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Girls gets really down when drunk?

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  • 24-08-2010 10:03am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Do people know if this is just the drink making them feel down or do they always feel this way and it's just the drink giving them the confidence to say it?

    My current gf (we only just started going out) got really drunk the other night and started saying she thought she was ugly and repulsive etc. She clearly isn't and is really pretty. My ex did some similar stuff to this aswell. It's really off putting for me because I'd love them to be a bit more confident and realistic
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    #2
    boarduser1980
    Closed Accounts Posts: 137 ✭✭boarduser1980


    hhhhrrrrr wrote: »
    Do people know if this is just the drink making them feel down or do they always feel this way and it's just the drink giving them the confidence to say it?

    My current gf (we only just started going out) got really drunk the other night and started saying she thought she was ugly and repulsive etc. She clearly isn't and is really pretty. My ex did some similar stuff to this aswell. It's really off putting for me because I'd love them to be a bit more confident and realistic
    alcohol is a depressant, so this may be why she gets like this with drink on her. Im the same sometimes when i'm drunk i get all depressed, yet other times with drink on me i can be the happiest person in the world


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    #3
    petes
    Registered Users Posts: 8,382 ✭✭✭petes


    It may be some underlying self esteem issues she has that are appearing when she has a few drinks in.

    As dambant said alcohol is a depressant. Does she ever say anything like this when she is sober. Have you said it to her when she is sober?


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    #4
    Oryx
    Subscribers Posts: 19,425 ✭✭✭✭Oryx


    Alcohol can have this effect (it was always said among my gin drinking aunties that gin made you cry). Best advice is not to get into a discussion on this level with the girl when she is drunk. Thats not the time to get into it. If you are concerned about her mood or self image, bring it up when she is sober.

    If she is otherwise upbeat and happy, I wouldnt worry about it, its just the beer talking. If she has image concerns, you can reassure, but its really something she has to overcome herself.


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    #5
    Eve_Dublin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,884 ✭✭✭Eve_Dublin


    I don't know, I can be the same as well. Drink usually brings any underlying issues I have with myself or my situation at that time. I could be worry-free and I could be feeling good about myself sober but after a few drinkies, any little issue I have with myself is amplified but not to the extent of your girlfriend.

    I guess if it happens again then it's time to worry. If it was a one-off drunken ramble, then I wouldn't worry. Lots of girls would have issues with their physical appearance (more than you'd expect) that might come to the forefront when they're drunk. She might've been having an off day...we all have them unfortunately. Nothing you can really do except tell her she's beautiful. These kinds of issues have to be dealt with by herself. If it it continues then you have to ask yourself can you continue with a girl with low self-esteem. Your call.


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    #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP here. Thanks for the replies. She does seem normal when sober alright, but she is kind of shy too so I'm worried she does think this stuff when sober too.

    From a girls perspective, are you more likely to exagerrate any of these issues when you're drunk? My old gf used to get upset when drunk sometimes and it seems to be the same with the new gf too! Great.

    Is this the same with all women?


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    #7
    shinny
    Registered Users Posts: 1,405 ✭✭✭shinny


    hhhrrrrr wrote: »
    Is this the same with all women?

    No, but it's the same for people who have insecurities (both male and female) when they drink.

    Drink only brings out what is lying under the surface.


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    #8
    BKtje
    Registered Users Posts: 8,048 ✭✭✭BKtje


    I think all girls (and guys) go through times when they feel like this to be honest.


    Just an aside:
    Alcohol is not a depressant in the way people seem to think (ie it doesn't change your emotional state to being depressed). It's called a depressant in medical terms because of it's effect on the body. It slows down your reactions (mental and physical) as it constricts the blood vessels allowing less oxygen to circulate.


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    #9
    alanna22
    Closed Accounts Posts: 29 ✭alanna22


    I don't think they exaggerate, I think it's usually just absolute honesty that they wouldn't usually share. I sometimes get really emotional when drinking and generally just voice all the insecurities that I'd be thinking, my poor bf doesn't like it either :S


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    #10
    Novella
    Registered Users Posts: 13,713 ✭✭✭✭Novella


    hhhrrrrr wrote: »
    OP here. Thanks for the replies. She does seem normal when sober alright, but she is kind of shy too so I'm worried she does think this stuff when sober too.

    From a girls perspective, are you more likely to exagerrate any of these issues when you're drunk? My old gf used to get upset when drunk sometimes and it seems to be the same with the new gf too! Great.

    Is this the same with all women?

    As others have said, alcohol is a depressant. I keep a mood diary to track changes in my mood (long story!) and over a period of time, I noticed that I was generally at my most irrational and down when I'd had a few drinks. Also, it's easier to say how you really feel when you're drunk. I noticed I was a lot more expressive and honest in my writing whilst drunk. So, perhaps your gf does have low self esteem and doesn't think she is particularly pretty and only voices these feelings when she's drunk because it's just easier?

    I wouldn't imagine all women are like this, no. I'm sure men can get down after drinking alcohol too. Ime, it depends on personality type.


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    #11
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    And maybe OP thats the type of girl you go for.

    Did she have shedloads to drink ?


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    #12
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    She did have shedloads to drink all right. I def don't want to go for girls with low self-esteem, that's why I got so worried when she started talking bad about herself after the drinking.


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    #13
    DeVore
    Business & Finance Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 32,387 Mod ✭✭✭✭DeVore


    Drink also removes inhibitions ("you're my beeeeeeeeeesht mate!") and has a tendance to amplify feelings (if you are happy, you are REALLY happy and if you are sad, you are REALLY sad!). So if you are already thinking such thoughts, they are more likely to come out (lack of inhibitions) and more likely to be amplified.

    Talk to her when she's sober about it.

    DeV.


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    #14
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    hhhhrrrrr wrote: »
    She did have shedloads to drink all right. I def don't want to go for girls with low self-esteem, that's why I got so worried when she started talking bad about herself after the drinking.

    More than likely its a one off event and if she is not used to boozing give her the benefit of the doubt. Maybe she tried to keep up with you or a group of people drinking. I was out with my son and my brother in law and at 20 he got rat arsed with his uncle. Some people just cant drink.

    My advice is buy her a bunch of flowers and tell her she is gorgeous and less of the psychoanalysis.

    If it were a regular thing -then I would worry but this seems an episode and she is probably very embarressed.


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    #15
    Zen65
    Registered Users Posts: 2,630 ✭✭✭Zen65


    hhhrrrrr wrote: »

    Is this the same with all women?

    Women, more than men, are being bombarded with messages about the importance of looking beautiful/sexy/hot, while at the same time being judged as being slags if they appear over-sexy, or as being stupid/worthless if they are not fortunate enough to have great skin/bodies/clothes/make-up.

    There are similar messages about men, but men have options inasmuch as they can get credit for courage or strength or even intelligence if they are not good-looking. In any event, men can acquire money to make them just as "attractive" as a good-looking guy. A rich unattractive woman is still judged to be unattractive.

    So yes, your GF probably has insecurities if she compares herself to the airbrushed images of beauty on TV & magazines. You have an uphill battle to get her to see things any other way, but you should certainly try!

    Be at peace,

    Z


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    #16
    Liam Byrne
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,163 ✭✭✭✭Liam Byrne


    I'd be more worried about why she's drinking too much.

    I think it's odd that you matter-of-factly say "....while drunk", as if being drunk was a perfectly acceptable state for her to get herself into.


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    #17
    CDfm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 20,649 ✭✭✭✭CDfm


    Liam Byrne wrote: »
    I'd be more worried about why she's drinking too much.

    I think it's odd that you matter-of-factly say "....while drunk", as if being drunk was a perfectly acceptable state for her to get herself into.


    I kind of agree with you but 2 girlfriends on a row - is it her getting drunk and going in the lash or is it the OP bringing her along as a drinking partner.

    Heavy drinking causes drunk behavior so I would like to see what the OP has to say about this - so if its along the lines of I brought her to krugers and I had 14 pints of Guiness andshe had 14 blue wkd's alcopops and a packet of crisps well then its expected.Well buddy what dis you expect lectures all around...

    So you need to look at it and say what is going on here. Are you dragging her drinking and it takes its toll or do you go out for a few bevies and she forges ahead on the cocktails like prohibition is being introduced then you need to put it in context.Then its either an issue or inexperience.

    You might ask yourself is it a lifestyle thing or one off like my son keeping up with his uncle and couldnt. My 17 y/o daughter would be polexaxed on 2 or 3 cans of string cider or so she tells me.

    Lessons to be learnt.


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    #18
    Black Swan
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 47,251 CMod ✭✭✭✭Black Swan


    Each person is unique. Plus different situations can produce different outcomes on how people feel when drinking. For example, a glass of wine with a meal relaxes me, but a couple of glasses may make me romantic or silly depending upon my date. Too much beer at a football game allows me to get away with acting crazy and dancing on table tops! But I cried when drinking too much at the reception following my Grans funeral a few weeks past.


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