing about him, or is this my issue, should i just keep grinning and bear it? I want to be a good friend, i know she really excited that its going well with this guy because shes had such bad luck prior to this, but its all just getting a bit too much for me

LighterGuy

I dont think you're a bad friend op Quite the opposite actually.

You're right. Its not really fair you hearing all about him and her knowing your single. Its natural. Any time I was single for a few months. Last thing i wanted to hear was talk about women. It bummed me out. Because I wanted someone.

Its pretty obvious she is really into him its not said with any malice, as you know. But, its been talked about to much.


You're just going to have to let her know next time she talks about it .... it can be quite simple to tell her. Just say your single, and it hurts that she has something good, and you dont. Not that your jeaous, but hearing about her having someone, having what you want, reminds you that you dont.


If she is anyway a good friend she'll say "oh i didnt know sorry" and that will be that

vicecreamsundae

agreed, just jokingly mention that you're happy for her but don't want all your conversations to revolve around him. if that doesnt work, then mention it non-jokingly! you're not a bad friend at all. of course her relationship is going to come up in conversation often, but showing you his texts and stuff is a bit ridiculous, she's not 14. explain that you want your time to be your time to hang out together, not to just talk about her rship

jimmycrackcorm

Every time she begins to talk about him then quickly change the subject. You'll have to think of other stuff to talk about though.

It's a bit like training someone to your way of thinking. You're changing their behavioral pattern without getting into the whole you're jealous of me sorry of thing

Monkey61

I know it is annoying OP, but if she has been having terrible luck and has now found someone she is mad into...well, she deserves to be able to talk about him a bit. It's only been 2 months, she is still on cloud 9 and I think it is only fair to indulge her.

What I would do though, in a light hearted way, is suggest when you meet up that she gets to talk about him for twenty minutes, tell whatever stories she wants to tell, and then the subject is getting changed and it is back to whatever you would both normally talk about. Myself and my best friend do this kind of thing sometimes as we are both in new relationships and want to talk about them all the time, so when we meet we each take a turn telling our new stories and then we talk about other stuff.


It's a bit cruel to ban her from talking about him completely I think. After a few more months she will have calmed down a bit anyway. He will still come up, if they are spending time together he will obviously have apart in her news etc, but she will have calmed down on the talking about sex, showing you texts front.

spudd

i know exactly how you feel, had a friend who did the exact same thing - would change the subject from absolutely anything back to the boyfriend, and the latest fight that they'd had, or the texts he'd sent her etc

found it very hard to know what to do myself, i used to just switch off when she'd talk about him, then change back to the original topic of conversation once she'd stopped talking. it's a difficult one i think, you don't want to sound jealous but in fairness, it gets extremely tiring when you have to hear about their relationship all day every day.

good luck with it!