first meeting.... what to ask?.....

s.somm

Hi All, My social worker is meeting my BM in a bit and has asked me for a list of questions, I don't know where to start, so much I want to know but I don't want to scare her away. My social worker has only spoken to her over the phone and none of her family knows about me. Im afraid this might be my only chance to ask questions she might not want to continue with this whole thing. Can any of you advise me, its taken 3 years to get this far. thanks for listening

tyview

Hi S.somm,

I'm not sure of any particular questions I'm afraid. Did your bm give the social worker any information over the phone like family other than she hasnt told anyone? These kind of things might give you hints at the kind of things to ask about or give you an idea of the things she is prepared to answer. I would talk to the social worker again, afterall she has spoken to her so should have some idea of how open she is going to be. If this is going to be the only contact then do out a big list so you have as many answers as she can give you but if theres a chance of more then I'd ask the basics first. Best of luck with it though. The fact that she is willing to meet with the sw is a good starting point

I'm at the 'waiting for letter from BM' stage. I've written my letter and shes got it but the waiting for the reply via the SW is killing me (its only been a week! lol)

s.somm

Hi Tyview

Thanks for your reply, great to hear your at the letter stage.
I'm just afraid of asking the wrong things!
BM said very little so SW dosn't really know yet what way to take her. I surpose I will have to wait and see and just ask for medical info and that sort of stuff. Maybe I should just write a letter and give it to the SW to pass on. Don't know where to start.

tyview

oh I know, its so daunting. I've been doing out my first letter for years trying to prepare for this but when the time came I didn't know where to start or how much info to give. At least in a letter you can speak for yourself so to speak and the sw can ask any other things that crop up in conversation. I eventually got down to about 4 pages handwritten with just basic info about myself, family, education and work but I included a few photos too. It might be an idea to give her a photo so she can think of you now rather than just as a baby... maybe run it by the sw and see what they think

s.somm

I met the SW yesterday she sugested a photo and maybe a card if not comfortable writing letter yet, I think I will go with that for now. God its all
happening so fast now my head is spinning, I can't think about anything else.
So exciting!!

kathy finn

hi, i did the card and photo thing with my birthdad, just write down what u want to say on a piece of paper first when u get it right do it on the card or u will end up spending a fortune on cards. when i was finished i got my hubby to post it right then and their so i could,nt change my mind. good luck kathy

s.somm

Hi Kathy, thanks for that, I'm going to do a card I think and a photo. Just looking for the perfect pic at the moment it's all so hard. I've been waiting for this for so long and now it's happening so fast!!!

tyview

Hi, I think Kathy has given you some good advice! Definitely plan out what you want to write first. I must have written out my letter about 15 times, no exageration! I drove my poor husband mad. It took me the weekend constantly going back to change it and then re-writing it again and again. I got my letter from my BM on Tuesday so in the space of about 5 weeks I went from first meeting with SW to seeing photos of my BM and half siblings and a letter. Head spinning doesn't even come close!