Most humorous insult you've heard? :-)

blackbird98

kissing under the mistletoe? i wouldn't kiss her under an anesthetic.

she's got a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp.

she's so fat, you'd have to roll her in flour to find the wet spot!

for attractive girl:
I'd leave a load in her a big as a cowsh1te

I'd have to wnak twice first, to make sure i don't come too soon

RadioCity

I've seen more intelligent things standing in a field eating grass
:eek:

Janicus

Bearhunter wrote: »

A girl once roared across a crowded street at me: "Jaysus, if me dog looked like you I'd shave his arse and teach him to walk backwards."

Took me a fair while to get the confidence back after that.

And one of my favourites, from my favourite poem:



'May the itching piles torment you, may corns grow on your feet,
'May crabs as big as spiders attack your balls a treat,
'Then when you're down and outed, to a hopeless bloody wreck,
'May you slip back through your arsehole, and break your ****ing neck.'

Quality! Love the poem.

Ken.

May your hole fester and your next sh!te be a hedgehog

timogen

My boss and work colleague were having a heated decussion,
colleague finished the decussion with this "if i wanted to listen to an asshole i'd fart"
Still puts a smile on my face.

chakotha

Monty Python and the Holy Grail:

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.

Balfie

she's been rogered more times than a police man's radio.

RichieC

May the hairs on your arse turn into drumsticks and bate the bollocks out of you.

I wouldn't ride you if you had peddles on you!

Justin1982

Myself and a few friends were walking down main street Tullamore one late night after a heavy drinking session......As we walked by two scantly clad, gamey women, one of the girls shouts "Howayaz lads?"........One of our friends stops, turns round, examines the two women for a second and then roars after them "I wouldnt use ye to roll a ****in silage pit!"

Carra23

You were so ugly as a kid your Ma had to tie a pork chop round your neck so the dog would play with ye

rab!dmonkey

One DJ to another:
"Ye couldn't mix cement!"

Bohemians fan to the ref, after a decision goes against his team [thick Dublin accent]:
"I hope ye die screaming!"

Justin1982

Bohemians fan to the ref, after a decision goes against his team [thick Dublin accent]:
"I hope ye die screaming!"[/QUOTE]

That reminds me of an insult I heard hurled at a ref in Louth
"Ref, yer a ****in ham!"

Brigante

"If you saw a fanny you'd put a plaster on it!"

Doyler92

Winty wrote: »

If you can't lift her, don't shift her

If you can't hide her, don't ride her.

Sazzler

As tight as a goldfish's areshole

Knex*

She has a face like a cow licking piss of a nettle.

She has a face like roadkill.

She has a face like a burst couch.

kilkennym

used this once to devastating effect....


you have a head like a busted cabbage, and a face like a half chewed mars bar....





we are no longer together.

dave92

Winty wrote: »

If you can't lift her, don't shift her

only prob with that is im pretty strong:eek::eek::eek::P

kano476

I'd rather be up on a murder charge

The Clown Man

Wouldn't touch her with a 20ft barge pole unless I was beating her with it.

ziedth

" more men have went down on her then the titanic"

Dangerdunf

Unattractive:

I wouldn't meet her with a shoulder.

If you can't lift her, don't shift her.

You wouldn't get a kick in a stampede

Attractive:

I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating biscuits!

I would only kick her out of bed to r!de her on the floor..:D

ei8dqb

She's only been rode twice, once by the ARMY and once my the NAVY:D

jackiebaron

"How can you be so ugly with only one head?"

"You're so dumb you couldn't pour piss out of a boot with the instructions on the sole"

"He's only walking on two legs because he sees everyone else doing it"

For a skinny woman:

"I've seen more meat on a butcher's apron"

Quandary

straight out of Southpark -

"You're face looks like someone tried to put out a forest fire with a screwdriver"

tommy21

You've been a disappointment to me since the day your mother farted you out of her womb.

Tallon

If your da was Josef Fritzl, you still wouldn't get a ride

Fantabulous

I've seen better legs in a dinner box

chucknorris

You don't sweat much for a fat bird.

Kitty_Ears

She looks like my nannys bedroom.

Couldn't get a ride in Tramore.

Looks like vommit poured into leggins.

Ja get those t*ts in Poland?

Gip like Vinegar on her.