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War and childhood (jobee's poems merged)

245

Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,183 ✭✭✭Antilles


    OP, to be honest, I'd wouldn't mind seeing sub-categories of "Prose" and "Poetry" for this board, but the fact that there is poetry here has nothing to do with my comment. You seem to be opening a lot of threads and getting no feedback on the majority of them. I was asking if you were looking for feedback, or if you were just showcasing your work, or something else entirely.

    Like pickarooney said, there's no rule against opening lots of threads, but it seems a bit pointless unless you give some sort of context to what you're doing. Perhaps there'd be a better way to do it - for yourself and for other members, than filling the creative writing "recent posts" page with zero comment threads. I looked at the poems you posted in other forums and it really seems you are looking for somewhere appropriate to display these. Maybe open a wordpress blog where you can host them and then create a single thread here to update when you have a new poem to link to?

    For what its worth, I'm not into poetry so unless something really stands out for me, I don't comment on poetry here (hence my lack of comment in your other threads).


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    cobsie wrote: »
    I've read all the poems that you've posted here and this is MHO on them: they're boring.

    There is no real point of interest or intimacy in any of them. They are just patchy reconstructions of historical figures, without any re-imagining of events or characters. There is no depth, and not much beauty, either.

    Why not zero in on just a single event from one of these figures' lives and imaginatively reconstruct it? It might actually bring the person to life.

    Anyway, that's my two cents! Cheers.

    Why dont you single in on an event, let me see how you would produce the same character. Go for it poet!

    If you think war is beautiful, you will be in for a big shock when it happens.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,183 ✭✭✭Antilles


    jobee, you said in another thread that you enjoy constructive criticism. It strikes me that cobsie's post provides just that.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 223 ✭✭cobsie


    jobee wrote: »
    Why dont you single in on an event, let me see how you would produce the same character. Go for it poet!

    If you think war is beautiful, you will be in for a big shock when it happens.

    That's funny, I happen to love war fiction. I've probably read 20+ war novels, as well as celebrated WW1 poets like Wilfred Owens and Sigfried Sassoon.

    One common theme is the chaos of combat, the haphazardness and confusion and fear.

    Another theme is moments of small beauty given irony or poignancy against a backdrop of brutality. The soldier-protagonist in All Quiet on the Western Front is finally killed when he stands up to get a better look at a tiny bird that lands nearby.

    I could write a thesis on the representations of war in literature. I could make no comment on what war is like, though.

    This is where art and life intersect - your job, if you like. It is not up to me to experience war, it's up to you to share the experience.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    Antilles wrote: »
    OP, to be honest, I'd wouldn't mind seeing sub-categories of "Prose" and "Poetry" for this board, but the fact that there is poetry here has nothing to do with my comment. You seem to be opening a lot of threads and getting no feedback on the majority of them. I was asking if you were looking for feedback, or if you were just showcasing your work, or something else entirely.

    Like pickarooney said, there's no rule against opening lots of threads, but it seems a bit pointless unless you give some sort of context to what you're doing. Perhaps there'd be a better way to do it - for yourself and for other members, than filling the creative writing "recent posts" page with zero comment threads. I looked at the poems you posted in other forums and it really seems you are looking for somewhere appropriate to display these. Maybe open a wordpress blog where you can host them and then create a single thread here to update when you have a new poem to link to?

    For what its worth, I'm not into poetry so unless something really stands out for me, I don't comment on poetry here (hence my lack of comment in your other threads).
    Well come on, re write the offensive poetry, the bare bones are there.
    I am the boss, out write me. Non of the greats were lazy.

    Lets go!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    Fuinseog wrote: »
    How would you know?poser.


  • Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,555 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    If this keeps up I'm going to have to move the thread to the thunderdome.

    Jobee, what exactly is it that you want if it's not constructive feedback?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,183 ✭✭✭Antilles


    jobee wrote: »
    Well come on, re write the offensive poetry, the bare bones are there.
    I am the boss, out write me. Non of the greats were lazy.

    Lets go!
    Jobee you seem more interested in having a go at people offering suggestions than in actually taking on board their advice, so I'm ending my involvement in this thread before it gets locked.

    Regardless of whether you have been published or not, if you want to grow as a poet you could do worse than listening to what people are telling you.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    Antilles wrote: »
    jobee, you said in another thread that you enjoy constructive criticism. It strikes me that cobsie's post provides just that.
    Yes I do like constructive criticism. Having been to war, words like romance,
    caring, beauty, do not spring to mind.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    cobsie wrote: »
    That's funny, I happen to love war fiction. I've probably read 20+ war novels, as well as celebrated WW1 poets like Wilfred Owens and Sigfried Sassoon.

    One common theme is the chaos of combat, the haphazardness and confusion and fear.

    Another theme is moments of small beauty given irony or poignancy against a backdrop of brutality. The soldier-protagonist in All Quiet on the Western Front is finally killed when he stands up to get a better look at a tiny bird that lands nearby.

    I could write a thesis on the representations of war in literature. I could make no comment on what war is like, though.

    This is where art and life intersect - your job, if you like. It is not up to me to experience war, it's up to you to share the experience.
    Read 'Attack' on this site.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    Antilles wrote: »
    Jobee you seem more interested in having a go at people offering suggestions than in actually taking on board their advice, so I'm ending my involvement in this thread before it gets locked.

    Regardless of whether you have been published or not, if you want to grow as a poet you could do worse than listening to what people are telling you.
    I'm all ears, I see no reason to lock the thread. I dont want to write like other poets no matter how well known they are.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    cobsie wrote: »
    That's funny, I happen to love war fiction. I've probably read 20+ war novels, as well as celebrated WW1 poets like Wilfred Owens and Sigfried Sassoon.

    One common theme is the chaos of combat, the haphazardness and confusion and fear.

    Another theme is moments of small beauty given irony or poignancy against a backdrop of brutality. The soldier-protagonist in All Quiet on the Western Front is finally killed when he stands up to get a better look at a tiny bird that lands nearby.

    I could write a thesis on the representations of war in literature. I could make no comment on what war is like, though.

    This is where art and life intersect - your job, if you like. It is not up to me to experience war, it's up to you to share the experience.

    /QUOTE]
    I dont read war fiction, I like researching war fact. I do not want to write like any other poet. I want to improve my own style tho', such as, cutting stanzas out, using less words. That why i ask them to re-write, let me see how they can improve the same topic using less words.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    Field Marshall Erwin Rommel.
    Iron Cross First Class.
    Pour Le Merite.1891-1944

    Born in Heidenheim an der Brenze,
    His father he viewed with deference,
    His father a teacher at the local school,
    Noted for authoritarian rule.

    Telling Erwin where his future would be,
    Either schoolteacher or military,
    Erwin selecting the warrior class,
    Macho men with courage, dash.

    'The Fox' was educated at Tubigen,
    In 1910 he joined the military men,
    As an officer cadet at Wurttenburg,
    Such a meteoric rise they'd never heard.

    In just six months a Sergeants rank,
    All his buddies he did outflank,
    12 months later a commission was his,
    Showing recruits the tactical biz.

    1914 he joined the Great War,
    His tactical talents came to the fore,
    Finding weak spots in the front line,
    Stalemate he began to undermine.

    The Iron Cross was his reward,
    By buddies and seniors he was adored,
    But defeat and ignominy the final score,
    Alsace and Lorraine theirs no more.

    Between wars he studied his craft,
    By a man named Hitler, he was asked,
    To captain his bodyguard, keep secure,
    Whilst Adolph applied anti Jewish law.

    When Rommels daughter Gertrud wed,
    She was ask if hubby was Aryan bred,
    An ardent admirer of Hitlers regime,
    He believed Aryans were supreme.

    After Poland’s crushing defeat,
    He stood on the podium with Hitlers elite,
    Rewarded, promoted, for this little stance,
    A tank Division, sent to France.

    With blitzkrieg tactics France soon fell,
    Paris reduced to an SS hell,
    Erwin’s next task, on Egyptian sand,
    Victory acclaimed in the Pharoes land.

    But a man named Monty turned the tide,
    42' began Marshall Rommel’s slide,
    Ousted from Egypt, sent to France,
    Badly wounded in the allied advance.

    Home for sick leave, well earned rest,
    The SS ordered to make his arrest,
    On Hitlers life an attempt was made,
    Rommel a suspected renegade.

    Ordered to die by suicide,
    Hitlers wishes, he would abide,
    His reputation intact, family safe,
    After a national funeral he went to his grave.

    JB.A coy.3 Para.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thank you for posting Audie's wonderful works. Just a correction on his birth date. He was born in 1925,he entered the army at age 17. His sister Corrine fudged his birth certificate. That just makes in more amazing the things young Audie did in the war for almost 3 yrs from age 17-19. So much sacrifice for our freedoms. God bless him.


  • Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,555 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    I don't really 'do' poetry critique but if you want my honest, blunt, opinion, you should try writing one poem about something that really means something to you, and work on it until you get something you can be proud of. What you have here is basically a set of lists of facts which are made to look like poems by the use of rhyme.

    If you want your poetry to have an impact on the reader, you should try focussing on one aspect of the subject and writing something meaningful about that. Try not to let the poetic structure impinge on the flow of the words. The introduction to this poem describes an eccentric individual who should be fascinating to read about, but the poem just lists off facts about his life with no real insight into the man.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    Antilles, the intro tells you about him.


    The most unconventional General in the British army
    during the Second World War was undoubtedly Major
    General Orde Charles Wingate. His eccentricity in
    matters of dress, diet, and military operations had
    caused comment even before the Second World War.
    Military they were not successful , therefore Wingate
    can only be regarded as a pioneer in that field.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    DAWN

    At first, a misty stirring light,
    Dewdrops glisten, still, bright,.
    The sun begins its dewy climb,
    As it’s done from dawn of time,

    Something stirs in the bush.
    Quickly silenced, not to rush.
    A misty meadow appears in view,
    Bidding the silent night adieu.

    Cowslips raise their sleepy heads,
    Mottled sunlight slowly spreads,
    Just a touch of gentle rain,
    As birds begin their ancient refrain.

    A young foal begins to rise,
    Falling against its mothers side,
    The air warms, starts its rise,
    Mist disappears in a swirling glide.

    The patter of rain begins to stall,
    Just drips, drops, from branches fall,
    By the sides of a swirling brook,
    Gnats, dragonflies, feed, suck..

    A gentle steam leaves horses sides,
    As filtered sun their body chides,
    Frolicking lambs, skip, play,
    Welcoming the heat of day.

    The cool of morning says goodbye,
    As skylarks ascend to hover on high,
    We bid goodbye to another morn,
    Wait the morrows refreshing dawn.

    jobee


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 223 ✭✭cobsie


    jobee wrote: »
    I dont read war fiction, I like researching war fact. I do not want to write like any other poet. I want to improve my own style tho', such as, cutting stanzas out, using less words. That why i ask them to re-write, let me see how they can improve the same topic using less words.


    Wilfred Owen: a stanza from of one of his famous poems...

    Gas! Gas! Quick, boys!---An ecstasy of fumbling,
    Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
    But someone still was yelling out and stumbling,
    And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime...
    Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light,
    As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.


    Can you see how Owen takes the facts of war and brings them to life? An overview of historical fact set to rhyme is not the same as writing a real poem.

    Anyway, good luck with it. I've got my own work to do!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    cobsie wrote: »
    Wilfred Owen: a stanza from of one of his famous poems...

    Gas! Gas! Quick, boys!---An ecstasy of fumbling,
    Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
    But someone still was yelling out and stumbling,
    And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime...
    Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light,
    As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.


    Can you see how Owen takes the facts of war and brings them to life? An overview of historical fact set to rhyme is not the same as writing a real poem.

    Anyway, good luck with it. I've got my own work to do!
    He was very good, and only 21 when he died.

    My battle field poetry is under Attack on this site.

    I do not want to emulate Owen.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    cobsie wrote: »
    Wilfred Owen: a stanza from of one of his famous poems...

    Gas! Gas! Quick, boys!---An ecstasy of fumbling,
    Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
    But someone still was yelling out and stumbling,
    And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime...
    Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light,
    As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.


    Can you see how Owen takes the facts of war and brings them to life? An overview of historical fact set to rhyme is not the same as writing a real poem.

    Anyway, good luck with it. I've got my own work to do!
    The whole is even better.

    DULCE ET DECORUM EST1

    Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
    Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
    Till on the haunting flares2 we turned our backs
    And towards our distant rest3 began to trudge.
    Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots
    But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
    Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots4
    Of tired, outstripped5 Five-Nines6 that dropped behind.

    Gas!7 Gas! Quick, boys! – An ecstasy of fumbling,
    Fitting the clumsy helmets8 just in time;
    But someone still was yelling out and stumbling,
    And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime9 . . .
    Dim, through the misty panes10 and thick green light,
    As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.
    In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
    He plunges at me, guttering,11 choking, drowning.

    If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
    Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
    And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
    His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;
    If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
    Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
    Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud12
    Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,
    My friend, you would not tell with such high zest13
    To children ardent14 for some desperate glory,

    The old Lie; Dulce et Decorum est
    Pro patria mori.15


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,718 ✭✭✭The Mad Hatter


    Removed, 'cause it was kind of stupid.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    PRO PATRIA.

    In far off lands, out of sight,
    men still fight for what is right,
    give their lives to sought things out,
    lose their limbs, writhe, shout.

    Called up men were forced to fight,
    to bite the bullet, not take flight,
    glad to see that call ups gone,
    but spiteful wars still drag on.

    Those called up lads are old, some gone,
    some nerves still shattered by shell, bomb,
    the fist of government we did our best,
    still no medal clasps our chest.

    Britain’s small wars are ignored,
    as long as government is assured,
    men will face the gun, die!
    no one hears their widows cry.

    For many years we have asked,
    some small medal you give at last,
    so as our children, and theirs too,
    know their kin fought good, true....jobee 3 para.03.


  • Moderators, Arts Moderators Posts: 35,555 Mod ✭✭✭✭pickarooney


    This is easily the best of your poems that I've read.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    This is easily the best of your poems that I've read.
    Thanks pick, it keeps me going.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    The ground awash with dying leaves,
    as dismissive, sleepy, wearisome trees,
    cast them off to flutter down,
    die unwanted on autumn ground.

    Cold, cheerless, the autumn air,
    offers nothing to help or care,
    huddled together as if for cheer,
    but spiteful winds divide, clear.

    All the browns, ochre’s too,
    nature's carpet open to view,
    every single shade of green,
    as nature's palette reigns supreme.

    Twigs, branches strewn around,
    Magpies search, probe the ground,
    foxes peek, search, inquire,
    approach, stop, as if to admire.

    Cautiously taking a guarded stance,
    ever fearful of man's violence,
    The sky above cold, blue,
    clouds mixed in a grey white hue.

    And then to man I next inquire,
    as extra warmth he does require,
    all wrapped up in jumpers new.
    fearing colds, chills anew.

    Then the autumn day is done,
    giving way to nights kingdom,
    a chilly cold watery sky.
    watches nature's foliage die.


    John Bishop
    Copyright © - John Bishop - All rights reserved
    jobee


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    by jobee

    Korean War
    Awards Army Distinguished Service Medal
    Navy Distinguished Service Medal
    Silver Star
    Legion of Merit
    Bronze Star
    Mexican Border Service
    Knight Commander of the British Empire
    Order of Polonia Restituta
    Presidential Medal of Freedom
    Order of Suvorov
    Order of Kutuzov

    Omar Bradley

    Omar Nelson Bradley KCB (February 12, 1893 – April 8, 1981) was one of the main U.S. Army field commanders in North Africa and Europe during World War II and a General of the Army in the United States Army. He was the last surviving five-star commissioned officer of the United States. He was the first officer assigned to the post of Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

    Omar's father a teacher by trade,
    A young pupil he made his fair maid,
    Marrying , then settling down,
    Clark, Missouri, his adopted town.

    The Bradley's were quiet, content,
    1893 saw a special event,
    A boy was born they named Omar,
    The baby destined to travel far.

    When Omar was 14, his father would die,
    Just a moment, to sit, sigh,
    His mother a seamstress, not well to do,
    Taking in boarders to see them through.

    Working hard, collecting rent,
    Eventually, to West Point, Omar she sent,
    Omar was interested, devoted, keen,
    Graduated easily in 1915.

    The rank of Major quickly attained,
    A teachers manner, quietly restrained,
    The First World War came, went,
    Omar missing this tragic event.

    In '29 at Fort Benning he trained,
    Infantrymen, their respect he gained,
    Modest, quiet, a regular guy,
    Subdued, aloof, publicity shy.

    In 41 a Brig. Generals position.
    Preparing to deal with axis opposition,
    Pearl Harbours attack, caused a fright,
    But the U.S. braced, ready to fight.

    But Omar wasn’t heading this way,
    Ike called him to Europe’s fray,
    As Ike’s advisor on N. African sand,
    Omar prepared for combat command.

    At the Kesserine Pass Gen. Fredenall failed,
    Omar advised, Gen.Patton be hailed,
    Ike took the advice, Fredenall went,
    Never recovering from this tragic event.

    Whilst Patton was planning the Sicilian Campaign,
    Omar took over the 2nd Corps rein,
    Heading north to the town of Bizert,
    Omar was King in this scorching desert.

    At the Casablanca conference the big boys agreed,
    Sicily next, would be made to concede,
    On Sicilian land Omar made his name,
    The ‘Soldiers General', lasting fame.

    The Normandy landings the next big task,
    Were Ike, Monty, Omar were ask,
    To push the Germans out of France,
    Over the Rhine to break their stance.

    A million men Omar eventually ran,
    All but Ike he eventually outran,
    Take your time, easy as you go,
    A nice little climb from a log cabin in Mo.

    Jb el gamil club©©---- Mo. Missouri.

    Omar was made Chief of Staff , eventually.
    jobee


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 82 ✭✭Black Heart


    Interesting poem. The one issue I have is the mention of winter in the fourth line of the first stanza. It's probably because I see autumn and winter as very different, so it threw me off.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    Interesting poem. The one issue I have is the mention of winter in the fourth line of the first stanza. It's probably because I see autumn and winter as very different, so it threw me off.
    Thanks for the constructive criticism. I always associate Autumn with the approach of winter, each to his own.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    Field Marshall Bernard Montgomery.
    London 1887-1976.Hampshire.

    His father a Bishop with prayer in mind,
    But Monty's thoughts were war inclined,
    Different they were as chalk, cheese,
    With driving ambition, ways to succeed.

    St Paul’s in London- Monty's chosen school,
    Impish, playful, but nobodies fool,
    Sandhurst academy he eventually went.
    The Warwick’s Reg. he began his ascent

    Off to India to assist the Raj,
    His five years there he didn't enlarge,
    1914 he returned to these shores,
    Eagerly entering Europe's wars.

    Badly wounded in a machine gun tirade.
    A young medic came to his aide,
    A snipers bullet hit the medics head,
    Falling on Monty, instantly dead.

    The young medic Monty claimed,
    Saved his life as the sniper aimed,
    Two years in hospital Monty spent,
    Then returned to this ghastly event.

    Surviving this war with great valour,
    He then addressed the Second World War,
    On Dunkirk beaches on the retreat,
    To blitzkrieg tactics he conceded defeat.

    Learning from this traumatic event,
    To African deserts he next was sent,
    A man named Rommel was in command,
    Ruling the roost in this desert land.

    Methodically assembling all he could get,
    Leaving nothing to chance, with this little bet,
    With set piece tactics, classical war,
    He relieved Gen.Rommel of his African tour.

    Now the world looked with the greatest of awe,
    Not one more battle would he lose in this war,
    Like Wellington before him he had found,
    His own ideas were most profound.

    Alas on D Day he was not selected,
    Although on all sides most respected,
    The great American Eisenhower,
    Was elected to lead this finest hour.

    After the war he settled down.
    Not to far from a Hampshire town,
    He bought a mill on the river Wey,
    In Binstead churchyard his body does lay.

    JB. A Coy 3 para.55/57.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    Ira Hamilton Hayes (January 12, 1923 – January 24, 1955) was an Akimel O'odham, or Pima Native American, and an enrolled member of the Gila River Indian Community. A veteran of World War II 's Battle of Iwo Jima, Hayes was trained as a Paramarine in the United States Marine Corps (USMC), and became one of five Marines, along with a United States Navy corpsman, immortalized in the iconic photograph of the flag raising on Iwo Jima.



    1923
    1955.

    Nancy and Jobe gave birth to a son
    a true American from the Pima kingdom
    the first of eight was shy, reserved
    quiet, solemn, a man of few words

    his mother Nancy a woman of God
    Presbytarian doctrines not sparing the rod
    to Pheonix school he eventually went
    till zeros attacked, tempers vent

    this spurred young Ira to quit his school
    America made to look a fool
    his tribe approved his will to fight
    he packed his bags, took the next flight

    to the Marine hq. he reported next
    passed his medical and initative test
    fit as a fiddle ,ready to go
    this Pima Indian was ready to show

    into training with zeal, zest
    his wily frame passing the test
    paratroop wings he had in mind
    exuding courage of a special kind

    his wings he got, no problem at all
    chief Falling Cloud stood proud, tall
    the South Pacific his next port of call
    where Japanese soldiers were standing tall

    Iwo Jima was the next acid test
    where men would clash to see who was best
    the dying game became common call
    but American troops again stood tall

    on Mount Suribachi they raised their flag
    from that moment on Ira began to sag
    dont make me a hero because of this
    many of my buddies I’m starting to miss

    but hero they made him against his will
    the moment he scrambled down the hill
    President Truman he met for a pat on the back
    but Ira's mind was on Iwo Jimas attack

    his conscience eventually beat him down
    he loathed, detested the heros crown
    demon drink consumed his mind
    changing his character, an insipid kind

    in ‘55 not far from his home
    Ira Hayes made his last pleafull moan
    they found him dead in a rainy street
    this gutsy soldier had beat a retreat

    but even dead the public cried
    another American hero has died
    amongst the great his body does lie
    at Arlington Cemetary they said goodbye.
    jobee


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 223 ✭✭cobsie


    Rommel, you magnificent bastard! I read your book!!

    (Gen George Patton, aka George C. Scott) :)

    Jobee, I'm just going to come right out and say it: Has it ever occurred to you that your celebration in rhyming couplets of heroes of the British Empire (and to a lesser extent, the Raj and wartime America) are not placed in their best context on an Irish forum?

    My comment has less to do with nationalism and much more to do with the fact that I don't accept the starting premise of your poetry - these men are heroes.

    Where is the anger at the waste and futility of war? Where is the acknowledgement of other viewpoints, those upon whom war is waged, upon whom Empire is brought to bear? The Indians of the Raj, the Egyptians of the Suez Canal crisis, the Native Americans pressured into service without the privileges of citizenship in return? There is no complexity of viewpoint here and that makes them shallow.

    I expect a vitriolic defence from you, but it doesn't matter. I am your reader, like it or not. I am reading these poems, one by one, and I do not like them.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,287 ✭✭✭davyjose


    I'm very impressed by this. What inspired you to write about someone who would, to most people, seem obscure?

    I like the rhyming pattern. Intended or not, it jars against the theme of the poem. I also love how you spend little more than a few lines on the actual events that made hima hero, instead focussing on the man himself.

    A truly wonderful piece, well done.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    davyjose wrote: »
    I'm very impressed by this. What inspired you to write about someone who would, to most people, seem obscure?

    I like the rhyming pattern. Intended or not, it jars against the theme of the poem. I also love how you spend little more than a few lines on the actual events that made hima hero, instead focussing on the man himself.

    A truly wonderful piece, well done.
    Ira Hayes wanted to remain obscure. I've been to war, there is nothing glorious about the battle field.

    We must stop glorifying war.

    Audie Murphy spent most of his life on Prozac type drugs after his war experiences.

    The Church gives soldiers 'special' type funerals, they too glorify war.

    I was raised thinking all military men were glorious/glamorous.

    I now think war should be played down.

    My writings reflect what actually happened, that doesn't mean I don't want a change of attitude

    by the establishment and newspapers. just me.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    cobsie wrote: »
    Rommel, you magnificent bastard! I read your book!!

    (Gen George Patton, aka George C. Scott) :)

    Jobee, I'm just going to come right out and say it: Has it ever occurred to you that your celebration in rhyming couplets of heroes of the British Empire (and to a lesser extent, the Raj and wartime America) are not placed in their best context on an Irish forum?

    My comment has less to do with nationalism and much more to do with the fact that I don't accept the starting premise of your poetry - these men are heroes.

    Where is the anger at the waste and futility of war? Where is the acknowledgement of other viewpoints, those upon whom war is waged, upon whom Empire is brought to bear? The Indians of the Raj, the Egyptians of the Suez Canal crisis, the Native Americans pressured into service without the privileges of citizenship in return? There is no complexity of viewpoint here and that makes them shallow.

    I expect a vitriolic defence from you, but it doesn't matter. I am your reader, like it or not. I am reading these poems, one by one, and I do not like them.
    I was in the army, thousand of men from the Irish Republic serve in
    the British armed forces and always did.

    I was raised to think all soldiers were glorious.

    My poems reflect what actually happened.

    I now think war should be played down. Its still glorified by the church.

    Special funerals for soldiers killed, the church cashes in on war.

    Many Catholics serve in the armed forces world wide-'volunteering' to kill

    anywhere Governments send them to kill. What happened to 'Thou shall not

    not kill' [Deuteronomy] The Pope says nothing. ALL senior Prelates say

    nothing. Will you open your mind to what is going on?

    Johnny Cash.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdNV9JX-Xi8


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    I thought of you again today
    did you host some small soiree
    I feel you are amongst your friends
    unless of course my mind transcends

    occasionally I get like this
    the precincts of my mind dismiss
    any thoughts that you are down
    tears beget that puzzled frown

    I think of all the lovely things
    meeting you, warm feelings
    Northampton town on our first date
    how cool you looked, so sedate

    the library another day
    how simple was that T.M.A.
    when you ask me to assist
    a gesture I could not resist

    that classy two piece suit you wore
    not anybodies paramour
    lovely tussled flaxen hair
    aloof, remote, debonair

    my eyes beheld a wondrous sight
    to me you felt exactly right
    this ambience of country life
    rustical, free of strife

    o well, i’ve got my mind back now
    I don’t think you will mind somehow
    my sincerity when I say
    I thought of you again today


    jobee


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    Thank you Tom.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    General George .S. Patton.
    1885-1945

    Mexico, The Great War, The Second One two,
    Warrior enthusiasm came shining though,
    A fervent belief that life goes on,
    Dying in battle not your swan song.

    His father a lawyer a Virginia man,
    His mother a Southern Californian,
    In California Patton was born,
    In 1885 he gave his first yawn.

    A fanatical student of tactical war,
    All the great soldiers he studied with awe,
    Dyslexia didn't stop him learning the lot,
    Enthusiasm overcoming what nature forgot.

    A leader must be acclaimed by one, all,
    Victorious, glorious, standing tall,
    A little shy by nature, somewhat withdrawn,
    But the battlefield he advanced with pistols drawn,

    Off the front foot every time,
    After Pancho Villa he started his climb,
    But Pancho was an artist at hide, seek,
    Chances of capture extremely bleak.

    The First World War he next addressed,
    Where tank tactics he quickly assessed,
    Into battle with his own command,
    Walking then riding across open land.

    Old Blood and Guts became his name,
    With disciplined tactics he rose to fame,
    Wounded badly in the field that day,
    Stretcher men took him to the medical bay.

    But victory it was his tanks attained,
    As hero of the tanks the press acclaimed,
    Not long after the war came to its end,
    In peaceful years more knowledge he gained.

    But a longing for war his thoughts retained,
    Glory in action his motifs were aimed,
    Disappointed by peaceful times,
    He thought his career was in decline.

    But shortly after Pearl Harbours attack,
    Germans, Italians, made a pact,
    Declaring war on the USA,
    Regretting it bitterly one fine day.

    So Operation Torch came about,
    Fedala and Morocco put to rout,
    The Vichy French conceding defeat,
    Pattons ambitions becoming complete.

    After Fredendall's mess at the Kasserine Pass,
    Another star he was to flash,
    A three star General he had become,
    A life times ambition nearly done.

    From Bastoigne to Berlin like a man possessed,
    The German army he most surely addressed,
    Eventually getting the top rank he deserved,
    A place in history most surely reserved.

    A motoring accident in '45
    His weakened body could not survive,
    Buried at Hamm in Luxembourg,
    A greater General you've never heard.

    Jobee El Gamil Group Club© Aldershot


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    Col. James Stewart-pilot-actor.

    1908-1997
    DFC.Croix De Guerre
    Air Medal with Oak Leaves.
    Brig. General retired

    Indiana the place of his birth
    extremely modest down to earth
    tall, gangling, smooth, cool
    speech affected by a halting drawl

    a degree in architecture he gained with ease
    but the great depression started to squeeze
    so off to Hollywood, not to sure
    if his amateur talent would mature

    but acting he mastered with the greatest of ease
    the camera, audience, were easy to please
    his honest character came shining through
    in one year just, he was head of the queue.

    the rumblings of war were heard afar
    stirred the conscience of this superstar
    he volunteered, quick as a flash
    the recruiting office he made a dash

    at the Army Air Corps training base
    flying talents were honed apace
    an agile mind, quick to learn
    a commission, wings, he was to earn.

    training pilots he took for a while
    but training really was not his style
    In '43 to England he went
    to Tibenham in Norfolk his talents were sent

    with the rank of Captain, his own command
    they commenced to bomb Adolph Hitlers land
    success, promotion, came his way
    by clever decisions in the heat of fray.

    with the rank of Colonel and Chief of Staff
    the town of Brunswick he commenced to trash
    another success with him in command
    a nail in the coffin for Hitler’s land

    shortly after he left the war
    he'd done his best to settle the score
    modest to the end about his success.
    his achievements in war he did not address.

    James Stewart made 78 films.
    the first .Murder Man
    the last The magic of Lassie
    he won an Oscar for The Philadelphia story
    jobee


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    Brief Encounter


    An uneasy glance across the room, a second glance none to soon
    she’s looking at me that’s for sure, she’s very smart with much allure
    the guys she's with seems to care, his arm around a waist that's bare
    she turns him with his back to me, her eyes just say she can be free

    An uneasy wriggle in my seat, where, when, can we meet
    who is she then, what her name? I sure enjoy this flirting game
    I reach the bar, get a drink, then ask the barmen" who's that in pink" ?
    he shrugs his shoulders nonchalantly, "I haven’t a clue who she can be"

    I’m heading back to my seat, her lovely perfume my nostrils meet
    I think he's twigged it I saw him glance, our sly glances spoiling the chance
    he then heads her to the door, she gives that look, "what’s this for"?
    my stomach sinks, we've lost our chance, a brief encounter has no romance.

    jobee


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,241 ✭✭✭baalthor


    I think you should stop writing poems about war heroes and focus on writing about people and situations of which you have personal experience.

    I think you have a real talent for the latter kind while the "war poems" have the emotional depth of "Jack and Jill went up the hill". The exception is the one about Sepp Dietrich where the first two verses are maybe based on someone you know from real life?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    baalthor wrote: »
    I think you should stop writing poems about war heroes and focus on writing about people and situations of which you have personal experience.

    I think you have a real talent for the latter kind while the "war poems" have the emotional depth of "Jack and Jill went up the hill". The exception is the one about Sepp Dietrich where the first two verses are maybe based on someone you know from real life?

    /QUOTE] Thank you for your constructive criticism.

    Which write do you like best, one person really enjoyed my Ira Hayes write.

    Also I'm getting rave notices on this Dublin forum.

    http://www.dublin.ie/forums/showthread.php?3687-Poetry/page46


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    Dwight D Eisenhower
    1890-1969
    U.S. President-Suez 56

    1885 Dave and Ida were wed.
    Seven sons made in the marital bed,
    Dwight number three in this lively brood,
    A little quick tempered given to mood.

    No nonsense at all dad would take,
    Insisting the bed you would make,
    Mum was cuddly, ever to oblige,
    A kindly person in anyone's eyes.

    As time past by to school he went,
    History, sport, his leanings were bent,
    Other things he took with salt,
    Not to sure, given to fault.

    Graduating from Abilene high,
    College education he had to put bye,
    Joining his father a mechanic by trade,
    Working long hours, his money was saved.

    With sporting talents he entered west point,
    Then twisting his leg his knee out of joint,
    His sporting days came to a close,
    To military matters his interest arose.

    In 1916 he wed his choice,
    Mamie Dowd, no descending voice,
    For 25 years he slowly climbed,
    To Lt Col. he seemed resigned.

    Then in '41 Zeros attacked,
    Pearl Harbors navy quickly sacked,
    Staff appointments came his way,
    Planning strategy was his forte.

    The rank of General he soon attained,
    That wonderful smile he still retained,
    Easy and comfy with command,
    D day,s landings efficiently planned.

    D day came, went our way
    Berlin now, no longer held sway,
    A five star general he had become,
    Not to bad for a mechanics son.

    But Dwight D. hadn't finished yet,
    In 53, the countries problems he met,
    Going to the country getting the nod,
    The 34th president was given the job.

    In' 61 his reign came to its end,
    A small farm in Gettysburg was his to attend,
    The rural setting was his delight,
    Playing golf as well he might.

    In '65 health came to the fore,
    Clutching his chest he hit the floor,
    From there on in his health declined,
    Walter Reed hospital he was confined.

    In '69 his life expired,
    By the whole free world he was admired,
    To Abilene in Kansas the cortege went,
    The chapel of meditation his body was sent.


    J B A coy 3 para group.© 2003


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 223 ✭✭cobsie


    Jobee, I'm from a military family. My father was a very senior military officer. Shows how you never know who're your talking to, online...if you think war should be downplayed, why do you write uncritical poems about war figures?

    Also, would you consider rolling these into one thread and posting when you update it?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    cobsie wrote: »
    Jobee, I'm from a military family. My father was a very senior military officer. Shows how you never know who're your talking to, online...if you think war should be downplayed, why do you write uncritical poems about war figures?

    Also, would you consider rolling these into one thread and posting when you update it?
    I just write as I see them[as it was] I would like to see radical change in the way we think about war. After Iraq and the thousands that died there,Tony Blair was accepted into the Catholic Church by the Pope, why?
    What happened to 'thou shall not kill'. I'm not at all happy about religious people and there involvement in war.

    I shall not be posting anymore, moving to WW2 talk.cheers
    r


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,183 ✭✭✭Antilles


    Jobee why do you keep posting links to forums where you have been banned?


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    Antilles wrote: »
    Jobee why do you keep posting links to forums where you have been banned?

    reply

    Banned! first I knew about it, would you like a small wager on that?

    What's wrong with answering the post content. Ike.?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    Regimental pride.

    The teaze

    O, green berets are all right I suppose.
    For bending over, touching your toes,
    Playing games, joining in,
    Mouthing off, making a din.

    Playing at war on practice grounds,
    Huffing, puffing, making sounds,
    Practicing, getting things right,
    Making sure its all right on the night.

    Methodical correct, just like that,
    this goes there, that is that,
    waiting cautiously at the back,
    bringing clarity to this attack.

    There’s a breed of men I know,
    Who frown on practice they just know,
    They learned it quickly, took it in.
    When war comes I'm calling them in.

    They jump in planes, off they go,
    Where, when, it matters no,
    any place on earth will do,
    not much fuss, less ado.

    The Red Beret they proudly wear,
    A little rough, prone to swear,
    How to die, they know the score,
    Asking none for no favour.

    The worlds best warriors they surely are,
    fighting wars near, far.
    It was an honour to this day,
    To have worn the Red Beret.

    Jobee. A coy 3 parachute Reg.
    ©2003


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    jobee

    Zig Zag

    In 1917 Balfour declared
    tormented Palestine could be shared
    both sides gave a promising nod
    combine talents unease be shod

    a Palestine majority didn't stop war
    retalitary acts they both stood for
    Husseini tried his Arab rise
    fleeing to Hitler was his demise

    Peel and Woodhead tried their plot
    a Jewish minority was their lot
    a foot in the sand was their way
    then Lord Moyne Lehi did slay

    the U.N. Issues It's report
    equal division was It's resort
    the Jews gave a reluctant yes
    break through here the world would bless

    but not so it seems in Arab eyes
    reluctance could be their demise
    opportunity indeed here was missed
    to attend the table submit their list

    resolution 181 was the way
    equal opportunity, equal play
    Jerusalem under protective care
    till Arab and Jew learned to share.

    the gun, bomb, get publicity yes
    but not to clear this awful mess
    this type of war will come to an end
    with both sides learning to yield, bend

    your war is spreading across the globe
    It needs restricting to your abode
    9/11 proved nothing at all
    American people still stand tall

    the table as usual will clear the air
    will end your torment and despair
    181 a way to success
    now the table you must address

    jobee


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    davyjose wrote: »
    I'm very impressed by this. What inspired you to write about someone who would, to most people, seem obscure?

    I like the rhyming pattern. Intended or not, it jars against the theme of the poem. I also love how you spend little more than a few lines on the actual events that made hima hero, instead focussing on the man himself.

    A truly wonderful piece, well done.
    Thank you for your comments.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 549 ✭✭✭jobee


    A lovely rhyming poem with a great message.
    Its about time we broke the strangle hold of religion,they cannot prove anything.


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