Dating older men!!

Blanchboh

how many of you think its wrong to date a guy 7 year older? For example is it a bit much for a 20 year old girl to go out with a 27 year old lad?

Age is only a number.

Obviously it would be weird if either were underage.

But I don't think age is relevant.

Wibbs

It depends on so many factors. 20-27 can be a bit of a gap. The same gap at 30-37 is a fair bit less. It boils down so much to the individuals.

Novella

As long as everything is legal, obviously, I don't really think age matters. What does matter though is the stages that people are at in their lives. A 20 year old may still be in college, going out during the week etc., while a 27 year old might have a full-time job and be looking more towards a long term commitment. These are just examples really, 'cause everyone is different but yeah, imo age is just a number.

cotwold

Im 21 going out with a 36 year old. It has worked up until now because he's probably young for his age and I'm mature for mine, we've plenty of similar interests and get on well. Although it worked at first we've both come to realise that we're at different stages in our lives, he's wanting to settle down and I'm only getting started with my adult career life etc.

Id advise you that no dating some that much older than you isn't wrong (a lot better than 15 year ) and to go for it. Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.:cool:

seenitall

This is very, very individual. My brother is 31, and his gf, with whom he has been really happy for 2 years now, is 20. It doesn't follow to say that they will be equally happy together in, say, 5 years' time, but then there are precious few guarantees in life anyway, aren't there?

Don't overthink, just enjoy. A piece of advice that, ironically, people usually get to appreciate more with age...

Toto Wolfcastle

It really does depend on the people involved. If they are both happy then why not? I think that as long as both people are at a similar stage in life then age is but a number. My boyfriend is 18 years my senior and I couldn't be happier. I never even think about the age difference.

angelxx

Once both people are over 18 and at similar life stages there shouldn't be a problem. It is also important to share interests and goals.

krudler

Depends really, people are being naieve if they think someone who's 22 will have the same priorities in life as someone whos 32. Can if work? of course, but there are things that need to be considered. people will be at different stages of life, where one may see money as something that is for the weekend, the other may look at is as something for their future or a house, not to say that anyone over their mid 20s is all about being sensible, but it can cause issues. Me and my ex had different ideas about where our lives were headed and I was only 5 years older than her..

Malari

Wibbs wrote: »

It depends on so many factors. 20-27 can be a bit of a gap. The same gap at 30-37 is a fair bit less. It boils down so much to the individuals.

This is what I think. My boyfriend is more than 8 years older than me, and I'm 32 now. We are pretty much on an even keel with regards to what we want from life and what we enjoy - holidays, eating out, sport, going out socially, friends, individual freedoms. You don't have to be the same type of person either. He never reads anything but magazines, I have a voracious literary appetite I cook ALL our meals, he can throw together scrambled eggs. I would be strained to the point of despair at assembling an IKEA cabinet, he does DIY for enjoyment.

I know from stories he's told me I wouldn't have been that impressed with him had I met him when he was, say my age now. Party animal. Plus, when I was in my early 20s I was a very different person. I am now much more assured, know what I want in terms of marriage and kids (or lack thereof), outspoken, confident and financially comfortable.

We would never have worked out if we had met 10 years ago, but now we are working together very well (and have been for nearly 5 years).

Bottom line: It boils down to the individuals AND the overlap between the individuals you are now and the ones you will become.

Toto Wolfcastle

Malari wrote: »

I know from stories he's told me I wouldn't have been that impressed with him had I met him when he was, say my age now. Party animal. Plus, when I was in my early 20s I was a very different person. I am now much more assured, know what I want in terms of marriage and kids (or lack thereof), outspoken, confident and financially comfortable.

We would never have worked out if we had met 10 years ago, but now we are working together very well (and have been for nearly 5 years).

I think that this shows that where you both are in life is so important. I would never have gone out with the type of person my boyfriend was at my age. Not that he was a bad person, but he definitely wasn't my type.

Truley

I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 30 this year. So far it's worked out fantastically. He went to college as a mature student so we were/are at the same 'life stage' so to speak.

Advantages for me are because he's older he has a bit more life experience and relationships under his belt, so is more settled and comfortable with who he is and what he wants. While he likes the fact that my young age means he's not under pressure to settle down and do the family thing for a while. I think it would be different if he was with a 30 year old.

Having an older man works for me anyway :cool:

Fizgig Bandicoot

My Dad is 12 yeras older than my Mam, and they have been married for 24 years. They didn't meet till she was 30 though, which she says made a difference (in relation to me going out with someone 12 years older than me if I was 20.)

I think it would be strange if a 17 year old went out with someone in their late 30's, but then again, when I was in school a girl in my class's boyfriend was 10 years older than her, and they're still together. (recently got married although she's only 22/23.)

I suppose that it depends on what's right for that person.

stupidusername

As most people have said, it's not so much about the age, but more about the stage of your life you're at. If it suits you two then it does and age doesn't matter.

There's only two years between me and my ex and we've fairly different ideas as to what is important and what we want. He doesn't want to save money for anything even for things he wants to buy never mind the future, but will spend all his money on drinks and generally not watch it at all. While I will spend money on a lot of things I want I still manage to save up a lot of money. It's only occurring to him now that we're moving out and he's moving home, that he really should sort himself out and get a job and make plans.

I think generally age could be something to go by, as I wouldn't assume with a big age gap (in your 20s) you'd be likely to feel the same about the important things, but of course it will depend on the people involved.

My granny was 37 years younger than my grandfather! :eek:

princess-lala

My brother met his wife when he was 25ish, she is 12 years older than him! They are the happiest couple I know

Nobody in my family batted an eyelid when they got together, his happiness is all that concerns my family and we all know shes great for him

He had been with his ex for a number of years before that and their relationship was totally different and she was similar in age to him!

Age is just a number imo but no matter what age difference in a relationship you have to work hard at it! A relationship isn't just perfect over night!!

southsiderosie

Thinking back on my last few relationships the age gap was 24 vs. 39, 26 vs. 38, 31 vs. 40 (I was always the youngest).

Obviously I don't think there is anything wrong with it, but at this point I'm kind of tired of dating older guys, and I have to say, I rather enjoyed my summer fling with a 23 year old. Less emotional baggage and more, um, zippity doo-dah.

Dudess

Give it a try anyway - I agree with people who say it depends on life stages, priorities etc, but at the same time, if two people grow to love each other enough, these are things that may be worked out.

starlit

Not really that in favour of it. Maximum age gap with an older man I'd go for would be between 5 to 6 years not much more. Prefer men nearer to my age, roughly the same age or a little younger but happy enough to go for someone a year or two/three/four years older.

Cavehill Red

In some parts of Italy, there's an unspoken rule that a partner's age should never be less than half your age (rounded up) plus six. It's not a bad rule, in my opinion.
While I wish the 21 year old dating the 36 year old fella all the best, I can't help question what drove a man with nearly twice the life experience (and six times the adulthood experience) to seek out such a young partner.
What, in other words, does he find in such a young partner that a woman of closer to his own age could not provide much more of?
Add two decades to both their ages and I wouldn't bat an eyelid. In fact, I wouldn't be remotely concerned about a 70 year old dating a 45 year old.
But the closer the age of the younger partner is to childhood, the more relevant the age gap is, I think.
When some people see young women with men who are significantly older, they automatically think 'gold-digger', which is sometimes true but generally unfair on the women. Many young women want to grow up fast, find fellas their own age immature, and think the answer is to date someone halfway to their father's age group.
I'd be more likely to judge the older male adversely in such a scenario. He could well be afraid of being challenged by a more mature woman, or he may be afraid or incapable of dealing with women closer to his own age.

Abi

I think for most people its to do with life stages and priorities. There are exceptions to the rule in some cases I believe, were a solid connection is made, whereas in other cases the cracks start to show after a while.


At the foundation of any relationship there needs to be a friendship and respect for each other. I'm not so sure an age-cap should be put on that.

psycho-hope

ive dated a guy who was 15 yrs older than me, even thought we have broken up we still get on well, but looking back now although im gratefull for the time we spent together i know it would never have worked out long term, he has a son from a previous relationship and was quite clear babies were not on his radar any time in the future.

I think its fine once you are at the same life stage, ie either your both ready to settle down or you are both happy enough just to date and spend time together

I think my biggest gap was when I was 19 and he was 30. Immature plank he was.
Depends on the people and where you are in life.

lil'bug

i was 17 when i met my oh he was 30 at the time
we are together almost 10 years now and i couldn't be happier.
i was the one who did the chasing

dammitjanet

There's 8 years between my OH and me. I was 19 when we started going out. He's my soul mate and first love

My sister's husband is 15 years older than her and they've been happily married for 10 years.

Age really is just a number

sam34

i dated a guy who was 23 years older than me for almost a year.... when we broke up it wasnt anything to do with the age gap, it was for other reasons entirely.

currently i'm with a guy who again is more than 20 years older than me..... we are lucky because we both have the same ideas about what we want for the future. kids are not something either of us want, so there's no disagreement over that.

it totally depends, basically.

what annoys me however, is the judgemental attitude from people. people will throw around the phrase "sugar daddy", and people will say disparaging things like "sure he's delighted with himself, pulling a 'young wan'...", basically assuming its all about money for me and all about sex for him.

thats so disrespectful, and so judgemental. in the first relationship, i was by far the highest earner, i earned almost twice what he did, so it was certainly not a sugardaddy scenario. in the current one, we are pretty much matcher earning-wise.

anyway, my basic point is that it can work, it does work and just ignore what everyone else thinks. their narrow-mindedness should not affect your relationship and chance at happiness.

Toto Wolfcastle

sam34 wrote: »

what annoys me however, is the judgemental attitude from people. people will throw around the phrase "sugar daddy", and people will say disparaging things like "sure he's delighted with himself, pulling a 'young wan'...", basically assuming its all about money for me and all about sex for him.

I wouldn't take that meaning from that at all. A couple of people have said something similar and I've thought, yeah, it is great. I'm a 'young wan' and my boyfriend 'pulled a young wan'. It's pretty much a factually based statement. Then again, I have never once felt judged for dating someone 18 years older than me.

Wibbs

janeybabe wrote: »

I wouldn't take that meaning from that at all. A couple of people have said something similar and I've thought, yeah, it is great. I'm a 'young wan' and my boyfriend 'pulled a young wan'. It's pretty much a factually based statement. Then again, I have never once felt judged for dating someone 18 years older than me.

Yea but that's cos your boyfriend has the mindset of a 9 year old. Technically you're actually a cougar.

Its all about the individuals. Joking about the mindset there, but if you have the same and you have the same general aims in life, then the age thing is pretty much just a number.

Toto Wolfcastle

Wibbs wrote: »

Yea but that's cos your boyfriend has the mindset of a 9 year old. Technically you're actually a cougar.

Its all about the individuals. Joking about the mindset there, but if you have the same and you have the same general aims in life, then the age thing is pretty much just a number.

Wibbly Wobbly Wonder you crack me up. How very true though.

empirix

i dated a swedish girl for 2 years, i was 28 and she was 20, possibly my best relationship bar the one im in now, i broke up with her because of the different stage in life thing, i was working and she was starting college etc, she wanted to get married, move here permanently and go to college and well i dunno i probably should of done so as i did love here so much, i realise now age is just a number and we could easily of got through the life stage thing together, having said that my girl now is pretty rocking so...... anyway id say go for it!:)

Cadyboo

I honestly dont think it matters. Girls develop earlier and are more mature. Dont they say that a mans mentality is actually 7 years younger than his age? lol
When I was 16, met a guy who was 22, my mother hated it but of course I rebeled, she always said "Cadyboo the man you think you love at 16, is not the man you would love at 21". Of course I thought it was bull, being young and stupid. But sure enough by the time I was 21 I knew it was the end of the road. Mothers are always right! He wanted to settle, and I wanted to go clubbing.
I am now in a relationship with someone who is also 6 years older, and we are very happy dont even notice the age difference.

Sulkinskimpy

Dating someone older is a topic that my friends and I often discuss.

Is it the same for a twenty year old girl to date a 30 year old man as it is for a 30 year old girl to date a 40 year old man??

I would be in the mindframe of age is only a number but thinking about it, even though it's the same ten year gap is the gap in maturity too big to make this acceptable??

any parents please advise of your feelings if your daughter of either 20/30 came home and told you she was dating a man 10years her senior?
Would your feelings be the same if she was 20 or if she was 30 or would they change?

Zulu

In general, I reckon there is a big difference between a 30year old dating a 40year old than a 20year old dating a 30year old. I give the 40 & 30year old a fighting chance.

That said, at 20y/o you are old enough to make up your own mind. I just wouldn't bet anything on it lasting.

Wibbs

Merged with pre-existing thread.

Delicate_Dlite

Previously I've dated older men, as a teen I was just never attracted to teenage boys. It seemed creepy, to me... the same as finding a child sexually attractive. I know VERY different things, I just could not view them as sexual posibilities.

I've dated a man double my age, a great relationship. I'm still friends with him. Really nice guy, not pervy in any way.

Currently dating men around my age, but well I'll date a guy, once I find him attractive and he meets the usual criteria, age doesn't factor in.

IrishEyes19

I think the big deal for dating someone older than me would be level of maturity. As in if I were say 20, and my bf 28 or older, that possibly he could be ready to settle down as most of his friends might be....and I would be only 20 and still wanting to travel, go out to clubs and such. Therefore there might be a pressure on me or him to change and that wouldn't work. But everyone to their own as well!!

bronte

Older is good...there's less bullsh1t in my experience.

mariaalice

I have been in a few relationships where the man was significantly older than me one was 19 years older than me...cant say say the age difference made any difference to the relationship at all.....

But i do think the kind of woman who say i am only interested in older men is a bit odd....its shouldn't be about age it should be about finding the person interesting and attractive no matter what their age.

dublingal80

age is completely a number. my ex was 10 years older than me and had soooooooooooo many issues, my new ex is 3 years younger than me, 13 years younger than my 1st ex and he was a million times more mature and level headed than the other one

Once you are happy and you are being treated well, who cares

Audie

Blanchboh wrote: »

how many of you think its wrong to date a guy 7 year older? For example is it a bit much for a 20 year old girl to go out with a 27 year old lad?

My boyfriend is 7 years older than me. We have been together almost 3 years now. I was 18 and he was 25 when we got together, so it felt a bit strange to begin with, especially as I was doing my leaving cert at the time! My parents didnt like the idea, my friends gossiped a bit, but theyre over it now.

Him being older and having a full time job meant he could live over here, which is great. The age gap doesn't make a difference to us really, we still want to settle down, kids etc in a few years, but he's not in a hurry. It's totally different going out with someone older and more mature - one of my friends has an older boyfriend now too!

Pebbles!

My boyfriend is 10 years older than me and so far it works great. we're both on the same level and I could never imagine being with somebody my own age!! I suppose I would be a very mature person compared to my friends so my boyfriend with a different person with the same age gap might not work. Age is only a number but maturity does play a part also. My last boyfriend was 21years older than me (clearly I like an older man!) although it started out as a bit of fun and we got on great we both knew it was never going to last, the age gap was just too much. so I suppose each relationship is different.

starlit

I'm not in favour of a sugar daddy or me being a cougar. I just think the age gap will get in the way for someone who is 20 and going out with someone of 27 or those with a 10 or more age gap. In your 20's you want to do things your own age are doing despite maybe sharing similar values, interests and other things with someone older that you might get on better with. I think the stage of life either person is in is different. Once in their 30's that gap will close a little bit cause people tend to be more settled in their 30's than in their 20's. Many people don't always want to settle down in their 20's some just want to enjoy life single or with people their own age, travel, be free and easy to do what they want and be their own person. Think if they are going out with someone much older more experienced and been there done that well then the younger person in the relationship might feel tide down and being pushed to settle down and then regret it!
Age might be just a number if even if the couple get on very well but the age gap is always going to be there! Going back to the stone ages of the 1930's and 1940's men tended to marry women much younger than them, women were niave but more settled then, men were older but wanted a younger woman to bare him children that was the bottom line really so he be in with a chance of having children at a mature age.
To be honest I feel that men say five or more years older than me I'd only seem them as a brother figure or a role model as a father thats all, I wouldn't feel at all attracted to someone more than 5 years or even 2 or 3 years younger than me. I feel I am more attracted to men nearer to my age.

Audie

snuggles285 wrote: »

I'm not in favour of a sugar daddy or me being a cougar. I just think the age gap will get in the way for someone who is 20 and going out with someone of 27 or those with a 10 or more age gap. In your 20's you want to do things your own age are doing despite maybe sharing similar values, interests and other things with someone older that you might get on better with. I think the stage of life either person is in is different. Once in their 30's that gap will close a little bit cause people tend to be more settled in their 30's than in their 20's. Many people don't always want to settle down in their 20's some just want to enjoy life single or with people their own age, travel, be free and easy to do what they want and be their own person. Think if they are going out with someone much older more experienced and been there done that well then the younger person in the relationship might feel tide down and being pushed to settle down and then regret it!
Age might be just a number if even if the couple get on very well but the age gap is always going to be there! Going back to the stone ages of the 1930's and 1940's men tended to marry women much younger than them, women were niave but more settled then, men were older but wanted a younger woman to bare him children that was the bottom line really so he be in with a chance of having children at a mature age.
To be honest I feel that men say five or more years older than me I'd only seem them as a brother figure or a role model as a father thats all, I wouldn't feel at all attracted to someone more than 5 years or even 2 or 3 years younger than me. I feel I am more attracted to men nearer to my age.

I disagree in that theoretically, my boyfriend and I would be in slightly different life stages. I'm in uni and he, ideally would be starting a family around now. However, he's happy to put it off for a bit, and i'm happy to consider bringing it forward a bit because we want to be together.

If you go out with someone who is older and clearly has different goals to you, yeah sure, then the age will get in the way, but that would be a problem with someone your own age too. I think it really depends on the couple, and how open they are to compromise. Afterall, compromise is a lot of what makes relationships work. And I find guys to generally be less mature, so it seems to work for me

Pebbles!

I totally agree with audie. My bf is older as I've said but it does not make the slightest bit of difference. maybe it's just the type of person I am, I would much rather be settled young compared to others who are out partying every night!! Also I didn't go to college which prob also makes a difference. The age difference depends on the situation in every relationship!

La frog fairy

princess-lala wrote: »

My brother met his wife when he was 25ish, she is 12 years older than him! They are the happiest couple I know

Nobody in my family batted an eyelid when they got together, his happiness is all that concerns my family and we all know shes great for him

He had been with his ex for a number of years before that and their relationship was totally different and she was similar in age to him!

Age is just a number imo but no matter what age difference in a relationship you have to work hard at it! A relationship isn't just perfect over night!!

agree, ex is wayyyy younger than me, its all about mentality and state of mind, chemistry doesnt have an age!

lallychops

i quite like the idea tbh....i find that guys my age just arent mature enough for me. :rolleyes: