Most humorous insult you've heard? :-)

Godsentme

I'd rather get up on a blade.

Shes so skinny she don't even cast a shadow.

conlufc

Your Mum's so fat, when she fell down the stairs I thought EastEnders was ending.

CDfm

she has more fingerprints on her arse than scotland yard have on their files

BengaLover

Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...

Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you?

I've seen more life in a down and out's vest.

You're red shirt goes well with your eyes...

Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?

Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.

Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.

I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high.

You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.

He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe

Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.

If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to folk, I'd say BOO!

You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.

You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it!

I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.

Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?

Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?

Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...

I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college.

Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.

I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?

Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

You started at the bottom...and it's been downhill ever since!

I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.

Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap!

I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'

Apanachi

The bride-to-be's Dad's response to the e-mail from the Mother in law from Hell

"She has her head stuck so far up her own a*** she doesn't know whether to speak or fart"

crashvictim

When I was in College one summer I was doing the Stop Go signs for a gang doing road works. One day I turned the sign from Go to Stop, one old enough fella over sixty rolls down the window and told me "I was only a whores abortion" for changing the sign.

Winty

When somebody did not buy a round in the bar his friend said

" that guy is allergic to mahogany "

kkdela6

you have diarrhea of the mouth, constipation of ideas

Soldie

She's seen more Japs eyes than a Tokyo optician.

MitchKoobski

Looks like someone set her face on fire and then put it out with a shovel.

Corvo

Lad in a bar getting a jeering from the ugly bar man and decides to retaliate:

"Go way son, face on ya like a kicked in biscuit tin"

I nearly fell off my seat

niall1811

"you're a whore's abortion of a drug dealing c-word" said from one of my mates to another fella who invited himself in. He left.

R P McMurphy

To get her pregnant, just jizz in the gutter and let the flies do the rest

Mental Mickey

Knex. wrote: »

She has a face like a cow licking piss of a nettle.
She has a face like roadkill.

She has a face like a burst couch.

Or..............She has a face like a bulldog sucking piss off a nettle!

patmac

I've met 2 bolloxes in my time and your both of them!

blackdog2

She had a gowl on her like Luke Kelly

Zapho

Why do you've a face like a slapped arse? (IT crowd)


Any my personal favourite: Her vagina was like a badly packed kebab.

Duckjob

She's a fine doorful of a woman..

lanternchikk

blackdog2 wrote: »

She had a gowl on her like Luke Kelly

The gowl plays a 5-string banjo, loves the word peculiar, and is never seen without a book and several newspapers? :eek:

---

I love me some fulldeckisms. I say, I say, he's a few cans short of a Bambi!

worded

More of a threat than an insult but I frequently leave this voice message for my enemies ..........

I will pluck the sun from your universe and watch the cold of time
and void of space slowly dissolve the existence of whats you. Thanks.

testtech05

A good one I heard my father say about someone at work who he had sent to look for something. "He wouldn't see a hole in a ladder!!"

tayto lover

Young lad trying his case with an older woman in a Cavan pub when she says in a very loud voice "Ya wouldn't get a ride in a carnival". He gets up immediately and leaves very sheepish.

cofy

Ye might have heard this one before but my husbands favourite is "if I slapped your arse now it would'nt stop wobbling before Christmas".

or

When referring to an "easy female" there are more fingerprints on her arse than in the forensics lab.

cofy

Ah sure, he'd get up on a gust of wind.

Hyperbullet

Good one I heard from one of the boys at home.

"Sure that lad would get up on a wet hen"

tayto lover

1. Jump into a river twice and come out once.
2. Sihte and fall back in it.
3. Goalkeeper- "sorry lads, i should have kept my legs closed"
Player " Your mother should have done the same "

Danno

Flatchested woman... "twobacks"

Mickey H

Was at work one day having a heated discussion with manager and team lead. I work in IT by the way.

Conversation went as follows:

...
...
Team Lead: ??(Blames me for something he did)
Me: Even Binary gives you too many options you fat c***.
Manager: How do you mean too many options? (In a serious face)
Me: There's a f***ing pair of ye in it.
...
...

Another day:

Team Lead: ??(Blames me for something he did [*Again*])
Me: Did you port everything to /DEV/NULL.
Manager: I don't understand what you mean. (In a serious face)
Team Lead: Nor do I. Please explain.
Me: I said you're as thick as two short planks. (To Team Lead)

AG2R

You're a seagull.

It totally baffled me tbh

medici

Mickey H - you've brought the dorkiness levels of this website to dizzying new highs with that story.....hahaha!