men- do they or dont they?

gillian1983

Hi my wonderisation today is if guys truly fall in love or not?

when a woman falls in love, she gets emotional feelings deep within her and constantly feels this deep connection with another fellow.
little things said in an argument can cause deep hurt in the womans mind and heart.

but then guys seem to brush off arguments. they dont get the same emotional hurt that women do.. they seem happy and move on fine without the woman.

do guys really ever FALL IN LOVE? i know they like a partner in life and sex and a friend, but do they fall IN LOVE like women do?

Abi

gillian1983 wrote: »

Hi my wonderisation today is if guys truly fall in love or not?

The simple answer is, some do, and some don't. The ones that do may take time to do so, because they're either not used to it, or they've been hurt before, or they like to just take things in their stride and find the real you first.

when a woman falls in love, she gets emotional feelings deep within her and constantly feels this deep connection with another fellow.
little things said in an argument can cause deep hurt in the womans mind and heart.

That doesn't just happen to women, I'm afraid. men are not emotionless. To me the most important part in a relationship is openess, and a respect for one another. But someone has to start it, showing each other affection and appreciation for the little things you do for one another, and normally a strong bond will grow. if it doesn't, maybe its just not the right guy / girl for you. But thats not a bad thing, it just means theres someone else waiting for you to make that connection with

Its not as black and white as 'women fall harder than men'.

but then guys seem to brush off arguments. they dont get the same emotional hurt that women do..

Men can brush off arguments because they don't understand your point of view, or maybe they've heard it before and they don't feel you have any basis for your argument. Or sometimes (especially on a night out) they don't want any bad vibes.

they seem happy and move on fine without the woman.

Your post has a hint of personal experience to it. Again its not a lack of emotion, I just think they can detect quicker than some women that its not going to work out in the long run. If we were more like them, I think women would be much happier. When women start to see a guy, might like him etc, but they may not be on the same wave-length... guy is happy to just happy enough to strut along and see how it goes, if at all... and the woman is stuck on 'omg.. he is so nice... so funny so.. this that and the other.. omg omg). I think women put too much pressure on earlier dates on both themselves and the guy.

My persepective on it is, go and hang out ... enjoy yourselves, be you try to have a laugh.. no serious convo unless its little things about what you do for a living, what your interests are.. actually no, I'm boring myself now I just love messing, bit of a laugh, Im happy to share my stories about my scatty family and all the tricks we get up too

do guys really ever FALL IN LOVE? i know they like a partner in life and sex and a friend, but do they fall IN LOVE like women do?

As I said above yes, they can. But only when its right, really right. Otherwise the cracks will start to show, then theres nothing but hurt. If it doesnt work from the start you're better off out. An old relationship taught me a hard lesson, if it doesnt work, it doesnt work - move on.


Hope some of this makes some sense?

Otis Driftwood

Abi has said it all with the above post but just to echo her sentiments,every bloke,like every woman are different.Its obviously coming from a bad experience you have had but dont let it deter you.Ive been madly in love before and would hope that one day i will be again.:)

Abi

nedtheshed wrote: »

Abi has said it all with the above post but just to echo her sentiments,every bloke,like every woman are different.Its obviously coming from a bad experience you have had but dont let it deter you.Ive been madly in love before and would hope that one day i will be again.:)

And when you least expect it

Bottle_of_Smoke

nah out of mates devestated from a breakup the worst state ive seen someone in was a guy. he did hide it in front of crowds - maybe that's the real difference

Wibbs

Of course men fall in love and deeply too. Indeed I would say that in many cases a woman's love is more conditional and subject to change. More women split from long termers than men which would suggest more aptitude for change. While women may "fall harder" and faster than men at least on the surface, they can fall out of that love with equal rapidity and passion. IME and IMHO Individuals of either gender who fall in love more slowly and with care, strongly tend to falling out of love just as slowly. I've known more women than men to fall in love very quickly, specially after a long termer goes south. I've known more men than women to be affected for longer after an important relationship goes south. Women in general IME bounce back more quickly than men. If a woman mate tells me she loves a guy I believe it, but I tend to believe it more at that moment. It could change in a months time. If a male mate tells me the same, then its more a long term thing. That's the other side and being subjective as an illustration.

So like others have said the OP's take may be much more based on the subjective than the objective, as both men and women fall in love, with variation more with individuals than gender.

The Corinthian

gillian1983 wrote: »

Hi my wonderisation today is if guys truly fall in love or not?

Naturally we do. We also fall out of love, just as women do. Additionally, though, we'll fake it when younger to get sex.

little things said in an argument can cause deep hurt in the womans mind and heart.

That sounds more like deep insecurity that requires constant validation than any fault of the man.

Sure, both men and women can do and say things that can wound unintentionally, but then you need to consider that it is unintentional and more likely than not there is no Freudian undertone, no cracks in the relationship and instead is either unrelated and/or imagined.

but then guys seem to brush off arguments. they dont get the same emotional hurt that women do.. they seem happy and move on fine without the woman.

Only if there was no love or we fell out of love, otherwise it's the same as women - I've known guys who've moped about an ex long after she moved on, and vice versa.

Feeona

Wibbs wrote: »

in many cases a woman's love is more conditional and subject to change.

Had to laugh at this....reminds me of those bank ads that used to be on the radio (pre recession of course!)

I don't know what it is, but from my own experience, I've found men I met to be on a more even keel than I. Very reliable and not likely to get into a strop because things didn't go their way, whereas I'd be in Strop Central! Again from my own experience, I've found male friends/boyfriends to be highly aware of the long term implications of arguing over something pointless, and would often back down, preferring instead to save their energy for real battles!

It's often said that women are more intuitive than men, which might lead to a woman asking after a friend because she has a feeling something isn't right. I think men have their own form of intuition going on but it also involves keeping out of other people's business as they don't want to intrude.

Of course men fall in love, but I don't think they feel the need to broadcast it as much as we women do.

Otis Driftwood

Feeona wrote: »

Had to laugh at this....reminds me of those bank ads that used to be on the radio (pre recession of course!)

I don't know what it is, but from my own experience, I've found men I met to be on a more even keel than I. Very reliable and not likely to get into a strop because things didn't go their way, whereas I'd be in Strop Central! Again from my own experience, I've found male friends/boyfriends to be highly aware of the long term implications of arguing over something pointless, and would often back down, preferring instead to save their energy for real battles!

It's often said that women are more intuitive than men, which might lead to a woman asking after a friend because she has a feeling something isn't right. I think men have their own form of intuition going on but it also involves keeping out of other people's business as they don't want to intrude.

Of course men fall in love, but I don't think they feel the need to broadcast it as much as we women do.

That is pretty much it IMO.

Wibbs

Maybe because they feel more vulnerable as well as socially exposed with such an emotion too? Far more women than men are publicly emotional over all sorts of things. Love is another in the list so its more socially acceptable for them? TBH I think other men will often look down on a man like that. Being even more honest I know I tend to give a woman way more emotional leeway than I would a man.

minidazzler

Abigayle wrote: »

The simple answer is, some do, and some don't. The ones that do may take time to do so, because they're either not used to it, or they've been hurt before, or they like to just take things in their stride and find the real you first.

I read this post without reading who posted it, thought it was a guy who wrote it simply because the whole post was nail on head perfect answer. (Knew Abi was a dude! :P)

OP, yes, men do fall in love. I can't think of too many guys who would be willing to stay with a girl because they wanted a partner in life rather than a partner in love.