Age differences in college.

Little Acorn

I'm not long turned 23 and will be starting first year in college in the coming weeks. I was in college after I did my leaving cert when I was 18, and found it tricky even then to make any actual close friends apart from girls I lived with, even though I could chat to everyone easily. For a range of different reasons nothing to actually do with the coursework, I left. Got a job, worked for quite awhile, became unemployed, went and did a course and a work placement.
Always intended on going back to college, applied through CAO this year for extremely similar type of course as my old college one, but this time in a different college.
Got my first choice in the offers today, and delighted, but I'm slowly but surely getting more and more anxious about how I'm going to fit in.:(

The course has a very limited number of places, so I suspect that the majority if not all the other people are going to be just out of leaving cert and 17-19 yrs of age.
In my old college there was great support for mature students, and they always went around together to all the classes and seemed to be great friends.

The thing is I'm stuck in a really awkward in between place. I don't actually qualify as a mature student, so I can't avail of their support/get to know each other, study technique groups etc. [that's if they even exist in my new college, which I'd say they do though.],
and I really have a terrible feeling that I'm going to be the only one on my small course that is my age.

I can chat to people very easily, and can make friends very easily in normal life,but I fear that in college they'll just see me as the "old" one, [ridiculous as that sounds].
I'd love to be able to make more than just friendly acquaintances in college.
I love all my existing friends to bits, but none of them are in college, all I would love is just to make some good friends to meet up with for our classes, go to lunch with in the canteen, and maybe have a few study groups or something.
I don't have any interest in getting drunk every night, and I will not be living in shared student accommodation. I would be willing to go out on a student night once a week, but usually I prefer to leave the booze for a night at the weekend. All of these things will probably hinder me in getting close to anyone.

I am going to sign up for as many clubs and societies as I can, and just hope that there may be people my age in them!

I've being saying to myself that it's not important if I don't make close friends, because the actual course is the most important to me, and I have all my friends outside college anyways etc.,
it's just it would make my time a lot more enjoyable in college if I had some friends for attending classes with, discussing coursework with etc.

I wasn't worried about the situation at all until I got my offer today. My initial excitement is still there, but has now become accompanied by a real feeling of fear, and slight anxiety. I'm normally not the type to stress over social things as it has always come easy to me, so I'm not sure how to deal with this.

I don't want to say what college I'm going to, because I don't like to give out my location online.
Has anybody here been in a similar situation, and how did it go for you?
Any replies would be really appreciated.:)

Larianne

Little Acorn wrote: »

The course has a very limited number of places, so I suspect that the majority if not all the other people are going to be just out of leaving cert and 17-19 yrs of age.


I am going to sign up for as many clubs and societies as I can, and just hope that there may be people my age in them!

I'm going into second year myself. My course has about 43 in the class. There are 2 other mature students in my class. There are school leavers and there are also a lot of people who are having a second or third go at a new course. So there are quite a few in my class who are 19/20/21.

I keep saying this to people, the age difference is only a problem if you make it to be one. I'm 27 and my friends in college range from age 18 to 45! My closet friends in college are 26, 18, 20 and 21. We get on, do the same course, are interested in the same things, age does not matter!!!

I went into college last year with the mindset of throwing myself into everything - study, socialising with my class, joining clubs. I've passed a very difficult 1st year, have lots of friends from my course, I joined a brilliant sports club where I'm now on the committee and have made tonnes of friends from different courses from it.

I also said I wouldn't hang around with just mature students. So I made a great effort to talk to everyone. It is really up to you to make the most of it.

With regards to study skills etc. I would contact the mature student office and explain your situation. I highly doubt they'll say no to you if you're asking for some help.

It will be nerve wrecking but jump straight into it and you'll have a great time!

Little Acorn

Larianne wrote: »

I'm going into second year myself. My course has about 43 in the class. There are 2 other mature students in my class. There are school leavers and there are also a lot of people who are having a second or third go at a new course. So there are quite a few in my class who are 19/20/21.

I keep saying this to people, the age difference is only a problem if you make it to be one. I'm 27 and my friends in college range from age 18 to 45! My closet friends in college are 26, 18, 20 and 21. We get on, do the same course, are interested in the same things, age does not matter!!!

I went into college last year with the mindset of throwing myself into everything - study, socialising with my class, joining clubs. I've passed a very difficult 1st year, have lots of friends from my course, I joined a brilliant sports club where I'm now on the committee and have made tonnes of friends from different courses from it.

I also said I wouldn't hang around with just mature students. So I made a great effort to talk to everyone. It is really up to you to make the most of it.

With regards to study skills etc. I would contact the mature student office and explain your situation. I highly doubt they'll say no to you if you're asking for some help.

It will be nerve wrecking but jump straight into it and you'll have a great time!

Thanks very much for your reply Larianne.
I am determined to get involved in the clubs and societies.
Aswell as the nice people I would talk to in my old college, there was some girls I knew that were a little bitchy, not really to me but I would hear them make quite catty comments about other people and all they talked about was "nights on the piss", and bitchy types of gossip. They were definitely in the minority though as most people are friendly.

Almost everyone I am friends with are between 25 and 33, the majority of my friends are male with a few good female friends, although I can easily get along with girls, and am very girly myself in a lot of ways,I just tend to generally get along better with lads.
I guess I just have this fear that the course might contain a "clique" of girls, and that I'll get excluded. There should be an even mix of fellas and girls though.
It seems really irrational now that I'm typing it, so I guess I just am being irrational and anxious for no reason.
I always make an effort to get to know people, so I will continue to do this with everyone on the course, and I will just have to see how things are once I start.

Thanks again for your reply, and congratulations on all you have achieved so far. If I end up in a similar situation with lots of new college friends, and involved in fun clubs, passing exams etc., then I will be VERY Happy,
I guess I'll just have to stop worrying and panicking and just deal with situations only if they actually arise, and stop predicting the worst.:)

Beibhinn20

Little Acorn,
I'm in the exact same situation and all I can say is there are bound to be other people in the exact same age bracket! Out of the 77,000 people who are registered with the CAO, 20,000 of these applicants are either mature or non-traditional. That's a massive percentage so the likelihood of finding a group of people your age, eventhough you are starting out on the college road again is quite high! Either way, try enjoy it!

W86indow

Im in almost the exact same boat as you .
Im still 23. I left college at 18 , was working , went back to college at 20 but my classmates were absolutley horrible and i felt really left out so
i just left as I couldnt look at them anymore.
I still dont have many friends . I find people only care about themselves anyway and they will only use you .
Im going back to college for me anyway to get MY degree . Im not lonely
i can download movies play games online and save money by not going out

Im suffering big anxiety attacks about next week now seriously stressed out over what it will be like ... but as you said I will have to deal with stuff IF it happens . your not the only one in the boat . its going to be nerve wracking
but look back at this post in october/novemeber and wonder why you were so stressed .


oh and when i first started college at 18 I signed up for 7-10 societys
and i heard nothing from any of them .... felt really hurt by that felt like my application was turned down almost (esp for the radio)
did i do something wrong ??? if i do join a society i will follow up this year
sick of ppl sh~ting on me .

Chorcai

W86indow wrote: »

Im going back to college for me anyway to get MY degree . Im not lonely
i can download movies play games online and save money by not going out

high 5 ! I agree with ya on most points. College for me is not going to be about going out getting píssed up drinking, Im 30 with a plan now get the feck out of my way lol

Larianne

Little Acorn wrote: »

Thanks very much for your reply Larianne.
I am determined to get involved in the clubs and societies.
Aswell as the nice people I would talk to in my old college, there was some girls I knew that were a little bitchy, not really to me but I would hear them make quite catty comments about other people and all they talked about was "nights on the piss", and bitchy types of gossip. They were definitely in the minority though as most people are friendly.

Almost everyone I am friends with are between 25 and 33, the majority of my friends are male with a few good female friends, although I can easily get along with girls, and am very girly myself in a lot of ways,I just tend to generally get along better with lads.
I guess I just have this fear that the course might contain a "clique" of girls, and that I'll get excluded. There should be an even mix of fellas and girls though.
It seems really irrational now that I'm typing it, so I guess I just am being irrational and anxious for no reason.
I always make an effort to get to know people, so I will continue to do this with everyone on the course, and I will just have to see how things are once I start.

Thanks again for your reply, and congratulations on all you have achieved so far. If I end up in a similar situation with lots of new college friends, and involved in fun clubs, passing exams etc., then I will be VERY Happy,
I guess I'll just have to stop worrying and panicking and just deal with situations only if they actually arise, and stop predicting the worst.:)

You will get groups of bitchy people everywhere - work, college, clubs. Just how life is. You can choose to stay away from those types of people.

I think you're worrying about too much. It's a new start for you. A different college. You're also older and wiser. This always helps. You realise not to listen to rubbish like above.

Beibhinn20 wrote: »

Little Acorn,
I'm in the exact same situation and all I can say is there are bound to be other people in the exact same age bracket! Out of the 77,000 people who are registered with the CAO, 20,000 of these applicants are either mature or non-traditional. That's a massive percentage so the likelihood of finding a group of people your age, eventhough you are starting out on the college road again is quite high! Either way, try enjoy it!

Best way to get a vary of ages is joining clubs and societies.

W86indow wrote: »

Im in almost the exact same boat as you .
Im still 23. I left college at 18 , was working , went back to college at 20 but my classmates were absolutley horrible and i felt really left out so
i just left as I couldnt look at them anymore.
I still dont have many friends . I find people only care about themselves anyway and they will only use you .
Im going back to college for me anyway to get MY degree . Im not lonely
i can download movies play games online and save money by not going out

Im suffering big anxiety attacks about next week now seriously stressed out over what it will be like ... but as you said I will have to deal with stuff IF it happens . your not the only one in the boat . its going to be nerve wracking
but look back at this post in october/novemeber and wonder why you were so stressed .


oh and when i first started college at 18 I signed up for 7-10 societys
and i heard nothing from any of them .... felt really hurt by that felt like my application was turned down almost (esp for the radio)
did i do something wrong ??? if i do join a society i will follow up this year
sick of ppl sh~ting on me .

I would look at going back to college this time in a positive light with regards to everything. It's a different college, different course, different people. You will get back what you reflect to the world. (sorry that prob sounds really hippy-ish but it's true). Great thing about college, there is such a variety of people. You'll meet someone you click with. Just have to make an effort at the start!!

Yeah, I joined lots of socs as well and I think they do a cull of email addresses. I think if you contact them yourself they get back to you. Sometimes emails get lost. And then sometimes writing is illegible.

Chorcai wrote: »

high 5 ! I agree with ya on most points. College for me is not going to be about going out getting píssed up drinking, Im 30 with a plan now get the feck out of my way lol

Ah, there's always time for socialising. Gives the brain a break, plus its a good way to get to know others in your class. Having someone in your class to share problems, have a natter about subjects is invaluable!!! Don't do it alone.

eightyfish

OP you've got nothing to worry about. I went back to college at 26 and didn't avail of any mature student groups. You're best avoiding them and pigeon-hole-ing yourself into a category mentally. Just go into it with the same attitude as everyone else. You'll feel very satisfied when you come through to the other end.

Little Acorn

Thanks so much for all the replies everyone, I'm feeling much better today about the situation. Just started having a major panic attack last night, but by reading all these, and having a think about it, I know I'm just been daft and worrying too much.

W86indow, sorry to hear that you were stuck with such horrible classmates, they sound like cows. The majority of people in my old course were friendly, just was a small few who were a group of idiotic, self obsessed twats, they never spoke to me directly, I would just overhear them in lectures and labs being bitchy about others, and last night I got really paranoid that my class would be full of these types of people. As Larianne said though, I guess these people are everywhere, and I just won't associate myself with them.
Here's hoping that both our new courses are filled with some decent nice people!:)

All my friends and family are really supportive of me going back to college, so I know I can talk to them if I start having problems.
I don't know why I started stressing so much, as I finished a FAS course and a work placement this year, and got along great with everyone, I guess I was having abit of a panic attack, which seems to have passed for now.:o

You guys have really reassured me a lot, and everything ye have said makes a hell of a lot of sense. I'm just going to try to stop stressing and focus on getting all my stuff in order for starting.

Thanks so much again everyone.:)

gs39t

I honestly dont see a huge difference between 23 and 18/19 year olds, i wouldnt worry about that at all. I'm 27 and its a non issue for me, but then ive usually been working with people on average 10 years older than me, so 10 younger might be a nice change :P

I guess the stories im told will just change from "my kid pee'd himself in the cinema" to "i pee'd myself in the cinema"

Chorcai

Larianne wrote: »

Ah, there's always time for socialising. Gives the brain a break, plus its a good way to get to know others in your class. Having someone in your class to share problems, have a natter about subjects is invaluable!!! Don't do it alone.

Last bus for me leaving Dublin is 5pm, to make the 615 bus home from Drogheda, either that or a 15€ taxi home to Termonfeckin :eek: The joys of village life.

Long Term Louth

Chorcai wrote: »

Last bus for me leaving Dublin is 5pm, to make the 615 bus home from Drogheda, either that or a 15€ taxi home to Termonfeckin :eek: The joys of village life.

Only a 5 mile walk, no bother to ya.

Larianne

Chorcai wrote: »

Last bus for me leaving Dublin is 5pm, to make the 615 bus home from Drogheda, either that or a 15€ taxi home to Termonfeckin :eek: The joys of village life.

Ah you'll find a floor somewhere!!! Don't give up so easily. You've gotten this far!

Feu

First off, congratulations! That is brilliant that you got your place.
And so many lovely replies, i hope they've been helpful not just to the OP but any lurkers having the same thoughts!!!

I think with a lot of mature/returning students, it's such a lot of hard work to get in, and do your applications, and save, and all of that jazz, that that is all you focus on, you don't actually think, about the details of the day to day course. I think once you get accepted for your course, which is such a rush, then you actually start to think about what it means, like, making friends, and getting to know new people who are potentially much younger. It was certainly that way with me. I remember just having so much anxiety the week before my course, and just suddenly thinking "who am i going to have lunch with?!"

Of course it was all fine! The first day no one knows anyone else anyway, so everyone's in the same boat. In fact, on my first day, the other mature students mistook me for a "youngie" when i went to introduce myself and they still slag me over it. [i was 27!] I was so awkward! Hello, i'm in your course too. My name is, will you be my friend? Ha ha, but you've got to be prepared for being nervous the first couple of days. I think the fact that you can chat to people easily will really stand to you, the first few days can be a bit awkward, so it's always good to have a few chatters!

I'm really sorry that you and W86indow had a less than optimal experience first time round, but think of your new course as an opportunity to grow and learn about relationships as well as getting your degree for yourself [sorry, such a hippy i know!] I think if you're open to meeting new people and trying new things, that will be reflected in your successfully making friends.

oh and one more thing, I'm going into 4th year now. So, about 40 in the class. When we started, there were 8 mature students, aged 24, 25, 27, 28, 30, 32, 48, i think, but an additional about 12-14 in the class were also non-traditional i guess you'd call them. About half were 19/20 starting, as they had either repeated the leaving/started another course first/or worked after school. As someone mentioned, there are more and more mature students, but also there are more and more in that 20-25 category, so you might find that there are actually more people in your age category than you think.

And on the girl clique thing, i've been fortunate in my life to never have been really affected by this, but just maybe resolve yourself, that if there is a sniff of that, leave them to it, and concentrate on your own nice new friends. And yep, sometimes lads are a lot easier to get on with, so try and get to know them as well in the early days!

Good luck with it!

p.s. def approach the mature student service if there is one, i know in trinners they have a week of intro to college thingies, which i'm sure they'd be happy to include you in, if they have such a thing at your uni.

Little Acorn

Feu wrote: »

First off, congratulations! That is brilliant that you got your place.
And so many lovely replies, i hope they've been helpful not just to the OP but any lurkers having the same thoughts!!!

I think with a lot of mature/returning students, it's such a lot of hard work to get in, and do your applications, and save, and all of that jazz, that that is all you focus on, you don't actually think, about the details of the day to day course. I think once you get accepted for your course, which is such a rush, then you actually start to think about what it means, like, making friends, and getting to know new people who are potentially much younger. It was certainly that way with me. I remember just having so much anxiety the week before my course, and just suddenly thinking "who am i going to have lunch with?!"

Of course it was all fine! The first day no one knows anyone else anyway, so everyone's in the same boat. In fact, on my first day, the other mature students mistook me for a "youngie" when i went to introduce myself and they still slag me over it. [i was 27!] I was so awkward! Hello, i'm in your course too. My name is, will you be my friend? Ha ha, but you've got to be prepared for being nervous the first couple of days. I think the fact that you can chat to people easily will really stand to you, the first few days can be a bit awkward, so it's always good to have a few chatters!

I'm really sorry that you and W86indow had a less than optimal experience first time round, but think of your new course as an opportunity to grow and learn about relationships as well as getting your degree for yourself [sorry, such a hippy i know!] I think if you're open to meeting new people and trying new things, that will be reflected in your successfully making friends.

oh and one more thing, I'm going into 4th year now. So, about 40 in the class. When we started, there were 8 mature students, aged 24, 25, 27, 28, 30, 32, 48, i think, but an additional about 12-14 in the class were also non-traditional i guess you'd call them. About half were 19/20 starting, as they had either repeated the leaving/started another course first/or worked after school. As someone mentioned, there are more and more mature students, but also there are more and more in that 20-25 category, so you might find that there are actually more people in your age category than you think.

And on the girl clique thing, i've been fortunate in my life to never have been really affected by this, but just maybe resolve yourself, that if there is a sniff of that, leave them to it, and concentrate on your own nice new friends. And yep, sometimes lads are a lot easier to get on with, so try and get to know them as well in the early days!

Good luck with it!

p.s. def approach the mature student service if there is one, i know in trinners they have a week of intro to college thingies, which i'm sure they'd be happy to include you in, if they have such a thing at your uni.

Thanks a million Feu, that was a really lovely and helpful post. I agree with you that I didn't start panicking until I actually received my offer,it was then I started over-thinking possible scenarios.
I'm beginning to finally accept that there's bound to be other people on my course in the same boat, and you are right-even if there's not, everybody is new and meeting people for the first time, and will be open to making friends.
It's very kind of you and everyone else to take the time to reply to me, people on this forum are the best.
Thanks again to everybody.:)

ROCE1977

Don't worry I'm 33 and going to college. Just look at it as you have more life experience than the younger students. I think you'll find there are a lot more mature students now than ever before.

Roll on September.

arsenallegend

I'm 29 going back to College. I've done a course a year or two back when i was the second oldest in class, I agree somewhat with what some people said If you don't look down at the younger people in class and just be yourself you be fine. I have had good friendships with the younger crowd seen as i would go out Drinking and play football with them and i had a long term reltionship with a younger female student too:). But You get a few of the younger ones(the 18/19 bracket) who will hang within that age cause they still have that anyone over 21 is old thing.

I don't believe age has anything to do with people not connecting in college, i think its where you go to college and if fellow students want to meet new friends outside there circle. I find if you go to college in dublin(where i live) your class will be a good 90% from Dublin so they will be still near their friends and home. so they have no real need to make mates seen as they can go out on a friday and saturday night with them. If you go outside your home county, its far easier cause you will have people in the same boat as you.


thats my two cent on the age thing.

W86indow

Im sad ..... i was going through my old posts

well 4 years later here we are and I achieved a 1:1 in my degree from the LIT

and now i am in university of limrock - again one more year!!!!

Feu

Mad! You obviously got on really well with your course

Sam Harts

I'm in the same position as you, I did a FETAC LEvel 5 and 6, during the L5, I got on well with everyone of all ages, but not so much during the L6, I was made out to be some kind of pensioner because I had a child, it was quite tough and made me nervous about going to DIT this year, when I went to orientation the other day, the people seemed nice, but when asked who had just finished the Leaving Cert this year, about 98% of them raised their hand. I normally don't care about age, but the bullying I recieved during the Level 6 I did, really knocked my confidence.

I don't think you are going to have a tough time just for being 23, you aren't really that much older than the 18-19 year olds, they probably have brothers and sisters around your age, so won't see you as being old.

Best of luck.