parent needs help

bigmomma

can anyone help me, my daughter is 9 years old and because we have spent all summer in our mobile home she wont sleep in her own bed when we come home. she feels anxious coming to bed time and ends up getting sick its starting to worry me now because i dont want it to become a habbit which she cant get out of. she sleeps light now and wakes when i go up the stairs to check on her when she eventully goes asleep after much crying and feeling sick. any advice would be great. otherwise she is a great outgoing girl.

angelfire9

Has she said why?
Is her room too dark? Or too quiet?

LegacyUser

Thanks for your reply. Her room is right next to ours and she has a night light and she would hear the usual sounds of the house down stairs. Now that we are home from our mobile home our routine is the same every day which has settled her. The sickness has stopped because I stopped making a big deal out of it when it happened and as a result she isn't worried about it happening which made her less anxious. I've stuck to the same routine every night which is a story a song and a rub on the back which has settled her back in. She still tries to sleep in our bed with us and has a cry when I put my foot down an insist she stays in her own bed. I'm hoping when she is back in school she will be too tired and just fall asleep when she goes up.

cynder

did she have her own bed in the mobile?

try talking to her, seems like she is worrying over something.

if not talk to your doctor she/he will be able to offer some advice.

good luck

Redpunto

SOunds like youre doing all the right things by giving her that one on one time and not drawing attention to any of the negative stuff thats happening like the gettint sick, I'm sure once shes in school things will settle down. Did you chat with her, at a completely different time of day, and ask her is there something bothering her, or ask her to write it down if she finds it too difficult to say. Its probably nothing specific, i know we moved from a bungalow to a 2 storey when i was 10 and i found it hard be upstairs alone at first as well.

bigmomma

Yes we have chatted about how she is feeling on Sunday just gone and she told me she missed everyone in the same space together and she loved us all going to bed at the same time. She is sad we are finished in the mobile for this year. So we made a plan that she can sleep with me once in a while but must stay in her own bed in the mean time and it seems to be going grand thank god. My biggest worry was when she was getting sick, I was afraid she would get into the habit and it would become normal for her to get sick when she was unhappy and we know where that could lead her. She went to bed last night great no tears and no upset, I followed the routine I said in the last tread and its working. Thanks for your concern and replys.

seven stars

How are things now? We have a very similar situation with our 9-year-old girl, and we're having real problems trying to sort it out. 'Stomach pains' every night, even though she's fine during the day. Now she's trying to avoid going to school.

LegacyUser

I'm really sorry to hear you are having the same problems as us and I know how hard it is to try and sort out, especially the sick business, its really frightening. I know I'm probably stating the obvious but have you asked your daughter if someone is bullying her in school, or just annoying her? When you rule that out and make sure she is doing ok in the school you can then try some of the things I did, like, going to bed at the same time every evening, reading her a story and then I sing her a song.

I don't deviate from it and she now knows that that's the way it will be and no messing crying or fake pains will distract from the routine. The other thing was I turned the pains around by saying maybe she was hungry or thirsty and gave her a cup of tea or slice of toast and if she didn't really want that I spoke to her about growing pains and explained about taking a stretch and her body feeling the stretch so I would massage her legs or arms or just rub her tummy.

If she starts on the road of crying or acting up I just tell her I'm not taking any notice of it and I don't, I just walk away to let her know I'm not getting in to it any more. If she tries it at bed time now I tell her it takes away from her reading and song time and stick to it and she has responded to it and knows not to push it cos she doesn't get the story etc.. if she carries on. I hope some of this works for you. Good luck.

seven stars

Thanks for that. I think we have a slightly different situation because our girl doesn't start the 'pains' routine until after we've finished the story and everything. She'll appear 10 minutes later, saying she has pains. We'll bring her back up to her bed, but she'll get up again 10 minutes later saying she needs her mammy to sleep with her. When she does go to sleep, she sleeps lightly, and she'll come into us again during the night. Last night she was in bed before 9pm (which was kind of late for us), but she was up and down and still wasn't asleep by 1.30am. We badly need to get it sorted out because it's affecting everyone.

bigmomma

Ah right I know what ya mean. Its terrible when the house is upset and doesn't get enough sleep. I really feel for ya. Tell her you will bring her to the doctor to find out why she has a pain and that he will know weather she is lying or not and if she is lying she will face a consequence. Then just keep putting her up but don't get into any conversations with her when putting her back up each time, just put her up and walk out. Don't make it worth her while to get up. It might take a few nights of tantrums and crying but try to stick with it.

Qualitymark

Did this by any chance start when she went back to school, or was about to? Could there possibly be bullying problems? (Just a thought.)