Monday

MonkieSocks

A lad walks in to his parents bedroom to find his dad giving his mum a right good seeing to.

The dad laughs, throws a pillow at the lad and tells him to get out.

Hours later the dad hears a commotion coming from the lads bedroom.

He enters the bedroom to find the lad giving his gran one.

The dad looks horrified.





'Not so funny when its your mum is it?' says the lad.

__________________________

A man was sunbathing naked at the beach.

For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private parts.

A woman walks past and says, snickering,

"If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."

He raised an eyebrow and replied,



"If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself."

________________________

A very tired nurse walks into a bank,totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift.

Preparing to write a cheque She pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse
And tries to write with it.

When she realizes her mistake,she looks at the flabbergasted teller.

And without missing a beat, she says:





‘Well, that’s great....that’s just great.... Some asshole’s got my pen!’

______________________________

Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he’d just been
run over by a train.

His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut and bruised and he’s walking with a limp.

“What happened to you?” asks Sean, the bartender.”

Jamie O’Conner and me had a fight,” says Paddy.

“That little ****, O’Conner?” says Sean.

“He couldn’t do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.”

” That he did,” says Paddy.

“A shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin’ he gave me with it.”

Well,” says Sean, “you should have defended yourself; didn’t you
have something in your hand?”

That I did,” said Paddy.




“Mrs. O‘Conner’s breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight.”

helimachoptor

like the first one!