1 week on...

df1985

Hi,

Im not 100% certain why im putting this here but guess i need to talk about it in some way.

I buried my mam last thursday, she died on Monday the 9th. It hasnt really hit me yet I dont think, im still adjusting to the massive changes in the simple things like me now living at home alone.(im 24 and my dad also passed away 7 years ago, no brothers or sisters.)

I feel like I havent truly grieved yet, i was devastated obviously the day it happened and until the funeral, but strangely ive been ok since. yes i have my moments-lying in bed with my thoughts seems to be the worst, but its almost like I havent gotten the chance to just stop and take it all in-phone is off the hook, people calling to the house and then theres all the legal/practical things to be sorted out. Part of me thinks im doing ok as ive been through it all before with my dad but at the same time i almost feel ive to be strong for everyone else if you understand me.

Im going on holidays saturday with friends to spain, it was previously booked. i wasnt going to go as i thought it might be seen as "inappropriate" but all my extended family and friends think it will do me good and best to try live life as normal as possible. Im worried though it could hit me like a tonne of bricks over there, itll be the first time since it happened that ill be able to "stop" and take it all in/think about it i suppose.

Do many people go through a sort of delayed reaction to a death like this, where they have to keep going as theyre responsible for everything and it only hits them after a while?

banie01

First off, I'm very sorry for your loss.
In answer to your question, I don't think its really a delayed reaction to death.

Its more that you focus on getting everything done, the funeral arrangements, contacting family, being hospitable to people who stop you to commiserate, sorting out all the minutiae that go along with the loss of a loved that force you to concentrate on the job at hand rather than your loss.
That focus on doing everything right delays the onset of the grief by distracting you and keeping you busy.

Its in the weeks and months afterwards when you aren't as busy with things, when people assume that since you handled the funeral so well that you must be coping okay.....Thats when the grief does creep up on you.
My advice would be to deal with those times when they come, hard as they are by talking to family,friends anyone really who will lend you an ear.
It really does help!

And in the meantime, go to Spain try to enjoy your Holiday and remember grief or not...Your Mam would want you to have a good time.

dan_d

OP, my heart just goes out to you. That's so incredibly hard.

I have had delayed reactions to death. If it was me, I think the likelihood is that I'd get through the holiday...it's another country, another place different...but the day I walk back in the front door of the house would be the day it would really hit me.

Take it very easy on yourself.Try and enjoy your holiday. And let yourself cry if you need to.

I don't know, I just can't think of anything else to say.

LegacyUser

I lost my bro a little over a month ago. My younger brother, he was 20. Some days it still feels so raw and the question comes into my mind, "What is the point of living at all?" I know all those around me are probably going to get sick, I'm probably going to have to bury my mum, dad, older brother, even my dog. Not great way to think but its very hard to be positive most of the time...

It's difficult but you almost have to force yourself to get on with life even though you feel robbed. Each day it feels like you are carrying this weight that you will never be able to shift. I think you just get strong enough to cope with it.

I wish you strength in your difficult time.